Creating a Local LS Organization

[Sn****]

I suspect that many of you have had a vet difficult time locating clusters of like minded people, who you dare meet up with. Or when you do, it turns out the group has been inactive for months or years. A good number of years back, I managed to meet up with a very solid group of people in Nebraska, and I could not have had a better example of what these clubs should be.

Well, now I’m in the same situations as always: unable to find a safe way to meet like minded folks. So, I figure if I want to have a group, I might just need to form one myself. This seems like as good a place as any to brainstorm for what is needed. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to comment.

1. Name of Group
1.1. Should be regionally identifiable
1.2. Should be vanilla so as to not draw unnecessary attention from the vanilla community, yet hold a hint of the lifestyle for those that understand the group.

2. Bylaws
2.1. There needs to be a charter that establishes the purpose of the group.
2.2. There should be a document that articulates the rules of acceptable behavior of members
2.2.1. Rules for coming to events
2.2.2. Rules for discussing the group in public
2.2.3. Identifies officers and their roles
2.2.4. Identifies important committees
2.2.4.1. Vetting
2.2.4.2. First meet
2.2.4.3. Munches
2.2.4.4. Program Planning
2.2.4.5. Special Events
2.2.5. Dues and Fees

3. Meetings
3.1. Location
3.1.1. Public accessible but reservable to avoid negative publicity.
3.1.2. Not advertised; only allowed vetted members to attend
3.1.3. All new members should have a chaperone/mentor for the first club meeting
3.1.4. A backup location (or 2) should be known in case the main venue isn’t available and use these alternative locations randomly to avoid unwanted attention at any one venue
3.1.5. Preparing venue to ensure privacy of those attending
3.2. Time
3.2.1. Should always be at the same time and day of the month
3.2.2. Should be rarely rescheduled as to avoid people getting confused
3.3. Content
3.3.1. Social period
3.3.2. Important announcements and business
3.3.3. Safety presentation
3.3.4. Topic Presentation(s)

4.Special Events
4.1. Play Parties
4.1.1. Ensure venue ensures privacy for activities planned
4.1.2. Establish and en*** rules to ensure tenants of Safe, Sane, and Consensual are

[Sn****]

4.2. Munches
4.2.1. Make sure participants meet minimum vetting requirements (need not be as strict as membership)
4.2.2. Establish whether or not family friendly
4.2.3. Make sure attendees aware munch is a social event, not a lifestyle event.

[ey****]

I get where you going, but it's a severe case of overthinking when you haven't set out the basics

Is there a demand for a group/meet/event/whatever in your area? If so, why isn't there one? How are you reaching people and bringing them together.  

Like, six people in a pub can be a perfectly good munch, but doesn't require roles, officers, fees, etc

how are you vetting people if you don't know people?

[Fi****]

Before going through all of that, have you checked for local events on Fetlife? I’m in Minneapolis and we have a very active community here, but I don’t know what it’s like where you are. I’m vetted for several groups here but none have ever charged dues, but parties usually cost around $20 a person.

[Sn****]

“…when you haven’t set out the basics…”) So, this isn’t an active plan I’m trying to work with. It’s an outline for anyone interested in creating a sustainable group, to use. A useful way to say that would be to ”Verify you have a real demand in your area before you start up a group.” Now, you you are trying to address me, under the impression that I’m trying to do something that doesn’t need done, that’s a different issue. See, there’s a psychological behavior among people referred to as Diffusion of Responsibility or the Bystander Effect. Where you might not try to solve a problem because…well, someone else will do it. Someone else will call the cops. Someone else will volunteer to chaperone the school trip. Someone else will get that shopping cart out of the road. We justify this avoidance by telling ourselves, we’re too busy, it’s not that important, I’m not qualified. But the bottom line is, it doesn’t get done.

“…why isn’t there one?”) Should be worded, outside of the outline, “Determine if the vanilla community in your area poses a risk due to over zealous religious groups or some other external factor that can seriously impact participant’s willingness to attend. Or if you think you are addressing this to me personally, that point borders on the level of being moot. There are an infinite number of reasons a group may have existed and disbanded or never existed at all. Maybe, the group was poorly managed (not having a well thought out means of screening people) and someone was allowed in who decided to out people. Maybe, the person with enough drive to lead the group moved away, had a stroke, or for whatever reason was no longer able to guide the ship and no one else stood up to take their place. It can be a *** in the ass to get people to stand up, even if they’re members of an organization. Just ask any Girl Scout group leader about getting someone to be cookie mom. Bottom line is, the why the are may have failed in having a lifestyle group is irrelevant. The only thing that is really relevant to this concept is population size and economic conditions. We know from studies that about 7% of the population identify as participants in BDSM. Look at your group’s hopeful footprint to determine your interest base.

