Popular Post Cu**** Posted November 11 Popular Post TLDR: Having trouble getting over someone that I met here on FET who ghosted me, and Iām having a hard time letting go š„ŗ We met on FET earlier this year, and hit it off hard right away. He was okay with the fact that I was in a relationship and just wanted to talk to guys online for now. He was a Dom, and we had a lot of fun exploring different kinks that I had never explored with anyone else before. Things like race play, misogyny, bimbo, and trad wife kinks- we were able to sext about all of them while keeping things respectful. We moved off the app and started chatting on a different platform- sharing pics that we took or found on Reddit and just generally had a great time. We were having so much fun together for months, when one day he stopped responding. At the time, I was really bummed, but I figured maybe he had moved on or wasnāt that serious and wanted to keep it casual. I was sad but I respected it, and decided to try convos with other guys. I did my best to move on, but I did miss how easily we were previously able to talk about our kinks. Fast forward a few months later- he messaged me a loooong message on FET apologizing for being gone. He said he had trouble with our other app where we were chatting (although I was friends with him on FET the whole time). He asked if I had moved on and was talking to anyone else, and I let him know that I did have a few casual connections, and was talking to one other person more in depth, but it was a different kind of connection and I did not have an ongoing D/s connection. He asked if we could try again, and told me how much he had missed me and said that he thought that I had stopped responding on the other app before he realized his messages werenāt going through. I was a little hesitant, but I really liked him, and I decided to try again. We picked up right where we left off- chatting on FET and sharing pics and fantasies. Things have been rocky in my irl relationship, and he and I even fantasized about what would happen if we were in a real relationship and talked about what kind of kinky life we could have together. After a few more months of talking every day again, he slowly stopped responding for weeks at a time. He would come back and apologize- saying that life got busy (which I always understood) and he said that he could be more introverted at times and liked to take social media breaks from time to time. All of that was perfectly okay (I can be that way sometimes too) but I asked that if he was serious about us that he just please communicate so it didnāt feel like he was ghosting. Then he disappeared againā¦ one week turned into two, and two turned into three- I sent him a message basically saying āHey, I know life gets busy, but I miss you and it sucks to get so invested and then have you disappear againā¦ I just wish I didnāt miss youā Crickets for about a week, and then when he finally came back online- he had blocked me š I feel so hurt that he didnāt even talk to me before he blocked meā¦ I always told him that if he ever didnāt want to talk anyone to just tell me and I would respect it but thisā¦ feels way worse. Itās been a few months since then and tbh- I still miss him. I wish I didnāt, but we both had always talked about how easy it was to discuss our kinks in a way that we hadnāt been able to with anyone elseā¦ even after everything, I wish I could still chat with him again (even if it was casual), but I know I have to let him go because heās made it clear that thatās what he wantsā¦ Iāve been ghosted before (years ago) by strong connections and it always sucks š„ŗ Any advice on how to move on?
to**** Posted November 11 Move onā¦ donāt ruin what you might find because of something you canāt let go of
lo**** Posted November 11 Sorry to read your story. Some guys just lack good morals. Though you enjoyed talking to him, he doesn't sound like a guy that would be worth it IRL. Just my 2 cents.
Sa**** Posted November 11 Anybody who says they havenāt been ghosted is a liar. You canāt miss something you never had.
pr**** Posted November 11 Seems like you caught feelings more than it being casual fun sis š but being ghosted always sucksā¦ maybe he caught feelings too but knowing it would go nowhere he removed himself rather than explaining himself. If he had explained himself would it have gone differently? Men are simple but we donāt like to share feelings because of the simple fact of it being used against usā¦ he probably really liked you but it was hurting him way more than helping him. For you to get over this means youāre emotionally attached to him. What about your partner? You canāt go to him to talk about this or have this online fantasy? This is a tough one sisā¦ I hope to see others sharing so I can learn a thing or two as well. Best wishes!
ba**** Posted November 11 Welcome to the menās club. Women do this all the time ā itās not limited to one gender. People donāt realize that ghosting is more insulting than blocking someone or not starting a conversation at all. At the very least, have the courtesy to inform the person that youāre no longer interested.
