Advice on how to get the right attention.

[ki****]

There's someone I'm interested in, and we've hooked up more than a few times. We've also established a consenting brat/brat-tamer dynamic. However, I don't feel comfortable pushing his boundaries outside of the bedroom.

How do I let him know I'd like more of his attention without crossing boundaries or coming across as demanding or too needy? When I wait for him to text back, it usually takes multiple hours to hear anything back.

I'm open to advice or constructive criticism, but please don't assume or insult right out the gate. Thanks! 🐰

[Gr****]

Communication is key with anything. Whether it’s personal or professional if the other party knows what one person wants you are much more likely to get what you want.
If you would like more of his attention without overstepping your boundaries, start simple and small. Ask him to go to the coffee shop with you for a while, go to the park and walk together, find out what his interests are and see if they’re similar to yours and then talk about them. All these little steps add up if it’s meant to be he’s going to become more and more interested in you naturally, past the bedroom boundary’s. You’re two best friends for this are going to be communication and time.

Hope this helps all the best to you.

[Bo****]

Interesting about a relationship?

[Deleted Member]

At first ask him and find out if he is ashamed of his own sexuality and gender. Does he has a different position/opinion in private but is a no show / no touch person in the public?. Then you know if he is it worth to invest and push him more.

[Tr****]

If he doesn’t want to show you the attention you need, fill the gap with someone else and be sure he gets to see what he’s missing out on. I know that would get my attention…

[li****]

It all comes down to direct communication. However, I don't think your chances are very good. It totally sounds like he's interested in hooking up and nothing more. If he wanted to give you a different kind of attention, he would without you having to influence him.

[ul****]

I agree with someone else comment: communication and little steps.
Tell him clearly and nicely in private you would like to expand the dynamic out of the bedroom, then invite him for a coffee or walk and tease him a little watching his reaction closely for any discomfort or amusement.

[sa****]

We have a better chance of hanging are self than a women carrying like when was the last time they did I'll tell you never because we're the one's expected to do everything with nothing but bullshit and heartbreak in return

[ki****]

3 minutes ago, sadstoner7051 said:

We have a better chance of hanging are self than a women carrying like when was the last time they did I'll tell you never because we're the one's expected to do everything with nothing but bullshit and heartbreak in return

Thank God I'm not a woman then. 🤔

[Sp****]

I think sometimes Simplicity is the key. Why not send him a text message and say something like hey maybe we should go out and get a bite to eat sometime? Or phrase it differently like if you're hungry anytime maybe we can go get a bite to eat stuff like that get you in a different place that isn't the bedroom and at some point you have to have something to talk about

[t4****]

What were the original terms/guidelines of the arrangement you two have? Does he ever show signs of being interested in more than fuck buddies or FWBs? Do you two hang out before/after hooking up? Best advice I offer is that if it’s a FWB situation, invite him to hang out or do something - as friends. Feel out how he reacts, then if he agrees how he is while hanging out. Otherwise, be direct and state you’d like to be friends in addition to the benefits, or ask him on a date.

[t4****]

I had a FWB situation turn into dating. It kinda naturally segued into dating. Unfortunately we broke up after 8mos primarily due to her deep-seated problems she’s been dealing with for most of her life. Fortunately we’re still friends but… I miss really miss dating her.

[Lo****]

You talk to him and tell him what you are thinking, feeling, wanting, and ***s with sharing. It can only work out for the better for both of you.
Even if he says he doesn't want any of it then you know you tried and can accept and/or move on. If he agrees then even better.

[Dr****]

Dudes ☝🏿 advice up there 😂. Just talk to him about it. Throw it out there. Guys aren't very complicated we actually might be thinking what you are and we just can't express it, so it really makes things hard because we expect women to express themselves 😂

[pi****]

1 hour ago, Lokilow said:

You talk to him and tell him what you are thinking, feeling, wanting, and ***s with sharing. It can only work out for the better for both of you.
Even if he says he doesn't want any of it then you know you tried and can accept and/or move on. If he agrees then even better.

I'm reading her not him

[pi****]

I'm reading her not him

[Am****]

Ask if he would be into something like that with someone maybe, don’t tell him it’s you. But also some men want different dynamics with different ladies.

[Tr****]

On second thought maybe the guy was just a little confused at first and needed some guidance to get comfortable with the dynamic. I’m sure he’s eager to try new things with a partner like you. He might have been worried about smothering you by texting too much but if he knows you like the attention I’m sure he’s happy to get the green light to give you all you want and more.
As far as boundaries go, you’re the brat and he’s the tamer: you push things and he’ll discipline you when you get too rowdy or too close to a boundary of his, that’s part of the fun. In short, just communicate what you want to try and the worst thing that could happen is you get a polite “no, let’s not”.
I bet he’s pretty open minded though, don’t be afraid to push his buttons and act like a spoiled brat to earn a spanking or two…

[LookingAbout256]

It's possible you're overthinking things, so it may be that just going for it and lightly teasing and bratting outside the bedroom is the way to go.

[wo****]

I think you get lots of good feedback from the replies thus far. Regarding the “without coming across too needy” part I think you allude to a good example of you doing that in your OP. Sending a text and not getting a reply back for several hours from the person we are really like can be disheartening or anxiety provoking. You alluded to the way to avoid coming across too needy by waiting for a reply despite hoping for one sooner. If you were to have sent multiple texts instead of waiting there’s a very good chance it would have come across as too needy. So cudos to you.

Sitting with negative emotion (anxiety, etc) is unpleasant. If we were to do something like sending multiple texts rather than waiting it comes across as too needy.

[Bi****]

I recently finished my D/s / vanilla open relationship. This was due to me wanting better communication and time together. Just be honest with how you feel. Open the conversation and discuss if there's a solution you both can come too. It's only then that you'll be able to move forward either way.

[Deleted Member]

It’s great that you’re being so mindful of his boundaries. That respect is actually what makes these dynamics work long-term.

Since you already have a foundation of consent, the best move is to have a check-in outside of the bedroom. You can simply say: 'I really enjoy our time together, and I've noticed I'm craving a bit more interaction during the day. I don't want to overstep your space, so I wanted to see how you feel about more frequent check-ins?'

This moves it from being needy to defining the relationship parameters. You deserve to have your needs met, and asking for clarity is the best way to do it.