Let’s face it; personal ads are hard to write. It’s challenging to work out what you want to put in about yourself and what you want to leave out. It becomes even harder when it’s BDSM dating. You want to be specific about your kinks but how much information is needed? What do you have to say and what will put off prospective partners? Fetish.com’s Victoria Blisse has some useful tips for writing a personal ad that will have you kinky dating in no time! 


Use all the space

There is a minimum number of words you need to write when you put your personal ad on Fetish.com. I have seen many ads where this isn’t utilised. No one will be impressed by the same sentence repeated five times or one sentence about what you want and a whole bunch of stars or plus signs. 

Don’t waffle on

This looks like it contradicts my first point, but it works in tandem with it. People want to see that you’ve put time and thought into your online dating ad, but no one enjoys reading vast chunks of text. Around 500 words is a reasonable upper limit to aim for. This gives you a couple of paragraphs to fill out with just enough information to get a person interested in knowing more. 

Don’t give it all away

The point of a personal ad is to get someone to contact you so don’t put absolutely everything about you in your BDSM dating profile. The perfect ad gives just enough information to make the reader curious to know more and send you a message. That’s the point you can start filling in details and making arrangements to meet up! No one needs to know your shoe size and what your favourite breakfast food is before you’ve even met. Leave that kind of detail ‘til later. 

Ask for what you want

You have an idea in your head of who you want to respond to your advert. It is best to specify this so that you will get fewer responses from kinksters you’re just not interested in. However, make sure there’s a good balance. You don’t want the whole ad to be about what you want. People will just read that and assume you’re selfish. At the very most you only want half the advert to be about what you want - the other half should be all about you. 

Profile picture

It’s not just all about what you write. The first impression a potential date will get of you is your profile picture. So think about what you’re putting in there. Body parts are good but keep the intimate bits secret at first. Yeah, we might be sex and fetish positive at Fetish.com, but no one wants to see your penis before they know anything else about you! In this, BDSM dating isn’t different from vanilla dating. You need to leave some things to the imagination…at least at first! 

Personal ads on Fetish.com
Wanna get a kinky date? Upload a profile pic.

Be positive 

It might be easier to think of what you don’t want in a potential kink date but put a positive spin on it. So instead of writing a list of what you don’t want, write a list of what you do want. Don’t write ‘no tall people’ instead ‘would love to date someone shorter than me and I am 5”9’. It’s the same thing, but the positive spin makes you far more approachable. Even your most dedicated slave isn’t going to be turned on by a personal ad with a whole list of no-nos in it!

Ask a question or two

The purpose of your BDSM dating personal ad is to get people reading it to send you a message. So throw a question or two in there. That gives them a reason to message you to tell you the answer. It can be as simple as ‘Does this scenario sound good to you?’ or as open-ended as, ‘so tell me, what do you want?’  It starts the conversation and shows that you are eager to know more about the person reading your ad. 

Spell check

When you’ve written your perfect ad, it’s tempting to hit enter and get that BDSM dating profile out there. But my top tip is to stop and re-read before publishing your ad. It only takes a minute or two, but you can pick up on a missed typo that might make all the difference.  Your BDSM personal ad is your window dressing; you want to make sure it’s all perfect so you can attract people in to read more and contact you. 

So what are you waiting for?  Write yourself an appealing personal ad and find a fellow kinkster for a kink date! 

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Thank you very much for this lesson in posting an ad.

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