Learning your partner’s fantasies&fetishes

[xx****]

Have you ever had a partner want you to do something that you weren’t comfortable with or just didn’t appeal to you?
Did you deal with it in a way that satisfied their needs?
Please share your experiences with things that were outside your desire? Did it grow on you? Or did you draw a line and what did that look like and what happened?

[Deleted Member]

First, it’s important to clarify whether this action would go against my own limits, which will have been discussed (along with theirs). If it does, I don’t do it and reassess the relationship.
Assuming it doesn’t cross any limits, I would ask for time to consider it. I’d research and try to place what my issue with it is. Once I have a firm understanding of my own stance, I’d ask to discuss it with them. I’d want to know what they like about it, what they get from it, etc.
Then we discuss until we reach a conclusion everyone accepts. Also discuss any extra aftercare that would be needed, assuming it’s relevant.
To be clear, i have been in this situation and have both refused and done the act. Understanding and communication is essential.

[ra****]

You should listen to Dan Savages Good Giving and Game podcast. A couple different couples told me I was GGG and I didn’t understand that and the one couple told me to look up this podcast.

As long as it doesn’t hurt your psyche, is not a hard limit, may not turn you on what is the harm in trying it for them? I like to try things a few times… to know where i really am at with it and to get my partners off. I want them as fulfilled as i am or more.

[mo****]

I had a bloke once who wanted me to kick him hard in the balls and say to him you will never have ***! Now I know some men like this but he wanted the kicks to be as hard as I could kick. I did it a few times but he was younger than me and every time I kicked I felt sick so I left!

[cl****]

This is about enforcing your own boundaries with yourself.

[cl****]

Youre under no obligation to bend your limits

[ey****]

does it "not appeal to you" or is it against your limits

if against your limits, then a no is a no and no further discussion required.

If it simply "does not appeal to you" then it is worth honest conversation regarding this - and the context can then be key to your dynamic.   Because if this is something super important to them, but you're not really into it, it's gonna be an issue.   If it's something where you can both be content on a now and then, then OK.  But in a lot of cases it is a case of looking at the context

If you had an activity you really liked but your partner wasn't into it.... how would you feel each time you did it with a partner who was happy to do it with you, but you knew wasn't into it at all. 

[on****]

This really is a big “it depends” thing.

One of the scenarios that hasn’t been covered yet is the scenario in which the top is asking for something that is difficult because it is good for the bottom, or may be something they need or will enjoy — and/or getting them past their difficulties over it is part of the exchange.

It’s one of my favorite things, that scenario.

I’m asking for something hard to give. I take full responsibility for making it possible to give it to me. Through me, the sub/bottom has new experiences and grows.

The byproduct of this is trust.

[ki****]

I think that because after time it can become a little boring in the bedroom so I like trying new things, but people are different and may have harsher or softer boundaries. It depends on each individual and what they like and are willing to allow. I didn’t think I’d want to have a threesome when I first got with my husband, but we’ve been really excited about joining this community.

[At****]

Literally every kink relationship I have ever had. Yes. Everyone has asked me to do something I wasn’t into at least once. Spit on me smack my face call me names. Ect. Not into that. If we randomly took 25 kinks each from a pool some will overlap some won’t.

I’m not put off by but I’m not INTO age play. If I’m into the person and it makes them happy then I’m here to enjoy them not the kink. And what we’re doing is irrelevant if we’re bonding and trusting and happy.

There’s obvious limits. But for the most part if it’s not dangerous and doesn’t actively hurt or upset you. Give it a shot. And don’t do it reluctantly. Really get in there and explore it what’s the harm? At least you were the partner who tried. You might like something new or you might just enjoy how appreciative they are of your care for their needs.