How do you know you're safe in a submissive position?

[mi****]

I’ve only been in a couple submissive positions and I want to feel safe with another person but how do you just feel that is that something you’re supposed to feel? (Tgirl not a man btw)

[Deleted Member]

you have to have trust with your play partner and you must set boundries and safe words and it important that both of you are 100% aware of these . If your partner does not respect your boundaries then you need to find a new partner.

[su****]

Trust and if she asked about boundaries safe words and just takes the time to show me more care then I thought I deserved.

[jo****]

Agree with what’s already posted. From the Dom side, I can add that _I_ have to trust my sub before we engage, too. Be safe over everything else

[re****]

If your gut is telling you that you’re not safe, then listen and don’t put yourself in that situation. If you feel like the person is genuine & you can trust what they say to you then I’d say that’s okay. It’s one of those things that you have to build on, trust doesn’t just happen. Spend time to get to know them, start off small & work your way up to bigger thing where more trust is needed

[SocDomMax]

Trust is the most important thing...communication and gutfeeling..

[In****]

Dom side: Most Subs require a certain amount of trust. That grows from session to session. I have found only two main reasons for a Sub to feel unsafe: Being afraid to get killed/damaged (intentionally or unintentionally) and secondly that a Dom is NOT taking care for the Subs desires too (after care, specific kinks) not only his alone.

Subs are usually extremely sensitive and EQ high (my experience) and can rely on their feeling pro a certain Dom or against him. Just follow it. If you don't follow your feeling, you won't enjoy it, nor will this particular Dom. And the experience on that session is bad for both of you.

[Jo****]

If you don't feel safe to start with you shouldn't do it because you don't trust the person you are with

[Tr****]

Pssst…don’t tell the fake Doms this but you are really in control. It’s only when you trust enough to give up that control that you should. When you don’t feel that…something isn’t right and if communicating doesn’t fix it, no matter how much you may want it it’s prob not the right situation for you and you should safely excuse yourself. Safewords and you should be respected first and foremost

[li****]

When your dominant isn't concerned about your needs and mental well-being.

[li****]

3 hours ago, redhead_07 said:

If your gut is telling you that you’re not safe, then listen and don’t put yourself in that situation. If you feel like the person is genuine & you can trust what they say to you then I’d say that’s okay. It’s one of those things that you have to build on, trust doesn’t just happen. Spend time to get to know them, start off small & work your way up to bigger thing where more trust is needed

Exactly. Human beings have evolved to being able to identify danger cause our survival depends on it. If someone triggers your fight-or-flight reflex, there's generally a reason for it.

[Ma****]

36 minutes ago, mysticPa said:

Pssst…don’t tell the fake Doms this but you are really in control. It’s only when you trust enough to give up that control that you should. When you don’t feel that…something isn’t right and if communicating doesn’t fix it, no matter how much you may want it it’s prob not the right situation for you and you should safely excuse yourself. Safewords and you should be respected first and foremost

Absolutely correct! The submissive sets the limits, activities and the scene overall. The safe word is there to use when needed. It's not a sign of weakness to use safe words it's a sign that the scene needs to slow down or end!!!!

[Sq****]

Correct. Earlier comment nailed it... Sub has all of the power with their boundaries. We are entrusted with dominion within those boundaries.

[gi****]

Lots of communication. Don't be submissive to just anyone because it can lead to ***.

[li****]

1 hour ago, SquirrelandWrangler said:

Correct. Earlier comment nailed it... Sub has all of the power with their boundaries. We are entrusted with dominion within those boundaries.

This is just wishful thinking. You aren't in control while you are tied up, unable to talk or afraid to disappoint your dominant.

[Si****]

Trust, communication (wants, needs, feelings), preset boundaries and knowing where the dynamic stands.

Trust takes time to build, where you’d allow yourself to be comfortable/*** with that person and know they won’t take advantage.

Works both ways tho As a Dom i need to know and trust my sub/pet. That’s one reason I don’t do random hookups etc Hard to put your trust in a stranger.

[Si****]

1 minute ago, SirTribalWolf said:

Trust, communication (wants, needs, feelings), preset boundaries and knowing where the dynamic stands.

Trust takes time to build, where you’d allow yourself to be comfortable/*** with that person and know they won’t take advantage.

Works both ways tho As a Dom i need to know and trust my sub/pet. That’s one reason I don’t do random hookups etc Hard to put your trust in a stranger.

Comfortable and vul-ner-able Darn censor

[Sq****]

24 minutes ago, liliththedivine said:

This is just wishful thinking. You aren't in control while you are tied up, unable to talk or afraid to disappoint your dominant.

That's on you? Don't entrust someone that hasn't earned it or doesn't understand how you are? Wild take. I wonder if mine trust me in that scenario. Big think.

[Sq****]

And that is not counting situations going poorly. A-salt isn't what's being discussed. It's a strong possibility that you build up to a dynamic like that to minimize risk and have very established communication before even dipping the toe into that pool. 🤷🏻

[Agent69x10]

Essentially, where bondage is concerned, it's about real trust, and the top respecting the trust that's being given and ensure they respect that trust and never breaking any boundaries.

I'm massively into health and safety where bondage is concerned.

Quick release carabiners are my go-to for any cuff restraints.

Obviously, they don't work so well if the receiver is playing out the escape artist bratty spice, but when all said and done.

Safety comes first, and bondage sex can be the ultimate high when the ritual is done right.

However, It is about trust and making sure that your safety as much as your kinks are going to be put first.

As a Rigger who has tied many women etc.

I ask them questions, and more importantly. I actually listen to their answers.

I'm not going to just dive in.

Although I have been in that position and it was amazing to be put on the spot and deliver.

However, it is primarily about trusting who you give consent to tying you and what they must not do when you are tied.

It shouldn't have to be pressed home or said more than once.

[Mr****]

Dont waste your time with rhetorical nonsense when it comes to sexual safety. Feeling safe and trusting someone takes time and seeing how they react emotionally when triggered, how much self control they demonstrate and if they are legitimately capable of empathy.

So if its not someone you have time with, limit the risk in a situational power exchange, make sure boundaries are respected along the way, and have a plan in place if they're not.

Feeling safe means trusting both someone else's judgement and your own. A safe person wont tilt if you want to talk about Feeling safe. ;)

[Agent69x10]

I fully agree 👍

[da****]

We’ll be honest because some doms don’t want a TGirl because they are straight and vett a potential dom before hand be open and honest about who you are and if in person you feel unsafe leave go home get away because they’re are still folks who will hurt individuals like you just because and while the lifestyle does provide a much wider safe environment for people of all backgrounds it doesn’t mean non lifestyle people can’t get in to events and cause issues unfortunately

[Ro****]

It takes time to build trust and the same safety things you would do on vanilla dating apply as much, if not more, in the lifestyle. Start with safe meets - public vanilla places - and have friends ready as safety calls (if they don't get an all clear from you by X time they call police with all the details of your date). I've even known people have friends have access to their 'Find My Phone' account to track them and be in the same pub or cafe discretely in a corner.


Think: would you feel safe having sex with them? If not, you won't be safe to play.

You might have several non kink dates before you play but only you will know when its right.

A good option might be to attend kink events. Those are places you can play safely because there are others around who are expected to monitor everything and ensure no one is at risk.

[Ki****]

You know I kind of wondered how my first Dom was able to grow me as quickly and easily as he did and I think he got advice off of these sorts of pages it is a little frightening what he put me through but it was really hot at the time except for the perpetual thrusting machine that was just ***