Working towards…?

[Se****]

I’m interested to discuss what people are working towards when they enter a dynamic, if they are even working towards anything? I appreciate that in vanilla life the general/societal consensus is that people (not everybody, I know) are working towards marriage/long term commitment upon entering a relationship but is the same true within BDSM? When one enters a relationship with a dynamic as part of it are they ultimately, even if they’re too fe@rful to say so, working towards collaring someone/being collared?

 

I’ve spoken to people who have varying views around “giving” a collar - to some it appears to be a symbol of ownership, others it’s akin to a wedding ring and others it’s something to signal play (I’m sure there are many other variations to).

 

Is being collared/collaring someone the ultimate end goal? Should it be? Or should one be open to going with the flow? Is it possible to continue a relationship indefinitely without making a specific “commitment” to each other?

 

For me, I suppose the ultimate (romantic) “fantasy” would be finding someone who wanted to collar me as a symbol of what we are  but who also wanted the vanilla side of life with me with an associated long term relationship/marriage. Not that I expect this will ever be the case for me, although fairy tales are nice daydreams. But I’m a girl who can’t separate play from feelings and emotional (non platonic) connection. At least I am so far.

 

Looking forward to hearing others thoughts and ideas.

 

Love

 

X

[Wi****]

Excellent post.
I can only speak for myself.
I believe that the collor represents both for the right couples.

The collar symbolizes both a commitment to the lifestyle and a commitment to a lifetime relationship between two people who love each other and are dedicated to each other.

There are many kinds of dynamics and many understandings of how dynamics work.

I am a monogamous person . I require a spiritual connection in order to enter a life path with someone.

For me, the M/s dynamic isn't play .
It's 24/7, interacting with each other in the bedroom and out.

And bedroom play definitely can be amazing. It can, on occasion, even be slightly vanilla, though I'm not entirely sure how much vanilla vanilla is. My theory is that everyone is kinky to some degree.

But, marriage and collaring mean the same thing. Commitment to love,passion,respect, devotion,truth, honor, and dignity.

In the home, a different dynamic from outside the home
Some people refer to the public relationship as vanilla.

To me, outside is still M/s. It just appears different to those who don't understand.

The same elegance and devotion that is seen in the home is the same in public. The main difference is that the ceremony that is expected at home isn't required in public.

A girl doesn't kneel before her Master in public with the exception of Munches and BDSM gatherings and events.

However,the same respect for each other is present.

A Master doesn't punish his collar in public. If correction is required,it's done by leaning over and whispering into a girl's ear.

If more complex discipline is required, that waits until the couple is back home.

Just like marriage.

Of course, this is just my own domain. I'm sure other's have their own ideas.

But one thing is definite. Everyone has the right to seek someone who shares their views.

I think that a lot of discussion is required for both to know what to expect and let the other know what to expect from them .

You definitely have opened the door for an extensive discussion that really needs to be had.

[su****]

1 hour ago, Windwolf said:

Excellent post.
I can only speak for myself.
I believe that the collor represents both for the right couples.

The collar symbolizes both a commitment to the lifestyle and a commitment to a lifetime relationship between two people who love each other and are dedicated to each other.

There are many kinds of dynamics and many understandings of how dynamics work.

I am a monogamous person . I require a spiritual connection in order to enter a life path with someone.

For me, the M/s dynamic isn't play .
It's 24/7, interacting with each other in the bedroom and out.

And bedroom play definitely can be amazing. It can, on occasion, even be slightly vanilla, though I'm not entirely sure how much vanilla vanilla is. My theory is that everyone is kinky to some degree.

But, marriage and collaring mean the same thing. Commitment to love,passion,respect, devotion,truth, honor, and dignity.

In the home, a different dynamic from outside the home
Some people refer to the public relationship as vanilla.

To me, outside is still M/s. It just appears different to those who don't understand.

The same elegance and devotion that is seen in the home is the same in public. The main difference is that the ceremony that is expected at home isn't required in public.

A girl doesn't kneel before her Master in public with the exception of Munches and BDSM gatherings and events.

However,the same respect for each other is present.

A Master doesn't punish his collar in public. If correction is required,it's done by leaning over and whispering into a girl's ear.

If more complex discipline is required, that waits until the couple is back home.

Just like marriage.

Of course, this is just my own domain. I'm sure other's have their own ideas.

But one thing is definite. Everyone has the right to seek someone who shares their views.

I think that a lot of discussion is required for both to know what to expect and let the other know what to expect from them .

You definitely have opened the door for an extensive discussion that really needs to be had.

I read your post and your profile. I wish there was someone like you that was close to my age. Sadly, as you say, there are many pretenders out there. It makes finding the real ones difficult.

[No****]

1 hour ago, Windwolf said:

Excellent post.
I can only speak for myself.
I believe that the collor represents both for the right couples.

The collar symbolizes both a commitment to the lifestyle and a commitment to a lifetime relationship between two people who love each other and are dedicated to each other.

There are many kinds of dynamics and many understandings of how dynamics work.

I am a monogamous person . I require a spiritual connection in order to enter a life path with someone.

For me, the M/s dynamic isn't play .
It's 24/7, interacting with each other in the bedroom and out.

And bedroom play definitely can be amazing. It can, on occasion, even be slightly vanilla, though I'm not entirely sure how much vanilla vanilla is. My theory is that everyone is kinky to some degree.

But, marriage and collaring mean the same thing. Commitment to love,passion,respect, devotion,truth, honor, and dignity.

In the home, a different dynamic from outside the home
Some people refer to the public relationship as vanilla.

To me, outside is still M/s. It just appears different to those who don't understand.

The same elegance and devotion that is seen in the home is the same in public. The main difference is that the ceremony that is expected at home isn't required in public.

A girl doesn't kneel before her Master in public with the exception of Munches and BDSM gatherings and events.

However,the same respect for each other is present.

A Master doesn't punish his collar in public. If correction is required,it's done by leaning over and whispering into a girl's ear.

If more complex discipline is required, that waits until the couple is back home.

Just like marriage.

Of course, this is just my own domain. I'm sure other's have their own ideas.

But one thing is definite. Everyone has the right to seek someone who shares their views.

I think that a lot of discussion is required for both to know what to expect and let the other know what to expect from them .

You definitely have opened the door for an extensive discussion that really needs to be had.

This is a really great response and exactly how I feel about what being in a dynamic should involve.

BTW, read your profile. Very wonderful. One if the best I’ve read.

[Wi****]

15 minutes ago, sub03038 said:

I read your post and your profile. I wish there was someone like you that was close to my age. Sadly, as you say, there are many pretenders out there. It makes finding the real ones difficult.

Thank you, I'm honored by your words


Never give up. I believe that the s***d dating hookup mentality is in burnout mode for BDSM people.

I recently discovered the cage, and it's populated with sincere BDSM practitioners.

I believe that our community is in a rebirth period, one that includes honor dignity, love, romance trust, devotion, and respect.

So don't give up hope . I recommend expanding your radius and be patient .

Someone like who you are seeking is out there somewhere looking for you.

[Wi****]

8 minutes ago, No1UNo2day said:

This is a really great response and exactly how I feel about what being in a dynamic should involve.

BTW, read your profile. Very wonderful. One if the best I’ve read.

Thank you for your kind words. I'm honored.