“How are you reaching people”) This is a good bullet point in the outline, though it seems fairly obvious, the internet and sites like FET. Still a topic under maybe, 2.4.4.6. Outreach

How do you know people?) This one, unfortunately hints you may never have participated in a real organization of a serious size. If that’s the case, it’s not surprising considering how many seem to fold. I’ll speak on this in the next reply.

[Ku****]

I ran a munch on the outskirts of Portland for 9 yeas and can tell you that you are putting way to much control and parameters into it if there are no other groups in your area.

Your concept would make sense if there were a bunch of other groups. Then you could talk to the group members and creat a splinter group. This happens alot in Portland were there are one or two munches a day.

Find a place that can host the group first. Go there and check out the vibe.

Post about the event everywhere you want to. Understand that only ⅕ of the people that say are coming might show up.

Depending on how the are treated (IE if they feel wellcome) they will stay.

For my munch the group determined what the meet and greet was like. You can try to impost your control but unless you are knowledgeable or have great charisma. They are just going to leave.

[d_guglieme]

Suggested name: Naughty Nebraskans


Joking aside, I have a similar issue.

There is one group in metro Boston full of really nice people.

The defining kink is not really my thing. But, I really like the people.

Other groups have interesting events that I cannot get to for reasons of time or distance.

[Sn****]

The recruitment: I stumbled upon a group in Nebraska a number of years ago. The name made one think of group that might have bake sales or walk a stretch of highway picking up trash or support the local high school’s trip to the capitol. But where I found them let me know the group was about BDSM. There was a link to send an email with simple instructions for what to include. It explained the need for confidentiality as well as vetting. About a week later I was contacted over the phone. This was assessed and next came a meeting at a coffee house with outdoor seating and live music. I met a couple of nice ladies (both subs) at the shop, having seen the agreed upon identifier of a purple helium balloon tied to a chair at their table. We spent the evening chatting. I received a call from another lady, who I met at a restaurant for my second vetting interview. At the end of dinner I was invited to meetings. The only dues we paid were at each meeting to pay for the meeting site rental. Bottom line: it’s easy to meet people who may be interested. The hard part is making sure the people you meet are the type you’re willing to trust. And frankly, if I encountered a group that didn’t have a solid set of procedures in place or at least being worked out, I would avoid that group like a trafficking den.

Most groups involved in anything fail because of lack of participation. And that is the result of interest. The fastest way to have people lose interest is to let things look like a shit show. So, details matter; structure matters.

Not all the aspects of the outline have to exist for every group, nor do all activities have to follow the same standards as other activities. For example, you mentioned Munches. The concept of dues, related to a Munch was not tied together, but it could be in some fashion. So, if you were to use this outline as a basis for making your own group, you could simply write in under Munches, “$5 per person dues to be collected and donated to servers in addition to normal gratuity of each person’s purchase.” Or something like that. But having it established goes a long way to keeping everyone happy when the bill comes due.

[ey****]

just for my own standing.   I have been involved in the local community for quite some years (2013) I run a munch and have been involved in other events in the region.

And over the years, like, yeah - I've seen people try and fail and the biggest issue is they WANT to run an event and either there isn't the demand for what they want OR they are simply the wrong person for it.  A lot of the events really have been the answers to questions no one asked.

Equally there have been people who have set up events totally obliviously blind to what is going on in the area - and that sets them up badly also.

There are of course types of events there would likely be the demand for - but an often issue that those who have the motivation lack the means, and vice versa.  There's folk who've elected to open their own home dungeons and inviting select people round, rather than any form of public/community event - in those cases the invitees are pretty much people they already knew from the kink scene - but most of your checklist simply wasn't applicable - a lot really does boil down to what, specifically, do you want to do and what do you need to do it (other than enough people)

But there are also a lot of people running events that work - and they work because there was demand, and they were running for the right reasons, and the variables are specific to what they want to run 

The starting point is always to get involved in your local community. Always.  If there ISN'T a local community then a step back of kinda, ok, why not? And answering that question is key.