Does the husband always agree

[Frenchies]

We're a recently married couple, him relatively vanilla and she a trained sub when with a dom before.
If the wife has longings to be treated as a sub (possibly in a club for discretion) without necessarily involving her husband, should he agree ?

[Ni****]

Should be there, and onboard

[os****]

Yeah, girl should get what she needs!

[To****]

It's the couples' decision, whether to be in an open relationship or to let you play discreetly solo or while he watches.

[DeviantInside]

Um no. He shouldn’t have to agree… I mean none of us have to agree to anything if we don’t want to. Obviously there is more to it… if he doesn’t agree what does that mean for the relationship. Was this known before marriage. But ultimately if it’s an impasse for both people and no compromise can be made then it comes down to accepting different needs.

[Cade]

I have an adage I teach my subs that I think is prolific here: "No one can be someone else's *everything*." That being said, it is a decision you should make as a couple to seek outside experiences, and it's okay if you two don't agree. I think the bigger questions is: what to do if you don't agree? In this case, I think you two should discuss what is included in this outside interaction, why one of you wants this outside interaction, if that's a viable or selfish reason, and what are the consequences if they did go through with it. In the end, it might not be that big of a deal if doesn't effect your relationship. On the other hand, if it's going to jeopardize the relationship, other alternatives might be able to be considered.

[Scottishdombull]

I would say that your husband does not need to agree to this. I presume that in your marriage vowsyou promised to give yourself faithfully to your husband.

If he does not say thatagrees to your wish to go to this club that you mentioned or used as a sub by a dom who is discreet. That will be up to you to live by and reconcile with yourself.

Eventually your double life if you do decide to proceed will come back to haunt you

[Go****]

You can't own people! Just because you are instilling *** of abandonment to make them "behave", it doesn't change what they are... you either love them whole, or you don't.

[Ka****]

Sounds like you’re asking a moral question. Here’s where I’d say the morals are: don’t lie or hide. Whatever you decide to do, don’t deceive him. And then he owes you honesty too.

[Mr-J-Sir-To-You]

So, in a dofferent sense I am in a similar situation, I am a Dom, married with my wife being vanilla, and I love her truly, and love what we have, but after years of not getting my Dom fix she has openly said for me to go find a sub to play with, she did not have to do this and I didn't ask her for permission, she just openly made that decision that it is fine for me to do so and I make sure at every stage she is fine with it.

[ey****]

he should agree only if he is happy with the arrangement/proposal. But this ultimately feels like something maybe to have discussed *before* you got married.

[Frenchies]

7 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

he should agree only if he is happy with the arrangement/proposal. But this ultimately feels like something maybe to have discussed *before* you got married.

Her past was practically unknown when we married which is why it has been a surprise.

[ey****]

5 minutes ago, Frenchies said:

 

Her past was practically unknown when we married which is why it has been a surprise.

this suggests you married too early, or without sufficient communication/transparency

while you don't need to know every detail of every ex as to speak.  you do if it becomes relevant.

[Si****]

10 minutes ago, Frenchies said:

Her past was practically unknown when we married which is why it has been a surprise.

I think your marriage has started on the wrong foot tbh…
Madame should have opened up to Monsieur about her kinky needs before getting married…
As someone else said, it will come back and haunt you, possibly break your relationship…
I have faced this dilemma after 33 years of mainly vanilla marriage about 10 years ago…
I left to explore my kinky side…

[mi****]

Well maybe easy him into it, have any open conversations about it

[Frenchies]

Have no f@ars ! We understand each other completely thanks.

[ge****]

Absolutely no he shouldn't agree - not without a long open and honest conversation first, in which both of your feelings are discussed, including why you would like to be able to do this, whether potentially he could provide it with more understanding of your needs and a whole lot more besides.
.
And even then he shouldn't necessarily agree if he's not comfortable with the idea and you should be prepared to either accept that or accept that your relationship is effectively over before it's begun if he isn't comfortable with the idea.
.
You obviously knew about this side of you before you met your husband, and also knew that he was vanilla - so it does beg the question as to why you didn't have the conversation before you got married.

[In****]

I would say yes, but that’s generally a conversation to have openly with him as I might go beyond his personal boundaries. But that’s why I open discussions between partners are so important from both sides.

[Ar****]

To the OP, no absolutely not - if he is not okay with it. If he is, then sure. Bottom line is that neither of you ought to be doing anything the other does not give what we would term "enthusiastic" consent to.

 

For the benefit of other people commenting (some of you may have noticed the profile picture or checked their page already) this question has been posted from a Couples profile and it is the husband asking the question, not the wife.

[wo****]

2 hours ago, oshawa26daddy said:

Yeah, girl should get what she needs!

Are you going to keep singing that same tune when your partner (in op’s case it’s a marriage) decides to get her freak on in whatever way she chooses?

[Frenchies]

38 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

To the OP, no absolutely not - if he is not okay with it. If he is, then sure. Bottom line is that neither of you ought to be doing anything the other does not give what we would term "enthusiastic" consent to.

 

For the benefit of other people commenting (some of you may have noticed the profile picture or checked their page already) this question has been posted from a Couples profile and it is the husband asking the question, not the wife.

We concocted it together to post in the open Forum.

[be****]

Absolutely not. That’s not how a marriage works.

[li****]

He should know.

[li****]

My personal opinion is that open relationships need to be agreed upon at the very beginning. Otherwise it's not what they were signing for.

[Ar****]

1 hour ago, Frenchies said:

We concocted it together to post in the open Forum.

My apologies, I made an assumption following this comment,

 

3 hours ago, Frenchies said:

Her past was practically unknown when we married which is why it has been a surprise.

but hold my hand up. Wishing you a peaceful and mutually agreeable resolution to the predicament.