The worst thing

[cr****]

They just ghosted you? Is that what “gone” meant??

[Peony-3477]

Too many times I’ve met someone, everything matched perfectly, a month or more of getting to know each other and then … poof!!! Nothing, nada, the ghost appears

[Yi****]

Ghosting is very common. I do it myself Sometimes. I'm not proud of it. I don't get many chances either. So I better not blow it when I do huh? Sometimes you just don't have the words to say. Especially on the internet. For me, I can be very excited about someone until that one little red flag or paw, paw or pet ***ve, and then my brain just switches off, you know, especially if it's in the beginning

[Yi****]

I also seem to make that conclusion. After we've had sex once, that's another reason too get to know someone and drag it out. I'll date you for a long time. If we're not having sex yet, but if we do, and I don't like it, it's over

[In****]

Life can be extra cruel like that, eh? I've had those moments. It is usually the case when their life circumstances overwhelm their want to continue a dynamic or relationship.

[xR****]

26 minutes ago, IntrusiveTh0ught said:

Life can be extra cruel like that, eh? I've had those moments. It is usually the case when their life circumstances overwhelm their want to continue a dynamic or relationship.

No doubt! But, to me, that is an issue that can be dealt with. I would argue communication would help balance that life with possible relationships. Ghosting just leaves a bad taste in the mouth over all.

I am super duper patient. I understand life happens and am more than glad to work around it, even for a few hours with a person. Ghosting me, however, leaves me with unpleasant intrusive thoughts and frustration that I feel is unwarranted. There ARE reasons to ghost someone, sure, but those are usually situations outside of someone's control.

[In****]

9 minutes ago, xRainx said:

No doubt! But, to me, that is an issue that can be dealt with. I would argue communication would help balance that life with possible relationships. Ghosting just leaves a bad taste in the mouth over all.

I am super duper patient. I understand life happens and am more than glad to work around it, even for a few hours with a person. Ghosting me, however, leaves me with unpleasant intrusive thoughts and frustration that I feel is unwarranted. There ARE reasons to ghost someone, sure, but those are usually situations outside of someone's control.

Agreed. I'm sure I've probably caused that sort of thing before; it's happened to me countless times, never once a pleasant experience.

The only times I see ghosting as a viable solution is purely out of saftey.

I guess I initially did not realize your post was more about being ghosted by someone that felt perfect than the *** of missing what seemed to be an unbelievable experience 💜 Sorry to hear how things turned out for ya.

[xR****]

40 minutes ago, IntrusiveTh0ught said:

Agreed. I'm sure I've probably caused that sort of thing before; it's happened to me countless times, never once a pleasant experience.

The only times I see ghosting as a viable solution is purely out of saftey.

I guess I initially did not realize your post was more about being ghosted by someone that felt perfect than the *** of missing what seemed to be an unbelievable experience 💜 Sorry to hear how things turned out for ya.

Oh, no, absolutely both. The thing is when someone so perfect is found and then one gets ghosted right afterwards, the shock is just simply hard to reconcile, at least in my opinion.

[la****]

Lack of communication leaves things unsettled. I don't like things to be unsettled, when you have been communicating all along and then poof. It takes me a bit but then I leave it be and go on with my life.  There will always be a-holes out there and we just need to let them go.  I believe in Karma and she really knows how to get someone back.

[xR****]

1 hour ago, lacey62239 said:

Lack of communication leaves things unsettled. I don't like things to be unsettled, when you have been communicating all along and then poof. It takes me a bit but then I leave it be and go on with my life.  There will always be a-holes out there and we just need to let them go.  I believe in Karma and she really knows how to get someone back.

Karma definitely has its way of coming back. But, in truth, I sincerely don't wish any ill on this person. She was so amazing in so many regards and I am fairly certain I did something; but I have been told that is my trauma brain kicking in. 🤷‍♀️ I would even talk with her again if she ever reaches back out. To find someone so wonderful and then being ghosted is just so heartbreaking. I hate that it happened to you or anyone! Lack of closure is a bitch. 😭

[Ra****]

What's sad is that you can't erase them from your mind when you really thought there was something there. It makes you think...what's wrong with me? The worst part is that it tears you down further if you already have some self-esteem issues and makes you stop even wanting to meet anyone and be *** again.

