Most People Aren’t Built for 24/7 D/s. Prove me wrong

[To****]

Let’s be real…..Everyone says they want a Dominant who leads or a submissive who surrenders—until it stops being sexy and starts requiring discipline, accountability, and actual power exchange.

Bedroom-only D/s is easy. You turn it on, you turn it off, and nobody’s life really changes.

Full-time D/s? That’s not fantasy. That’s structure, hierarchy, trust, and consequences. That’s waking up every day knowing your role isn’t optional.

So here’s the question most people avoid………………Are full-time Dominants and submissives rare because they’re toxic…or because most people simply don’t have the strength, control, or surrender required to live it?

Let’s talk about it honestly:
1) If you claim you want 24/7 D/s, what are you actually willing to give up or take responsibility for?

2) If you reject full-time dynamics, is it because it’s unhealthy… or because it’s too intense?

3) Is bedroom-only D/s a smart boundary or a comfortable excuse?

If you’ve lived in real power exchange, not just played with the idea, speak up.

Everyone else…..Listen.

[su****]

this is an awesome nuanced conversation to have

[Mandilea4u]

I say keep the degrading disrespect for the bedroom. Just my opinion

[an****]

^ that’s what a lot of ppl fail to do. Is maintain boundaries within the bedroom and in public as a dom/sub relationship

[No****]

I have multiple health problems which get in the way of my being the submissive I want to be.

[gh****]

With any Dob Sub relationship I think a lot of time it comes down to how safe does the sub feel. If you can make her feel safe 24/7 I imagine she’d be fine with having you dom 24/7. As a dom being able to make it safe and appealing 24/7 to a sub is the challenge. You have to be quite the dom. Kind of next level in every aspect of life, I think.

[No****]

1) A full-time D is something I personally am looking forward to having. BUT in order for me to give my full-time vulnerability, so he can be a full-time D, I need a man who is willing to give up his ego and pride, so he can properly lead. I think that there are major misunderstandings when it comes to the definition or roles.

2) I guess that also depends on where someone is at in life. Mentally, physically, their surroundings, their lifestyle etc. To some bedroom only might be perfect while others need something far beyond surface level. I, for an example, do require something far beneath the surface. Something more layered and complex.

3) I think everyone's answer will be very different based on their needs and experiences. When you've tried to open up and consistently met the wrong partners, one may limit themselves to bedroom only. But to each their own.

[littlemiss37]

Sometimes 24/7isnt possible like if one has kids and or if one or 2 work.Meand and my bf met through here but I also did therapy to help me. I think some people even in here can make out there a d but they are toxic etc xx

[Ka****]

When sub says they want A or B 90% has to do with the (sad expectation) they have based purely on a fantasy.
In reality there are few people able to be in a 24/7 relationship and able to connect.

[Am****]

I’d like to be a 24/7 dominated in a relationship but I find not many females want that. Yes I I get their can be boundaries that are pre set and I can’t brake this no mater that I’m the dominant. But if I’m not breaking any rule/ boundaries she must obey/ lesson and do as told even if it’s in public or if she dosent want to in the moment. I haven’t had a relationship like this in years

[ev****]

I think it's important for people to remember what the core functions of their D/s dynamics are, and find healthy ways to bring those into 24/7 dynamics if that's the goal. 24/7 dynamics don't mean "constantly exhibiting kinky sex traits so that everyone knows we are D and s"... it can be as simple as committing to always following your moral compass in all situations... or prioritizing your partner's safety always... to always talking about your partner with reverence and respect.... to always wearing a discreet collar or other emblem. Those are just simple examples. 24/7 can totally be compatible with work, being around *** or other people not a part of your dynamic, etc.

[Am****]

I think the big challenge is trusting your partner no matter what they say. The females that wanted me to be a 24/7 dominated made me overthink if that was right and ok from a human being point but they often Thanked me. I often worried she was doing it just for my happiness.

[To****]

17 minutes ago, ghostsailor said:

With any Dob Sub relationship I think a lot of time it comes down to how safe does the sub feel. If you can make her feel safe 24/7 I imagine she’d be fine with having you dom 24/7. As a dom being able to make it safe and appealing 24/7 to a sub is the challenge. You have to be quite the dom. Kind of next level in every aspect of life, I think.

