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Thoughts on having a munch at a private person's home at night?


PickyPrincess

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PickyPrincess
Posted

Do you think it's a good idea to run a munch in a private home? What are the pro's and con's?

Typically munches are held at public venues. 

Posted
That's not a munch, it's a grooming event. The whole purpose of a munch is to be in public.
Posted
No it's not. Absolutely not. I can imagine someone might want too if they live in a community without public bars it might cross their mind. But the idea of a munch is lowbar easily accessible way to meet like minded people. Going to a persons house makes it extremely less neutral, harder to access and besides you cannot guarantee that person has ill intend or not. With a public Venue they want you and your *** back there, capitalism isn't great but at least you can order a drink in confidence.
PickyPrincess
Posted

What if the social culture was very conservative... similar to the Bible belt? 🤔

And people were nervous to go to something public?

Posted
I'm surprised at the negative comments regarding home munches. I've been opening my house for munches at various levels for nearly eight years now, with nothing but praise and gratitude from guests. It's publicly-listed (as Sensations) and gatherings have ranged from a few folk enjoying a barbeque or hot tub on a summer evening to all-day play events. It's hard work for me and a few regulars, setting the house up, preparing nibbles and soft drinks, ensuring play is safe and that questions are fielded, and then clearing up afterwards, but some guests don't want to attend busy, commercial events or can't afford to. There's a more relaxed atmosphere - literally homely - and some find my events to feel safer than elsewhere. It helps that I possess an enormous amount of dungeon kit for guests to take advantage of. Without me and my home a lot of kinksters locally and afar would be limited to snatched play sessions when the children are with grandparents or paying a fortune for dungeon hire. Many don't want to risk being seen publicly, even if everyone at a conventional event is there for the same reason and the more intimate atmosphere allows opportunities to explore. Selective invitations might be considered a bit more worthy of concern (mine are always listed publicly and there are no bars on attendance) but that's a private party and not a munch.
Posted
I don't think there's anything wrong with the idea in principle - however there are a number of concerns about the practicality of it in reality.
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Firstly there's a level of trust required for both the host and attendees that it remains as a purely social event, that ***s aren't made of the hosts property etc - so may require some additional vetting in both directions.
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Then there's the element of neighbours and any impacts on them, parking, a bunch of people turning up in fetish wear etc.
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Who's going to ensure security etc in case anything gets out of hand, or word gets around a "kink party" is happening even if it is purely social, and people turn up uninvited etc
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Cost of drinks/nibbles being provided
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Am sure there are others too - that said if one was held in a private residence it wouldn't immediately be a no to attending for me if I could see any concerns I had had been addressed but it would give me pause for thought.
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If you're thinking of hosting one OP perhaps the way to go would be to start small with people you know and trust locally and build it from there on an invite only basis to begin with.
Posted

there was a munch up here where the venue closed at short notice, and there wasn't a suitable alternative, so based on the numbers at the event and so on, someone didn't mind opening up their flat to them.   This may even still be happening, just not listed/advertised

so - here goes

Pros and Cons of having a munch at your house

Pros:
Private venue, people can talk openly without worry someone will overhear

Drinks are free/cheap

Food on demand, and a choice!

No worry of who is part of the munch or not

Not limited to closing time of venue or if the venue gets busy

Choice of background music/TV/lack-of everyone can enjoy

Toys can be shown, demos can be done

---

Cons:

you are essentially giving your address to strangers

if your gathering is too busy/loud then neighbours may complain

if it's your house, you can't duck out early if you've had enough

easier to get rid of folk if a "last orders" bell is chimed 

any mess/breakages you have to clean up rather than a bar

drink on tap may mean some people drink more than the should

harder work / more prep time 

Posted
If you are hosting - you are essentially opening your home up to anyone who cares to come. Seems like an unnecessary risk.

In addition to this - going to someone’s house is a risk if you don’t know this person. Esp for single women or smaller men (don’t blame me, that’s just how crime works)

Is this an established munch with a regulars crowd that can be looked on for support? How well are these people known to you.

The public setting of a munch also protects guests in the sense that things can’t escalate given the public nature of the venue and casual clothing helps make it more accessible.


Posted

The short answer is, it can be a good idea and positive act if it is done with care, thought, and safety. If it is done without awareness or responsibility, it's clearly a bad idea before it has even begun.

In the pagan community, the equivalent of a munch is called a moot, and before I started helping run the Central Lancs moot (which took place in various rented/"public" spaces) my home was host to the slightly more local Preston moot. Granted you don't have the inherent kink/sexual aspects of that sort of group that you would at a munch, but then again at most munches and moots people are primarily there to mingle, socialise with, and get to know like-minded folk rather than partake in any of the particular activities they might have in common.