[bo****]

What's worse. When you find that person, they stick with you bc you compare everyone after to them, either consciously or subconsciously. It has happened to me twice and the bar was set higher each time and I'll never forget either of them.

[an****]

The someone who is absolutely perfect for us is in the mirror. It's why external validation never works. It's why you can never truly get closure. You can't close the door on you.

My standards are achievable, don't make me vomit when I look at you, smell better than yesterday's garbage, have at least a basic understanding of English. So normal person.

5 of my friends, all of my exes, 2 people I met here, and a bunch of others would make amazing partners if I would let go of parts of myself.

The 'cut to flesh' is that the further you get from who you are the further you get from finding your perfect you.

I am currently growing my perfect self to be more comfortable with someone else's autonomy. I am changing. I want to achieve this skill, it is something I value of others for me and want this in my mirror. Change sucks so bad.

Right now it's the communication that bothers me, I message, and she is on her own personal life time and replies like a real person not someone beholden to my whim (as I am accustom) 🙄, it's so infuriating 🤣😀 and wonderful, it makes me battle with wanting to set the whole thing on fire and make a scene and throw a tantrum (and reeducate on proper communication etiquette) but it's not my place to change/dirty/crack her mirror. I want to see her through her mirror by aligning mine, understanding her mirror, not requiring either of us to break for each other.

But if I do break it or we can't align, I'll try better next time and take more care and learn and grow and enjoy the new me mirror. After the requisite period of self loathing of course 🤣

Closure doesn't work. And forever is for you everything else is a flow.

No other thing (less meds) can change your internal chemistry, nothing can make you feel, nothing has agency over your mind, you do.

You made yourself feel these feelings, you chose to feel these feelings, these feelings are now your new best feeling. You can't forget. You don't want to forget. The 'top score' doesn't get erased it gets embraced. That's the goal now. You can't mourn your goal and yearn for and seek that same goal. You can't get closure of a feeling you made yourself feel and want to feel again.

The fallacy is fantasizing the relationship as the feelings generator, when it was inside you the entire time. The feeling you get from becoming your true self.

People are out there with all the qualities you want, you just have to date a lot, be available for chance, be quick to abandon a bad boat, and don't compromise your mirror. It all sucks and is awesome and awful and wonderful and life.

[Peony-3477]

I’m in that zone right now .. the silent one .. the being ghosted one.
Not sleeping, not eating, on the verge of throwing a tantrum knowing it’ll get me nowhere.
Do I match his silence or call him out on his game?

[xR****]

3 hours ago, Peony-3477 said:

I’m in that zone right now .. the silent one .. the being ghosted one.
Not sleeping, not eating, on the verge of throwing a tantrum knowing it’ll get me nowhere.
Do I match his silence or call him out on his game?

Be straight forward. It's what I did. It did help. Be like, "look, I can't do this silence. It eats away at me. If you can't respond in a reasonable time, I am done. " Then delete his ass. 😈 It still hurts, even now for me weeks later, it still hurts. But, I am trying to make other connections. 🥰 (But fuck me if I ever get messages, I would probably go running back. 😭)

[Deleted Member]

The feeling of being used. Spend time messaging back and forth with pictures and videos and words. Pouring out your imagination to make the other feel good. You even get them to orgasm, sometimes multiple. You think you are sharing something good. You arrange the meeting it has been building up to. Then they block you! No reason why, out of the blue. No explanation! Is that what gets them off? To use someone and then drop them? That simple cowardly act gives them a thrill. Or are you in a line of idiots, being pitted against each other secretly. Trite words of encouragement and reassurance then dropped. Didn't make the cut. Even being told that would help. It is too easy to crap on people here. You can treat them like losers with no come back. Seems lobsided.

[an****]

8 hours ago, Peony-3477 said:

I’m in that zone right now .. the silent one .. the being ghosted one.
Not sleeping, not eating, on the verge of throwing a tantrum knowing it’ll get me nowhere.
Do I match his silence or call him out on his game?

The anxiety we feel is ours. It's our own inability to rest with uncertainty, to allow open loops to exist.