Te**** Posted November 11 Look into attachment styles. Seems like youāre an anxious attacher (like me) and were always drawn to avoidant attachers. It stems from unresolved attachment issues usually stemming from not having received the kind of emotional/physical abandonment in childhood. Youāre probably unwittingly seeking out that kind of a partner to try and heal those abandonment issues in some way. An avoidant has learned to run away from people when things get too serious to protect themselves from the risk of feeling abandoned and an anxious attacher has learned to do the opposite usually resulting in a level of codependence (I.e feeling like as long as the person youāre attached to is ok then youāre ok rather than being focussed on feeling ok yourself regardless of attachment). The nature of an avoidant is attractive to an anxious attacher because the inner child still wants to find someone who abandons them to replicate the nature of that parent that didnāt show you the unconditional love you should have received as a child. It allows the anxious attacher to chase a love in the same way they did as a child in the hope that they can in some way heal that abandonment.
mr**** Posted November 11 Good morning, beautiful. His loss, ghosting sucks. Nobody should do that to anybody. Man or a woman up and just say what you feel. Donāt ghost, thatās just childish and chicken. Keep your head up. Youāre a beautiful and sexy woman and Iām sure youāll have no problem filling the void. I wish you were closer. Take care. š
Ho**** Posted November 11 Iām so sorry that this happened to you sugar! Ghosting sucks and it hurts! Something similar happened to me and I will say that with time it begins to hurt a little less! My advice to you is to feel all of the emotions and take your time processing it! If you have any close friends, talk it out with them! Sometimes it helps to speak about how you feel! Take the good times that yall shared and apply to you next dynamic! Sending hugs to you!
lu**** Posted November 11 8 minutes ago, back_bencher said: Welcome to the menās club. Women do this all the time ā itās not limited to one gender. People donāt realize that ghosting is more insulting than blocking someone or not starting a conversation at all. At the very least, have the courtesy to inform the person that youāre no longer interested. Iām definitely guilty of this š
Cheveyo Posted November 11 It is always hard being ghosted. Online or in real life. It seems he wanted to try, but got scared or something. Unfortunately you may never truly know. You'll find your right one out there. It takes time.
ba**** Posted November 11 3 minutes ago, lumpyhellprincess said: Iām definitely guilty of this š At least you accepted. š
Li**** Posted November 11 I had a similar situation, except we actually met up and had spicy time. The story is below, but when someone ghosts, itās never about you. Itās always about them and their comfort. He was likely always avoidant; and never spoke too deeply about himself. He enjoyed how you shared the same kinks, but what other emotions did you share? Read your conversations and send it through AI to see how deep the connection actually was. It likely was more heavy on your end. Considering your irl relationship isnāt on the best terms, it was easy to lose yourself in this dynamic. Because you were more open, and he likely wasnāt, but lacked the ability to truly connect. Supportive, probablyā¦ but not in the same way you wereā¦ Anywaysā¦ hereās my storyā¦ Great connection, instant sparks, talked nonstop for a week before we made it happen in person. We still spoke that day after and then he removed me as a friend on another application. I was crushed. I know itās a problem with him and tough conversations. However, he remained connected to me on Fet. Then a few weeks later, I saw him looking at my account again. I got excited. He clearly saw I was also looking at his profile. He then blocked me. To say I was upset, is an understatement. I cried. We were clear that this wasnāt a serious relationship. We only wanted FWB. But when we were together, it felt goodā¦ and thatās why his ghosting hurt so much. I was clear on my end, he wasnāt ready for confronting his emotionsā¦ so he ran away.
ba**** Posted November 11 17 minutes ago, Teddy_Dom said: Look into attachment styles. Seems like youāre an anxious attacher (like me) and were always drawn to avoidant attachers. It stems from unresolved attachment issues usually stemming from not having received the kind of emotional/physical abandonment in childhood. Youāre probably unwittingly seeking out that kind of a partner to try and heal those abandonment issues in some way. An avoidant has learned to run away from people when things get too serious to protect themselves from the risk of feeling abandoned and an anxious attacher has learned to do the opposite usually resulting in a level of codependence (I.e feeling like as long as the person youāre attached to is ok then youāre ok rather than being focussed on feeling ok yourself regardless of attachment). The nature of an avoidant is attractive to an anxious attacher because the inner child still wants to find someone who abandons them to replicate the nature of that parent that didnāt show you the unconditional love you should have received as a child. It allows the anxious attacher to chase a love in the same way they did as a child in the hope that they can in some way heal that abandonment. Not everything requires a psychological postmortem. Itās just a matter of courtesy. Even people with no emotional baggage get hurt by ghosting. Itās not a matter of abandonment or childhood trauma ā itās just how humans are made. When you give a job interview and donāt hear back, does it mean you have childhood abandonment issues if you feel insulted or hurt?
