How do you handle an overthinker?

[wb****]

Dom's what do you do to help reduce or elevate your subs or potential subs overthinking?

When the sub you are getting to know tells you I'm an overthinker and not hearing from you for hours (I'm talking about 8+hrs) / days gets me going down into an ugly self doubting place. How would you handle it?  

Sub's who are overthinkers what do you do? How do you 1) get yourself bring this up?  2) Address your feeling of not being heard? 

At what point do you say its been long enough, I'm done and move on (or try to)?

[r0****]

That sounds like an anxious attachment style not over thinking its the only way out of it is to learn a secure attachment style

[Tw****]

I set my submissive down and I explained to her in detail, it's not that I haven't been thinking about you or wanting to reach out and contact you. It's that I work and it is hard for me to do so I message you and tart you as much as I possibly can and I will continue to do so, I'm not going anywhere, breathe, it will be okay and I spend either quality time on the phone with her. On Facetime, or in person? I
Also, give her a list of tasks to do throughout the day to help her remember and remind her, I am still there with her and she's not going anywhere. It's just that I am busy and I will communicate with her as soon as I possibly can. I try to send little text messages throughout the day.

[re****]

Well I will let you sit there and power out for a couple hours and then when I feel like you're going to circles I will let you know cuz guess what I don't mind listening I like listening it's fun i learning to listen and play games or watching TV or movie

[Sy****]

Sub here who needs a lot of attention. My sub space flourishes when I feel safe and secure. Lack of communication - unless known ahead of time (ie busy work day with meetings, etc) directly shatters that sense of security and puts me back in independent mode.

For me, it’s impossible for me to be submissive in that dynamic and I move on. Not everyone is wired this way, and it took me a long time to recognize this is something I needed. So I’ll walk away because that relationship isn’t going to fulfill my basic needs.

[Ta****]

Establish expectations around communication. I never go dark part way through a conversation and always pause things with a message that for X time I'll be busy.

Having a joint calendar really helps then you can see when they might be quiet. I share my work schedule as well so there are known times I might be quiet.

I also have what I call a "safe emoji." Each person has an emoji they can send when they are busy or unable to communicate. I use ones we would never use in another context so it has that sole meaning to us both. Its a way of saying "I see/hear you but I'm unable to communicate right now, but I will when I can."

At a deeper level, when things are more established, having deeper conversations about things that cause the self-doubt and what can be done to mitigate it.

[Fu****]

Reassurance and show your sub and communication is key so dissappearence shouldn’t be a thing unless it’s been communicated where the Dom has disappeared to..try communicating it’s amazing what it’ll do never be afraid to voice your feelings or thoughts because what he doesn’t know he can’t act on in my opinion anyways

[ho****]

Creat a controllable problem. It could be something small like cross stitching, crochet, or something bigger, like chickens small business. You can constantly be bothered with the crap in your head, or you can direct it outward into something positive.

[jo****]

This is such a good question and includes this key point: the sub has to tell me that she is an over thinker. I have the opposite issue with this, specifically, not having a clue until the sub has already spiraled into panic and/or depression. I have learned to make that question (or some probing questions to help discover it) as part of the courting period before I engage with a sub, but I still miss it!
.
Looking forward to getting more ideas and insight. Thank you for asking this!

[Su****]

Hi, fellow sub and overthinker here! The right person/dom will listen to you when you say you’re an overthinker. I always make it clear that communication is important. If they’re headed to work, a quick text or voice note suffices. They should be able to give u an estimate of when they’ll be available to text again. This gives my brain the power to be like, “okay, they’re doing their thing, it’s my time to focus on me. Exercise, work, hobbies. Fill this time with what you like to do. Make your dom proud of your day to day accomplishments (you might even be rewarded). It’s really not a hard thing to communicate and reassure. If they’re failing in this department, it’s time to have a talk and reflect on your goals together within the dynamic.

[bi****]

Well you acknoweldge them, hear them and find three simple structured ways and time to have them speak their mind, give a specific time carved out and be present at that moment, caress them, pamper them in no sexual no judgemental an environment.. and give enough time like a month to show consistency... have measures to address one off inconsistencies and make them feel secure.. conversations and empathy play key roles in handiling an over stimulated, apiralling sub and to make sure the sub is also rediprocative accountable and refrain from overthinking have sets of rilule6and punishments designed specifically to keep them in check too..

[hu****]

I try to remain calm and remember my role and station and channel patience.