I am extremely intelligent, I run about 1000 data points in every interaction, I can with unnerving certainty predict the vast majority of outcomes there's not really any surprise.

I find myself many times a day arguing for 30 to 40 minutes with an AI because the AIs logic tree and phrasing undercuts the sheer value of the logic I submit. I like understanding AI limitations and it accidentally started to make me give more grace to different thinkers.

I assume based on your entry, that you are highly competent and highly intelligent. My assumption broadens out to this entire post and a majority of posters on this site that the major issue faced by this audience is having a brain that is too loud.

Example time:
You are sharing
They give minimum effort
They say 'I miss you'
You start flirting
Back and forth, it's great
You feel so energized
You share the rest of your day
Minimal reply
They say I can't stand being away from you
You offer availability
Silence
You keep sharing
Silence
Silence
Silence
Brain is on fire, can't sleep, can't eat, need to protect self so you download/scroll some dating/social apps or engage with exs or send 'boundries' or complain or throw a tantrum or (insert bad habits) and spend all day/night recreating everything you destroyed months prior, and running every scenario that has ever been a scenario in the existence of the world, this isn't new, this is a survival reaction, a 'keep me safe', the mega/lizard brain knows the danger, the ***, and the risk to us if we don't prepare for the worst, for the loss, for this person to reject us.

Now two paths exist

One that continues to remain positive/numb
You delete, disregard, ect for your reaction that was independent of your partner.

One that creates negativity, guilt, shame, demand, all disguised as growth and connection and boundaries but is really validation and wanting to close loops in the future.

You chose to remain positive
They reply Good morning
They say sorry, XYZ reason
You ask a question
They expand
You ask/share
You share
Good night
Silence
reply sorry I didn't reply I fell asleep early, good morning, (apologizes for not answering the question while also still not answering the question 🤣)

(You operate knowing 206.53 questions are still in the chat history unanswered, and they operate as if every reply resets the entire conversation to current, this does not compute 🤣, also I'm the only one struggling with how my brain is operating)

At some point you have to (and this sucks) understand your vs their priority for communication. If someone doesn't respond or doesn't answer your questions, but they meet your physical criteria, you feel good together, you like when they engage, etc. Try to enjoy your time, operate as though the relationship is doomed or not going anywhere or that this person will suck at communicating forever.

That is the hardest part. It's also hard because we all know if something is a priority you put effort into it if somebody wants to reply they're going to reply and that's the hard pill to swallow that people have lives or struggle with juggling 72 things at a time because for us if we don't juggle 72 things at a time we feel like failures.

So it's easy for me to do work, clean, schedule vet appointments, think in the background about a vacation next year, plan my finances, remember to pick up a gift, plan for catering, put a mental note to buy a new belt in the next 3 months because my dress belt is getting a little worn out, that in 90 to 120 days snow is on the ground, I need to make sure my tires are good, I need to make sure that there's salt, I need to start that snow blower, why haven't they replied, and this happens every 10 seconds.

I can live a year in the silence of waiting for a reply and sometimes this silence lasts 2 minutes sometimes the silence lasts 24 hours but the weight of the silence is directly reflected by the question I ask and how it affects my schedule and how stressed I am and how much validation I'm seeking from this person.

(Side note: remember how the person who did communicate with you all day everyday rapid fire and you had a situation where you couldn't reply and they were so mean to you and made you feel like the worst person alive isn't it nice when somebody doesn't do that)

I want the loops to be closed so bad that going nuclear on the relationship or bringing negativity or criticism and manipulating their behavior to pacify my ego becomes a more attractive option. And I cycle so fast that this happens everyday about 12 times, every delay, every unclosed loop gets a 3049 point analysis. That's is a me problem.

Conversation happens back an forth then silence.
Goodnight
Silence
Reply good morning, sorry I fell asleep, my tummy has been bothering me
You offer support, ask how long
Days
You ask 'What did your dr say
Silence 🤣

What is trying to be solved?
The loop.
The loop must close.
I can't function with open loops.
Nothing else matters.
Close the loop.

What happens?
replies
doesn't replies
replies and it still doesn't close the loop

Try to stop asking questions that you need answered, try to give you and them more grace.

