Obedience vs True Submission: A question for subs

[To****]

What’s the difference between a man you obey…
and a man you actually want to submit to?

I’m not talking about looks or just attraction.

What is it that makes that switch happen in your mind?

Is it the way he carries himself? The way he treats you? The feeling of safety?

I’m curious what that moment looks like from your side….

[d0****]

There's got to be a sense of actionable integrity that is displayed a lot of conversation a lot of trust obviously there's going to be attraction that's a given but for me I need to see that words aren't just empty that actions happen before promises are made and constant communication because without communication the whole situation can become dangerous quickly and or very upsetting.

[to****]

Safety and confidence knowing he won't cross boundaries and mutual respect of course

[SI****]

Its the way he treats me, the way he remembers a small detail, its the was he carries himself and making sure I feel safe no matter where we are or what we are doing. Its the way he communicates with me no matter how I feel. He loves me out loud in public and loves me respectfully, disrespectfully. He makes my brain shut off, no overthinking, makes and shows me how beautiful I am no matter what! He's my most amazing Daddy, lover, caretaker, partner, protector and so many other amazing things. He's my dream come true, my night in shining armor. 😘❤️💗❤️‍🔥

[br****]

For me obedience is a completely different energy. I obey because of *** of some consequence could even be healthy *** but it feels ***d. submission is willingness desire to be completely present and trusting
Obey me ok why … no
Submission why XYZ….. yus please.

[po****]

1 hour ago, d0n7sm1l3Cry said:

There's got to be a sense of actionable integrity that is displayed a lot of conversation a lot of trust obviously there's going to be attraction that's a given but for me I need to see that words aren't just empty that actions happen before promises are made and constant communication because without communication the whole situation can become dangerous quickly and or very upsetting.

Yes big on the communication. That’s so important

[li****]

Obey vs Submit? I personally submit and obey only to someone that actively develops trust and honors me and my contribution to the dynamic; physical or mental. outside of that….. I’m feral and be warned.

[Li****]

Most definitely the connection, consistency of nurturing with the desire and security that makes me submit mind,body and soul 🎀

[kr****]

For me, I don't obey. Why should I listen to someone barking orders? Obedience is not for me. I associate it with being... Less than. This is just my perspective.
Submission is a gift. I choose to give it to a man who has my best interests in mind, who sees me and knows me. Someone who sees my submission as a gift and honors it and respects me. Who doesn't take for granted that he has mentally enticed me and now I have chosen to give him physical control. It's rare to meet a man deserving of that. It's rare to meet someone who cares enough.
This was a beautiful question and I liked thinking about my answer, so thank you for asking.

[Ka****]

I’m with lilpadawan I don’t obey or submit without total trust. For me it’s an all or nothing thing. Also for me, obedience is a big part of submission. It’s putting my trust in you to know what is best for us. I couldn’t have submission w/o obedience. It would be like you telling me to do something and me saying no. How is that submitting to you? This in only my way of seeing things. Others have their rights and choices. That is what is great about this lifestyle. We can do and see things from our own pov. Thank you for the question.

[Ro****]

Obedience is mechanical: It is a conscious choice to follow a rule or an instruction in the moment, often out of convenience, protocol, or basic baseline cooperation.

Submission is emotional: It is a vulnerability that cannot be demanded; it has to be earned.

For me, that "switch" happens when a partner demonstrates consistent emotional maturity and actionable integrity. I need to feel completely safe, knowing that my boundaries are respected without me having to constantly defend them. True submission only unlocks when mutual respect and profound trust are already firmly established.

[li****]

Curious…anyone chime in on this sub math…. submission +obey = surrender ?

[Mr****]

I can tell when the internal switch happens….it in the eyes, in the actions when not in play mode.

In the early stages in a dynamic (if it begins with the open discussion on the desire for this type of dynamic) it’s mostly performative obedience. Once the trust, respect and safety is confirmed everything changes….and only then does it get really fun.

[jinxed]

As @Katlynn6612 said, great question that needed some considering. 

For me, obeying is a game I can play with just anyone if I feel like it. I only experienced once what true submission might feel like because this man was so incredibly steadfast in his convictions and likes. He didn't let me deter him and he insisted on his wishes in such a non-threatening and sweet way that I literally had no choice but to let them become mine too. It was a life-changing experience and the seeds he planted then are still germinating, so I am very grateful to him! He touched me on the deepest level. 

Obedience is merely superficial fun in comparison. 

[BlueGrace]

I submit to all 4 of my Doms in a variety of ways. I follow the rules and negotiations that we have created daily. They have proven time after time over the years that I am safe and loved with them. They have helped heal me and guide me. They have been my supporters. They have encouraged me to be myself and they accept me for myself, flaws and idiosyncrasies. It’s not about obeying and it never has been.

[li****]

1 hour ago, BlueGrace said:

I submit to all 4 of my Doms in a variety of ways. I follow the rules and negotiations that we have created daily. They have proven time after time over the years that I am safe and loved with them. They have helped heal me and guide me. They have been my supporters. They have encouraged me to be myself and they accept me for myself, flaws and idiosyncrasies. It’s not about obeying and it never has been.

FOUR? Jesus. i’m a padawan… please teach me to find ONE great one.

[Submissive_summer]

Obedience is about my capability... I can obey simply because I am capable of it.... Yes it takes focus and skill but it remains a function of what I can do...

True submission is about who he is..... A sanctuary where I can stop performing... stop calculating and completely surrender because I trust him more than I trust my own defense mechanisms