What happened to the good old days?

[Bu****]

I get a kick out of seeing the comments on a woman’s post looking for a daddy or DOM. It’s actually comical when guys immediately comment “you’ll come suck my D right now cause I told you to” such a good girl now message me and I can start dominating you etc etc.
I do believe the real women who are subs know the difference and I do feel bad for the beginners that fall for this crap.
I was taught long ago that in fact the DOM/Sir is never in charge EVER. If you think about it, the sub is always the one in charge. It’s her that agrees to let you dothe things to her, it’s with her full consent and permission that allows you to stand over her, treat her with p@in and pleasure. It’s all her. The new generation has lost touch of this due to movies and dating apps. There is no bond, trust, courting, agreements, contracts, or willingness to actually take part in this art form anymore.

[Da****]

I get what you're saying here. All of what you mentioned is still around, it has mostly to do with pop culture and toxic masc individuals trying to excuse themselves of accountability.

Yes a bad actor is going to call themselves whatever they need to. We cant prevent that, these are predators hunting prey and not in a sexy way.

The best thing we can do in my opinion is call them out, warn people, remove them from the community. We also must remember that WE are a COMMUNITY.

That means each of us must take an active role in bettering it. Through education for those that were misinformed, and removing the offenders and predators (the non sexy kind) from the community.

There are people outside of this community that we cannot protect, simply because we are not aware of them.

BUT

Everyone in this community deserves a safe space and to be protected by their p@@rs.

[Da****]

Pe_ers, what a weird word to censor

[FE****]

7 minutes ago, DapperCoffee said:

Pe_ers, what a weird word to censor

It's the frst three letters that triggered the word filter.

[Sk****]

"Has technology given permission"

"Before they are allowed the title"

There are some very problematic attitudes there. No permission was ever needed. No one can ethically appoint themselves as a gatekeeper or authority over a community or an individual against their will. Its not up to you or anyone else who is allowed what titles.

I understand the problems you point out are problems, but that does not excuse some power grab to coronate a king of bdsm, nor a committee for that matter.

Youve become the grumpy old man yelling at the cloud. 'Get off my lawn', 'get off my formal bdsm titles'. Same energy. let the kids have their fun, make their mistakes and grow from them, as every generation does.

If all doms were trained by other doms, who trained the first dom? Everyone is self appointed...and moreso, id say the younger crowd has less ego and doesnt consider them titles...they are more correctly just used as general labels for roles.

[ve****]

I know exact what your say..

And had gotten worse with only fans ..

It’s like no one gets it’s any more. Even on this site. You have people begging for ***. Or who are hookers. Looking for ***..

It’s gotten way out of hand. And not at all what the foundational of what bdsm actually is..

Want an example of how far asque things have gotten. Read some of the comments prior to this.

[Su****]

Lol yeah ok you don't ask a sub you tell a sub

[Sh****]

Laughing at the censor. Agreeing with the original post.

[Deleted Member]

It is one hundred percent pop culture. Its 50 shades, its society being more acceptable and "kinkshaming" being a thing, its the later generations need for instant gratification. Social media has made people impatient. Its lack of passion, its lack of respect, people are growing more antisocial because life for a lot of people is more scrolling than socializing. Its people not knowing fully what something entails before they engage with a title...are you really a "sapiosexual, demisexual" or did you just learn these words and think fetish is a new trend and your friend is "findom" so youre wanting to be in the lifestyle but youre not into the lifestyle...same thing thats happening with EVERYTHING else. Smh 🤣 sorry for the novel

[64****]

I feel like people idolize the power of the title but do not wish to practice what all it entails. Or, when there are people who are looking to learn and be guided with genuine interest, they unfortunately find the ones who are solely on that power trip and refuse to guide. Which leads to a whole other mess

[Li****]

I agree with this completely. Every guy wants to message me with some ridiculous message thinking it will win me over. Submissions is a gift in it of itself and I’m finding a very hard time finding people capable of being level headed. Never mind experienced!

[fa****]

50 shades of grey introduced the masses to kink, COVID killed off many community events and public play spaces, and all that's left is horn people looking for an easy lay and that ashes of what once was.

Be the change in the community you want to see.

