Unexpected face slapping?

[SamuelSwitch]

I’ve had my first experience at my first fetish night, and my first time scene worshipping a domme after being summoned - massages, kissing, fetching drinks, serving, which resulted in compliments from the domme and others at the venue, including the photographer, photo taken - all going well.
 

The domme displayed that she would strike subs in the face if they had pushed a boundary - from what I saw, this came to the others worshiping her and going beyond where they were instructed - a boundary crossed, no consent to touch that part of the body. I was summoned by the domme with no really discussion regarding limits, apart from a passing comment that she enjoyed impact play, as do I (the scene wasn’t set up for impact play, but more so worshipping).

I continued the worshipping, the domme is speaking to me and starts complimenting a scene happening next to us, I complimented the colour of another domme’s hair - this resulted in my face being struck, because I was to worship and compliment her only and not other dommes. I was in shock and reacted badly to this and explained that was a line crossed for me, to which the domme responded with “I could’ve hit harder”. I couldn’t tell if this was part of the scenario, or if this was a boundary crossed (for something that seems trivial). Face slapping is something I’ve briefly enjoyed before, but it was more the shock and response to it at the time. Had a punishment been discussed as I had broke one of the domme’s rules (which were never established) for a lack of submissive manners, I would understood this more and would say it adds to the scene, establishing a rule set. As someone who likes to switch, that’s what I would do, especially if you’re following the scene.

The whole experience put a bad taste in my mouth for my first event, I reported it at the venue and they did take it seriously and tried to have a word the domme, but she left shortly after. I can’t tell if I threw myself in the deep end. 
 

I'm curious to hear what are other people’s take on this scenario. 

[La****]

This is totally a breach of consent on the domme's part. If it was not discussed and negotiated ahead of time, it should not have been part of the interaction. Something like that would get her temporarily banned from my local dungeon.

[TimberTara]

I understand consent, but I think that once you’re worshiping a goddess and you’re in her presence it’s implied I would never question anything she did unless it was so extreme like cutting

[TimberTara]

But I think my perspective is a male perspective and yours is one of the dominant position and I totally understand it and agree with it but we approach you differently. There’s no equality.

[Ca****]

In short, without prior knowledge or consent, that is *** unfortunately. Regardless of the fact that you're meant to be worshipping her. When you're in a scene and playing, if you have to question if a person's actions is part of the scene then there is a problem there. You did the right thing to report her.

[Kf****]

4 minutes ago, TimberTara said:

But I think my perspective is a male perspective and yours is one of the dominant position and I totally understand it and agree with it but we approach you differently. There’s no equality.

I’m not a domme. I’m not dominant in anyway, I’m submissive. However, I do have self respect and respect of all those I play with. That means we would approach the situation the exact same. My perspective is one of understanding consent, limits and being a decent person. Non consensual *** is never acceptable.

[TimberTara]

2 minutes ago, Kfunnbunn said:

I’m not a domme. I’m not dominant in anyway, I’m submissive. However, I do have self respect and respect of all those I play with. That means we would approach the situation the exact same. My perspective is one of understanding consent, limits and being a decent person. Non consensual *** is never acceptable.

I certainly respect your opinion, but you’re a female. I’m a male we don’t think the same.

[La****]

3 minutes ago, TimberTara said:

I certainly respect your opinion, but you’re a female. I’m a male we don’t think the same.

It's not about being male or female. It's about consent and without consent it's sexual ***.

[Go****]

There is no ‘implied consent’ in that scenario. They weren’t already familiar to each other, nor had limits, boundaries, expectations, consent, triggers or much else been discussed.
Her being a ‘Domme’ (I use the title loosely in this case) bears no significance - she did something that wasn’t agreed and was questioned, and her response was a rebuttal. This isn’t acceptable from anyone, no matter their role or gender.

[lo****]

Oh no

[SamuelSwitch]

Thank you for all that have supported my post - it’s reassuring to hear this as it really put a dampener on my first event. 

[SamuelSwitch]

1 hour ago, TimberTara said:

I understand consent, but I think that once you’re worshiping a goddess and you’re in her presence it’s implied I would never question anything she did unless it was so extreme like cutting

If you don’t want to question a goddess, that’s on you, it doesn’t mean that applies to everyone. As I mentioned, a coordinated and agreed punishment would be different - this wasn’t discussed and unexpected. 

[Sc****]

🙄

[Qu****]

This is why negotiation is so important before a scene takes place. And the whole idea of striking when the domme's boundaries were crossed tells me she has a messed up sense of consent in bdsm.

[mi****]

The domme was in the wrong, there wasn't full consent for them to strike you in that way and boundaries and limits need to be discussed before doing something like that especially if the scene isnt set up for it and it wasnt previously mentioned. Complete *** of your consent and I'm sorry you had to experience this.

[Wi****]

She was wrong, simple. whilst an ad-hoc session was in progress, that means sometimes you might get things done that are not fully consented. In which case, the adult thing to do is apologise for the mistake. The other party (ie you) should then accept sometimes lines are crossed when you don;t say what those lines are, accept the apology.

