Nerves and anxiety during a scene

[Si****]

This is probably best positioned for the Roleplay thread, but I could only choose kink academy as a category.

So roleplay is not new to me, but I have had partners who want to try it and get nervous or anxious before or during the scene. Often people get worried they're going to "stuff it up" or do something "wrong".

When I've broken this down with them, it's because everything is so organised and negotiated before the scene, that they're thinking it's like a movie script or something. Clearly it isn't.

Does anyone have any tips for helping people get into the mindset for a roleplay scene? Preferably without doing a whole stack of improv classes and warm up exercises.
Thanks.

[Yi****]

That's a good question. You would think roleplay is like being a kid again. Perhaps that is an issue for some, thinking it's kids stuff. It's supposed to be fun and is really a way to get out of our selves and be free. Perhaps that is not their turn on. But you said they wanted to do it.. did they really? Because if they did, it should be fun not stressful nor performance oriented.

[au****]

Ok so I’m late in life to roleplaying games (vanilla rpg’s) but I wonder if, as part of negotiations or before/after negotiations but before playing, you come up with character sheets. A little imagining and creating backstory to understand background, motivations, personality. Maybe not all that deep but just some exercises—thinking or talking through, writing things out, asking get to know you or what-if questions—would help give options for (re)acting in a scene, make decisions not feel sudden or on-the-spot, nor elaborately scripted.

[Si****]

6 hours ago, YinKissesYang said:

That's a good question. You would think roleplay is like being a kid again. Perhaps that is an issue for some, thinking it's kids stuff. It's supposed to be fun and is really a way to get out of our selves and be free. Perhaps that is not their turn on. But you said they wanted to do it.. did they really? Because if they did, it should be fun not stressful nor performance oriented.

Thank you for this. I do genuinely think they want to do the roleplay, and anxiety is probably not the right description. It's more nerves, come to think of it. You are dead right though, it's about fun not stress. As things go along it does get easier, session after session. I'm just looking for tips to settle partners in easier and this helps. Thanks.

[Si****]

5 hours ago, augustkate said:

Ok so I’m late in life to roleplaying games (vanilla rpg’s) but I wonder if, as part of negotiations or before/after negotiations but before playing, you come up with character sheets. A little imagining and creating backstory to understand background, motivations, personality. Maybe not all that deep but just some exercises—thinking or talking through, writing things out, asking get to know you or what-if questions—would help give options for (re)acting in a scene, make decisions not feel sudden or on-the-spot, nor elaborately scripted.

Thank you for your thoughts. I guess from my experience, what I've seen is that there is a quite structured negotiation (that's something I need as I do not break boundaries) and safe words in place. But then when play starts, there's no framework. But what I take from your suggestion is that a bit of structure for the initial part (at least) provides a step down into "free play". Thank you.