[HuPigSquishy]

Anyone who is able to express that part of themselves is self-aware enough to know their needs and their own mental health. Personally, I see that as a positive because you cannot change what you do not know, and it shows that they have taken a lot of time to get to know themselves.
As far as I would handle it, communication and understanding is absolutely the key. The greatest weapon in battle is *** of the unknown. When you can conquer the *** because you know what is real, and the person demonstrates understanding it helps promote a deep level of connection. Validating how they feel goes a huge way and overcoming their ***.
To put in a different context to try and make this make sense. Something‘s wrong with your car, I don’t know what it is, I don’t know how much it’s gonna cost, which car is undrivable let that *** setting in.
It’s a flat tire it’s gonna cost $20 suddenly it’s not a big *** because you know what it is and you understand the problem all because somebody took the time to tell you what you did not know; even if it’s a $2000 fix you can still face the problem a lot easier when you know what you’re up against. But you’re known makes it so much worse because it becomes your worst ***.
Communication goes so far.. understanding is really where it’s at because it validates being heard and knowing that your thoughts and feelings is matter. No different than a mechanic, describing the internal workings of an engine to you and telling you what’s wrong… if you don’t understand.. it doesn’t help you.. tell you that it’s a $2000 fix.. and suddenly the language makes sense because you understand it

[la****]

Hi…I’m not a sub yet..but I deal with overthinking and social anxiety, so here goes:

1. REPLACE ANXIETY WITH GAMES: You can set rules and activities for her to do when she feels anxious, so even if she is not receiving a text or a call she has an instruction to follow and she gets the connection by proxy. 😊

2. is really a work from with in, you as a Dom can give assurances but is good to work with the idea of: not all the actions of others are directly related to you, so the fact that you don’t call or don’t text doesn’t mean “I don’t want to call you” it means “the days is filled with activities unrelated to the relationship” .

3. TALK, talk about dynamics and direction of the relationship.

Hope it helps ❤️

[Fu****]

Understand what is upsetting my princess and solve it

[ma****]

What you’re describing isn’t overthinking, it is dependence and anxiety. As a dom, I love dependence, but anxiety is no good for anyone. If I were your dom you would hear from me regularly, and I would also let you know in advance large windows of time I am working and you won’t hear from me. I also like to make those times fun. Send me pics and videos during that time, try to make me regret not checking my phone at work.
Don’t let this put you in a doubting place. Chances are it’s just life getting in the way of your Dom, but also your Dom can do better. That’s a then problem, not yours

[Di****]

Keep their minds occupied, mix it up, give them somethibg to focus on...
Give them tasks
Introduce protocols
Require check-ins
Chastity
Wearables

[Ca****]

For context I'm a situational sub which means I'm very dominant in my day to day life that being said.

I’m also an overthinker, and I know that sometimes it makes things harder than they need to be.
When communication drops for long periods like 8+ hours or even days I can start spiraling into self-doubt. It’s not about wanting constant attention; it’s about needing a basic level of reassurance so I don’t lose the connection that we’ve built.

When I give someone any kind of control or dominance, it creates a sense of emotional vulnerability. That can make me feel a bit clingy or dependent, even if I don’t want to be. If we don’t know each other well yet, the ambiguity can make my mind run wild.

I’m not asking for nonstop messages I just need some consistency or a heads-up if you’re going to be unavailable. That kind of structure helps me stay grounded and keeps the connection strong instead of letting my overthinking wreck it.

If the communication stays inconsistent for too long and I keep feeling unheard, I eventually reach a point where I have to pull back for my own peace of mind. I don’t want to do that, but sometimes it’s necessary.

[Ma****]

I’m not going to try and over complicate things here in my response but to make it simple it pretty easy. Understand what each other wants and why. Understand what the boundaries are and why. Have complete transparency from the very beginning and communicate often on what you are feeling, wanting and why. Doing those things in the beginning builds trust and confidence in both parties of the relationship.

[bi****]

Hugs are the answer. Subs go all quiet, the voices in their head stop when hugged and cuddled. Its really easy too. So you just need to guide them to hugs when they start thinking, draw the focus from whatever they are thinking into a need for a hug.

[Jo****]

I am overthinker myself. I try to make the next apointment before leaving the session. This way till that moment I rest asured.

[Sq****]

Positive rein***ment, being consistent, and most importantly being genuine with all of the affirmations. A single dent in any of that is a significant risk of knocking whatever was built all over. The other factor the Dom has to have in a dynamic like that is the goal of healing damage from other things; NOT fixing the individual. Only to support them fixing themselves to work through it. That is critical to maintaining something healthy in a dynamic like this.

[El****]

If he is not naturally leading, you will not naturally follow. There should be a match of energy with the power dynamic. He should be taking care of your needs, even emotionally, just as you are taking care of his.

