Aftercare as a sub

[Pe****]

What do those of you who battle with self worth and possibly depression do for aftercare? How do you keep the lows from creeping in?

[cl****]

Working together with your dom to have a plan and strategy on comfort and reassurance. Check ins, nervous system regulation are maybe things to also try

[Ju****]

A bath. Chocolate and wine or a small caffeinated beverage.

[mg****]

A good dom will be there for aftercare.

[Ki****]

As aftercare is different for eachother I will share my routine.
All in all I'm a very simple Joe, my after care is actually hit the sauna and pool at the gym water spots my mind and the deep heat helps release the endorphins, I follow with my own music something positive, possible meal or drink out on my own time to reflect on life and make peace with myself.
If you love your body and mind they will love you back.

[jo****]

First: find a Dom/Domme that understands that this is an issue for you. That is one of the responsibilities they should have signed on for when they took up the mantle. Also, find support in the community. Your D is only one person and cannot do it alone (despite the façade).

Next: Document. Spend a couple of minutes mapping your feelings during sub-drop. Developing a record that you can review when you are NOT feeling it can help with any feelings of despair as you can learn what to expect. When you can see that the sun comes up everyday, you don’t despair that it has left forever

Last: if the time that you and your Dom invest doesn’t seem to help and you can’t document improvement, find professional help. You may have to shop around to find a kink-positive therapist that you’re comfortable with.

[ro****]

Aftercare is a crucial part of any kink and should be adapted to how intense the session is but should include cuddles, kissing, talking calmly, massage I always find a relaxing shower together washing each others body sensually is one of the best ways. You should be leave calm and happy with the session that has happened. Xx

[Sq****]

Communication on where you're at. On paper your Dom should very much know your issues and how you'll react to them to avoid it being an actual issue.
Work on yourself thoroughly outside of the dynamic. Whether you are or are not; that's for anyone dealing with a similar issue that may not.
Try to add structure to your dynamic to boost confidence and counterbalance those issues. There's absolutely nothing wrong with incorporating a soft Dom aspect or layer.

[Da****]

What I love to hear is some agency and self care responsibilities from all of us so the weight of aftercare is not always placed upon the Dom or Daddy Doms or Caregivers. Dom or sub is in the end a role we resonate with and lean into.

In the end we're all humans, vuln@rable, emotional , feeling induced, organic thinking creatures and all have a need for acknowledgment, respect, love, attention, affection, adoration and sometimes earnt admiration.

I have seen Dom's demonised for not always providing aftercare and that's often subject to a one way prejudice.

Journaling, pa1inting, art, counselling, music, sounds, things to touch and smell, having a Platonic friendship without expectations and pets do help.

[ma****]

I need strong/ deep pressure hugs (held) for at least 5 minutes right after. It helps my body and mind stop "humming". I was also recommended, which seems to help, a piece of dark chocolate the next morning (if the session was at night). I was told it has to be dark. My normal drop was 24 hours after and I would go into a depressive state. These 2 things have greatly helped.

[lo****]

Gym and take time away from negative people or environments

[Deleted Member]

Hi..:I’m new in the scene and wanted to share .::I had an experience with a guy he left me afterwards alone saying that that is what he liked (leaving right after), I didn’t knew a lot about aftercare but after the high ( it was a hard session) being left alone felt weirdly emotional.. I had no emotional connection with the guy but still felt sad …brain chemistry is weird…so I let my self cry for a bit to feel it and then I rationalize it, took a warm bath and went to sleep…after that I decide to require aftercare in the conversation and focus on people that have already some experience in the scene. ❤️

[Sa****]

Promote positive self talk and shut down negative self talk by opening communication between the inner mind and the caregiver

[r0****]

Just as someone with depression in general being able to tell those intrusive thoughts "not right now go away" helps alot

[bo****]

People always talk about aftercare as though it is an obligation for the dom. Like it's just a rule of bdsm. But it is actually its own bdsm activity and can be incredibly hot and fulfilling for both the dom and the sub when it is done *not* as an obligation or a box-to-be-checked but as a different kind of "scene" (or phase of an earlier scene) that reinf@rces the dom/sub roles and the relationship and brings a new kind of intimacy and closeness. As the dom, you are the one who creates the experience. You create the subspace. And you also get to be the one to lead your sub out of it, lead them back, and leave them feeling not just content and happy about the experience but aching to do it again. It is hot as fuck!

[Deleted Member]

I’ve found that communication with my Dominant helps with a lot of that as they will often ask what I need in a moment and depending on my answer, that is what they will give me. If I say I am unsure they will just sit with me, maybe we would cuddle or something until I could figure it out and sometimes that’s all I needed in the first place. Also to remember though it is just as important for the sub to ask their Dom/me how they’re doing after everything and tend to them as well. Dom drop is just as important to prevent as sub drop.

[00****]

It seems the one crucial statement echoed throughout this post is communication and closeness. Those downs can be filled by simply feeling close and accepted by your partner.

It's so important in these dynamics to be open and honest so there is an emotional understanding between each other.

I hope everyone in here dealing with any depressive waves or emotional states is talking to someone they trust and not suffering silently outside of these forums, though or course simply talking about that in here with like-minded people is far better than saying nothing.

[be****]

Psychoanalysis (more precisely Lacan)

[Ro****]

My former Mistress was very much into after care and would segue straight into it as part of the session - a literal command to approach and start cuddling. She was very caring and understanding. Though I usually didn't get session drop until a day or so after. I tend to find the session itself is good for my mental health because it takes away all responsibility so reduces my anxiety and depression that way. For a little while after I feel much better but, I guess, it's a few days later I need the actual aftercare.

[Il****]

Accept whatever it is... Is in fact what it is.. anything else is enabling a bad habit or practice.. self delusion only leads to lies down the road and no healthy relationship is built on lies.. unless that's your personal poison of choice.

It's amazing how often the ability to talk to someone clearly is glossed over especially in this genre.. (kinks) since all that has to be communicated..

find healthy coping mechanisms.. hot showers, light workouts, a particular dish or snack
.going outside for fresh air and reflective thought.. cuddles ... It's different person to person

find what relaxes you most and ask for your partners assistance or absence so you may recover properly for the next adventure.

If your not right, y'all won't be right. Same rules apply.

[Deleted Member]

As a Dominant it's been my experience that sometimes the lows are unavoidable. Know what works for you in those situations and communicate those needs clearly to your Dom/me. I'm a sexual sadist so I've definitely had more than my fair share of intense scenes. Any Dom/Top worth their salt will enthusiasticly cater to your aftercare needs. Hell, if they are anything like me, they might experience a good bit of "To drop" themselves on occasion. (it's not always easy being a cis male feminist , as well as someone who gets very aroused by inflicting intense *** on women as a kink) ,so being emotionally available can pay reciprocating dividends for all parties concerned!

[mi****]

I go to the gym

[Fr****]

Sex with people always makes me feel good or just ***ting having people like my art always makes me feel good about myself

[vv****]

This is a tea good question. As someone who had a life long struggle with self worth - aftercare has always been difficult. It’s the trust that you have in your partner that you have to tap into. The same release of inhibition during play is the same release I have to employ for aftercare. Frankly, receiving aftercare is more challenging for me than an actual scene or play. When you can let go and be *** enough to receive that care, it’s bliss.

[vv****]

(*really good question)