ke**** Posted Thursday at 08:49 AM I’ve for the longest time claimed to be dominant however in a discussion with a friend I realized I might not be and just have certain kinks that are normal dominant behavior. Are there different varieties of a Dom and it’s up to your interpretation? Is it something that carries over into your daily life? My dominant behavior begins and ends at the bedroom door. My friend said this A true dominant handles himself a certain way and every step of his dominance is in the best interest of the sub. He is her caretaker. He does everything to please her, build her up, and strengthen her. He is the ultimate support. It’s a daily life thing, it’s not just a sex thing. It’s not about inflicting *** or control, but rather seeing her blossom through measured guidance and security. If that’s the case isn’t he just a good boyfriend I thought the Dom liked controlling the Sub and the sub like be controlled/Dominated. I guess I’m just confused because I thought the dynamic remained behind the bedroom door
ge**** Posted Thursday at 10:32 AM There is no "one true way" when it comes to being dominant, or submissive for that matter. . It's a very individual thing that we each have our own way - sure there are some general principles around trust, respect etc that should hold true regardless of whether the relationship is D/s or otherwise - but beyond that it is down to the individual to decide what their dominance or submission means to them. . There are many many different types of dominant and submissive - again there are some fairly high level "types" defined but it's the individual who puts the flesh on the bone so to speak. . There's also nothing to say when and how D/s should manifest itself, for some it will be a 24/7 thing, for others a "just in the bedroom" thing and many other varieties in between. . So long as things like trust, respect, care, consideration etc are being observed and it's being practiced from a mutually consensual and agreed perspective by all concerned then that is all that matters.
TheBookCollector Posted Thursday at 10:38 AM People who use the words "true dominant" generally dont have a clue as to what a dominant is. Yes there are different types of dom, as much as there are different types of submissives. In a lot of cases it can spread into daily life, but in subtle ways that arent about getting into other peoples faces.
MS**** Posted Thursday at 10:44 AM i mean you can use the word in different ways but personally i think it’s used more for the control/ be controlled people but theirs deffinently other ways to be dominant that are hot
sardonicus87 Posted Thursday at 10:53 AM I'm in agreement with gemini_man on what they said but also want to add that a lot of people talk about "domination" when they really mean "topping" and submission when they really mean "bottoming". You can be kinky without being D/s. D/s is a relationship dynamic, not about whether or not you use the cane or take the cane.
ke**** Posted Thursday at 11:07 AM Author Isn’t topping and bottom referring to gay sex? I don’t know if I’m using to correct terminology and if I’m not please forgive me I’m not trying to offend anyone.
ge**** Posted Thursday at 11:10 AM 3 minutes ago, kennewick41549 said: Isn’t topping and bottom referring to gay sex? I don’t know if I’m using to correct terminology and if I’m not please forgive me I’m not trying to offend anyone. Topping and bottoming did indeed originate in the gay scene - but is also used in the kink scene now to describe positions for people where D/s isn't necessarily part of their dynamic. . For example you can be a sadist or masochist without domination and submission coming into the equation - it's purely about the act of inflicting or receiving a sensation.
kr**** Posted Thursday at 11:22 AM For myself and my sub, yes it's something that carries over into daily life. You can be dominant, and another can be submissive, but it takes time to make that D/s relationship people talk about. It's not just about dominance and submission, it's about trust and a mutual understanding of what the limits are.
Si**** Posted Thursday at 01:39 PM I have to agree with you’re buddy a genuine dom/sub dynamic involves an exchange of powers and when a sub give you there boddy to play with how you see fit then it’s your job as there dom to nurture them, take care of them and make sure there taking care of themselves! So if your only being dominant in the bedroom then I’d say your a top and not a dom!
ey**** Posted Thursday at 01:57 PM A lot of the "true Dominant" and "true sub" crap is just that. Crap. There are of course stuff where... people have ideas of what works and doesn't work for them in a relationship or dynamic. And, just-in-the-bedroom is fine. As is "I'm not a Dominant, but I enjoy these activities which are associated with being Dominant in a kink environment" Of course, don't tell people you're the Dommliest Dom whoever Dommed if your interest circles around play/sex - it's all about mutual expectations.
