Popular Post Se**** Posted February 6 Popular Post A genuine question. I’ve realised that most of my dynamics have never centred around a shared home. Not because I’m opposed to it, but simply because it’s never been how things have unfolded. Between distance, work, and time spent travelling, play has often happened in deliberately chosen spaces. Hotels. Neutral ground. A place where nothing else intrudes. There’s something about stepping into a space that exists only for that connection. No distractions. No history. Just intention. Time slows. The rest of the world left at the door. Roles settle more easily. Everything feels heightened because it’s been chosen. It feels curated. I’m curious how others experience this. Do you prefer shared domestic space, or somewhere deliberately set apart from everyday life? And does the where change how deeply you drop into the dynamic? SD
Me**** Posted February 6 I share a space with my submissive of 9 years. We play in the home and we have designated spots within the home as well. We have safe spaces to talk about if our head space is not right as well. It works for us both in a dynamic and as loving partners. When we are in a neutral space it takes him just as much time it is about headspace for him over the space we are in.
di**** Posted February 6 My Dom comes to my apartment. He has a key to come and go as he pleases. It’s an odd Dom/s dynamic as we are not friends, not in a relationship, and not dating outside of our sessions. Sometimes I wish it was in a neutral location as the sounds my neighbor hears is shocking, no doubt.
No**** Posted February 6 Our dynamic happens in my flat for various reasons. My Dom lives with a housemate and I don’t. We are dating outside of our dynamic but it’s 90% dom/sub 10% boyfriend/girlfriend. We have plans to live together in the future
Ma**** Posted February 6 It's an interesting question layered with multiple perspectives. If you have the time and the space then it is natural to develop dynamics within the home, but that hasn't always happened. Some individuals prefer a neutral space, and will gravitate towards this option perhaps out of habit or a desire to separate the spaces. There is 110% more expectation and deliberate movement within a neutral space in my opinion, than in a domestic setting (time factor is one main consideration). In other settings, the dynamic could only ever exist within the home and would otherwise be difficult to manage in a neutral setting. It definitely matters and influences the nature of the dynamic regardless of the setting, but I wouldn't go as far as to say this applies unilaterally to all dynamics. My experience has been that the setting may influence the dynamic in a significant way, but not always. For me, it is entirely dependent on the dynamic that you have and the structures and expectations you have in place, which I admit is a useless answer, but I do believe they *feel* different. Intention, movement, descreteness; curated is a good way of putting it. To answer your 2nd question, the feeling is difficult to describe, but I think a neutral setting allows both dom and sub to acclimate at the same time, whereas a domestic setting has one adjusting at a different pace to the other. Eventually you arrive at the same place; just a matter of time. It's a good question that others have widely expanded on. Thanks for sharing.
Go**** Posted February 7 My dynamics tend to be entwined with relationships, and so home is where play usually happens most. If we’re travelling, obviously that’s different, but we find that booking hotel rooms for play (on a regular basis) takes away from other fun experiences we might want. With my partner, I don’t find that the location makes a difference to our dynamic, I’m still able to be fully immersed.
Ro**** Posted February 7 In a well established dynamic, I prefer my space or theirs over a neutral space. I don't quite reach the same relaxed headspace. But then again, something as small as a different irritating texture of fabric can throw my groove off. I suppose it depends on the persons in the dynamic. Just as each person is unique, so are each dynamic.
pe**** Posted February 7 I find myself asking for “hotel sex” from time to time. It means I can let loose in a different way — no neighbors, no familiar pulls of attention, with extra effort put into curating the toys and outfits I want to bring. Home sex is accessible. Hotel sex is an event.
ey**** Posted February 7 the neutral third space is very common. Though there are pros and cons to it. It means in a lot of cases, those meeting only/mostly see the other person in role. This in itself can add to the situation and scenario - and it's comparmental, and switch off outside distractions. I do a lot of play in neutral third space, or sometimes not so-neutral, if for example it's with someone who has their own dungeon (either at home or owned) But on the flip - it can lack the spontanity when sharing a space with someone. But also lacks, commitment, and vunerability. The other person never has to deal with the other having had a bad day at work, or stressing about life, or so on so forth.
