A Genuine Question for doms: What Does “Emotional Responsibility” Mean to You?

[Zi****]

I want to ask something deeper, specifically to the doms here but anyone can answer. Not about technique, not about titles, not about rules, but about the core of the dynamic.

When you take a submissive into your life, what does emotional responsibility mean to you? I don’t mean ownership as a fantasy or control as a concept. I mean the very real, human responsibility of having someone trust you with their vulnerability, their emotions, and their inner world.

As a sub, giving myself is never just physical or playful. It’s emotional. It’s mental. It’s spiritual at times. And the more I open myself, the more I feel the weight of whether my doms actually sees me, hears me, or understands the responsibility that comes with my submission.

So I’m curious:
What does responsibility look like to you beyond the dynamic?
How do you show care outside of scenes?
How do you handle a sub’s emotional drops, insecurities, or softer moments?
Do you feel a duty to create safety — not just control?
And how do you balance dominance with empathy?

I’m not asking this to judge or challenge anyone. I’m asking because I want to understand how different dom define this part of the role. To me, submission is more than a title, and I want to hear from doms who feel the depth of what they hold.

[be****]

Safety is key.

[Se****]

I can’t answer this but I’m interested in seeing the responses

[theSir_ObservingU]

i feel my strongest part of my dominance is that i am emotionally intelligent and can hold space for myself and my needs with out being easily rocked. this gives my submissive's a certainty that they can also be in their personal emotional space with out feeling like i will fly off the handle. this then creates a very safe environment for my submissive's to surrender to their own vulnerability and go deeper into their submissive states. for me if there is not that emotional certainty of safety there is no depth to the dynamic.

[Ga****]

Treat em like shit in the sheets and a princess in the streets, you should always give a hug and some Reassurance after giving a litte ***. A kind word and a secure imbrace goes a long way, it builds that trust and security that women need and allows the dom to push a little harder each time without breaking their pretty little toy beyond repair ❤️

[Ja****]

I see it as creating and maintaining a safe enviroment for my subs to let go of their need to always be in control, that seems to subconsciously be a staple to the psyche of every sub I've been a Dom for.
We all have things in our shadow that silently pull our strings, as a Dom I am responsible for some one that I am consentually commanding to willingly become *** and dependent on my ability to keep them physically safe, and to carry any emotional weight they need me to so they can submit and actually submit. Ive been told its like all the weight and stress is lifted of their shoulders and they become ***less in that safety.
Best I can do for an answer. Hope it helped you, or anyone else reading....

[Ma****]

So, as a fledgling Dom, who's married to his sub, I love this question. To me, the dynamic has all been about growth and opening up. It's about having my wife explore her interests and me really just being their to meet those needs. Learning and understanding what she wants even when she sometime struggles to express it. Reading the books that arouse her, not for the sexual content, but for the emotions and relationship characteristics of the key players. Understanding that dynamic which stimulates her and emulating it in a natural way that fits our relationship. Possession and possessiveness I've found have been key. As someone who wanted her to grow and understand her sexual desires I spent a lot of time prior telling her it was ok to explore when really all she wanted was for me to be telling her that she is mine and will always be mine. That we are locked together till the day we die and that we share everything, one body, one soul, one heart. It's easy to do because that's exactly who she is to me, my one and only, but in my love for her, I had been expressing the opposite. That growth and that understanding of one another, which never stops taking full engagement and work, is what keeps up fulfilled. It is so much the reason we can be open and honest. Trust is essential in kink as are those moments when you try something and can read each other and realize, you know what, this one's not working but to roll over and laugh about it. Sex and especially kink sex can be hilarious and fun. I love that, because it's often got this dark ominous mask hiding the fact that it is really all about a deepened emotional connection.

[st****]

Theres always a sense of responsibility around emotions when becoming entangled with a partner, even more so with a submissive. From the start it's clear a higher level of trust is needed, and as a Dom who's enjoyed a few different dynamics I always make sure to convey a sub is safe with me, in and out of play. It is still a 2 way connection after all, so I feel my part is to assure my intention not just through honest communication but with my actions too. Safe words, boundaries and aftercare are bare minimum but it's important to show you see them as human beings first, respect should be there regardless but for a sub to allow themselves to be so *** takes a certain strength, and that should never be dismissed.