ol**** Posted Thursday at 02:25 PM May I suggest listening to the podcast Infinite Devotion with Andrew and Dawn. Tru don\sub had nothing to do with controlling it's all about polarity and our authentic state
Me**** Posted Thursday at 04:06 PM So some dynamics don’t care outside of the bed room and some people enjoy 24/7 it depends on the amount that both parties are choosing to invest in each other. To not be a 24/7 does not make it less than or more than it is just the dynamic of the individuals. To say that there is a way to truely dom I find that to be bottle neck gate keeping vibes. It is more how you mesh with the other party. I teach classes on this as I am in a 24/7 but my relationship did not start that way. We started out as top and bottom and it grew into something more both relationship and power exchange wise. We chose both to invest in each other and find the perfect symbiosis it is about working together in harmony finding that ebb and flow of power exchange. Some people can only give so much and some people want to give it all. It is your preference and how much you are willing to and wanting to invest not only in another person but in your own self exploration as well. My relationship goes outside the bedroom in a number of ways mostly through rituals and tasks. My submissive when texting me will always say domina in any sentence. My submissive wears his day collar necklace. My submissive will always state good morning and good night both online and in person as he wakes way earlier than me. But this is how our dynamic has evolved naturally through talks and conversation. We enjoy 24/7. We also understand that some BDSM lifestylers cannot do full 24/7 and we respect that. It is what you create with the other person through a symbiosis of power exchange. I hope that helps :-)
To**** Posted Thursday at 06:11 PM Honestly, this question trips up a lot of people There’s a big difference between enjoying dominant acts in the bedroom and actually being a Dominant. One is fun, sexy, and kinky; the other comes with responsibility. Think of it like cooking versus running a restaurant. Both involve food, but one is a full-time job. If your dominance starts and ends at the bedroom door, that’s fine… you’re a “bedroom Dom.” You give orders, tease, maybe even spank… and everyone has a good time. But outside, you’re equals again. That doesn’t make it any less real, it’s just a different flavor A lifestyle Dom? That’s someone who holds the emotional container for their sub, notices patterns, sets tone, and creates safety… without being a micromanaging robot. The sub feels cared for, guided, and secure while still being free to choose submission. so I personally prefer do not vanish when the scene ends. Keeping it contained where it counts makes it sharp, thrilling, and intentional …while still being someone my subs can rely on, every day. And honestly? That’s the real fun. but dont forget thats all how you like and how you feel …
ChocolateRopeBunny Posted Thursday at 11:05 PM I believe a lot don't understand that there is a difference between a Top and a Dom as well as a Bottom and a Sub. I am not sure if there is a glossary here but that may help you in determining what role you want to have.
ey**** Posted Friday at 08:22 AM 21 hours ago, kennewick41549 said: Isn’t topping and bottom referring to gay sex? I yes though.... sometimes language changes over time and this has been co-opted into kink. The correct term for what people call a "bottom" for example is a "masochist" but you say that and people will be like "no, masochist has to be into ***" - because the language has changed over time.
Me**** Posted Friday at 10:26 AM 2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: yes though.... sometimes language changes over time and this has been co-opted into kink. The correct term for what people call a "bottom" for example is a "masochist" but you say that and people will be like "no, masochist has to be into ***" - because the language has changed over time. I can tell you that some bottoms are not masochists and some of them like sensory play because they don’t like *** so that’s misconstrued. Essentially in the kink realm what top refers to is a person who does not want a dynamic, but wants to top a person within play And a bottom means the person will bottom and play, but they don’t have a dynamic. It is a great way of testing the dichotomy of a partnership before agreeing to be dominant and submissive. It allows you to figure out each other’s boundaries. It allows you to figure out if you are more of a masochist or sadist or more of a sensory player. It allows you to not put titles to things and jump the gun. I’m an educator of the kink community and if you choose to read a great resource is the new topping book and the new bottoming book they are like the Bible of the kink world enjoy.
ey**** Posted Friday at 11:57 AM 1 hour ago, MelancholyGhost said: I can tell you that some bottoms are not masochists and some of them like sensory play because they don’t like *** so that’s misconstrued. yep, but it's an example of language shift masochist, originally, was what we now call bottoms - the concept of masochists being into *** is a fairly recent change (as in last couple of decades.)
ra**** Posted Sunday at 02:45 PM Can you go to local munches? If so they are a great source for helping you figure things out.
ra**** Posted Sunday at 04:36 PM 33 minutes ago, kennewick41549 said: I have no idea what that is Local kink community gatherings… I find mine on fet life all one word not an app.
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