LTR - exploring kink

[Pr****]

Ive always had strong sub leanings, which were developed in my first marriage. When that ended, I had to stand up for myself and blocked that part of me for a long time. I remarried nearly 20 years ago and although the feelings came back, I wasnt confident enough to express them for a very long time, through no fault of his.

Now the kids are adults, the urge to submit has increased massively, made stronger by me being an alpha sub - Im the main earner in a fairly high powered, managerial role.

We explored it and he is open to being dominant. We tried a few scenes, which were great, but Ive found that I tend to have to ask for a kink session and he worries about the kids ( who still live at home) hearing.

Yet my feelings are getting more intense and Im frustrated. I love my husband and dont want to leave him but how the hell do I manage this?

Anyone else been in this situation and found a solution?

[do****]

Maybe suggest once a month or so you get child care or visit an hotel to get your kink craving scratched

[tr****]

Unfortunately I have put myself in similar situations and it's one of those we should have just been completely honest with areselfs to begin with but that's the problem we felt like it was a problem or it made us worry what someone might think of us being that way I see it like. We are all human life sucks it's a beautiful escape into I realm of perversion what take you and your mind over like that nothing! you gotta do what you want you shouldn't have to ask for something you desire it should be known and explored. In my experiences constantly mentioning thing like that to a partner not only is a turn off for you but it can make them feel not good enough or they just don't care.

[Wh****]

Hi. Parent of 5 kids here. So 1 ur kids are adults and are not oblivious to the fact u to are intimate with each other my 15 yr old has made jokes with me when he knew what I was doing. 2 you can explore and talk about exploring boundaries that you can do around the kids. It's ganna be difficult at first but start small with daily conversations. Patience, trust and communication will be especially Important. So examples of the dominance could be he tells you to do stuff that u already do but in a boss like tone(like go to the store pick up these items and come back home immediately). He could assign you tasks where u purposely mess up making him come show you "how to do it correctly". You could start rough housing in front of kids allowing him to playfully show dominance(good game for this is called the one sock game). 3 date night/ roleplay nights. This option i explored as the dominance kink became more intense after I dated a sub. We would get a baby sitter and do like a meet and greet. She would go out 15 min before I did either at home or if we rode together she would enter before I did. I would find her and flirt like we just meet at a bar or something then have a good time. After get a hotel for the night and bring any toys and etc. You would like to use. Those are the ideas that worked for my relationship involving the life around kids. U need to try things and see what works for you though. If u have any further questions please feel free to message me

[Am****]

I think he just want to respect is ***age /young adult kids.

[al****]

Have you tried planking a date night and having your kink sessions outside the home. Like in a Airbnb? He can dominate you at home in different ways that are noisy but for more intense scenes.. have a date night.

[al****]

Sorry.. typos^

Have you tried planning a date night and having your kink sessions outside the home. Like in a Airbnb? He can dominate you at home in different ways that are NOT noisy but for more intense scenes.. have a date night.

[jinxed]

We explored it and he is open to being dominant. We tried a few scenes, which were great

How lucky you are that he's into it and that you click when you're in a scene! That's just amazing! The rest, as has already been suggested, seems to be about the practical side. All you two need to talk about is when and where he can enjoy it without worrying and then have a blast! 

 

[xl****]

I was in a similar place. I was with someone with kids for a long time. Ultimately we just ended up making time to do things. I found outdoors to be a huge kink for me so that worked out. But I also found if I covered her mouth while we went at it… it was an instant rush. Sadly, we aren’t together any longer but, getting over that worry was a hard thing to do at first.

So it may be worth exploring, but be practical. You know?

[Ty****]

I think you need a friend to get this out of your system. 🔥🤷‍♂️🔥🔥🔥

[Pr****]

1 hour ago, Typortland87 said:

I think you need a friend to get this out of your system. 🔥🤷‍♂️🔥🔥🔥

Wish it were that simple 😂 He is fine for me to be with a woman but not there yet with men.

[za****]

Very interested knowing more about you and help u work out your craving for this we can start online and hopefully work it out in person as well an you shouldn’t have to leave him but you can explain your feelings an open up that you need more an he should be understanding.

[Ac****]

Ask him for help more often, small things, reaching a high place, opening a jar. Do it in a submissive and feminine way, he will feel more useful, you will feel more supported led and desired, and things will naturally escalate from there

[Ty****]

I understand. Maybe we could take things slow. We can meet and have zero expectations. I can respect where you’re at physically. 🫶🫶🫶

[ho****]

Communication 👏 Communication 👏 Communication 👏
If you are going to be in a Dom/Sub relationship then you need to have a conversation outside the bed room establishing needs and wants for the both of you.
What is he comfortable doing, what is he comfortable doing while the kids are in the house? How often do you expect and need kinky time? You need to be comfortable telling him that you don’t want to have to ask for it. You should discuss body language and subtle clues that will alert him that you are ready for a kinky session.

Establish boundaries, if he isn’t willing to Dom while the kids are home that’s a valid boundary and you will need to discuss alternative arrangements for 🌶️time. Agree on safe words.

Having these discussions is how BDSM can flourish in a heathy way. Once he kowns your limits, and you have safe words he may be able to let loose more. And if not then you will understand where you stand.

[No****]

Not a one to one, but clear communication is the key in every relationship. Have you spoken about your need for him to step up with these 'sessions'? Especially when something is new or not natural for someone, keeping up a rythm (like biweekly or once a month) could help until it's part of someone's life. (Yes, it might be less romantic than someone mind melding and doing it of his own accord, but hey, pobody is nerfect😉)

As for the kids, don't know how old they are and how self-sufficient, but this should get better with time. If they are 13+ they will survive being at home alone for one evening a month😊

[Bl****]

You cannot *** him to be ‘act’ dominant, he either is or he isn’t. You don’t need to ask.

[Dr****]

It may help for you to change environment when you have sessions. At least for a while. Assuming a dominant role may be a lot easier for him if you leave the place where he has such long term established father and husband roles. A hotel room can be a blank slate.

And contrary to previous comment, many people can inhabit contrary roles. Easier for some than others. In American culture I think men have less practice and are pushed to find their single true identity.