What happened to the good old days?

[Ki****]

To many vanilla fools hearing of it on the net then trying it out as if it's roller skating or Thia food

[Ki****]

I never felt the Dominant or the submissive had different value just a different role. Calling yourself a Dom and treating a woman like crap doesn't cut it. Similarly, one trying to be a sub be tolerating it is as bad. It all misses the point.

[Ki****]

Realistically we are either dominant or submissive in this situation by nature. A lot of the work is discovering who we truly are before we start to impose ourselves on others. The new lazy and shallow types Skip over all of that.

[sardonicus87]

The "good old days" never existed and "old guard" wasn't how the scene was. "Old guard" was how SOME in the scene did things, but it wasn't ever the only way, or even the majority way.

The issue now is, this is the internet, and the internet is trash. BDSM websites are flooded with vanillas who aren't even remotely kinky.

Go to in-person munches, rarely do vanillas last all that long at them. They show up sometimes, but usually don't come back. Though a lot of BDSM munches also suffer from being too open to everything alternative to the point it's 1% actually BDSM people and 99% vanilla poly/ENM, vanilla LGBTQ+, vanilla swingers, etc. And that's nothing against those groups, except the swingers who are vanillas, but all those groups already have their own spaces, they shouldn't be also in a BDSM space unless they're ALSO into BDSM. But then you get accused of "gatekeeping" or being closed minded. Like no, I just want to be able to find kinky people in a kink space, and a kink space should be a majority kink populous.

My experience as a pure sadist, all I ever see is people who either want monogamous D/s relationships or vanilla sex, and forget there's whole ass other parts of kink/BDSM. I often get treated like sh!t from supposed "legitimate" BDSM people for not wanting anything to do with D/s or power exchange. People go out of there way to accuse me of being an ***r and harass me over my kinks, and that's been my experience in the "scene" for 20 years, being ostricized. So, I really don't give a f-- about D/s people, what goes around, comes around, glad your scene is dead actually, the way D/s people treat spankos as "BDSM light", or S&M as "***" or whatever, or looking down on or treating all of BDSM like it's an extension of D/s dynamics.

[Se****]

10 hours ago, MasterMoksi said:

The good ole days are gone.

I didn't read the reactions but its probably alot of mentally unstable people harassing and flaming you.
Bdsm had became 50 shades , 365day extreme porn.
Bdsm for the majority is just about sex.

No care no love no master taking care of his slave. This world is all about shallow hookup.

I try to make a post once and the majority of the woke far left like always felt mentally attacked by my opinion and just blatently attack me.

We drifted far from reality.
The world is upside down now.

And a Dom or Master doesn't mean like OG meant dominating her mentally and physically out of care and love protecting living caring providing genuinely caring more about his slave then himself.
Noo its all just roleplaying now and "exploring my dominant side"

All subs and slaves are now brats which is now another word for unmannered b*tch with mental baggage being disrespectful and rude.


I did a post about it not so long ago and it seems to me Old guard is over.
True bdsm D/s relationship is over.
It became a shallow online picture exchange where girls feel like they need to compete with a man instead of teaming up in a balanced yin yang style that OG teached me.

I couldn't disagree more. Especially about the abscence of love and respect in the D/s relationship. Prior to me taking a break from the lifestyle I was in a very what some of you may term "classical" Dom/Sub relationship. We were very much into each other, there was love, respect, and the power exchange. Sadly it had to come to an end but as true with anything "Your Milage may Vary"

[Mr****]

Unfortunately, social media is a double edged blade. On one side, it raises the veil on the lifestyle and in many cases, has given people a community in which they finally feel like they belong. On the other side, we see the toxic performances of the uneducated and misaligned. I myself have been in the lifestyle for over 2 decades and I also lament what I see as the deterioration of etiquette and protocol. It is upon the old guard to exemplify the values of respect, safety, etiquette. It is on us to advocate, educate, protect and most importantly, call out pretenders, predators and unsafe operators in our community

[La****]

Bcs the barrier between normal setting and kink scene are broken.
Too many ppl who arent even kinky think its an edgy thing to put themselves into, and at the same time a lot of mentally unstable ***rs see the scene as a hunting ground.
The entitlement for immediate access is whats really baffling to me.
Even in vanilla settings; courtesy, vetting and respect are the bare minimum yet since in vanilla settings those things arent even exist much, it contaminated the kink space and make people ‘forget’ that the foundations of bdsm are consent and safety which the verdict of someone is capable of building the said proper environment; could only be known after long process of getting to know, transparent communication and them being experienced.

[Ma****]

16 uren geleden, sardonicus87 said:

The "good old days" never existed and "old guard" wasn't how the scene was. "Old guard" was how SOME in the scene did things, but it wasn't ever the only way, or even the majority way.

