Ch**** Posted November 20 9 minutes ago, lilbabymari said: I don’t humor any “dom” who randomly messages me demanding i submit to them. Only someone who love bmbs me right out the gate or expects honesty anything from me. Thats not how this works, there are so many new people coming into kink and don’t know how to properly interact with in this space. Its happened to me so many times. I have been so close to just saying f this im out. Which i shouldn’t have to do! I should be able to feel safe in this space like i once was able to years ago. Now its not the same. Absolutely! I say, I'm a sub, but I'm not YOUR sub. The only person who could get my submission will have earned it. It shouldn't be given lightly or without vetting. Doms should be more safe than the average person, but the fake ones muddy the water.
CopperKnob Posted November 20 I've written about this here is different forms and there's always victim blaming in the comments. People who say, 'women need to protect themselves more', 'women need to vet better' really have no understanding of MVAWG. If they did, they wouldn't make such comments or wonder why there's an apparent male loneliness epidemic. They're completely unable to understand the link between the two.
cr**** Posted November 20 Dysy25 Keep looking. Not all are bad. I have dom women for years. Many said I didn't do those things and wanted it. Now I am trying to explore the sub side of me but not much luck there either. Maybe you need a guy that cares for you first, then get into the dom/sub fun . Can't say what's right for you, but i know i am not like that. Good luck on your search. Dont give up yet honey.
DY**** Posted November 20 1 hour ago, darkstallion1 said: This is totally understandable! But we all should know that just as in every aspects of life, they’re always gonna be bad actors and participants in everything… as a Dom myself, the onus should not be placed on the “good doms” to make right for all the bad ones, women overall needs to protect themselves from the jump and make sure that who they’re opening up themselves(heart, body, trust and integrity, mind and emotions) with are actually capable of both leading, caring, dominating and protecting them as he should…. You should not just go following any and every man blindly u meet! Take accountability and stop garnering trauma just for it to be another man’s problems and stress This is horribly victim blaming and ignorant. I’m genuinely terrified for any sub that takes a chance on trusting you
Pe**** Posted November 20 I think a large factor is that it's not just fake dominants. There is a huge amount of fake submissive as well. Given the ideas of only men can be ab users and we have to believe all women, a lot of male doms have opted out of playing. Less real doms mean more bad encounters for real submissives, means fewer subs being eager to play, means more bad encounters for real doms, etc. The point being the fakers on both sides of the slash affects the real kinksters on both sides of the slash in a circular problem that's been created by kink becoming mainstream. . As little as fif*** years ago, the scene was all about respecting each other, learning before doing, vetting and getting to know a person before committing to a dynamic. When I look at the kink scene today, I see a swarm of lustful normies looking for NSA fun and experiences without responsibility, accountability, commitment, or even respect for the community they're claiming to be part of. Doms and subs in general need to be a lot more particular about who they play with now, but that works in complete contrast to the current idea of embrace your power by being a slut. Sure, you should try to get what you want, but thinking every person out there is going to provide it is just silly. . My point isn't to assign blame, but to plead with people, subs and Doms, to be more careful about who you play with. Our lifestyle was already one to consider risky, but with the tourists overrunning the scene, it's riskier than ever. . Be safe kinksters. ❤️
cr**** Posted November 20 You dont know me yet you condemn me..you judge me for not hurting someone? How am I blaming a victim? A dom is responsible for his sub. A happy sub serves better. All men and all women have issues of one kund or another. It seems your baming everything in your life on men . Do you take any blame for your troubles?
DY**** Posted November 20 1 hour ago, crotchcleaner said: Dysy25 Keep looking. Not all are bad. I have dom women for years. Many said I didn't do those things and wanted it. Now I am trying to explore the sub side of me but not much luck there either. Maybe you need a guy that cares for you first, then get into the dom/sub fun . Can't say what's right for you, but i know i am not like that. Good luck on your search. Dont give up yet honey. I appreciate what you’re saying but I won’t give any more of me trying to find out. Psychology is an interest of mine and I genuinely don’t believe any man is capable of caring, for anyone in any form of relationship including family. I don’t know you so I can’t say you’re one of the alleged good ones or not sorry but I believe what I see and it’s haunting viewing
Ar**** Posted November 20 4 hours ago, DG-DadBod4Hire said: You said it in your LAST SENTENCE. Hurt by people who never deserved your submission in the first place. People need to Vet more before they commit. You can still have boundaries in a D/S dynamic.. Don't wanna send pictures, then don't. If you lose the guy over that, it wasn't that deep on ANY level anyways You say this as though it's the easiest solution in the world and submissives (along with anyone else who has been a recipient of this type of @busive behaviour) haven't ever thought about before. What happens when you vet for months and still get stung? What happens when you WANT to send pictures, because you've been sold on what the other party has been selling to you? Many of the people who take advantage or worse are very good at hiding their natures. That's something which doesn't even apply just to this community, but to financial fraudsters, con artists, bad friends/co-workers, several narcissistic types, and so on. A huge portion aren't displaying traits until it is waaaaaay too late, in some cases even after years/marriage. So while a lot of people are lackadaisical in their vetting how about we don't victim-blame? OP, I'm really glad your post has been getting attention. It's an important topic and needed raising.