Are they able to communicate through the workday? Are there attempts on their part?

This is where the brat in me comes out. Negative attention is better than no attention. After a few (NOT several) attempts of communication without comprehension, and brattiness, with no action of solution?

I will become emotionally distant, in turn becoming physically distant until I lose all attraction. I don’t feel owned, worthy, valued, protected.. if I have to second-guess where I stand in someone’s life, I’m already halfway gone.

I also get stuck in my own insecurities and self-doubt. It’s a big part of being a submissive, unfortunately, and part of the reason we search for a Dom.

A (perhaps wise) Dom taught me respect is mutual, and regardless of a D/S relationship, we are still equals. My feelings are to be heard and valued just as much as theirs. A Dominant is to make their submissive, feel valued, protected, worthy and safe.

Reassurance is important.
Communication, comprehension, consistency, and effort. It isn’t much that is needed,

I’m an Overthinker as well. To make matters worse I am not to discuss my feelings until after he has showered and eaten. So I’m left to stew in my own insecurities until HE is ready to talk to me.. I’m struggling with this part…
And turn, I also feel unheard.

I understand Dom’s have their own struggles as well. I can’t imagine it’s easy to open up and feel *** with such a powerful dynamic. But this is where we are adults and we all communicate…

Make sure your Dom is the one for you.
I’d rather adjust my life to their absence, then adjust my boundaries to their disrespect.
I’m naturally submissive, and insecure. I often need to validate my own worthiness. Find a way to praise myself…

If your feelings are not being heard or validated, then your feelings are irrelevant to them.

I’m sorry this is so lengthy… Clearly, I’m going through a similar battles of My Own…

From one sub to another, I hear you, and you are a Good Girl for expanding your horizons in search of solutions 🤍

[Ca****]

I’m an overthinker, and I know that sometimes it makes things harder than they need to be.
When communication drops for long periods like 8+ hours or even days I can start spiraling into self-doubt. It’s not about wanting constant attention; it’s about needing a basic level of reassurance so I don’t lose the connection that we’ve built.

When I give someone any kind of control or dominance, it creates a sense of emotional vulnerability. That can make me feel a bit clingy or dependent, even if I don’t want to be. If we don’t know each other well yet, the ambiguity can make my mind run wild.

I’m not asking for nonstop messages i just need some consistency or a heads-up if you’re going to be unavailable. That kind of structure helps me stay grounded and keeps the connection strong instead of letting my overthinking wreck it.

If the communication stays inconsistent for too long and I keep feeling unheard, I eventually reach a point where I have to pull back for my own peace of mind. I don’t want to do that, but sometimes it’s necessary.

[Me****]

If he is not naturally leading, you will not naturally follow. There should be a match of energy with the power dynamic. He should be taking care of your needs, even emotionally, just as you are taking care of his.


Are they able to communicate through the workday? Are there attempts on their part?
This is where the brat in me comes out. Negative attention is better than no attention. After a few (NOT several) attempts of communication without comprehension, and brattiness, with no action of solution?


I will become emotionally distant, in turn becoming physically distant until I lose all attraction. I don’t feel owned, worthy, valued, protected.. if I have to second-guess where I stand in someone’s life, I’m already halfway gone.

I also get stuck in my own insecurities and self-doubt. It’s a big part of being a submissive, unfortunately, and part of the reason we search for a Dom.
A (perhaps wise) Dom taught me respect is mutual, and regardless of a D/S relationship, we are still equals. My feelings are to be heard and valued just as much as theirs. A Dominant is to make their submissive, feel valued, protected, worthy and safe.

Reassurance is important.
Communication, comprehension, consistency, and effort. It isn’t much that is needed,
I’m an Overthinker as well. To make matters worse I am not to discuss my feelings until after he has showered and eaten. So I’m left to stew in my own insecurities until HE is ready to talk to me.. I’m struggling with this part…
And turn, I also feel unheard.

I understand Dom’s have their own struggles as well. I can’t imagine it’s easy to open up and feel *** with such a powerful dynamic. But this is where we are adults and we all communicate…

Make sure your Dom is the one for you.
I’d rather adjust my life to their absence, then adjust my boundaries to their disrespect.
I’m naturally submissive, and insecure. I often need to validate my own worthiness. Find a way to praise myself…

If your feelings are not being heard or validated, then your feelings are irrelevant to them.
I’m sorry this is so lengthy… Clearly, I’m going through a similar battles of My Own…
From one sub to another, I hear you, and you are a Good Girl for expanding your horizons in search of solutions 🤍