Completely new to femdom!Need help

[Zythania]

Hi! I am 22yr Female who's  completely new to BDSM and I dont had much good relationships and sexual life to begin with.i have always been obsessed interested in *** devices and sadism until I always loved watching people in *** devices .I always am very adamant and bossy around people and  can never be soft especially around men😅my relationship were never longer than a month.One of my acquaintance introduce me to Bdsm namely Femdom when I told him about my obsessive to *** devices to and I instantly like it so much that it can get me feel so good just watching videos especially being in the dominant side .I need tips and some guidance from where I can start.Thanks

Edited February 20, 2021 by Zythania

[Wo****]

Check out the Femdom forum and look into CBT... read up on stuff, talk to people.

[bh****]

Lowkey like this

[Mo****]

Well little girl, if your completely new to BDSM, and have limited life experiences, I question whether you are dominant. You should find a dominant with whom you trust, and begin your journey of discovery from a beginner's perspective. Careful, this life does have some dangers to it, and trust and respect are paramount in this life.

[Wo****]

12 minutes ago, MossyBoy said:

Well little girl, if your completely new to BDSM, and have limited life experiences, I question whether you are dominant. You should find a dominant with whom you trust, and begin your journey of discovery from a beginner's perspective. Careful, this life does have some dangers to it, and trust and respect are paramount in this life.

I respectfully disagree with this.

Limited life experience and being new doesn't mean she can't be dominant. In fact, she states she is. Some new, inexperiencedpeople know what they want to try.

Surely it's better to explore what interests her, maybe with an experienced sub, and to explore the path that she feels she wants to take?

And, please "We'll little girl" .... patronising much? If I've misread that, I apologise.

[Mo****]

11 minutes ago, Bounty said:

I respectfully disagree with this.

Limited life experience and being new doesn't mean she can't be dominant. In fact, she states she is. Some new, inexperiencedpeople know what they want to try.

Surely it's better to explore what interests her, maybe with an experienced sub, and to explore the path that she feels she wants to take?

And, please "We'll little girl" .... patronising much? If I've misread that, I apologise.

Bounty have you bothered to read her profile and see her roles?

[Wo****]

1 minute ago, MossyBoy said:

Bounty have you bothered to read her profile and see her roles?

Yes.

Out of the 5 roles, 3 are dominance related.

[Mo****]

Well when she leads with Baby girl, and has bi-passed the other categories to click that, then it tells me she is totally unsure, and with her clicking Dominant as her third role, after Brat, she only proves that point to me. Being dominant could quite easily be an extension of the Brat role. She says in her profile she is bossy, but bossy does not mean dominant, it leads more towards brat, at least in my opinion. So no I don't agree that three relate to dominance.

[Wo****]

4 minutes ago, MossyBoy said:

Well when she leads with Baby girl, and has bi-passed the other categories to click that, then it tells me she is totally unsure, and with her clicking Dominant as her third role, after Brat, she only proves that point to me. Being dominant could quite easily be an extension of the Brat role. She says in her profile she is bossy, but bossy does not mean dominant, it leads more towards brat, at least in my opinion. So no I don't agree that three relate to dominance.

They're alphabetically listed.

[Mo****]

Then that is even worse a situation.  To click as you work through a list rather than clicking on things that you think pertain to what you are.  She thinks that she is dominant and yet clicks on baby girl. If she had done this in error, she could quite easily have gone back and deleted that role from her selections. Plain and simple, this girl has no idea, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, because we all had to start somewhere to find ourselves.

So Bounty, over to you to give guidance and perhaps mentor this girl towards things.  You have gained a vast amount of experience in your time, so coming from you, you should be able to give her more specific things to look at in order to determine where her journey goes from here.

[Wo****]

@MossyBoy I agree with your first paragraph but I think the OP is expressing more interest in the dominant role.

Your second, not so much.

I've gained some experience but none really relevant to the OP, hence me advising checking out the Femdom forum, maybe looking into CBT and talking to people.

 

 

[Mo****]

3 minutes ago, Bounty said:

@MossyBoy I agree with your first paragraph but I think the OP is expressing more interest in the dominant role.