I always form a base relationship with potential subs over the course of a couple months. Sometimes more sometimes less.
I make sure to touch base with EVERYTHING to give me a better idea on how to be the most appropriate lead. So many things come into play, and it goes way deeper than kinks.
If you can really get to know the person to their core, and what truly makes them tick, it makes the full time job a lot more natural and rewarding. For your sub to feel safe and comfortable in your presence, no matter the situation, is the ultimate goal.

[Be****]

Really REALLY interested in this topic. I know what I envision in a full time D/s relationship but don't know how it would really look in reality.

In the bedroom there has to be a certain level of trust. You trust your dom for your safety and that he won't hurt you physically or mentally if that's a concern of yours. But it doesn't have to go any farther than that.

I think that living the lifestyle full time takes a lot more trust and sacrifice. I would have to trust my dom not only for my safety physically and mentally, but I would have to trust that he loved and cared about me to put my well being above his own desires. I won't be able to willingly submit to him outside of the bedroom if I don't trust that he cares about what's best for me in every part of my life, not just sex.

That is where the dynamic can take on a toxic, almost abusive role. If the dom is selfish and controlling not because he cares about his sub and wants what's best for her but simply because he can. As if he gets off on the power of being in control. Healthy doms I think enjoy the power, but they also enjoy the love and trust their sub gives them willingly, that is where the true power comes from.

Outside of the bedroom, my dom shows he cares by reminding me to eat, to get up and exercise, to stretch. He knows I don't take very good care of myself and I can go days eating nothing but a couple slices of bread. Sometimes I brat back, tell him I'm not hungry or I'm too tired. He will get more firm and remind me of my consequences if I don't do as I'm told. I can willingly submit to my dom without resentment when he does this because I know he's not doing it on some power trip but because he is looking out for me which is what I want him to do.

[Be****]

Would love to hear some more thoughts on this dynamic

[DeviantInside]

Living in a current 24/7 dynamic (and having done so in the past), we know our roles… or rather they aren’t really roles, just a natural part of who we both are. There are rules and structure (which my partner thrives off and I enjoy), but whilst the dynamic is always there it’s not always played upon (though it could be at any time). And for my part that takes a lot of consistency and clear communication (including listening). We are also both fully aware that real life has to come first. Whether through illness, work, company or any multitude of other reasons sometimes things have to take a back seat or it may be that I’m the one doing all the things she would normally do. We also enjoy each others company, whether playing games, watching whatever takes our fantasy or having a few drinks. We also find ways to maintain the dynamic in company that we both are aware of but no one else would pick up on. The other aspect of it is I encourage her to do healthy things and have her own interests and friends… because she’s a human being… shock horror I know… subs are human too.

[Go****]

Love being told what to do in the bedroom. Tell me what to do outside the bedroom and watch me laugh in your face lol. I value my autonomy a lot and don't appreciate being used as a doormat.

[Laycette]

I am looking for TPE again, it is very hard to find serious others.

[Su****]

I have lived and prefer to live in a 24/7 dynamic because of the expectations put on each of us. I want an Owner who expects Their pup to walk a certain way, talk a certain way, act in a certain way depending on the situation or protocol. Personally, it's about respect for each other and showing through action what you're willing to do and go through for the other person.

[al****]

I’ve read all the comments and the whole original post and I have to admit that I am a tad confused. What does everyone think a 24/7 D/s is??? What most are describing is not it. It’s not constantly being on point and told what to do 24/7. It is basically a power exchange where the submissive says, “okay I am going to look to You as the head of our household. You will be the final say on all decisions we make as a couple. I will offer up and give my opinion in a respectful way but what you decide is best for us will be the final say. If I don’t like something we will discuss it. I trust you to always have my back and look out for me and support me mentally and physically.”
I’ve done 24/7. It’s basically a 1950s marriage with the extra kinky stuff. You just amp it depending on your agreed upon terms. There can be kids in the dynamic because you keep the sex in the bedroom. My Master isn’t going to make me get on my knees and service him in the living room while little Timmy is watching Scooby Doo. Hell some people are watching too much 50 Shades of Gray. A 24/7 D/s power exchange is not toxic if you do it correctly. It’s not a kink it’s a lifestyle. Kink is what you do together IN the relationship. It’s the icing on the cake. The sexual activity. In our bedroom or playroom I’ll get tied up, blindfolded and whipped with a crop and then used however he sees fit. Because that is what we agreed to. During the rest of the day I am always myself. I have opinions and feelings. I get at him at times. We just deal with it differently. I just don’t use s e x as a thing to get my way or punish him as a lot of women do in vanilla relationships. My body is his to use when and how he wants. It all boils down to what you want it to be. As far as the honorifics go. That is something that can be discussed. I’ve said Daddy and Master in front of my son and he hasn’t run crying to a therapist. That’s because I explained to him that it’s a term of respect and devotion between two people that trust each other. I admit I don’t say Master as much, mostly Daddy but I don’t make a big deal of it if I slip up. Oh and I do wear a collar. 24/7. Only comes off for showering and emergencies. It’s discreet yes. But it’s there.
I’m not currently 24/7 in the sense of living together at this moment. But I am 24/7 owned. My son knows my Master and knows that I ask his permission before I do things.