[Si****]

The problem is we have too many text book and podcast Doms and subs. People are doing a lot of reading but lack the real world experience. I have come across subs that know nothing of the lifestyle and how dynamics actually work or are structured yet they say they are submissive. This creates a lot of unsafe situations for Doms and subs alike. I am never one to question someone’s Dominance or submission but I do question the amount of proper safety and the respect of said safety. A lot of people are doing it almost like proving a point that they are who they say they are.

[Ca****]

6 hours ago, angles1975A said:

“Good old days” no longer exist, Boomer. You have failed to progress with the times. This is a you issue.

This was a useless answer. Do better

[Ka****]

4 hours ago, SkipperVa said:

"Has technology given permission"

"Before they are allowed the title"

There are some very problematic attitudes there. No permission was ever needed. No one can ethically appoint themselves as a gatekeeper or authority over a community or an individual against their will. Its not up to you or anyone else who is allowed what titles.

I understand the problems you point out are problems, but that does not excuse some power grab to coronate a king of bdsm, nor a committee for that matter.

Youve become the grumpy old man yelling at the cloud. 'Get off my lawn', 'get off my formal bdsm titles'. Same energy. let the kids have their fun, make their mistakes and grow from them, as every generation does.

If all doms were trained by other doms, who trained the first dom? Everyone is self appointed...and moreso, id say the younger crowd has less ego and doesnt consider them titles...they are more correctly just used as general labels for roles.

This the exact problem with the new generation and bdsm. Bdsm did start off formal. The titles were earned through trust with your partner. It wasn’t just a label. It actually meant something. Now all these generational Doms and subbies use it as path to kinky sex when bdsm had. Nothing to do with sex at all if you want to be correct. I actually trained for 2 years with my Master before I earned my collar. True D/s is as serious and vanilla marriage. You don’t just wake up one morning and say, “ I’m married!” Just like a true bdsm dynamic is not two people hooking up for kinky sex. If that is what you want then fine. But don’t call us a bdsm dynamic. Call it what it is. A kinky booty call. And stop putting those of us that long for true bdsm relationship down. Just because technology is around it doesn’t need to change the lifestyle. It should enhance it.

[Ca****]

7 hours ago, SkipperVa said:

"Has technology given permission"

"Before they are allowed the title"

There are some very problematic attitudes there. No permission was ever needed. No one can ethically appoint themselves as a gatekeeper or authority over a community or an individual against their will. Its not up to you or anyone else who is allowed what titles.

I understand the problems you point out are problems, but that does not excuse some power grab to coronate a king of bdsm, nor a committee for that matter.

Youve become the grumpy old man yelling at the cloud. 'Get off my lawn', 'get off my formal bdsm titles'. Same energy. let the kids have their fun, make their mistakes and grow from them, as every generation does.

If all doms were trained by other doms, who trained the first dom? Everyone is self appointed...and moreso, id say the younger crowd has less ego and doesnt consider them titles...they are more correctly just used as general labels for roles.

And here is my problem exactly.

The reason for the "gatekeeping" or authority was to protect the safety of all parties involved. With out looking it up can you tell me the proper way to chock someone, to tie someone up, to spank someone, to use sharps with someone. Do you know what to do if something goes wrong. Most probably not but I can be wrong. It use to be a honour to be titled and it meant you earned it. I was asking a question because it seems like there are more and more ppl who have no clue what the true meaning of the title and honour it holds. I am saddened by your approach and wish you the best

[Sk****]

I get that was the purpose, but word of mouth is literally the least efficient, least practical and worst method of conveying that type of information in the modern era. For arguments sake, about anything unknown..."Without looking it up"??? Why not? Looking it up is a completely safe, sane, responsible and reasonable thing to do. Sorry that "Sir" Chestershire Paddlebottom or whoever doesnt get to powertrip giving lessons or handing out "titles" anymore, but there are vast libraries of rich media in everyone's pockets covering these topics better than he ever could explain any of it. All parties involved in the activities can and should research topics extensively and discuss them together responsibly. reviewing them before engaging in it is also a great idea. Again, I agree with you there are some problems, but the culture evolved. 'Honour to be titled and meant you earned it'...according to whom and what standard? (None) What accredited and regulated institution certified the instructors? (None) What standardized tests ensured that one newly 'titled' individual was equally as educated as the next one? (None) Which trainer was held liable for *** if something went wrong? (None) What record keeping was in place to allow credentials to be checked to avoid fraudulent title claims? (None) Were background checks against offender registries conducted before titles were given? (No) Was curriculum approved by official committees? (No) Sorry...maybe earning something emotionally meant something to someone then, but even this mild pass of a magnifying glass over that 'system' reveals it didn't really mean anything in any real, objective terms by any actual modern standard. I'll say it was probably the best the community could do at the time, so it was not a mistake by any means, and my hats off for those who taught safety when no one else would...but that system was never going to be able to cope with growth into mainstream popularity.