Your second, not so much.

I've gained some experience but none really relevant to the OP, hence me advising checking out the Femdom forum, maybe looking into CBT and talking to people.

 

 

Bounty, for us that have been here in this life for any length of time, we understand that it has some very real dangers to it.  Those dangers range from emotional damage and loss of self esteem, to physical damage, to financial damage, and ultimately death.  I personally know of one girl that died from being fisted and suffering internal bleeding.  So for me to say to a newbie, of any type  that has no idea, 'go for it' is never going to happen.  I will always urge on the side of caution.

Now I once remember reading a post from eyemblacksheep (I think it was) that he never put anyone through something that he had not experience first hand, because how would he know what his partner was going through.  This struck a chord with me, because up until that point I hadn't thought about it from that aspect.  I had previously thought about starting out at a set bearable point and building up to agreed limits.  So that changed the way I advised newbies into doing things.

[Wo****]

I haven't said "go for it" I've said find out.

For example.... read up on it. Maybe, and it is a maybe, find an experienced submissive into CBT (just an example) and see how she feels about it.

I agree that it's a good idea for any Dominant to at least experience what they do to/with a submissive as far as possible.

I'd never considered CBT, I've explored it with @Boldbald. II only considered it because he led me.

 

The OP also said she couldn't be "soft" with men. Maybe her little side would be better filled by a Domme.

 

[Mz****]

3 hours ago, MossyBoy said:

Well little girl, if your completely new to BDSM, and have limited life experiences, I question whether you are dominant. You should find a dominant with whom you trust, and begin your journey of discovery from a beginner's perspective. Careful, this life does have some dangers to it, and trust and respect are paramount in this life.

Patronising much? Not to mention rude, regardless of whether the OP is Domme, a top, exploring, or submissive, beginning anything you have to say with "well little girl" is totally inappropriate and rather creepy.

 

[Mz****]

12 hours ago, Zythania said:

Hi! I am 22yr Female who's  completely new to BDSM and I dont had much good relationships and sexual life to begin with.i have always been obsessed interested in *** devices and sadism until I always loved watching people in *** devices .I always am very adamant and bossy around people and  can never be soft especially around men😅my relationship were never longer than a month.One of my acquaintance introduce me to Bdsm namely Femdom when I told him about my obsessive to *** devices to and I instantly like it so much that it can get me feel so good just watching videos especially being in the dominant side .I need tips and some guidance from where I can start.Thanks

Read Everything you can find about the things that interest you be they kinks or states of mind, read some more, join in conversations on the threads and see things from as many different perspectives as you can, the more you understand what drives a masochist or a submissive, the more they'll want to suffer for you or to please you, or both.

Educate yourself on safety protocols,  safewords, consent, aftercare, self care, and red flags, learn some basic first aid. Don't let A/anyone tell you who you are or what you should do or be, follow your own path, make your own mind up about things..but be open to advice, and even criticism, learn from it.

Practise makes perfect,  invest in a few good tools, practice your swing and aim,  a pillow works well to begin with, sign up to online classes or workshops until Covid passes then look for some in your area, find a Munch as well if you can, make friends with local Dommes there you'll find most happy to share what they've learnt, and may demonstrate techniques for you, let you try impact toys etc, I've done that myself many a time at smaller events.

Read some more.

There is no mold, we are all different and unique, if it isn't fun don't do it, don't be afraid to say No, even to yourself..and enjoy the journey, don't rush to reach the destination, all experiences, even the bad ones are learning curves, embrace them all..and enjoy..but don't rush.

Don't confuse assertive and aggressive,  never "play" when angry, or under the influence, and know your limits as well as any potential play partners.

Good luck 🤞

 

 

 

Edited February 21, 2021 by MzJax
Added an extra point

[Mo****]

46 minutes ago, MzJax said:

Patronising much? Not to mention rude, regardless of whether the OP is Domme, a top, exploring, or submissive, beginning anything you have to say with "well little girl" is totally inappropriate and rather creepy.