The issue now is, this is the internet, and the internet is trash. BDSM websites are flooded with vanillas who aren't even remotely kinky.

Go to in-person munches, rarely do vanillas last all that long at them. They show up sometimes, but usually don't come back. Though a lot of BDSM munches also suffer from being too open to everything alternative to the point it's 1% actually BDSM people and 99% vanilla poly/ENM, vanilla LGBTQ+, vanilla swingers, etc. And that's nothing against those groups, except the swingers who are vanillas, but all those groups already have their own spaces, they shouldn't be also in a BDSM space unless they're ALSO into BDSM. But then you get accused of "gatekeeping" or being closed minded. Like no, I just want to be able to find kinky people in a kink space, and a kink space should be a majority kink populous.

My experience as a pure sadist, all I ever see is people who either want monogamous D/s relationships or vanilla sex, and forget there's whole ass other parts of kink/BDSM. I often get treated like sh!t from supposed "legitimate" BDSM people for not wanting anything to do with D/s or power exchange. People go out of there way to accuse me of being an ***r and harass me over my kinks, and that's been my experience in the "scene" for 20 years, being ostricized. So, I really don't give a f-- about D/s people, what goes around, comes around, glad your scene is dead actually, the way D/s people treat spankos as "BDSM light", or S&M as "***" or whatever, or looking down on or treating all of BDSM like it's an extension of D/s dynamics.

Agree with a big part, also about the “old guard” not being what people think it was.

I do disagree with your last point though.
You say you mostly find people looking for monogamous D/s relationships, but that doesn’t make it less BDSM or less valid.
It’s just a different expression of it.
For me, dominance isn’t just about sadism or what happens in the bedroom. That’s actually a small part of it.
It’s more about mindset, energy and behavior in real life.
A dominant man is the one who naturally takes responsibility in any situation. He leads, he decides, he creates direction. Not in an aggressive or loud way, but in a calm, grounded way where others can feel it.
Simple example: you’re walking through a busy city with a woman. It’s crowded, raining, and chaotic.
A submissive-leaning guy hesitates, follows, waits for her to decide where to go.
A dominant man doesn’t overthink it. He takes the lead, guides her through the crowd, decides where they’re going next. No stress, no confusion.
That’s the difference.
Dominance isn’t about being more extreme, more sadistic, or more sexual.
It’s about being the one who has direction and takes responsibility, so she doesn’t have to.

But yes i noticed from my previous forum posts i made that I'm very alone nowadays in my terminology and definitions.
The majority of people now believe you can choose anything you want, doesn't matter if you are you may choose.

[Ki****]

Agreed

[Shilo66]

10 hours ago, MrWolfe_ said:

It is up to the old guard to exemplify the values of respect, safety, etiquette. It is on us to advocate, educate, protect and most importantly, call out pretenders, predators and unsafe operators in our community

The above quote is how those from the 'good ole days' / old guard, should be acting in this modern day and times.

However, the quote below, is actually how most people calling themselves the 'old guard' and hankering for the 'good ole days,' really are in this modern day and times. Hence their demise and thankfully, the demise of their 'good ole days' too... Good riddance. 

On 4/5/2026 at 1:16 PM, MasterMoksi said:

I try to make a post once and the majority of the woke far left like always felt mentally attacked by my opinion and just blatently attack me.

All subs and slaves are now brats which is now another word for unmannered b*tch with mental baggage being disrespectful and rude.

He talks about subs and slaves nowadays being disrespectful and rude to him. What does he expect when he has the above opinion of them?

For his Information - Thinking that a potential sub or slave, is just a 'b*tch with mental baggage', is extremely unlikely to win them over to you... in fact, it's a major RED FLAG to anyone even remotely interested in you, hence why you're struggling to get one. And before you deny it, we can see on your profile that of the approx. 10,000 messages you've sent out, you've had less than 6000 replies back, which speaks volumes.

There's a word for guys who are angry that they' can't get a woman, oh yeah - In Sells (I know the correct spelling).

Typical of the mindset of the majority of 'old guard' missing the 'good ole days,' he likes to 'express his opinions', no matter how abhorrent. But, because he often cannot back up his arguments, he hates being challenged or scrutinised about them. Hence, why to him/them (majority), anyone who challenges or scrutinises their opinions, is 'woke far left'. So, please consider me, WOKE far left... and proud. 

The majority of the 'old guard' held the above similar dinosaur views and opinions as the second guy mentioned, and could not be reasoned with. This is why, THANKFULLY, the 'good ole days are gone.' 

The only thing that's constant in life, is change, so you either adapt or dye. (I know the correct spelling, but the filter is getting tedious). 

 

Edited April 6 by Shilo66

[ho****]

Literally yea, I’m getting tired of it. I reject men because I see them just calling themselves doms without acting like one.

