More than just a collar

[0t****]

An ex-sub once asked me to collar her and I said no.

A collar to me symbolises something more than just the physical, that I care for her, I want the best for her, I feel safe to be me with her, she makes me feel like no other could. It is a symbol that I give part of me to her and that it is an honour for me to do so.

But it also indicates that she has reciprocated that. she has given to me her love and intimacy, her connection, friendship, and more. She changes my world whenever I am with her and she trusts me as I do her. It symbolises my heart and soul.

That was our problem, I knew the relationship wasn't that, she wouldn't allow it to be. She enjoyed the play, but developed nothing else in our relationship. She didn't want to see me much outside of play, there was no cuddling, no time together except play.

I had given a collar to one before her and at the time they were my world, I still remember the time we spent in those days with fondness. She earned a piece of me.

What does a collar mean to you?

[ra****]

I think if I was to ever get to the point in a relationship where I was OK with a collar it would involve a deep commitment. I feel it represents a bond between two people. I have always told somebody that if I was going to wear something as a sub, I would want them to wear something equally as committed. I never want to wear a ring again, but something that symbolize both of our commitments to our relationship even in BDSM.

[0t****]

I agree, it's something that symbolises a deep connection to each other. Its not something to be taken lightly.

[ev****]

To me, a collar means as much as a wedding ring would in a vanilla relationship....

[no****]

I agree with both @0to1 and @evie10

[xs****]

i let him collar me and then he was lying behind my back and telling the other girl he prefers her body over mine. be careful :/

[Fi****]

A collar starts and ends the session. My sub wears his own, a custom-made piece, and takes it with him when we finally part ways. I've never had a FLR with my sub, just Sessions, so the question of a "deep connection" beyond BDSM doesn't arise but nevertheless, it’s important.

[No****]

I agree about a collar. I love being owned by my Dom. I’m just working towards my day collar. When the time is right. There is some things I need to work on for my Dom.

[No****]

I do think one of the best things about kink relationships is that they are so much more flexible in what they mean to the people in the dynamic. A collar can, and does, mean different things to different people

[0t****]

12 minutes ago, Notti_my_Fault said:

I do think one of the best things about kink relationships is that they are so much more flexible in what they mean to the people in the dynamic. A collar can, and does, mean different things to different people

I agree, there is no one correct answer to this. It's personal and between the people involved. It can mean different things to different people. Hopefully though both people in the party agree on what it means and know that beforehand.

[Go****]

For me it depends on the type of collar. I’ll happily wear a play collar, one that is removed at the end of the session.
Other than that, I feel similarly to you, a collar that’s more permanent is more a symbol of commitment, like a marriage, and that’s not for me.

[ra****]

31 minutes ago, Notti_my_Fault said:

I agree about a collar. I love being owned by my Dom. I’m just working towards my day collar. When the time is right. There is some things I need to work on for my Dom.

This is why I will never be fully submissive… have to work on things to earn things… i did that my whole life…

[0t****]

7 minutes ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said:

For me it depends on the type of collar. I’ll happily wear a play collar, one that is removed at the end of the session.
Other than that, I feel similarly to you, a collar that’s more permanent is more a symbol of commitment, like a marriage, and that’s not for me.

Yes, I agree, I have play collars that are just generic collars for play, they stay with me in my bdsm gear and are just for play sessions, and I make that clear.

When a sub reaches a deep and intimate connection, like my ex-fiancée, that's when we got a custom one made, that we chose, she kept and it was only for her.

[Go****]

4 minutes ago, 0to1 said:

 

Yes, I agree, I have play collars that are just generic collars for play, they stay with me in my bdsm gear and are just for play sessions, and I make that clear.

When a sub reaches a deep and intimate connection, like my ex-fiancée, that's when we got a custom one made, that we chose, she kept and it was only for her.

I suppose, in a way, any play collar I would have would be similar to the one you and your ex-fiancé had. It would be only for me and would be a symbol of the trust and connection between my partner/Dominant and I, because it takes a lot for me to reach that point. 

I just have an issue with the construct of marriage so wouldn’t want a collar that represented that, but that’s a whole other topic 😅

[0t****]

4 minutes ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said:

I suppose, in a way, any play collar I would have would be similar to the one you and your ex-fiancé had. It would be only for me and would be a symbol of the trust and connection between my partner/Dominant and I, because it takes a lot for me to reach that point. 

I just have an issue with the construct of marriage so wouldn’t want a collar that represented that, but that’s a whole other topic 😅

Haha, that is a whole other topic indeed!

One I am not qualified, nor daring enough to get involved in! 😅

[Go****]

9 minutes ago, 0to1 said:

 

Haha, that is a whole other topic indeed!

One I am not qualified, nor daring enough to get involved in! 😅

Well fielded! 😂

[Ba****]

I've always said that I won't marry someone, but if the person is right, I will take a collar. To me collars, besides ones specifically for play, is more than just something to wear. It's more to a wedding rings for me. Not something just for anyone to give me.

[Su****]

A color to me symbolizes deep connection mutual love and care for each other. It also symbolizes that I'm with somebody just like a wedding ring. I have one for play and I have one for daytime I'll wear it all day long and I'm not ashamed to tell people what it represents what it means and who owns me. And when I say owns me I don't mean like in a piece of property I mean owns My heart owns My soul owns my attention

[Ha****]

For me the collar, much like the wedding ring represents respect, caring, love, reciprocity, a bonded Trust. It's finding the Ying to your Yang.

[Ba****]

To me there are 4 types of collar
2 that belong to the sub and 2 that belong to me
For the sub
First i grew up around a lot of punks and goths so i know from experience that they may be a symbol of individual self expression and/or self ownership that i’m not supposed to touch regardless of our dynamic
Second similar to the comment by @Filli, it’s more something the sub gets for themselves which may range from their own play collar to a signal that they are already “taken”
For me
First the multi size/improvised play collar, basically just a “toy” or attachment point for a leash
Second the one OP was talking about, the type that gets equated to the vanilla wedding ring a lot but i would disagree, to me it’s closer to the engagement ring instead, like a declaration of the intention to make the dynamic a permanent thing while still leaving the possibility to end the relationship, that one i would either make myself or have custom made to just fit their size and more of a “their possession but my property” kind of thing

Fyi for the “commitment level marriage” i would prefer the idea of a pair branding, something like their lip print for my thumb print or something
But at this points it’s more a romanticized ideal then a concrete plan so I don’t even know what level of detail i should expect and the sub would have have been wearing my custom collar for a decently long while for that to start being a consideration
I just know if it gets to that, i’ll not only get one too but i’ll get the bigger one in a more sensitive and/or obvious place to symbolize the heavier weight of my responsibility
Ps i will not get a officially binding vanilla marriage, all my kids will be legitimate bastards of the 3rd generation

[no****]

18 hours ago, xsweetxbabyx said:

i let him collar me and then he was lying behind my back and telling the other girl he prefers her body over mine. be careful :/

Sounds a lot like my ex

[be****]

A collar is very special to me like a weeding ring.

[Mi****]

The collar symbolizes my trust, my loyalty, and my aegis. Those who earn my collar do so through shared thoughts, feelings, goals, and ideals. Yes, kink is fun—but what do you do the other 16 hours of the day? What do you do when the whips and chains go away and the bills need to be paid? The people who stand by my side (though they may sometimes kneel at my feet) and always have my back are the ones I love, the ones I trust, and the ones I protect. I don’t offer my collar lightly, and I’ve had my trust, loyalty, and protection ***d. It will take a lot for me to consider offering it again to anyone.