Kink/Fetish in "Non BDSM" Dating Apps

[Su****]

Sorry if this turns out being a bit of a long one, but I appreciate the help and feedback!

Lately since self reflection I know what I would like to find and explore. (I’m a submissive and while I don’t per say want a relationship where I live my entire life beneath my partner as a slave, I definitely want to be in the bedroom aspect of it as more of a submissive if that makes sense. Idk how well I worded that lol)

My dilemma is that I still do often have a lot of anxieties about it, so I’m often unsure how to bring it up in a conversation/realistically am rarely the one to initiate it in conversations (although like I said I’d like to try and be more open about it). Even when I’d look for more vanilla traditional dates while I was in college I often felt uncomfortable flirting in a way that was sexual or hinted towards it. I usually tried compliments, or asking them a question about themselves, which either rarely got a response, or got me “friend zoned” fairly quickly. 

I definitely don’t think it’s something to open a conversation with, but when is usually a good time to bring it up? After a few dates, or sooner if they don’t. Is it also a bad idea to put something brief in a bio stated it as interest? I’ve seen many girls on Tinder include things like “kinky, or kink friendly” even seen some go as far as to mention BDSM or that they where looking for Dom’s (most tend to be submissive, although I’ve come across 2 outward Domme’s on Tinder in my time using it) in their bios and tried including something brief like that in my own tinder bio, before taking it down rather quickly cause I wasn’t sure about it. (If I remember correctly i think I said something along the lines of “Kink and fetish friendly, submissive” at the bottom of my bio.

My Tinder also did get banned without me having a reason a couple days ago, (several days after I took that out of my bio as well). So not sure if that had something to do with it or if it’s just Tinder being weird, (I’ve heard many stories of people getting banned for the craziest reasons, with out explain actions from tinder.) All the conversations I’ve had on the app I have yet to bring my “kinks or fetishes” up or anything sexual for that matter, so I’m have no clue if the brief stint I included it in my bio had something to do with it.

So, Is that a good idea to include that it’s an interest in the bio, but then proceed to try and converse with them how I usually do and see if they mention it, or wait till I’ve gotten to know them better/after a few dates to bring it up?

Again sorry for the length of this I’m just not sure about it/ how to go about it on other “non bdsm or fetish” dating apps. I appreciate the help and advice though as always!

[ey****]

I've got some mixed views but I guess a lot depends on what you mean or want 'in the bedroom'

I've found from some friends I thought were vanilla - that actually, women who do kinky stuff in bed is more common than you'd think.

So, in your case you have a gloves fetish and enjoy edging.  Neither is too far fetched.  You can write in a profile something like "One thing I admire in a Lady is a good taste in gloves, there's something elegant and stylish about nice gloves" - and for most people this is innocent and for some they will see this a sign of a fetish.

For edging, this is something you can probably raise with most people and if they haven't heard of edging you can explain what you like.  I guess a problem may very well be that you risk cuming outside of her, or cumming quickly once inside her and this may frustrate someone who just wants sex, so you definitely need a way/suggestion to balance things out.   Because your interest here, could be denying her what she wants.  But, this is just something to think about; it doesn't need to be on a profile.

If you are dating a lot to think about on when to raise stuff is how important is this compared to how much you like the person.  A lot of people will happily do or wear something for a partner they like; so the priority can still be around finding a compatible partner and building up your confidence via dating.

[Su****]

44 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I've got some mixed views but I guess a lot depends on what you mean or want 'in the bedroom'

I've found from some friends I thought were vanilla - that actually, women who do kinky stuff in bed is more common than you'd think.

So, in your case you have a gloves fetish and enjoy edging.  Neither is too far fetched.  You can write in a profile something like "One thing I admire in a Lady is a good taste in gloves, there's something elegant and stylish about nice gloves" - and for most people this is innocent and for some they will see this a sign of a fetish.

For edging, this is something you can probably raise with most people and if they haven't heard of edging you can explain what you like.  I guess a problem may very well be that you risk cuming outside of her, or cumming quickly once inside her and this may frustrate someone who just wants sex, so you definitely need a way/suggestion to balance things out.   Because your interest here, could be denying her what she wants.  But, this is just something to think about; it doesn't need to be on a profile.

If you are dating a lot to think about on when to raise stuff is how important is this compared to how much you like the person.  A lot of people will happily do or wear something for a partner they like; so the priority can still be around finding a compatible partner and building up your confidence via dating.

Thank you for the tip! I didn't think of framing it that way but it defiantly makes a lot of sense! Just tried adding it into one of my profile's so we'll see how it goes there! Appreciate it!

[st****]

Well that sounds fine to me let's get to know each other I think that I can teach you about the life style and help bring your anxiety level down you sound like someone that I would like to know as well as introduce to my current sub she would love a *** sub to get. In trouble with so write me and we'll talk

[Deleted Member]

You could also include something like.. looking for a strong partner who enjoys taking the lead. And then when said strong partner inquires you can have that discussion.