How to Get (Your Feet) Wet in the Fetish Scene, Part II: Munches

Navigating the fetish scene in your local area isn't always easy, but luckily you have munches to help guide the (wicked) way. So, if you're just dipping your toes in the fetish and kink scene, here's part two of Fetish.com's munch guide. No doubt you'll still have questions... so, we've got the answers!

So you read part one of our munch guide and now you've finally found the nerves to get in touch with the local fetish scene and RSVPed to your first munch. It's the day of the event and you're flooded with questions, from what you should wear to how you should carry yourself.

Don't freak out! Here's a step-by-step guide to dealing with those first munch jitters, and answers to all the questions you can't ask anyone else.

What should I wear?

Normal clothes. Munches are held at family-friendly, vanilla establishments, (unless you're attending a munch hosted by a dungeon, as is sometimes the case in places like San Francisco).

While some full-time slaves wear collars around the clock, overly obvious fetwear is not expected of the munch attendee. Munches are social events, not play parties.

People will believe you're a Dom, even if you're not dressed in head-to-toe black, I promise. The fetish is about being welcoming, not exclusive. We need not label ourselves with a leather “kink” patch.

How will I find the group?

Some munches post specific in-venue whereabouts in their event listings, such as “far right corner in the back of Starbucks.” Other groups put some sort of telltale on their table to help attendees easily identify them (like the Chicago littles munch that uses a rubber ducky or stuffed ***).

Occasionally, group organizers will list their physical description or outfit details to further assist in finding them. But more often than not, you will have to lap around the cafe before spotting anyone.

Make note of parties larger than four and don't be afraid of making friendly eye contact. Kinksters are welcoming and generally will see you before you see them. If all else fails, ask the host or hostess if any reservations have been made under the munch or organizer's name.

I still can't find anyone!

If you think you may be the first person in attendance, let the host or hostess know you're waiting for a group so that they can direct people your way once they arrive. Be aware of people who look lost or are searching the cafe, and again, don't be afraid to make eye contact or ask if they're here for the munch.

While kink events websites work hard to keep information current, some munches are run by individuals who don't send out cancellation notices or update location and time details. Keep the event organizer's phone number or *** handy if it's made available, and don't be afraid to reach out when in doubt.

Found them. How should I introduce myself?

That is entirely up to you. If you RSVPed to the munch on FetLife, attendees or organizers may recognize you from your profile photo (if it's of your face, as FL profile photos sometimes aren't!).

If discretion is an issue, use a scene name or pseudonym. This may feel strange or childish at first, but it's actually a common practice within the kink community. You are now among people who will accept you however you come, in whatever package you'd like to present yourself.

Feel no pressure to follow the ordinary gender and orientation norms that are often imposed by the rest of society. That being said, it is also perfectly acceptable to simply go by your real name.

fetish scene part 2
Being around like-minded kinksters is what makes a munch!

Will they ask me about my sexual preferences?

Maybe. But their queries will likely be invitational, and you're allowed to politely withhold any personal information you don't care to share.

While munches can be a great place to find out about a fetish you're interested in but not familiar with, their primary purpose is to serve as a social network for kinksters.

This doesn't mean that you have to spend the entire munch gushing about that awesome scene you did last weekend... but you can! For many, just being among people accepting of their preferences is enough.

Am I obligated to play with people I talk to?

Absolutely not. Unlike play parties, munches are not sexually-charged atmospheres. The vibes at munches are conducive for socializing, but that doesn't mean that one can't meet potential play partners there as well.

It's quite common to leave munches with a new friend, or just the feeling that you're now a part of a community that exists beyond your computer screen.

However, if the munch is taking place right before a scene party, this can be a great opportunity to get to know different attendees' interests and gauge whose mesh well with yours. In the very least, you'll now have friends to stick with at the party until you're comfortable enough to venture off on your own.

Stay in touch!

You now have friends and/or potential play partners to further explore the fetish scene with. Friend them on FetLife or exchange numbers so you'll have a pal in case you do decide to attend a play party.

The buddy system is very respected in the kink community, and a key to individual safety, especially when you're new to the scene.