Do not mirror his silence. Mirror your true self. If you want to share share if you want to ask questions ask questions you just have to remove the weight that you place on the reply, you have to remove the anxious attachment to the text and that's the million dollar question how do I stop all this *** I am creating for myself.

It's something like this our brains operate like a bullet train you give me the track the fuel the destination I am going to get there faster than anyone's ever gotten there. In relationships the train has to be built so the engine is being put together it's moving forward to the next station and then it waits on another part the engineer comes over and we're getting progress towards completion and then another delay.

The capacity for s***d and the understanding that this relationship has a destination has a beautiful track has an abundant amount of fuel is the anxiety of that train not moving but that's also the process we have to learn how to enjoy.

Every single one of us has smashed the train together and thrown it down the track and it doesn't ever get to the next station, feels great making progress, and then the engine explodes because it wasn't created properly.

Learn to love the delay. It is actually very freeing if I sit with the freedom of my own autonomy.

I 100% hate it also.

Me problem.

I hate not being under extreme amounts of pressure and stress and demands.

Freedom and autonomy feels like being boiled alive to me. And I know the fix is to enjoy being free. 😫

[Peony-3477]

22 minutes ago, anotherusername said:

The anxiety we feel is ours. It's our own inability to rest with uncertainty, to allow open loops to exist.

I am extremely intelligent, I run about 1000 data points in every interaction, I can with unnerving certainty predict the vast majority of outcomes there's not really any surprise.

I find myself many times a day arguing for 30 to 40 minutes with an AI because the AIs logic tree and phrasing undercuts the sheer value of the logic I submit. I like understanding AI limitations and it accidentally started to make me give more grace to different thinkers.

I assume based on your entry, that you are highly competent and highly intelligent. My assumption broadens out to this entire post and a majority of posters on this site that the major issue faced by this audience is having a brain that is too loud.

Example time:
You are sharing
They give minimum effort
They say 'I miss you'
You start flirting
Back and forth, it's great
You feel so energized
You share the rest of your day
Minimal reply
They say I can't stand being away from you
You offer availability
Silence
You keep sharing
Silence
Silence
Silence
Brain is on fire, can't sleep, can't eat, need to protect self so you download/scroll some dating/social apps or engage with exs or send 'boundries' or complain or throw a tantrum or (insert bad habits) and spend all day/night recreating everything you destroyed months prior, and running every scenario that has ever been a scenario in the existence of the world, this isn't new, this is a survival reaction, a 'keep me safe', the mega/lizard brain knows the danger, the ***, and the risk to us if we don't prepare for the worst, for the loss, for this person to reject us.

Now two paths exist

One that continues to remain positive/numb
You delete, disregard, ect for your reaction that was independent of your partner.

One that creates negativity, guilt, shame, demand, all disguised as growth and connection and boundaries but is really validation and wanting to close loops in the future.

You chose to remain positive
They reply Good morning
They say sorry, XYZ reason
You ask a question
They expand
You ask/share
You share
Good night
Silence
reply sorry I didn't reply I fell asleep early, good morning, (apologizes for not answering the question while also still not answering the question 🤣)

(You operate knowing 206.53 questions are still in the chat history unanswered, and they operate as if every reply resets the entire conversation to current, this does not compute 🤣, also I'm the only one struggling with how my brain is operating)

At some point you have to (and this sucks) understand your vs their priority for communication. If someone doesn't respond or doesn't answer your questions, but they meet your physical criteria, you feel good together, you like when they engage, etc. Try to enjoy your time, operate as though the relationship is doomed or not going anywhere or that this person will suck at communicating forever.

That is the hardest part. It's also hard because we all know if something is a priority you put effort into it if somebody wants to reply they're going to reply and that's the hard pill to swallow that people have lives or struggle with juggling 72 things at a time because for us if we don't juggle 72 things at a time we feel like failures.

So it's easy for me to do work, clean, schedule vet appointments, think in the background about a vacation next year, plan my finances, remember to pick up a gift, plan for catering, put a mental note to buy a new belt in the next 3 months because my dress belt is getting a little worn out, that in 90 to 120 days snow is on the ground, I need to make sure my tires are good, I need to make sure that there's salt, I need to start that snow blower, why haven't they replied, and this happens every 10 seconds.