[Go****]

14 minutes ago, aligurl80 said:

I’ve read all the comments and the whole original post and I have to admit that I am a tad confused. What does everyone think a 24/7 D/s is??? What most are describing is not it. It’s not constantly being on point and told what to do 24/7. It is basically a power exchange where the submissive says, “okay I am going to look to You as the head of our household. You will be the final say on all decisions we make as a couple. I will offer up and give my opinion in a respectful way but what you decide is best for us will be the final say. If I don’t like something we will discuss it. I trust you to always have my back and look out for me and support me mentally and physically.”
I’ve done 24/7. It’s basically a 1950s marriage with the extra kinky stuff. You just amp it depending on your agreed upon terms. There can be kids in the dynamic because you keep the sex in the bedroom. My Master isn’t going to make me get on my knees and service him in the living room while little Timmy is watching Scooby Doo. Hell some people are watching too much 50 Shades of Gray. A 24/7 D/s power exchange is not toxic if you do it correctly. It’s not a kink it’s a lifestyle. Kink is what you do together IN the relationship. It’s the icing on the cake. The sexual activity. In our bedroom or playroom I’ll get tied up, blindfolded and whipped with a crop and then used however he sees fit. Because that is what we agreed to. During the rest of the day I am always myself. I have opinions and feelings. I get at him at times. We just deal with it differently. I just don’t use s e x as a thing to get my way or punish him as a lot of women do in vanilla relationships. My body is his to use when and how he wants. It all boils down to what you want it to be. As far as the honorifics go. That is something that can be discussed. I’ve said Daddy and Master in front of my son and he hasn’t run crying to a therapist. That’s because I explained to him that it’s a term of respect and devotion between two people that trust each other. I admit I don’t say Master as much, mostly Daddy but I don’t make a big deal of it if I slip up. Oh and I do wear a collar. 24/7. Only comes off for showering and emergencies. It’s discreet yes. But it’s there.
I’m not currently 24/7 in the sense of living together at this moment. But I am 24/7 owned. My son knows my Master and knows that I ask his permission before I do things.

I'm understanding completely what it is and if that's what makes you happy go for it. But for me no one's gonna have the designated final say in any of my relationships. We make decisions together or not at all. Anything other than that is not for me.

[li****]

I have the impression that when sub men say they want 24/7, they just mean they want kinky sex 24/7.
In any case, it's important to remember that 24/7 doesn't automatically mean TPE. So in theory you could be doing certain things all the time without having to change every aspect of your life.

[lt****]

I dont know when it happend. But at some Point, i have choosen to make decisions. I realized very early its not about me always. When i decide on something it has to be a good one. That jump started my career in the military, making decisions that extend my horizon earn promotion slowly but they do aswell.

I started to realize it became less and less just about being kinky in the bedroom. When you find a girl that wears 24/7 your collar. That will require good communication about her needs and you need to understand its a gift. Something to be thankful for. So if you take the lead, make it a good one. 24/7 will probably lead to a relationship and for me hopefully to a wife that you can stay with together for ever. As you have a very strong bond for that amount trust.

So if you are gifted with 24/7, its the biggest gift your sub is giving you. Honor it respectively

[Ca****]

I have been in two cuckold relationships and being in full time chastity since 19 as such I don't have penetrative sex, I was available to give pleasure on demand and did so, so in that respect it was a 24/7 sub relationship. In reality most of the time we were just a normal couple, who had work , sleep regular things to do .

[ba****]

Your absolutely right as soon as disapline is involved count me out