sa**** Posted January 8 Who's into them and why? It's pretty dark and you're not supposed to like them, but my hypothesis is that many people do. At least at first, which can start off very intense. Also, people often mistake others for being narcissists when they might not be. Many people have narcissistic traits or levels of it, but NPD is when someone has an over abundance and it requires testing/diagnosis. So, if you're fairly certain you've been with one or think you are truly into them, let's discuss it. Sidenote: I am one myself and for some reason I end up dating or seeing many women with BPD, so can anyone explain that? š
Ze**** Posted January 9 Not a woman however I am a bpd haver. I won't speak for everyone but for me it's a mix between genuinely believing I can fix narcissistic people, and it reminds me of how I was raised, so it mimics normalcy and with how life is constantly changing it's almost...comforting? Like at least I know to be on my toes with a narcissist, with people who don't have narcissism I feel like I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. As they say, better the devil you know rather than the devil you don't.
js**** Posted January 9 Well you wonāt know you are with a narcissist until you are deeper into the relationship. They wear a mask and pretend to be everything you ever wanted while slowly changing things about you to fit their mold. Once you start to catch on you are deeply involved now and walking away isnāt always an option. Iād say the main reason most people end up with one is because they did not know or could have known what they were getting into.
Me**** Posted January 9 A lot of people fall for narcissist because they donāt know their own boundaries America is a country where weāre not really taught our boundaries. Weāre not really told to figure out who we are as individuals. Weāre told who we should be. Weāre told who we should hug weāre told who we should talk to especially as kids weāre not really given a choice or opportunity to discover or figure out what we like and donāt like And by the time we do, weāve already had our fair share and runs with narcissists, and some people fall into pitfalls, and some people are in families who cannot escape them. And most of those people fall for the same kind of narcissistic *** because the other person sees The fact that they have been conditioned to feed the narcissist because they donāt have boundaries and they donāt stick by their boundaries they let them get pushed. The fact of the matter is is that narcissists are praised here theyāre not really shunned as much as they should be but also, I think the word narcissist is thrown around a lot when thereās not narcissistic situations, and I think a lot of people who do that are narcissist themselves who try to say that other people are being narcissistic so that they can point the finger off of themselves which does happen quite a bit Buck up on your Boundries. If you need help, I have worksheets. I teach classes on this, especially for the kink community.
ey**** Posted January 9 Narcissists are actually really rare. There are of course people who have narcissitic traits, or are just damn selfish, etc but it's a term ends up getting thrown about a lot - even if it may be underdiagnosed.Ā Ā Ā I think other than I "I can fix him" people wouldn't be specifically drawn to a narcissist, but like a lot of relationships happen organically and it might be for example that any confidence, or air of status, etc is mistaken for being something it's not.Ā Ā But also a little bit in kink... "I am the most important person and you will treat me as such" is a common role for some Dominants - which doesn't necessarily mean they're ultimately a narcissit, but you could see how someone wishing for an all-powerful/all-knowing Dominant might fall for that. Given folk with BPD tend to fair better with validation and stability, they are more likely to mistake the narcissists confidence as something it's not.Ā Ā
ti**** Posted January 9 As someone already said above, healthy immovable boundaries are the true defense against becoming ensnared with a Narcissist, and essential for a (mentally, spiritually, physically) healthy life in general. They are typically masters at observing, and mirroring you. Remember they are emotionally dead inside, so they are able to take a sort of third person perspective on the emotional landscape where they aren't themselves invested (for which they lack the capacity to do). This is all while they are acting like normal people with feelings. During the love bomb phase, where they really get the hooks in you, they do such a convincing job portraying/embodying you to yourself that you essentially fall in love with yourself (this is the answer to "how could I fall in love with that monster?"). Depending on where you were with yourself when they found you (not very good considering the lack of boundaries that made this phase possible in the first place) that can be an incredibly intense experience fueled by oxytocin, dopamine, amazing sex, and an overwhelming feeling that you found your person (which isn't totally wrong considering you fell in love with yourself). That is a high that is hard to describe, and is the basis of the trauma bond that begins to form the first time they go cold and in many cases disappear for days, weeks even months without explanation, without response, without regard which leaves you in a state of withdrawal that actually registers as physical *** like coming off of heroin cold turkey. Only for them to show up, unannounced, and act like you're overreacting and that you're being too sensitive. And the make up sex happens, and the pattern repeats, and the love bombing, the incredible highs, then boom vanish a week later. As I learned much later, it's almost always the case that when they vanish from you, they are going back to another "supply" (because that's all you will ever be to them, an energy source) to start the love bomb phase again with them. Some have more than two. That's what a narcissist is.
