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Advice for a newbie (sub)


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Hi I’m very new to all of this and when asked what I would like to do I really wasn’t sure (feel slightly overwhelmed with all the options) but I’m excited to try new things  ...does anyone have any advice on what to explore first?   

Thanks in advance 

Hi M12 feels very stange calling someone M12 .. anyway my advice would be to start small maybe add some restraints in to your play then maybe add some impact stuff the thing is not to throw the kitchen sink at it take your time add things in as you go a bdsm relationship is like any other it takes time take baby steps and eventually you’ll know exactly what you like and what your boundaries are ... hope this helps x

Haha in hindsight it is a strange name haha ...aw thank you for the advice :) xxx

Posted (edited)

The main thing is personal acceptance it's similar in lots of ways to coming out someone said to me and got that straight away ..and like was said above nice and slow experiment on your own its doable.. talk to people get other people's perspective and as you go along you will find your way . Find a understanding Dominant  and ask lots and lots of questions but above everything be care full there are lots of so called Dominants.  C

Edited by Deleted Member
You may be a sub but you also respect your self! Boundaries are really important, you are not to be exploited. Always be clear on that one and have mutual respect. :) if you find something distasteful and offensive then don’t be afraid to say so.

I always liked the four pillars of BDSM, Communication, Honesty, Trust and Respect. It may be a set of older values, but they hold a lot in understanding yourself and helps in shaping your limits and boundaries. Usually the the four pillar is direct outwards in relationship exploration and development, however it can be used inwards to understanding yourself.

Why you want to be a submissive?

What do you expect from dominant?

What relationships are you comfortable with, not comfortable? 

What activities do you like?

What activities do you hate?

What are you curious about, what pace would suit you?

The questions are aimed at helping you figure out what you want and if your not sure, help you search and seek information and advice.

Exploring yourself is the first step, it'll help you figure out your limits and boundaries, as Neenz pointed, will help you from being exploited. 

As Mrchristopher70 shared, ask lots and lots of questions. Ask them from yourself, others and the community. 

If your in doubt, just the chat room, socialise and chill out, you'll see behaviours you like and don't like, topics you like and don't like. There is no rush and there is a lot to learn, plus some of it is just plain fun to learn.


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