How easy is that?! Well... too many people are so full of themselves that admitting the tiniest of fault is unacceptable to their ego. I imagine she was one of those.

[Deleted Member]

The fact that you expressed a line was crossed and the comment she made shows she does not understand the nature of the role play. She is treating the dom/me role as a selfish power trip. You were in the position of sub, not free use. She should have apologized and respected your expressed boundaries.

[Pr****]

Unexpected. No.
Discussed beforehand as a potential happening or not at all.
That is a blatant *** of trust, communication, and expectations at the very least.
At most it's ***.

[SamuelSwitch]

3 hours ago, minifroggi said:

The domme was in the wrong, there wasn't full consent for them to strike you in that way and boundaries and limits need to be discussed before doing something like that especially if the scene isnt set up for it and it wasnt previously mentioned. Complete *** of your consent and I'm sorry you had to experience this.

Thank you for your comment, I was frustrated at time but everyone’s been supportive on this post, so it’s definitely gave further clarification on the situation 

[Ph****]

That Domme is a red flag , and I would never play with her again....
You can't punish someone for something they didn't know.
That was Domme fault... if she didn't discuss. And negotiate boundaries... that is on her not you... that's number one red flag.

Number two red flag is , she did not negotiate the scene correctly.

Tip.. when negotiating a scene , always remember , you have the power.... speak up and say you're boundaries.
Every.
Time I negotiate a scene.. i always do hypothetically scenarios. Because I want to know what and how top would react... because I know how I am in a scene.I want to make sure i'm not crossing anybody else's boundaries...

[Da****]

11 hours ago, TimberTara said:

I understand consent, but I think that once you’re worshiping a goddess and you’re in her presence it’s implied I would never question anything she did unless it was so extreme like cutting

I’m a male who has been on both sides of the slash for over 30 years. There is NO differing perspectives between males and females, subs or dominants. Sorry, you don’t understand consent. Rule number one for any function I e ever attended (including ClubFem, male master/slave meetups, public venues, etc) is “don’t touch other people or their property without consent! Period. End of subject. Dominants of any flavor (femdoms, leathermen, Goddesses, etc) do NOT get to ignore this rule. If a dominant thinks that they can do whatever they want just because they have “allowed” you to be in their presence, that’s a red flag. This “domme” sounds like she picked up everything she knows from binge watching “50 Shades…”. She’s arrogant, unskilled, insecure, entitled, and mentally fragile. She has more red flags than a Chinese Labor Day parade. Whoever taught you that there is such a thing as “dom immunity” is completely wrong. Please forget anything they have ever told you. If this is your own personal theory, please, have a sense of your own value. Attend a munch, take a class on scene negotiation, or read a bit of BDSM non-fiction.

[Da****]

10 hours ago, SamuelSwitch said:

Thank you for all that have supported my post - it’s reassuring to hear this as it really put a dampener on my first event. 

Samuel, I’m sorry that this happened at your first event. It sounds like you were doing all the right things that many first timers don’t do. I hope you are able to attend another one.

I also would like to encourage you to talk to the event’s organizers about this. No need to mention names if you don’t want to, but I would if asked. The “dom” might have had previous incidents that she had been warned about. Or, they might side with her or give her a pass on this, in which case you now know what events to avoid in the future.

[Ph****]

13 minutes ago, DaveQuixote said:

Samuel, I’m sorry that this happened at your first event. It sounds like you were doing all the right things that many first timers don’t do. I hope you are able to attend another one.

I also would like to encourage you to talk to the event’s organizers about this. No need to mention names if you don’t want to, but I would if asked. The “dom” might have had previous incidents that she had been warned about. Or, they might side with her or give her a pass on this, in which case you now know what events to avoid in the future.

I support this 100%. I know it's hard to speak up , but telling the owner of the event could really help others,

[SamuelSwitch]

4 hours ago, DaveQuixote said:

Samuel, I’m sorry that this happened at your first event. It sounds like you were doing all the right things that many first timers don’t do. I hope you are able to attend another one.

I also would like to encourage you to talk to the event’s organizers about this. No need to mention names if you don’t want to, but I would if asked. The “dom” might have had previous incidents that she had been warned about. Or, they might side with her or give her a pass on this, in which case you now know what events to avoid in the future.

Thank your Dave for your wise words in the comment above as well. Yes, I was definitely trying to be extra polite as well. I’d consider another event for the community aspect, but I’m not sure how I feel about public play anyway. I’ll consider giving them an email, I spoke to quite a few house staff on the night who took it seriously, some people didn’t. 

[SamuelSwitch]

17 hours ago, LadyLexi7 said:

This is totally a breach of consent on the domme's part. If it was not discussed and negotiated ahead of time, it should not have been part of the interaction. Something like that would get her temporarily banned from my local dungeon.

Thank you for confirming this and glad to hear you local dungeon is really on top things! This was a club, so quite a large venue.