TimberTara Posted January 9 Narcissist my kryptonite, they always look beautiful. How can you resist them?
ti**** Posted January 9 1 minute ago, TimberTara said: Narcissist my kryptonite, they always look beautiful. How can you resist them? Boundaries
Sa**** Posted January 9 HealingNPD YouTube channel is a phenomenal resource for quality information on NPD and pathological narcissism.
Eb**** Posted January 9 I got snared by one of them once. She wasn't the most beautiful but her persona was wonderful... Or so I thought... Long story short, I lost a few years to her but now I'm free since a couple of years.
Wh**** Posted January 9 Your not 1, if you are claiming to be a Narcissist. A Narcissist is incapable of reflection, taking accountability for the shit things they do to people, and would never publicly admit they are flawed. I think you need to do more research on the subject and seek professional guidance to determine your true diagnosis if you are having mental health or relationship issues.
SirAES Posted January 9 So... If I ask myself the question: "Am I a narcissist?" then I'm not a narcissist? And then no matter what I do or how I behave after that, it can be described as many things but I'm safely "Not a Narcissist"? Interesting...
ti**** Posted January 9 You only like a Narcissist until their mask comes offā¦. Once you see their true identity itās impossible to like anything about them. The only thing you ālikedā was fake anyway.Ā
Th**** Posted January 9 Tinkerbellek; šÆ my guy was so narcissistic I felt it a challenge to see how far I could go with him. Until he started to get emotional n then tried to blame me. I had a better time breakin him now, he's not happy back with his ex n I'm sure he is still thinking about me. Hey so be it. I had my š
SirAES Posted January 9 And Narcissism is what, exactly? Psychopaths have a physical abnormality, a lack of mirror neurons and reduced activity in the amygdala. Sociopaths have similar traits but usually brought on my trauma and they feel guilty and shame. Narcissism is.... š¤·
ti**** Posted January 9 16 minutes ago, ThomTosser8- said: Tinkerbellek; šÆ my guy was so narcissistic I felt it a challenge to see how far I could go with him. Until he started to get emotional n then tried to blame me. I had a better time breakin him now, he's not happy back with his ex n I'm sure he is still thinking about me. Hey so be it. I had my š Scared little boys under it all. But extremely toxic and mind bending be careful. Iām sure he is still thinking about you they hate it when you get one up on them !Ā
so**** Posted January 9 4 hours ago, SirAES said: And Narcissism is what, exactly? Psychopaths have a physical abnormality, a lack of mirror neurons and reduced activity in the amygdala. Sociopaths have similar traits but usually brought on my trauma and they feel guilty and shame. Narcissism is.... š¤· It's doing anything possible for external validation.. almost mirror the psycho.. šÆ self motivated and totally disregard for public or family sentiment
wo**** Posted January 9 12 hours ago, TimberTara said: Narcissist my kryptonite, they always look beautiful. How can you resist them? Introspection. Things such as early life experiences and the way our family dynamics imprinted a map that we carry in our ***, affects our thinking and behavior. This includes influencing relationship choices. One way to understand ourselves at a very basic level is recognizing whether we have an internal or external locus of control. Internal- belief you influence outcomes through your own actions. It leads to growth by taking responsibility. External- other people or society are responsible for what happens. Inhibits growth, fosters blame and resentment. Internals own the part they played in a situation. Externals blame others. Blaming vs. Assessing Blaming is fault finding and shaming others for things in the past. Assessing is being neutral while figuring out what happened and looking at accountability to problem solve moving forward. Using an external locus of control and blaming leads to resentment and defensiveness. It inhibits growth and leads to staying stuck in the same patterns and cycles. Higher anxiety and other negative emotions are experienced. Using introspection and an internal locus of control to assess things promotes growth and better decision making. Not just with narcissists, with everyone. If you are driving while using directions to avoid narcissists, but arenāt aware of your blind spots, you are liable to be a reckless driver even with perfect directions.
SeduceMySynapse Posted January 10 I donāt like being chased. They donāt chase. I donāt like too much touch. Theyāll give nothing then a lot. Itās likeā¦. U never know what ur gonna get! I like the unexpected. I donāt like just getting what I want, I like to earn it or beg for it. Narc ppl seem to do thatā¦ and i can handle it. I love the love bombing. Then getting g nothing and wait for the next hit!
SeduceMySynapse Posted January 10 I love how honest and open u are about being one. I canāt answer ur question but I hope u find answers.
ma**** Posted January 10 Narcissists are the ultimate fake dom wannabes. They have incredibly weak and fragile egos, so they have a need to project dominance. Because they're pathological liars and have zero shame, they're extremely convincing, and unfortunately many people falls for their act and think they are Dominant, when in reality they are the *complete opposite* So it's not that there are people who "like" narcissists, it's that the narcistics fool people until thinking something that they are not (at all). NPD is a mental health disorder which is just as bad as schysophrenia (if not worse), and people with NPD are not only terribly toxic but also incredibly self-destructive.
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