[Readyandwilling]

I am brand new to this and I dont have as much experience as i would like to have but I know that what I enjoy is being dominant. What I'd like to know is some different techniques,moves that are good to use when getting things started

[Ca****]

In my opinion it is all down to the type of dynamic you have with your Dominant. If you and your Dom have a lifestyle or 24/7, he should be paying attention to sub drops ( happen way more often than many realise), I try to be always as available to my sub as I can and when I can’t, I always make sure I communicate . A Dom should always make sure his sub feels, safe, protected and acknowledged and not just during a session or the following 10 min. But at the same time I won’t just expect the sub to reach out, she might by not be able to, so I do regular checks on her.
However when u have a session only kind of arrangement, there might be space there for misunderstanding of each other needs.
Communication is key, but as a dominant, I believe we should take the lead and make sure the sub feels acknowledged.
That’s just my point of view

[Sj****]

1 hour ago, theSir_ObservingU said:

i feel my strongest part of my dominance is that i am emotionally intelligent and can hold space for myself and my needs with out being easily rocked. this gives my submissive's a certainty that they can also be in their personal emotional space with out feeling like i will fly off the handle. this then creates a very safe environment for my submissive's to surrender to their own vulnerability and go deeper into their submissive states. for me if there is not that emotional certainty of safety there is no depth to the dynamic.

A lot of people treat D/s as if it’s only about fantasy, roles, or surface-level behaviors, but the reality is that none of the depth, surrender, or intensity can happen without emotional safety and emotional competence. What you’re describing being grounded, self-aware, and able to hold your own emotional space is what actually makes the dynamic real instead of performative.
When a submissive knows their Dominant isn’t going to get reactive, withdrawn, or unpredictable, it gives them permission to:
• stop performing
• be honest with their feelings
• actually relax into trust
• and explore vulnerability without ***

That’s where the real depth of a dynamic comes from. Not fantasy, not *** of personality — but emotional consistency, communication, and the ability to create a container where both people feel secure enough to show up authentically.
The truth is:If the emotional foundation isn’t stable, the D/s dynamic can only ever stay shallow.
Your focus on emotional intelligence isn’t just a “nice addition” it’s the core of what makes the power exchange meaningful, ethical, and sustainable.

[As****]

Without safety, there is no trust. Without safety, there is no vulnerability. Without safety, there is no submission. It is vital.

As a Dominant you have to create a safe environment in and out of dynamic led play. How does that look? It's about listening, engaging, being open and honest, being willing to offer your own vulnerability. You need to instill trust in your submissive, by showing you trust them.

Care is specific. Everyone needs different things, but just listen and do the things that make your submissive feel brighter.

Emotional drops are rough and everyone handles them differently. Again this comes down to listening and talking, showing care, showing affection, offering service, discussing and maintaining connection. Your role as a Dominant in those moments is to bring your submissive back up, express your empathy and let them see your open heart.

As a Dom you need to know when the dominance and control needs to end. You take that hat off and you become the friend, confidant and partner. It doesn't make you less dominant, it in fact should embolden you. They trust YOU with their vulnerability, that is incredibly powerful and it's your duty to look after that.

[Da****]

In the journey of exploring the roots of my own Dominance ive found that it comes from a deep seated need to protect those I care about rather than just protect myself (roots if Dominance is a much longer convo). However what that means for me is the ability to carve out and hold a safe space for my subs outside of play to be emotionally ***, deal with buried trauma, have a bad day, etc.

No matter the dynamic or origins of Dominance we are all human. Given the power dynamic inherent in a Ds relationship it is always incumbent on me to truly listen and hear my partner and know where she is emotionally.

[Deleted Member]

For me, when I take on a 24/7 dynamic with a sub, I try to balance my subbie's needs with my own. Each sub has different needs and needs to be lead differently. But in general, for me, in a 24/7 dynamic, it's a committed relationship and it starts with being a good partner and all that entails, and then add in life coach and emotional support human. 😁 And that MUST go both ways. The Dom leads, guides, supports and holds control, the sub submits and serves, but also supports and uplifts. It's a serious commitment.

[Deleted Member]

Ziggyp this is such a great and important discussion.
In my limited experience, emotional responsibility means providing safety, acceptance, and space for a person’s emotional needs and desires.
It is absolutely the case that I feel a duty to provide safety emotionally, as well as physically, and the situation demands a significant amount of personal responsibility.
How would I provide this?
Trust. Demonstrate and communicate care, respect, and understanding. Discuss boundaries. Listen. Reassure. Comfort. Recognise and acknowledge the absolute vulnerability that is necessary. Allow time and space for emotions to flow and to settle, and behave respectfully and affectionately outside of scenes. Seek to understand my partner’s emotions and feelings, needs, concerns and desires and reassure them they are valid, and be there for them when they are low or recovering.
In essence, frame the scenes with care and compassion and intimacy.
Trust and emotional responsibility are crucial, and intertwined.

[be****]

Its supposed to be about trust and communication on both sides. Without that theres no point.

[my****]

When I own a girl she becomes an extension of myself. Her needs are my needs, her ***s are my ***s. Keeping her mentally healthy and contented is my priority. However, like my actual body I know what I can push beyond. Also like my body I can be wrong and then I have to nurse that damage. In order to own a girl or to dominate you have to know her. So much effort goes into listening and cataloguing things that are said and reactions. When you know her better than you know yourself that’s the sweet spot.

