Our Top Tips for Attending your First BDSM Munch

Whether you're new to BDSM or an old hand, you might be interested in attending a BDSM munch to meet and chat with other kinksters like yourself. But how do you go about it? Victoria Blisse answers all your 'first munch' questions.

What is a BDSM munch?

Simply put, a BDSM munch (or kink munch) is an informal social gathering of people into BDSM and with other fetishes and kinks. The name ‘munch’ is derived from ‘burger munch’, and as such, it often happens in pubs and sometimes in cafes or restaurants, and no kink play is usually involved.

What is a munch for?

At a BDSM munch, you get to meet other kinky people in a laid back, social environment. It's the perfect place to jump into your local BDSM scene if you've never been to any events before and is also great for people who've been on the scene forever. Munches give space to kinksters where they can just chat and get to know each other away from dungeons, BDSM and sex clubs.

At BDSM play events folks are often busy with scenes or have space to talk. There's also the pressure of organising play, and so the conversation can often revolve around that. At a kink munch though, play is off the table as the venue is more than likely vanilla.

Going to your first munch

Before heading to your first BDSM munch, there are a couple of things you can do to prepare yourself.

Read the event listing

You'll find useful information about what dress code is expected, behaviour policies and even what mascot to look for when you get to the pub, so you know you're talking to other kinksters and not the knitting group!

Dress appropriately

If you’re worried about what to wear to a munch, not all will specify a dress code, or they might just talk about 'vanilla appropriate' clothing - but what does that mean? Basically, anything you'd usually be happy walking into that venue in - e.g. clothes you'd wear in your day to day life. A BDSM munch is not the setting for wearing nothing but a latex thong and nipple pasties. Think about what you'd wear for a casual drink or meal with mates when you're planning what to wear.

What to do at your first kink munch

What is a munch for if not to chat? However, remember that kinksters have boundaries too.

Keep conversation appropriate

A BDSM munch is a social event so start your conversations with questions you'd ask anyone on first meeting them. How are you, have you been to many munches before? How's your day been? General sociable questions like that. When a conversation is established, then you can ask more BDSM orientated questions like 'Are you Dom, sub or a switch?' and 'What kind of play do you enjoy?'

Don't use honorifics without permission. People don't want to be called 'Sir' or 'Mistress' if they're not in a dynamic with you. The opposite is true too, don't expect to be addressed in such a way by everyone. People have very different dynamics.

Don't go around asking everyone if they want to play with you

This will get you a bad rep. A munch is a great place to find play partners, but it isn't a play partner supermarket! Simply put, keep conversation all about other people. Being sociable is what a munch is for, not just to find someone to indulge your fetish or kink.

Never touch another person without permission

Ask a person if they'd like a hug when you say hello or goodbye. Consent is essential in vanilla settings too. Never, ever spank, pinch, kiss, grope or otherwise sexually touch another person at a munch even with permission. Munches are held in vanilla venues, often with other vanilla people present. If you act inappropriately for the setting, you may get the munch banned from the venue.

What is a kink munch like?

It's basically a vanilla social event. You might be with kinky people, and you can have an open conversation about kinky things when you get to know them, but your setting is vanilla, always keep that in mind.

The most nerve-wracking thing about going to your first munch is walking in the door, so maybe bring along a friend to make it a little easier. Don't be afraid to ask questions, everyone was a newbie once and do circulate and talk to different people. As long as you're polite and respectful, you'll have a fantastic time chatting with other kinksters just like you.

Victoria Blisse was an erotic author and sex-positive Reverend. She helped shape fetish.com and FET from the very beginning and we're eternally grateful for her passion and creativity. Sadly, she passed away in January 2024. We hope that whenever her articles are read, she'll be honored.