Multiple_talents Posted November 11 Yeah it happens to me regularly unfortunately, especially with younger girls, they promise the the world, wanting to be my 24/7 slave, TPE and what not, and then disappear without a word. Itās true it hurts more the longer you were in contact, the deeper you went, and the more hope you had to really meet that person and build sth beautiful togetherā¦at least in my case. In your case I donāt know, as you donāt seem to wanted to meet him in real, but still felt kinda strong. For me that doesnt exist, I donāt chat forever with someone without wanting to meet, Iām single and so the hope always there it could be āthe oneā or at least to have a good time. I donāt know if I have an advice for you. With young inexperienced girls who suddenly panic and delete their profile, I can somewhat understand, even if it hurts after we talked so much, you always wish they would be at least mature enough to write one more message āhey sorry, I changed my mindā or āI just fantasized, itās too much for meā or WHATEVER, but ghosting or blocking seems often the 1st choice nowadays, sadly. But you canāt control other peopleās behaviour. From more mature and experienced people it seems even stranger. The only thing to do is to be more secure, loving yourself, so self-confident, independent that it doesnāt matter but thatās not so easy if you like someone. Good luck to you š
Ca**** Posted November 11 I know where you are coming from. I dated a woman for nine months. We explored so much in kink. We actually started developing feelings for each other. At least I thought so cause she told me that. And then one day she disappeared on social media and then I get a text message from her aunt saying to not contact her ever again.
Te**** Posted November 11 16 minutes ago, back_bencher said: Not everything requires a psychological postmortem. Itās just a matter of courtesy. Even people with no emotional baggage get hurt by ghosting. Itās not a matter of abandonment or childhood trauma ā itās just how humans are made. When you give a job interview and donāt hear back, does it mean you have childhood abandonment issues if you feel insulted or hurt? Not sure why you feel the need to dismiss and invalidate my insights. I intentionally worded it in such a way that it could be a possible explanation. The information is there to be taken or left as the OP or anyone else chooses. As a neurodivergent with anxious attachment issues who wrestles with rejection sensitivity also ghosting is something Iāve regularly found to be incredibly ***ful because I feel everything to a deep level. Iāve found it incredibly helpful to better understand the psychological root of why things make me feel the way they do because they can have such a debilitating impact on me. To an extent as a man and having experienced so much ghosting, it does somewhat desensitise you to it a little and for a woman experiencing these things less frequently it could in turn mean this is a new or less frequently experienced situation. Why the need to dismiss/invalidate the idea of self psychoanalysis? We all have brains and feelings that work in similar ways. Is it not empowering to better understand the root cause of negative emotions so you know how to address any underlying issues that may exist and address them so as to become the best versions of ourselves and diminish our own suffering?
tw**** Posted November 11 Ghosting is as weak as *** and anyone that does it doesn't deserve a partner. They need to adopt some morals and backbone. You dodged a bullet. Imagine if you had been fully invested with such a jerk in a physical relationship. Treat it as an unfortunate conclusion to a good learning experience (about yourself and your kinks) and apply that learning to a better person. Best of luck with your journey.
ki**** Posted November 11 Totally feel for you because it sucks, especially if you feel like you had a connection. It seems to happen a bunch on here! Hope you recover soon ā¤ļø
Bi**** Posted November 11 As a guy it happens a lot so I'm used to it. It sucks but just the way it goes. Could be too nervous to meet or wasn't serious.
my**** Posted November 11 No one gets that busy that they canāt talk to you once a week at minimum. To nurse a broken heart I recommend podcasts and audiobooks no music. Watch movies and listen to podcasts until youāre ready. To let the *** in. Youāve moved on a few times from this guy so I assume youāll get there pretty quick. Best of luck.
Ma**** Posted November 11 Youāre a smoke show! Just keep putting yourself out there, your ultimate will find his way to you!
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