[Deleted Member]

Damn right we should! My training to be a dom started with a conversation I had at the old Outland in Columbus, Ohio in 1999. We talked for a while ace he gave me his info to contact him if I felt the drive. Over the next two years I learned about the courting, the respect EARNED by a Dom, the RESPECT the Dom gives his/her sub, the ways to ensure safety, consent and control for try best experiences. How to discover what the sub wants but cannot do, and exploring their play side too.
The new tech makes anyone who sees a porn or film think they can do that effectively. That’s how people are injured or killed.

Be safe get trained by an elder in the art

[Sk****]

Seven, I dont know if its that simple. First, who and how does a person vet these 'elder trainers'? Everyone talks the talk, how many have a trail of broken or regretful subs? If they dont have a trail of people vouching for them, theyre just another shit talker. Second, being an expert in the '90s does not necessarily transfer to being so much as fluent in the 20's.

Just seeing some of the tools in the 90's practitioners arsenal would permanently traumatize some modern littles. Does he have plush stuffies, coloring books, and juice boxes next to the spreader bars, stockade, and speculum?

The OP, from that era, brought up safe use of sharps...sharps?! one of the most common limits i see listed is no b lood. 90s sadism is so off the charts compared to today it seems shocking or even criminal to many.

A lot of subs these days...when they say they want a 'Dominant' man...they do not want some kind of Machiavellian mind control the 90's doms practiced. They literally just want a chill dude who can proactively lead a conversation, and can shift gears from fun, to flirty, to kinky, and who can pump the brakes and ensure need safety discussion happens before the action, and get back on the gas before it becomes boring. They just want a facilitator/leading partner to cooperate with.

Maybe in the 90's you had to mentally break someone for them to admit they wanted to be tied up, spanked, and have their rear plugged...in the 20's if your cute, have a job and a car, good hygiene, and aren't a creep...you can just get her comfortable and ask, she'll just tell ya. Its that simple. Many subs on here are openly advertising the explicit specifics on their profile already.

[Ba****]

Yesterday at 04:35 PM, SkipperVa said:

Seven, I dont know if its that simple. First, who and how does a person vet these 'elder trainers'? Everyone talks the talk, how many have a trail of broken or regretful subs? If they dont have a trail of people vouching for them, theyre just another shit talker. Second, being an expert in the '90s does not necessarily transfer to being so much as fluent in the 20's.

Just seeing some of the tools in the 90's practitioners arsenal would permanently traumatize some modern littles. Does he have plush stuffies, coloring books, and juice boxes next to the spreader bars, stockade, and speculum?

The OP, from that era, brought up safe use of sharps...sharps?! one of the most common limits i see listed is no b lood. 90s sadism is so off the charts compared to today it seems shocking or even criminal to many.

A lot of subs these days...when they say they want a 'Dominant' man...they do not want some kind of Machiavellian mind control the 90's doms practiced. They literally just want a chill dude who can proactively lead a conversation, and can shift gears from fun, to flirty, to kinky, and who can pump the brakes and ensure need safety discussion happens before the action, and get back on the gas before it becomes boring. They just want a facilitator/leading partner to cooperate with.

Maybe in the 90's you had to mentally break someone for them to admit they wanted to be tied up, spanked, and have their rear plugged...in the 20's if your cute, have a job and a car, good hygiene, and aren't a creep...you can just get her comfortable and ask, she'll just tell ya. Its that simple. Many subs on here are openly advertising the explicit specifics on their profile already.

I generally agree with most of what you’ve said but,

„Sharps“ only has to mean b.l.o.o.d if you don’t know how to use them safely
I for example only use them for sensual play and clothes destruction

And in the current millennium very few people in the developed world need a car for anything and in the city having one counts as a disability

[Na****]

Not everyone wants to be part of the "community". Honestly that is the last thing I want. I want the dynamic to start and end with my partner, I have zero desire to be part of the "community" or even let anyone else know what I enjoy sexually. That is private between my person and I. That doesn't make me any more or less into the things I'm into just means that I don't care to share that. Telling people they can't participate in their kinks the way they see fit surely isn't going to help anyone or anything.

[Sk****]

HALLELUJAH! N88! Nailed it. When you step outside the box to look at it, it really is ridiculous to imply anyone needs some old special creepo "mentor" to tell them 1on1 anything about anything, much less their bedroom life. Books, articles, videos may share useful insight, but IMHO this 'Old Guard' was probably just inserting themselves out of narcissism and loneliness, living vicariously through whatever youngster will buy their load. I'm reminded of the phrase, "Those that can't do, teach'.

[ey****]

2 hours ago, NaughtyLilGirl88 said:

I want the dynamic to start and end with my partner,

Gonna say this is huge.