DY**** Posted November 20 To any submissive reading these comments from anyone victim blaming saying we should have chosen better, vetted better, blah blah; don’t let any of it enter your psyche. Simply be grateful that they have outed themselves as red flags and block them so they can never end up in your inbox. It’s classic behaviour and exactly the vetting process we need to do ♥️
No**** Posted November 20 ...but the worst part is that many, many subs start believing that this is what a Dom should be like. So, the result is that the classical master I am gets stranded in a bad porn like idea of the BDSM dynamic expectations. I wish to see my sub grow and explore in accordance to her needs and urges, not mine...
Sp**** Posted November 20 This is the exact reason I never share nudes on the internet. It lives forever and you can’t get it back once it’s out there. I agree that a lot of “dom” (especially males) don’t really understand what it means to be a dominant. There are too many people praying on newbies and others in the community willing to turn a blind eye to predatory behavior. I am one of the few in my community that calls it out when I see it. I make enemies, but I’d rather that then allow someone to be traumatized by unsafe people. I think the biggest thing that people in the kink community need is education. Education on safety in the community, safety practicing BDSM scenes, etc. I also think there needs to be more accountability for when people are acting in a predatory way or being unsafe.
tx**** Posted November 20 Also keep in mind submission dosnt just happen I can be 100 percent submissive but I still have to have a reason to submit if your claiming to be a dominant male and your more girly then me then I’m sorry there’s no way I can give u the same respect to submit to u as I would a masculine male.
Gray9 Posted November 20 Ziggy I read your post and it breaks my heart, I agree with everything you said and as a Dom I so appreciate you sharing this, i've identified as a dom for the last 20 years and you are 1000 percent correct. There are so many untrained and un educated Doms and so called Daddys in the community that it is overwhelming. Ive met so so many submissives and littles that were hurt and ***d, ***d and beaten by disgusting people that use this lifestyle to justify the damage they do. My heart breaks for you and all of the others. The D/S dynamic is supposed to be one of trust and care, i understand that every relationship has its differences but there is a line we do NOT cross. I hope one day you can heal from this and perhaps find a loving patient Dom/owner or Daddy ❤️
Se**** Posted November 21 5 hours ago, DG-DadBod4Hire said: You said it in your LAST SENTENCE. Hurt by people who never deserved your submission in the first place. People need to Vet more before they commit. You can still have boundaries in a D/S dynamic.. Don't wanna send pictures, then don't. If you lose the guy over that, it wasn't that deep on ANY level anyways Yikes. Let’s try not to “victim blame”. I get what you’re saying to an extent but there are some REALLY good imposters out there who can, and do, fool even the wisest of subs ( I know too many of those subs). I think you missed the point that when you’ve been fooled by someone pretending to be something there’re not and you’ve stepped into that relationship you may have done things (ie send pics) willingly BEFORE realising the extent of the deceit. This post is not about telling subs to do better, nor should it be. Even using every single arsenal in one’s toolkit can’t prevent sh!tty people doing sh!tty things, so please, don’t blame the people who got taken in by the deceit blame the ones who are deceitful and don’t realise the magnitude of their actions.
De**** Posted November 21 Among other things I identify as a man and a dominant. I also have had my fair share of evils that I admit with every sub before play. I see the *** in their eyes when consenting after hearing what I need them to know and I don’t betray that trust when they realize that we don’t have to do anything they don’t want to. I’m totally fine if the choice is made to not engage with me. It’s the most responsible thing I can do outside of adhering to the parameters of negotiation, participating in topics/discussions like these, and educational classes. This is not something that I would have learned or known without learning from the mistakes that I’ve made. I’ve also come across damaged doms and damaged subs. Male, female, and trans. At the end of the day we are humans with limits. We go too hard or too much we break. The truth is that subs have all the power and the doms have to respect the power exchange. Both the sub and the dom manage the power exchange together. As one. (Switches and multiple play partners is a whole other thing, but similar principles apply) I don’t make excuses. No one should. Safety and consent will always be my priority and should be for everyone kinky.