[Se****]

I get that was the purpose, but word of mouth is literally the least efficient, least practical and worst method of conveying that type of information in the modern era. For arguments sake, about anything unknown..."Without looking it up"??? Why not? Looking it up is a completely safe, sane, responsible and reasonable thing to do. Sorry that "Sir" Chestershire Paddlebottom or whoever doesnt get to powertrip giving lessons or handing out "titles" anymore, but there are vast libraries of rich media in everyone's pockets covering these topics better than he ever could explain any of it. All parties involved in the activities can and should research topics extensively and discuss them together responsibly. reviewing them before engaging in it is also a great idea. Again, I agree with you there are some problems, but the culture evolved. 'Honour to be titled and meant you earned it'...according to whom and what standard? (None) What accredited and regulated institution certified the instructors? (None) What standardized tests ensured that one newly 'titled' individual was equally as educated as the next one? (None) Which trainer was held liable for *** if something went wrong? (None) What record keeping was in place to allow credentials to be checked to avoid fraudulent title claims? (None) Were background checks against offender registries conducted before titles were given? (No) Was curriculum approved by official committees? (No) Sorry...maybe earning something emotionally meant something to someone then, but even this mild pass of a

[Se****]

Dammit, This clunky interface....I meant to just quote what I liked about SkipperVA's post

But mainly I want to agree that when I entered the lifestyle (totally by accident) over 30 years ago the EGO of these so called "Teaching DOMs" really soured me on lifestyle groups. A lot of these "DOMs" thought that they were the gatekeepers of the lifestyle and had an overly self important view of their role in things.

Yes education is important, and so is consent and being mindful of your sub and knowing aftercare and how to notice drop....but the ego some of these people had. Luckily I found a sane group that pretty much had the same opinion as I did.

[Sk****]

Seeker...YES dude. Im also old enough to remember that crowd and those egos...thats what set me off so hard to question their validity in the first place. it wasnt just ego, it was more like Megalomania. They didnt just act like a dom to their sub, but tried to act that way to EVERYONE that didnt just walk away while they were mid sentence (as they never stopped talking).

Also, to Jac...this may make you sadder, but may give you some relief about danger...

Sharps? What is this, prison? Look on subs profiles where it says limits. overwhelmingly people say 'no toilet stuff, no ***'. If you meet a sub in 2026 and ask if they consent to you cutting them, they'll tell you to get the eff out of their house before they call the cops. There may be some rare people into it, but its largely socially unacceptable.

Likewise, basically no one wants their backside impacted so bad its going to scab up. Most want it slapped until its pink, no bruises.

Tying up? Im a sailor...I can tie a bowline or a figure 8 at night in 20 foot swells and a facefull of ocean spray. Its irrelevant in the bedroom. If someone tried to lace a hundred hitches to suspend a sub from a ceiling, they'd both die of boredom in 90 seconds of tying. What actually happens is people drive to the dildo store and pay $100 for a cardboard box of precut nylon webbing with D rings and VELCRO. Ankles and wrists get velcrod to straps that run to bedposts, and that is 99% of bondage in '26, with another .9% being 'fuzzy handcuffs'.

Masochism just isnt what it was in the 90s. People are just 'not into' risky dangerous activities, like breath play in water tanks, etc. Masochism is more psychological like cuckoldry or verbal ***.

Pleasure and stress release is becoming more popular than ***. ANR. C**kwarming. praise. Literally... coloring books (and thats ok littles!)

Things can still go wrong, but when it does, its far less likely to result in a hospital visit.

We dont need a titled sir to train us how to tame a little brat who is throwing a temper tantrum over actual spilled milk. we just give her a hug and a time out, its fine. Im not sure he'd know how to do that anyways.

 

[ey****]

A kinda issue I do have a little is people are talking about "old days" as a cherry picked part of history that were not the "old days" but a mid period.  That they kinda pass something which was tried in some territories in the 90s/2000s as "as it's always been" - when it wasn't.