There are a lot of translatable factors I feel I can speak about from experience. A pub moot or munch can get noisy and expensive, plus you often have unpredictable outside factors (other non-attendee people) to contend with. Sure, with a house venue you don't always know everybody who is turning up, but that's why you don't give a person your address until they've contacted you and said they're planning to come. Often our local communities aren't all that huge anyway and most people will already know or be able to vouch for somebody else - that tends to be how people hear about things in the first instance.

We never had a problem with anything going missing (almost... I once had £180 disappear from my wallet which my ex swears must have been taken by one of our moot attendees, I am certain for various reasons I won't go into here that it was actually her who took it). Folk came through our door and whether we knew them or not they had our trust and free reign of our house.

Yes there was an expense as hosts in terms of putting food and drink on - but we almost always ended up having more stuff leftover when an evening concluded than when it began, from all the stuff folk brought with them and left.

Yes cleaning up could be a ***... but more often than not the last few people around at the end of an evening chipped in and helped anyway. Even if they hadn't done it would have been worth it for the warmth and great community sensations we were able to foster.

On top of that, when you have a couple of reception rooms, a hallway, a kitchen, and - so long as the weather was agreeable - a garden with a firepit going, nobody ever felt tied to one space for the evening. People could float around, move more easily between different groups and conversations. I suppose a counterpoint could be that it might encourage segregation, but I don't think that ever really happened.

I had a great time running house moots, and would honestly be quite happy to run a house munch - hypothetically - in the future.

Posted
6 hours ago, Aranhis said:

If it is done without awareness or responsibility, it's clearly a bad idea before it has even begun

not that this invalidates any of your point - but this is also very true about any munch anywhere

again locally we've had some short-lived munches which... it felt there was stuff the organiser wanted out of the events, without doing some of the work - including one picking out a venue which was FAR too busy (Saturday night, match day, near the ground, derp) someone who made it very clear the munch was about their status rather than actually serving a benefit and another one who'd done so little research they hadn't actually checked that the venue was open on the night they wanted to run... (or perhaps asked someone who'd previously used that venue for a munch, why they'd relocated out of there...) 

So this is defo a factor on all levels :) 

Posted
1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

not that this invalidates any of your point - but this is also very true about any munch anywhere

again locally we've had some short-lived munches which... it felt there was stuff the organiser wanted out of the events, without doing some of the work - including one picking out a venue which was FAR too busy (Saturday night, match day, near the ground, derp) someone who made it very clear the munch was about their status rather than actually serving a benefit and another one who'd done so little research they hadn't actually checked that the venue was open on the night they wanted to run... (or perhaps asked someone who'd previously used that venue for a munch, why they'd relocated out of there...) 

So this is defo a factor on all levels :) 

Touché, excellent point.

YorkshireBiker
Posted

I’ve not made it to a munch yet as I don’t feel I know any people well enough yet to put myself out there and I’d more than likely be attending alone. I think for me, I would probably be more at ease if it was as someone’s house instead of in an open public setting. 

Posted

If it was someone I knew undoubtedly.  Or someone I was close to who knew them and could 100% vouch for them then sure.

 

Anyone else any other time, aka a stranger or someone unfamiliar...

 

NO. Not ever.

 

Posted
Yesterday at 06:00 AM, typhoon2 said:
I'm surprised at the negative comments regarding home munches. I've been opening my house for munches at various levels for nearly eight years now, with nothing but praise and gratitude from guests. It's publicly-listed (as Sensations) and gatherings have ranged from a few folk enjoying a barbeque or hot tub on a summer evening to all-day play events. It's hard work for me and a few regulars, setting the house up, preparing nibbles and soft drinks, ensuring play is safe and that questions are fielded, and then clearing up afterwards, but some guests don't want to attend busy, commercial events or can't afford to. There's a more relaxed atmosphere - literally homely - and some find my events to feel safer than elsewhere. It helps that I possess an enormous amount of dungeon kit for guests to take advantage of. Without me and my home a lot of kinksters locally and afar would be limited to snatched play sessions when the children are with grandparents or paying a fortune for dungeon hire. Many don't want to risk being seen publicly, even if everyone at a conventional event is there for the same reason and the more intimate atmosphere allows opportunities to explore. Selective invitations might be considered a bit more worthy of concern (mine are always listed publicly and there are no bars on attendance) but that's a private party and not a munch.

Munches are not play parties, they are gatherings of kinky people in non kink settings

Posted
2 minutes ago, shortcake83 said:

Munches are not play parties, they are gatherings of kinky people in non kink settings

Play munches are very much a thing locally; my own events are sometimes play munches and sometimes non-play munches.