De**** Posted November 21 In addition aftercare is critical. I don’t see enough discussions about that around here. Ty for sharing Ziggy
PL**** Posted November 21 This hit my soul. I have experienced everything that you have and it is very hurtful and scaring and emotional. It leaves a submissive feeling raw and open and lonely. I now set boundaries that are far more strict than I did before, but it is difficult not to feel jaded, and it is so unfair to the doms who are real, andwant what I want or need what I need. It hurts bith sides of the coin.
PL**** Posted November 21 14 hours ago, beanie916 said: I feel this in my soul. Its p@inful. Those "doms" are just just abusive people who found a "perfect" place to hide. Wolves in sheep's clothing. Its sickening. And we are so *** to it especially if having been abus*d before. I could share horror stories to what ive been through because of this. Im soo sorry I was not intending to plagiarized you but I wrote my post before looking at the comments but apparently we both had the same reaction.
Pe**** Posted November 21 19 hours ago, DYSY25 said: I appreciate what you’re saying but I won’t give any more of me trying to find out. Psychology is an interest of mine and I genuinely don’t believe any man is capable of caring, for anyone in any form of relationship including family. I don’t know you so I can’t say you’re one of the alleged good ones or not sorry but I believe what I see and it’s haunting viewing There isn't such a thing as a man who cares? That is one broad brush you have there. I haven't dated or even met a woman who wasn't interested solely in what she can out of a relationship (usually financial gain), but I'd never say that ALL women are like that just because those I've encountered are terrible people. Your hatred doesn't make everyone who doesn't think exactly like you a bad person. I hope you are someday able to overcome your trauma and begin looking for the good in the world instead of letting yourself be consumed by the bad and becoming what you ***. Best of luck. ❤️
Ev**** Posted November 21 First and foremost most I wanna say your truly a bad ass and have real heart it takes a lot to put some real human emotions and feelings out their , doing that alone and having the courage to be *** again after your trust in the past was broke when being ***, and then doms in the past are nothing yeah nothing , you deserve to be built back up not the way you have already built yourself back up but from a man or any man in your life should respect your beautiful self confidence that you still radiate and treat you like the super sexy Bad ass you are and they should be honored to be in your presence you have earned that 100 x over and theirs a saying that explains it perfectly baby Real recognizes real and like you said them past doms are more than fake their nothing ness and have brought you to rise higher be stronger and look sexy all at the same time while they walk around thinking their Billy bad ass would get eaten up in n my old world that I used to live , they wouldn't be eating at my table or even near it matter fact most would end up running away begging to be taken. Away from all these savages and they would take their Dominant dick sucking little lames right into protection , thank you for sharing that with us , because for me that's gonna make our vibe so fun that's a promise and that's my word , you will see hopefully sooner than later
Ar**** Posted November 21 2 hours ago, Pet_Mimic said: There isn't such a thing as a man who cares? That is one broad brush you have there. I haven't dated or even met a woman who wasn't interested solely in what she can out of a relationship (usually financial gain), but I'd never say that ALL women are like that just because those I've encountered are terrible people. Your hatred doesn't make everyone who doesn't think exactly like you a bad person. I hope you are someday able to overcome your trauma and begin looking for the good in the world instead of letting yourself be consumed by the bad and becoming what you ***. Best of luck. ❤️ Ahhhh, really? The member you're replying to hasn't said at any point there aren't men who care. They've explained what they believe but have never once expressed the arrogance or presumption that they assume they are correct - that's the difference between saying "no man is capable of caring" and "I don't believe any man is capable of caring". It's a bit like me saying I don't believe in one true God, I'm fully aware that I might get a big surprise after I pass. But to then take the leap to hatred? That's been done so many times before when women have tried to explain where they're coming from. There's no foundation for it, and the record is tired. Reading back through the comments this member is aware of how cynical they've become - who could blame them when these are the replies they receive? Come on people, doesn't our community get enough grief and misunderstanding from outside already? Let's try to do better.
bi**** Posted November 22 I would love to show this to the guy that thinks he’s my dom because you have described me and the way I feel towards him. Because of the way he is he’s going to loose this sub.
Recommended Posts