Confessions of a Newbie: Trying to Figure Out Where I Fit in Kink

[br****]

12 hours ago, beech-island592845 said:

I really liked this and honestly as the polar opposite being a female that feels completely uncomfortable giving control I can relate.

🫶🏻

[so****]

Im not the only one then

[br****]

5 minutes ago, southampton660809 said:

Im not the only one then

Apparently not. 😄.. I am so glad I posted this !

[br****]

Yesterday at 02:10 AM, Juk_LakeCharles said:

I say youre thinking and pondering and figuring it out. Just like your write up, you had great answers for your own question just from “hearing yourself” ask them. I think you keep doin what youre doing bro. Youre coming from a genuine place it’s obvious. Keep following your instincts I trust your judgement already lol. You should definately.

Appreciate it 🙌

[Sa****]

I think you're confusing masculinity for humanity, paternalism for dominance and self-congratulation for introspection, though it IS good to know that you "genuinely enjoy seeing a strong, confident woman take control SOMETIMES"! (Emphasis mine.) Careful, people might start thinking you're woke... ACK! (In the immortal word of Bill The Cat.)

[PresentisPeculiar]

Always wake up, be woke. The alternative is being asleep, never changing, nor paying attention. Dom, sub...whatever. constantly be woke, questioning norms, seeing if there is a better way, all while respecting the autonomy of others. The definition of woke

[si****]

Dear friend. You are the model of a GOOD human. I am glad you are living your life with caring about others.

I am new to FET. I read about many using titles- they are not consistent. My non-FET life is much like yours. I used to hate people say ,"be a man", "masculine ", etc. Best not aim for titles. Even in FET, I am the same.

Be the caring person you are. You are no less letting others be themselves.
Caring about others is SEXY AF !!!

[Hi****]

June 12, Anarchy22 said:

You should look up what Alpha submissive is I think that fits someone like you a lot more 

Would that also entail being a power bottom?

[de****]

I believe your self awareness speaks for itself and you're on the right path! The key for me is to remain teachable and willing.

[de****]

There is so much I could share on this topic. I have been with both types, and you're right. There is a fine line there. Communication is critical. Do you prefer to meet the subs needs or your own? That can change from day to day even. There isn't a set standard with this. Submissive hold the true power here in a play if that's what you're in to. One can also confuse a dominant personality with the need to be dominant. Give it time. It's a process. Be willing to learn from others but don't compromise your own values. There will never be a rigid manual. Each of us have different needs and desires. Even in long term dynamics those things change from time to time. Focus on building trust and establish values and expectations within your dynamic. There are also experienced doms and couples willing to help in private settings.

[br****]

3 hours ago, de-armanville14797 said:

There is so much I could share on this topic. I have been with both types, and you're right. There is a fine line there. Communication is critical. Do you prefer to meet the subs needs or your own? That can change from day to day even. There isn't a set standard with this. Submissive hold the true power here in a play if that's what you're in to. One can also confuse a dominant personality with the need to be dominant. Give it time. It's a process. Be willing to learn from others but don't compromise your own values. There will never be a rigid manual. Each of us have different needs and desires. Even in long term dynamics those things change from time to time. Focus on building trust and establish values and expectations within your dynamic. There are also experienced doms and couples willing to help in private settings.

I really appreciate you sharing that. The more I read and talk to people, the more I realise there isn’t a single “right” way to do this. Every dynamic is unique, and that’s actually one of the things I find most interesting about it.

From what I’ve learned about myself so far, I get far more satisfaction from fulfilling my partner’s wishes than chasing my own. Seeing someone feel safe, understood, and genuinely enjoying the experience is what I find rewarding. For me, being dominant isn’t about control for the sake of control it’s about taking responsibility, paying attention, and creating an environment where they can fully trust me.

That’s why trust and communication come before anything else. I’d rather spend time getting to know someone, understanding their boundaries, desires, and expectations, than rush into a dynamic. I think the strongest dynamics are built outside of scenes, through honesty, consistency, and mutual respect.

I’m still learning, and I’m happy to learn from people with more experience, but I also want to stay true to my own values. I’d rather build something authentic than try to fit into someone else’s idea of what a Dom should be.

[de****]

Perfectly said.

[si****]

18 hours ago, browniee4u said:

I really appreciate you sharing that. The more I read and talk to people, the more I realise there isn’t a single “right” way to do this. Every dynamic is unique, and that’s actually one of the things I find most interesting about it.

From what I’ve learned about myself so far, I get far more satisfaction from fulfilling my partner’s wishes than chasing my own. Seeing someone feel safe, understood, and genuinely enjoying the experience is what I find rewarding. For me, being dominant isn’t about control for the sake of control it’s about taking responsibility, paying attention, and creating an environment where they can fully trust me.

That’s why trust and communication come before anything else. I’d rather spend time getting to know someone, understanding their boundaries, desires, and expectations, than rush into a dynamic. I think the strongest dynamics are built outside of scenes, through honesty, consistency, and mutual respect.

I’m still learning, and I’m happy to learn from people with more experience, but I also want to stay true to my own values. I’d rather build something authentic than try to fit into someone else’s idea of what a Dom should be.

I commented before. But really you are a great example of a caring person/ caring partner. You are on right path to FULLFILMENT of others. In doing so your life will be FULLFILLED. BEST WISHES

[br****]

8 hours ago, simplemedicine said:

I commented before. But really you are a great example of a caring person/ caring partner. You are on right path to FULLFILMENT of others. In doing so your life will be FULLFILLED. BEST WISHES

Thank you, I really appreciate your kind words.

Wishing you all the best as well.