The worst thing

[cr****]

They just ghosted you? Is that what “gone” meant??

[Peony-3477]

Too many times I’ve met someone, everything matched perfectly, a month or more of getting to know each other and then … poof!!! Nothing, nada, the ghost appears

[Yi****]

Ghosting is very common. I do it myself Sometimes. I'm not proud of it. I don't get many chances either. So I better not blow it when I do huh? Sometimes you just don't have the words to say. Especially on the internet. For me, I can be very excited about someone until that one little red flag or paw, paw or pet ***ve, and then my brain just switches off, you know, especially if it's in the beginning

[Yi****]

I also seem to make that conclusion. After we've had sex once, that's another reason too get to know someone and drag it out. I'll date you for a long time. If we're not having sex yet, but if we do, and I don't like it, it's over

[In****]

Life can be extra cruel like that, eh? I've had those moments. It is usually the case when their life circumstances overwhelm their want to continue a dynamic or relationship.

[xR****]

26 minutes ago, IntrusiveTh0ught said:

Life can be extra cruel like that, eh? I've had those moments. It is usually the case when their life circumstances overwhelm their want to continue a dynamic or relationship.

No doubt! But, to me, that is an issue that can be dealt with. I would argue communication would help balance that life with possible relationships. Ghosting just leaves a bad taste in the mouth over all.

I am super duper patient. I understand life happens and am more than glad to work around it, even for a few hours with a person. Ghosting me, however, leaves me with unpleasant intrusive thoughts and frustration that I feel is unwarranted. There ARE reasons to ghost someone, sure, but those are usually situations outside of someone's control.

[In****]

9 minutes ago, xRainx said:

No doubt! But, to me, that is an issue that can be dealt with. I would argue communication would help balance that life with possible relationships. Ghosting just leaves a bad taste in the mouth over all.

I am super duper patient. I understand life happens and am more than glad to work around it, even for a few hours with a person. Ghosting me, however, leaves me with unpleasant intrusive thoughts and frustration that I feel is unwarranted. There ARE reasons to ghost someone, sure, but those are usually situations outside of someone's control.

Agreed. I'm sure I've probably caused that sort of thing before; it's happened to me countless times, never once a pleasant experience.

The only times I see ghosting as a viable solution is purely out of saftey.

I guess I initially did not realize your post was more about being ghosted by someone that felt perfect than the *** of missing what seemed to be an unbelievable experience 💜 Sorry to hear how things turned out for ya.

[xR****]

40 minutes ago, IntrusiveTh0ught said:

Agreed. I'm sure I've probably caused that sort of thing before; it's happened to me countless times, never once a pleasant experience.

The only times I see ghosting as a viable solution is purely out of saftey.

I guess I initially did not realize your post was more about being ghosted by someone that felt perfect than the *** of missing what seemed to be an unbelievable experience 💜 Sorry to hear how things turned out for ya.

Oh, no, absolutely both. The thing is when someone so perfect is found and then one gets ghosted right afterwards, the shock is just simply hard to reconcile, at least in my opinion.

[la****]

Lack of communication leaves things unsettled. I don't like things to be unsettled, when you have been communicating all along and then poof. It takes me a bit but then I leave it be and go on with my life.  There will always be a-holes out there and we just need to let them go.  I believe in Karma and she really knows how to get someone back.

[xR****]

1 hour ago, lacey62239 said:

Lack of communication leaves things unsettled. I don't like things to be unsettled, when you have been communicating all along and then poof. It takes me a bit but then I leave it be and go on with my life.  There will always be a-holes out there and we just need to let them go.  I believe in Karma and she really knows how to get someone back.

Karma definitely has its way of coming back. But, in truth, I sincerely don't wish any ill on this person. She was so amazing in so many regards and I am fairly certain I did something; but I have been told that is my trauma brain kicking in. 🤷‍♀️ I would even talk with her again if she ever reaches back out. To find someone so wonderful and then being ghosted is just so heartbreaking. I hate that it happened to you or anyone! Lack of closure is a bitch. 😭

[Ra****]

What's sad is that you can't erase them from your mind when you really thought there was something there. It makes you think...what's wrong with me? The worst part is that it tears you down further if you already have some self-esteem issues and makes you stop even wanting to meet anyone and be *** again.

[bo****]

What's worse. When you find that person, they stick with you bc you compare everyone after to them, either consciously or subconsciously. It has happened to me twice and the bar was set higher each time and I'll never forget either of them.

[an****]

The someone who is absolutely perfect for us is in the mirror. It's why external validation never works. It's why you can never truly get closure. You can't close the door on you.

My standards are achievable, don't make me vomit when I look at you, smell better than yesterday's garbage, have at least a basic understanding of English. So normal person.

5 of my friends, all of my exes, 2 people I met here, and a bunch of others would make amazing partners if I would let go of parts of myself.

The 'cut to flesh' is that the further you get from who you are the further you get from finding your perfect you.

I am currently growing my perfect self to be more comfortable with someone else's autonomy. I am changing. I want to achieve this skill, it is something I value of others for me and want this in my mirror. Change sucks so bad.

Right now it's the communication that bothers me, I message, and she is on her own personal life time and replies like a real person not someone beholden to my whim (as I am accustom) 🙄, it's so infuriating 🤣😀 and wonderful, it makes me battle with wanting to set the whole thing on fire and make a scene and throw a tantrum (and reeducate on proper communication etiquette) but it's not my place to change/dirty/crack her mirror. I want to see her through her mirror by aligning mine, understanding her mirror, not requiring either of us to break for each other.

But if I do break it or we can't align, I'll try better next time and take more care and learn and grow and enjoy the new me mirror. After the requisite period of self loathing of course 🤣

Closure doesn't work. And forever is for you everything else is a flow.

No other thing (less meds) can change your internal chemistry, nothing can make you feel, nothing has agency over your mind, you do.

You made yourself feel these feelings, you chose to feel these feelings, these feelings are now your new best feeling. You can't forget. You don't want to forget. The 'top score' doesn't get erased it gets embraced. That's the goal now. You can't mourn your goal and yearn for and seek that same goal. You can't get closure of a feeling you made yourself feel and want to feel again.

The fallacy is fantasizing the relationship as the feelings generator, when it was inside you the entire time. The feeling you get from becoming your true self.

People are out there with all the qualities you want, you just have to date a lot, be available for chance, be quick to abandon a bad boat, and don't compromise your mirror. It all sucks and is awesome and awful and wonderful and life.

[Peony-3477]

I’m in that zone right now .. the silent one .. the being ghosted one.
Not sleeping, not eating, on the verge of throwing a tantrum knowing it’ll get me nowhere.
Do I match his silence or call him out on his game?