[Za****]

Great question. I believe emotional dominance is huge. It’s a huge responsibility. I see emotional dominance as one pillar of mental dominance. To me, It’s one aspect of the brain in the word safety is all encompassing of mental safety. Mental safety to me includes emotional safety but it also includes thoughts and advice outside of that like life. Thoughts and advice that I’ve picked up through my own personal therapy and experiences and passing that on my sub which is more than just emotional. Safety needs to include more than just emotional







Subs are people pleasers in our dynamic and we have to be careful of not taking advantage of that. Do you want them to push their boundaries but you have to be careful what you direct them to you. We need aftercare for not just physical but also mental. We need to be there. To me this is when the emotional safety really comes in to play

This is the biggest responsibility we have in a 24 seven dynamic. To be there for more than just cuddles

[Se****]

EQ or emotional intelligence is an imperative when looking for domme……. If they demonstrate, they don’t have it that’s a red flag end of story.

[DarkArts1066]

I personally don’t believe that you one can have true Dominance without empathy. The two are symbiotic.
In order to main physical Dominance, one also has to be able to create a psychologically Dominant state of being, to which One’s sub is empathic to also.
And how can one do that without first understanding the subject of that projected Dominance?

There is no ‘trick’ to maintaining a Dominant state, it is simply a matter of deep understanding.

Some Dominants that I have spoken to mention a latent ‘state of mind’. An inner being, which is who they truly are.

I believe that might be a starting point, with its base in one’s own upbringing, observations and personal experiences, but One also has a duty to expand on that, if the objective is to be a ‘good’ Dom -or Domme.

That means education and continual development, by whatever means is most appropriate for the pupil.

For me, I learn from others -visually.
I also read -voraciously.
Parts of my collection are devoted to historical erotica which focuses on Dominance and submission, BDSM, Corporal Punishment. Then there are also sections focusing on Human psychology and sociology too.

In order to be an effective, well balanced Dominant, one needs to be well rounded.

As a point of order, You mention ‘sub drop’, but ‘Dom drop’ exists also.
Generally speaking, no one ‘checks in’ on the Dom, which means we have to be self aware, and self monitoring, lest we become complacent -and careless.

I take what I do very seriously.

Just my perspective.

[La****]

A dom needs a genuine understanding feminine energy. Safety, privacy, respect, empathy, and masculine emotional control are fundamental for this dynamic to work. If my sub doesn’t have all of those things from me, she won’t ever trust me enough to truly open up and be in her feminine. Doms always need to prove that this will always be a judgement-free zone.

[Sp****]

Uh yea..OK then. I dont chime in very often but this question is of the first and foremost importance in any lifestyle including a D/S relationship.
So in words that are replicable in the real world. Every person is different. Every sub that has educated me was never one in the same. It's of massive importance to have " the conversation." That being " how would you like to be addressed, how would you like to address me, what would you like to use as a safe word, what do you like after care to be like?" Etc. This is important because as you " train " you are being educated in this subs needs which is what this is all about. I've heard horror stories beyond belief. And you as a Dom have a responsibility altogether maintain your subs mental state without disrupting their real world interactions and thought processes. Very few Doms can leave a sub able to function like a normal person between meetings. This process is gradual. When they get to the point where anticipation is equal to arousal then you are on the right path. The Dom is in " control", but the sub is always the one doing the teaching.

[Sp****]

If you truly care about a subs mental state you will c ome to find, at least I have, that most women ( and men included im syre) have suffered some type of sexual or life trauma. Now im not saying I'm a professional psycho- analytical specialist but I find skirting this trauma the correct way is good to deal with it's lasting effectsa and ability to get past it. You NEVER want to set up a trip wire and have someone scream that safe word. Then the Dom has gone too far. If the sub has educated you in what they are avoiding limit wise then you can take " the steps " safely to each level with hearing that word. Eventually you will walk right past that point of breaking but it's all about HONESTY. Being straight forward and honest when starting the D/S dynamic is the key to breakthrough. Honesty!!

[Po****]

Being a "Dom" is about creating safety. I create a safe space for my subs where they can feel emotionally, mentally, and physically safe. I show them gratitude and respect for allowing me to keep them safe. I listen when they need, hold them when they need, and show control when I see possibilities of danger. This safety allows them to open up and heal from things. Aside from that is the bratting and the funishment. That act too has a certain amount of safety involved. They know I will protect them and never actually hurt them allowing us to explore and test boundaries. I ensure that they also understand the unspoken truth during scenes, they are in charge and have the ability to stop everything. These things instil confidence and self love.

[Po****]

Yes I put Dom in quotations. This is because I have seen many people pervert the title.