It is difficult to do an actual history because a lot of territories worked different/independently especially pre-internet 

But... Pre 1990s most kink communities were Gay or Queer.  A lot were ex-Military. There were a lot of laws which criminalised homosexuality (and even when laws were revoked, not entirely a safe place) so a lot of rules and structures were devised to keep individuals and the communities safe.  The whole "earning your stripes" comes from some elements of this - but a lot of titles were self appointed based on what fit and where interests were.

Heterosexual kink was less common in communities - but of course, people did partake and practice, there was plenty of media.  But there was no training, rules, etc. Roles were self appointed.

Then of course you get the early and advancing internet and this is largely where hetero people not only entered the community but decided to dictate the rules of community.  Basically, the early 90s. The fetish parties of the 80s were more "Mad Max - anything goes, sadomasochism" whereas 90s was more protocol, romanticism, D/s.  And this is where a kinda disjointed version of training came from.  It didn't last, because it didn't work.  It's not like those doing the "training" had any formal qualifications of their own - they just apointed themselves anyway.

Equally, as the internet was still early days - perhaps people within communities knew what was happening in theirs - but people were still kinda doing their own thing outside of communities, as they'd always done.

People kinda blame one thing or another because their rosetinted idea didn't last, cos it didn't work. 

[Do****]

I am a submissive.

I don't have an opinion as to how a person gets to the title.

I will say there seems to be a profound lack of actual Doms. Just men who are aggressive and bossy and often fairly selfish in bed claiming to be a Dom.

They are excited at the idea of a sub because their concept is that it is simply a woman they can use and have easy sex with and may or may not even care about the enjoyment of the sub

Some are just abusive and most are just guys looking to get laid.

They don't understand aftercare or subspace or the dynamic..training, respect..nope

I have been seeking a Dom for years.

It's depressing and lonely

[Deleted Member]

The good ole days are gone.

I didn't read the reactions but its probably alot of mentally unstable people harassing and flaming you.
Bdsm had became 50 shades , 365day extreme porn.
Bdsm for the majority is just about sex.

No care no love no master taking care of his slave. This world is all about shallow hookup.

I try to make a post once and the majority of the woke far left like always felt mentally attacked by my opinion and just blatently attack me.

We drifted far from reality.
The world is upside down now.

And a Dom or Master doesn't mean like OG meant dominating her mentally and physically out of care and love protecting living caring providing genuinely caring more about his slave then himself.
Noo its all just roleplaying now and "exploring my dominant side"

All subs and slaves are now brats which is now another word for unmannered b*tch with mental baggage being disrespectful and rude.


I did a post about it not so long ago and it seems to me Old guard is over.
True bdsm D/s relationship is over.
It became a shallow online picture exchange where girls feel like they need to compete with a man instead of teaming up in a balanced yin yang style that OG teached me.

[Do****]

Oh that...was such a perfect way to explain everything. Yes exactly.

I fantasize about the dynamic...being cherished... Having adoration and trust which gives me the desire to serve him specifically..the actual dynamic.

And that is not what is out there..just men looking to have easy sex

I can't speak to brats...I'm not one and don't know how prevelant they are

But you described the lost art of a dynamic succinctly

[Do****]

18 minutes ago, MasterMoksi said:

The good ole days are gone.

I didn't read the reactions but its probably alot of mentally unstable people harassing and flaming you.
Bdsm had became 50 shades , 365day extreme porn.
Bdsm for the majority is just about sex.

No care no love no master taking care of his slave. This world is all about shallow hookup.

I try to make a post once and the majority of the woke far left like always felt mentally attacked by my opinion and just blatently attack me.

We drifted far from reality.
The world is upside down now.

And a Dom or Master doesn't mean like OG meant dominating her mentally and physically out of care and love protecting living caring providing genuinely caring more about his slave then himself.
Noo its all just roleplaying now and "exploring my dominant side"

All subs and slaves are now brats which is now another word for unmannered b*tch with mental baggage being disrespectful and rude.


I did a post about it not so long ago and it seems to me Old guard is over.
True bdsm D/s relationship is over.
It became a shallow online picture exchange where girls feel like they need to compete with a man instead of teaming up in a balanced yin yang style that OG teached me.

Sorry my reaction is above but I realized if don't quote it you probably won't read it..please see above. Thank you