Ba**** Posted February 7 For me it’s more directly part of everyday life so i assume meeting at a third neutral space would be more of a date kind of thing, like going to a restaurant instead of cooking together and eating at home Also i’m not exactly swimming in deep enough $€£¥ to rent extra spaces regularly and i reached the “i could afford occasionally” stage fairly recently, so it’s more “not chosen but convenient” on my end
Th**** Posted February 7 As someone who's never been able to have freeing sex at home (due to age and living with family). I find it very freeing to go to a hotel! I don't have to worry about neighbors, or if there's is, that I'd never see them EVER. In someone else's home? It's still be freeing to be vocal, a house is easier than an apartment but never the less it's not MY neighbors I'm disturbing with noise 🤭 A personal home feels trapping if I don't know the person well enough. As a female it's a safety risk ingrained into my brain. And yes there is many ways to track a person but you still never want to be hurt. SO as long as I know the person, trust them with my safety away from society, then a home is perfectly fine with me! Hotels cost *** however and i know not everyone has the *** to even split a room. But, in situations like myself, where your own home isn't available, then some alternative is a must. A hotel honestly being the only legal option but I've had other ways 🙊
my**** Posted February 7 I want a relationship with shared space. I want a 24/7 relationship. I had one in my 30s but that fell apart slowly dissolving into nilla and ultimately imploding. Even in a shared space there has to be some down time. How much depends on your relationship. Ive also done the hotels and neutral space but being construction adjacent I know how thin those walls are. I can never be me because I’m afraid management will get a call and the cops will show up. At least in my home the neighbors might hear, but they know me and they won’t say a word.
Mo**** Posted Sunday at 04:24 PM Hmm, being new in my exploration as well as an empty nester. I feel more comfortable hosting from home after public meet-ups. It feels like I have more control and is encouraging for the dynamic I am trying to build. There's a safety risk to any type of meet-ups, and I try to keep that in mind. I am loud sexually also, but since I am so rarely active, I believe my neighbors are rooting for me. I do try and be discreet, though.
ra**** Posted Monday at 06:59 PM Sharing a space is something I don’t think people take enough time to seriously consider and make an intentional decision about before doing it. Once you’re all up in each other’s business with no personal space and add in complicated layers where you are relying on depending on each other not only financially, but for shelter, which is one of the very lowest levels on Maslow’s Hierarchy of human needs, the dynamic between you inevitably changes from one that you choose to more of one where you need the other person. Easiest way to fall into a cycle of co-dependency is for two people who have not spent time learning how to communicate and resolve minor conflicts to commit to share a living space. I mean, a gang bangs and glory holes sound great in theory, too but unless you’re willing to have some pretty open, honest, and awkward conversations, it’s bound to get messy and leave you feeling disrespected 🤷🏻♀️😂
ey**** Posted Monday at 08:18 PM 1 hour ago, raleigh953174 said: Sharing a space is something I don’t think people take enough time to seriously consider and make an intentional decision about before doing it. I've seen so many fall flat. Cos like they've had a Dominant (cos it's often the issue with the sub, especially male subs) where meetings have been more play/dynamic based and now they're living together and there has to be moments of vulnerability and it can't be 24/7 playtime. Amazing how many crumble with the fantasy.
ra**** Posted Monday at 09:25 PM 1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said: I've seen so many fall flat. Cos like they've had a Dominant (cos it's often the issue with the sub, especially male subs) where meetings have been more play/dynamic based and now they're living together and there has to be moments of vulnerability and it can't be 24/7 playtime. Amazing how many crumble with the fantasy. Happens so often when people mistake chemistry for connection. Crazy how often you see people moving in with someone with unrealistic expectations of playing house, then when it crashes and burns, they blame each other instead of even considering if they may have just made a huge decision too quickly.
ra**** Posted Monday at 09:29 PM On 2/8/2026 at 11:24 AM, MonaR said: Hmm, being new in my exploration as well as an empty nester. I feel more comfortable hosting from home after public meet-ups. It feels like I have more control and is encouraging for the dynamic I am trying to build. There's a safety risk to any type of meet-ups, and I try to keep that in mind. I am loud sexually also, but since I am so rarely active, I believe my neighbors are rooting for me. I do try and be discreet, though. I love this for you 😂 I still have two kids at home who spend every other weekend with their dad, and while I’m sure my 70 year old next door neighbor, Neil, might be rooting for me to some extent, I always worry about him overhearing things that would make him blush 🥴😂
su**** Posted Monday at 10:26 PM Intimacy and partnership feels better when it happens in your lair, yiu cannot open up your soul without opening your home. A hotel is good for a one night stand.
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