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Munch Notes/Agenda - Narcissists - 12th August 2021


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Munch notes/agenda - Narcissists - 12th August 2021

Host : @lil-monster

Contributor : @lil-monster


1. Where does the word narcissist originate from?


• The term originated from Greek mythology, where a young man named Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water


2. What is Narcissism?


• it’s the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one’s idealised self-image and attributes



3. How do narcissist choose people?


• They know what to look for in others they know what to pray on and hunt for


• Narcissists choose people who have a quality that they don’t have themselves I.e compassion, empathy, good looks, intelligence, wisdom or any other good quality in a person


•Narcissists tend to seek out others that have extrinsic qualities (fame, beauty, success) that they value, thereby increasing their own worth. Doesn't mean they don't have those qualities. Nor does it mean they're consciously hunting for a certain type.


4. If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, what can be left behind within that person?


• Lack of confidence

• Self doubt

• Self blame

• Difficulty trusting someone

• Difficulty choosing a healthy relationship

• Emotional turmoil


5. What are some of the signs of a narcissist?


• They lack empathy

• Grandiose sense of self-importance

• Needs constant praise and admiration

• Can live in a fantasy world

• They need to win and or feel superior

• They like to be centre of attention all the time 

• Sense of entitlement

• Exploits others without guilt or shame

• Frequently demeans, intimidates, bullies, or belittles others


6. Can a narcissist ever change? 


7. Does anyone know what NPD stands for? 


• Narcissist Personality Disorder


•Important to know the difference between someone with narcissistic "qualities"(which we all might have) and the problematic disorder. Someone might be narcissistic and not have the qualifications for the personality disorder.



8. What is gaslighting?


• Gaslighting is a form of emotional *** that’s seen in abusive relationships. It’s the act of manipulating a person by forcing them to question their thoughts, memories, and the events occurring around them. A victim of gaslighting can be pushed so far that they question their own sanity.


9. Do you know where the term gaslighting comes from? 


• The term "gaslighting" comes from the the play/movie "Gaslight," in which a man manipulates his wife into thinking she is losing her mind.


10. What type of relationships or where can gaslighting occur?


• Couples

• Within the work place 

• Friends

• Parents

• Doctor/patient

• Racial 


11. What are some signs that you are being gaslighted?


• No longer feeling like the person you used to be

• Being more anxious and less confident than you used to be

• Often wondering if you’re being too sensitive

• Feeling like everything you do is wrong

• Always thinking it’s your fault when things go wrong apologizing often

• Having a sense that something’s wrong, but being unable to identify what it is

• Often questioning whether your response to your partner is appropriate (e.g., wondering if you were too unreasonable or not loving enough)

• Making excuses for your partner’s behavior

• Avoiding giving information to friends or family members to avoid confrontation about your partner

• Feeling isolated from friends and family

• Feeling hopeless and taking little or no pleasure in activities you used to enjoy


12. How can you get help if you're in a relationship with someone who is a Narcissist or gaslighter or abusive?


• Seek professional help and support

• Talk to family and friends

• Collect evidence incase you need it

• Report the person to the police

• Make sure you have network of friends and family around you for support


13. Have you yourself ever been in a relationship with an ***r, or know someone that is/was? 


14. How did you break free from that relationship and what help did you seek?


15. What are some forms of ***? 


• Domestic ***/physical

• Sexual 

• Psychological or emotional

• Modern Slavery

• Discriminatory 

• Self neglect 

• Financial

• Child ***

• Most of time in an abusive relationship there will be more than one type of *** going on


16. Do you believe you can come out of an abusive relationship and just fall right back in to another without realising? If so why do you think it happens? 


• You get conditioned to believe that's all there is to a relationship

• You get worn down to feeling that, that's all you're worth

• You think no one else will want you because you're damaged goods


Wow thanks for discussing this very interesting, it’s hard to tell what traits are from a real Dom and what are narcissistic.
This has been so helpful in assisting me to realise what a toxic relationship I have been in and how important it is to stay away from that and look for the red flags in the future. Thank you!

lil_monster, this topic has highlighted to a friend of mine how she was being manipulated, and when she reflected upon the circumstances, she realised just how bad the situation was.  It took me quite some time to get her to realise how she was losing her self esteem and how she, as a well educated lady, was being driven down.  She was moody, was full of self doubt, but still craved what the dominant was wanting from her.  More people need to be aware of the cretins that do this sort of thing.

The other thing on a much wider/broader view of this kinky life is, that it has some very real dangers to it, and those dangers can be as you have laid out in para 15.  But as a result of these forms of ***, especially if it has happened on more than one instance with various dominants, is that it can lead people to the point of *** because they are emotionally damaged beyond repair, in their own eyes.

Dominants need to build up the self esteem of submissives, they need to rein*** that EVERYONE is SPECIAL in their own way, and that to shut yourself away from contact only allows these feelings of inadequacy to fester - so talk with others, build trust, but above all, be careful and look after yourself.

There is one other point I would like to see added to para 15, and that is elder ***.  Just because we get old, it does not turn the kink link off, and there are youngsters out there that will take advantage of an older member of this lifestyle, especially if they can be used as daddies/mummies. 

It’s very scary how a narcissist can get under your skin and change you from a sane confident person to one that doubts herself i so wish I could warn all of the bloke on here that is like this but don’t want to break any rules but naming him. Just can’t believe how much the experience has got to me really.
On 8/25/2021 at 7:24 AM, kinkysub4dom said:

Wow thanks for discussing this very interesting, it’s hard to tell what traits are from a real Dom and what are narcissistic.

Kinkysub, you should be looking for a dominant that wants to get to know you, builds trust, approaches you with respect, and during your contact with them, they show and maintain consistency with their comments and moods.  IF you get someone that fits all of this then there is a chance of them being an honest, open and real/true dominant.  Kinkysub, this is not going to be an easy process though, and it will be time consuming, frustrating and draining, and there will be a chance that you will have to kiss a few frogs along the way, BUT don't give up and don't give your heart completely UNTIL you find that someone who thinks your SPECIAL, and who has earned your submission. 

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