One of the issues with the "you have to do these tasks I made up in order to be able to do this" is it busybodies into others dynamics.   

[ro****]

I don't understand why someone has to fill a resume out in triplicate and send one certified mail to be considered for a role. I have a unique perspective. I started 23 years ago then got with a vanilla, now I'm back. And nothing here looks unsafe to me. Maybe things are being communicated differently? Deal. Different generations have different ways. It's not right or wrong. As long as safety, mental health respect for limits and safe words why do u have to "do it by the book"? The information is still the same no matter how data is collected. Live a little guys.

[Se****]

14 hours ago, NaughtyLilGirl88 said:

Not everyone wants to be part of the "community". Honestly that is the last thing I want. I want the dynamic to start and end with my partner, I have zero desire to be part of the "community" or even let anyone else know what I enjoy sexually. That is private between my person and I. That doesn't make me any more or less into the things I'm into just means that I don't care to share that. Telling people they can't participate in their kinks the way they see fit surely isn't going to help anyone or anything.

Perfectly said. That really should end the thread right there

[Se****]

13 hours ago, SkipperVa said:

HALLELUJAH! N88! Nailed it. When you step outside the box to look at it, it really is ridiculous to imply anyone needs some old special creepo "mentor" to tell them 1on1 anything about anything, much less their bedroom life. Books, articles, videos may share useful insight, but IMHO this 'Old Guard' was probably just inserting themselves out of narcissism and loneliness, living vicariously through whatever youngster will buy their load. I'm reminded of the phrase, "Those that can't do, teach'.

But then SkipperVA makes an excellent point about old guard narcissism which I think a lot of this is based on. Plus " those who can't, Teach" Thats a phooking mic drop right there.

[mr****]

What if this site added tests for doms/ subs etc. that will cover the basics of each. but through enough to ensure people are At least educated about their roles and how to go about them safely. Something just like the bdsm test they already have. It’s not a perfect solution but would help.

[BlueGrace]

Not every dominant wants to be trained by experienced members of the community. The community is very subjective. What one dominant teaches might not be what another one does. It might not even be correct. Someone can be experienced and wrong.
I am a submissive and I was never trained by other submissives. That isn’t what I wanted. I took in person classes and online classes. I went to workshops. You don’t have to be trained by experienced members to be valid or to be considered a dominant or submissive.
Training is very subjective. Not every submissive will have the same rules, responsibilities, kinks, limits, etc. Neither will slaves. Training is not the same and nor should it be. I shouldn’t be trained on how to do certain things when those are against my limits.
In combination with the things I did, my dominants trained me to fit our dynamic. They took classes, workshops, etc as well. They were never trained by experienced members. Only one of my dominants had an experienced mentor and he’s from Canada.
Old guard is a myth and there isn’t hardly any evidence to support what it was or explain what it was. It doesn’t have deep reliable roots that can be found.

What makes someone a dominant or submissive isn’t set in stone. It’s very subjective with multiple boxes, expectations, roles, rules, and foundations. Everyone is different. No one gets to determine when or how someone earns the title because there aren’t any standards to follow. People can choose if they want to be a switch, a dominant, or a submissive. Technology is a vessel that allows people to access multiple avenues and do research.

[al****]

A agree @mrwindell

[al****]

I*

[ey****]

5 hours ago, mrwindell said:

What if this site added tests for doms/ subs etc. that will cover the basics of each. but through enough to ensure people are At least educated about their roles and how to go about them safely. Something just like the bdsm test they already have. It’s not a perfect solution but would help.

it's something that is riddled with issues.

Firstly it assumes everyone is submissive or Dominant and by extension excludes any other roles.

The second is with "right" and "wrong" answers it creates more solid definitions and gets into one trueway.  The whole "you can't be a Dom/sub if/unless...." bullshit.

third - what does 'safely' kinda mean - like if you're someone who has no interest in (say) impact play then why do you have to do a quiz about impact play. 

Next if someone does "pass" this "test" what does it even mean? They can answer questions online - hell, even clicking random answers with no/little understanding gets a result which then renders it meaningless.

Stuff like the "BDSM Test" is kinda "entertainment purposes only" and is generally designed for people who are "I'm kinky but not quite sure what that means" rather than anything else.  

Some of the above is also kinda why the late 90s/early 2000s "you must complete mandatory training" died out cos it pushed people in directions that wasn't them, and also created a false narrative of who was 'safe' because they'd 'completed training'

And tbh - if we're really talking "Old Guard" like actual old guard, not the 90s/2000s version - roles and titles were largely based on what individuals felt comfortable with as part of their idendity.  The whole gatekeeping and pigeonholing BS is a relatively new phenomenon in the history of kink. 

OK someone defines themselves as a sub, Dom, whatever - are they right for you? No? No problem. Move on.