 

Well WzJax that's your opinion and you are entitled to it.  If I was speaking to you that way then Patronising it would be, but you don't know what is in my mind, so please be a little less circumspect.

[qu****]

Zythania have you considered speaking to a Domme possibly in terms of being a mentor, so you can learn safely and also find out if that is indeed your role, this way you may even discover you want to be the submissive, only through talking and asking questions can you discover these things, and well done for making a start with this post instead of going in head first

[Deleted Member]

Loved reading all the replies and I have to confess that it’s got me all fizzy with my mind on *** devices and suffering to pleasure.......I was about to have breakfast but I think I need a cold bath first 🔥

[Mz****]

7 hours ago, MossyBoy said:

Well WzJax that's your opinion and you are entitled to it.  If I was speaking to you that way then Patronising it would be, but you don't know what is in my mind, so please be a little less circumspect.

I don't need to know what is on your mind, its obvious by what you put on the page..and I'll be as circumspect as I wish thank you, you seem to be able to say what you think, afford me, and E/everyone else the same courtesy.

[Deleted Member]

MzJax . I feel your positive thoughts and your advice was well written , because it offered solutions not insults. Zythania I wish you all the best with your journey into bdsm and hopefully female supremacy.Have fun

[ey****]

I think for some tips - learn about the *** devices and implements that interest you.  On how they work. How to use them safely.  What the other person "gets out" of their use.

This doesn't mean "try it yourself" but to learn about the mindset.

Like a lot of things, the timing could be better - because if you can visit a local dungeon there'll be plenty of people who are able and happy to show you things - and - you probably wouldn't be short of a volunteer, either

[Deleted Member]

***s and sadism are the high risk part of bdsm. Maybe you should start with a low key femdom stage and grow with knowledge and experience. As mentioned below, knowledge about the human body like nerves and vital internal part, like kidneys, are an important step. Exploding testicules are a regular entry in A&E booking examination.
Heart failure, head injuries, punctured lungs, crushed neck resulting in death etc... so make sure you are really willing to be that kind of Domme...

[Leisa]

Yesterday at 04:47 PM, MossyBoy said:

Well little girl, if your completely new to BDSM, and have limited life experiences, I question whether you are dominant. You should find a dominant with whom you trust, and begin your journey of discovery from a beginner's perspective. Careful, this life does have some dangers to it, and trust and respect are paramount in this life.

How dare you little girl anyone. That’s a disgusting way to try to “help.” Its degrading and demeaning. You call yourself a dominant (small cap intentional) yet you too started your chosen path somewhere and I highly doubt anyone called you little boy though you’re acting like one now. Check yourself before someone else does.

[HellDweller]

On 2/20/2021 at 5:52 PM, Zythania said:

Hi! I am 22yr Female who's  completely new to BDSM and I dont had much good relationships and sexual life to begin with.i have always been obsessed interested in *** devices and sadism until I always loved watching people in *** devices .I always am very adamant and bossy around people and  can never be soft especially around men😅my relationship were never longer than a month.One of my acquaintance introduce me to Bdsm namely Femdom when I told him about my obsessive to *** devices to and I instantly like it so much that it can get me feel so good just watching videos especially being in the dominant side .I need tips and some guidance from where I can start.Thanks

As you are trying to navigate the high risk parts of BDSM, definitely educating yourself would be a great thing to do. I second the idea of an experienced Domme.

On another note, your post got me intrigued... i could be wrong but i sense that your sadism/dominance  is driven by some sort of hate or revenge...maybe something that happened to you in the past? (again i maybe wrong)

Personally i believe that understanding psychological reasons behind behavior is very important.

As a Dom i tend to understand first where my sub is at the psychological level, so i can tailor the scene to what she truly needs

 

[Zythania]

@MossyBoy thank you for you concerns  but considering this role was not a one night decision or a reckless decision for me either.I also understand your concerns.But as u said I can change it in the future but that doesn't not mean I cannot try it at all.If I were to be that confident ..I wouldn't be posting in a forum and seek help.Thank you

Ps : I also thank everyone for the concerns and valuable amd genuine advice