Posted
5 hours ago, typhoon2 said:

Play munches are very much a thing locally; my own events are sometimes play munches and sometimes non-play munches.

Great. It’s just not a munch. It’s a play party 👍🏻

Posted
On 12/20/2023 at 9:54 PM, YorkshireBiker said:

I’ve not made it to a munch yet as I don’t feel I know any people well enough yet to put myself out there and I’d more than likely be attending alone. I think for me, I would probably be more at ease if it was as someone’s house instead of in an open public setting. 

The premise of a munch is to be able to meet like minded people, chat and potentially make friends. Having been in your position, I get how difficult it can feel to go alone, but I can virtually guarantee that you won't be the only one. Even if you are, most of those there have been where you are. 

If you decide to take the plunge, there are things you can do to help which people here can advise you on, should you want the advise.

Posted
On 12/20/2023 at 2:55 AM, PickyPrincess said:

Do you think it's a good idea to run a munch in a private home? What are the pro's and con's?

Typically munches are held at public venues. 

Most of the pros and cons have been covered here I think, but personally, I don't think it's a good idea.

A munch is a big responsibility in any case, but I think holding it at your own home, particularly for strangers, adds to that responsibility.

I also wonder what implications it would have on things like insurance, should it be a munch open to all. Not to mention, your home is usually your safe haven. What happens to that if something happens at your munch?

YorkshireBiker
Posted
2 hours ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said:

The premise of a munch is to be able to meet like minded people, chat and potentially make friends. Having been in your position, I get how difficult it can feel to go alone, but I can virtually guarantee that you won't be the only one. Even if you are, most of those there have been where you are. 

If you decide to take the plunge, there are things you can do to help which people here can advise you on, should you want the advise.

I’ll always welcome advice, especially from people who have the experience and patience to offer it. My *** is 1 of 3 things would probably happen; my social anxiety would kick in and I’d back out and come home - I’d stand in a corner and not dare speak to anyone - or worse, I’d get too comfortable and say something inappropriate and alienate myself. 

Posted
3 hours ago, YorkshireBiker said:

I’ll always welcome advice, especially from people who have the experience and patience to offer it. My *** is 1 of 3 things would probably happen; my social anxiety would kick in and I’d back out and come home - I’d stand in a corner and not dare speak to anyone - or worse, I’d get too comfortable and say something inappropriate and alienate myself. 

A lot of munch organisers will host a pre munch meet for new people - a chance to meet fellow newbies and the organiser(s) ahead of a larger group arriving. Good hosts will then introduce you to munch attendees that you will likely have things in common with. Perhaps look for munches with an intro offered?

Posted
25 minutes ago, shortcake83 said:

A lot of munch organisers will host a pre munch meet for new people - a chance to meet fellow newbies and the organiser(s) ahead of a larger group arriving. Good hosts will then introduce you to munch attendees that you will likely have things in common with. Perhaps look for munches with an intro offered?

I have a coffee before my dance/social. Some people just come to that to dip their toes into the water. 

 

I'm a big supporter of BDSM socials (munches) though many of them aren't that welcoming to new people. When people come to mine I introduce them to someone, see how that goes, revisit and if the conversation has died down, introduce them to someone else. 

 

Having it in a private home is riskier to the host and the attendees. But there's no such thing as perfect safety.

 

Before the internet, I had socials at restaurants, and eventually I would invite people to my home. I didn't think of it as the same as a munch but sometimes they were socials as well.

 

At some point I would invite people to come to play because my home has equipment and hard points. Then it became a play party.

Posted
6 hours ago, YorkshireBiker said:

I’ll always welcome advice, especially from people who have the experience and patience to offer it. My *** is 1 of 3 things would probably happen; my social anxiety would kick in and I’d back out and come home - I’d stand in a corner and not dare speak to anyone - or worse, I’d get too comfortable and say something inappropriate and alienate myself. 

I can't and won't say that none of those things will happen; I myself had a panic attack and had to leave a rope meet this summer - it was just a bad day for me. 

But as I said before, there are things you can do: 

- Find a munch that incorporates an interest of yours. There are all kind of them - board game munches, cake munches, film munches, and so on.

- Once you've found one you think appeals, contact the munch host. Explain to them you're new, and have anxiety.

- As has already been said, most munches have a newbies time, to get acquainted with your surroundings, the host, and possibly other new people. 

- Set yourself a time limit. If you feel really anxious, but still want to go, just go for the first 30 min, for example. If you love it and want to stay, great! 

- Join the munch hosts group, if there is kne, and introduce yourself there. Perhaps explain that you don't want to go alone; you may find that you get to chatting with someone and can meet them a few minutes before so that you can go in together.

 

I hope something there helps. Good luck!

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