I can live a year in the silence of waiting for a reply and sometimes this silence lasts 2 minutes sometimes the silence lasts 24 hours but the weight of the silence is directly reflected by the question I ask and how it affects my schedule and how stressed I am and how much validation I'm seeking from this person.

(Side note: remember how the person who did communicate with you all day everyday rapid fire and you had a situation where you couldn't reply and they were so mean to you and made you feel like the worst person alive isn't it nice when somebody doesn't do that)

I want the loops to be closed so bad that going nuclear on the relationship or bringing negativity or criticism and manipulating their behavior to pacify my ego becomes a more attractive option. And I cycle so fast that this happens everyday about 12 times, every delay, every unclosed loop gets a 3049 point analysis. That's is a me problem.

Conversation happens back an forth then silence.
Goodnight
Silence
Reply good morning, sorry I fell asleep, my tummy has been bothering me
You offer support, ask how long
Days
You ask 'What did your dr say
Silence 🤣

What is trying to be solved?
The loop.
The loop must close.
I can't function with open loops.
Nothing else matters.
Close the loop.

What happens?
replies
doesn't replies
replies and it still doesn't close the loop

Try to stop asking questions that you need answered, try to give you and them more grace.

Do not mirror his silence. Mirror your true self. If you want to share share if you want to ask questions ask questions you just have to remove the weight that you place on the reply, you have to remove the anxious attachment to the text and that's the million dollar question how do I stop all this *** I am creating for myself.

It's something like this our brains operate like a bullet train you give me the track the fuel the destination I am going to get there faster than anyone's ever gotten there. In relationships the train has to be built so the engine is being put together it's moving forward to the next station and then it waits on another part the engineer comes over and we're getting progress towards completion and then another delay.

The capacity for s***d and the understanding that this relationship has a destination has a beautiful track has an abundant amount of fuel is the anxiety of that train not moving but that's also the process we have to learn how to enjoy.

Every single one of us has smashed the train together and thrown it down the track and it doesn't ever get to the next station, feels great making progress, and then the engine explodes because it wasn't created properly.

Learn to love the delay. It is actually very freeing if I sit with the freedom of my own autonomy.

I 100% hate it also.

Me problem.

I hate not being under extreme amounts of pressure and stress and demands.

Freedom and autonomy feels like being boiled alive to me. And I know the fix is to enjoy being free. 😫

I resonate with so much of your post, it’s frightening

[jinxed]

On 7/25/2026 at 6:56 AM, sinfulsub said:

 

@sinfulsub Very sorry for how this ended! What a very very sad person he must be if you think about it. I've understood at one point that people who act in such cowardly and disgusting ways have serious issues, be that with their self-esteem or their overall quality of life. Either way, you might want to stay away from them. If you are a stable and content person, you don't behave like that, do you? 
I've been the one ending almost all of my former relationships and connections, sometimes using a lie to soften the blow, but never through ghosting. There ALWAYS was a goodbye message because if you liked someone and if you are a good person then you simply can't live with yourself without giving the other person a proper goodbye.

So @YinKissesYang, unless your IQ is severely impaired you'll always find the words to say goodbye in a decent and respectful manner. But it's good of you to warn everyone on this app about your cowardice and inadequacies. Thanks! 

[an****]

2 hours ago, Peony-3477 said:

I resonate with so much of your post, it’s frightening

I'm going to look for your other posts/replies if this does resonate and you post I'd like to get a feel for all your insights, do look into @jinxed (fucking amazing personality) I am also liking a lot of the people here in this post, we are a legion of overlovers and overdoers and over sharers, we need TED talk or a 12 step program 🤣

[Deleted Member]

Jesus, just happened again. Will I never ***y well learn 😪

[To****]

Yeah, I think most of us have met someone who looked almost too good on paper

But I’ve learned there is no such thing as a perfect person. You can meet someone who ticks every box and still find that the timing, connection or dynamic just isn’t right.

Sometimes you meet someone who makes you realise exactly what you want… and then they disappear..

Maybe that’s the frustrating part. ..You don’t always lose someone because something was wrong. Sometimes it just never gets the chance to become what it could have been

For me, the right person isn’t the perfect one. It’s the one whose imperfections you understand, accept, and still genuinely want.