Question for Subs

[De****]

13 minutes ago, AmieJ said:

It makes absolute sense. My Master is always good at reading me and knowing when to stop. He reminds me I am his, and we have years to build up my tolerance.

Honestly, just knowing other subs, like you, get where I’m coming from helps a lot.

[AmieJ]

18 minutes ago, DenverBunny said:

Honestly, just knowing other subs, like you, get where I’m coming from helps a lot.

Omg!! Yes it absolutely does. I don't know anyone else like me in my area. So I have deeply internalized this. I haven't been on the app in a while, and decided to log back in. And there you were. Thank you for helping me feel my kinda normal

[Ex****]

I think it’s also important you’re submitting to them for your pleasure. It’s not all about the D-type’s wants and needs. It’s about both of you. About supporting and challenging each other in all things. That’s where communication is so vital. Talk together. Maybe you can make a plan to help you build your stamina, or tolerance for ***. In the end, though, it seems like he’s still choosing you. That’s a good sign.

[TimberTara]

I would also establish boundaries and a safe word and I am sure that whoever you are with will tell you if you’re falling short unless it’s a very soft relationship, they seem to thrive on

[Ro****]

Oh friend, welcome to the "Brain vs. Meat-suit" club.
Take a massive breath—what you’re feeling is incredibly common, and it usually means you care deeply.
Here is a quick reality check, delivered with love:
You are an instrument panel, not a robot:
Your Dom is flying the plane, but you are the sensors.
If you hide that you’re redlining just to be "good," the plane crashes.
Honesty is your highest form of service.
Stoicism is a safety hazard:
Pushing past a hard mental or physical wall isn't submission; it’s dangerous.
Your Dom needs accurate data to keep you safe.
Beware the drop goblin:
That loud inner voice calling you "unworthy" is usually just a chemical crash whispering lies.
Treat those thoughts like a drunk stranger on the street:
ignore them, eat a snack, and get under a blanket.
Worth isn't measured in endurance:
Your submission is in your trust and vulnerability, not a checklist of physical stats.
Being honest about your human limits makes you a safe, sustainable submissive—not a disappointment.
Give yourself some grace

[De****]

1 hour ago, RogueLynx said:

Oh friend, welcome to the "Brain vs. Meat-suit" club.
Take a massive breath—what you’re feeling is incredibly common, and it usually means you care deeply.
Here is a quick reality check, delivered with love:
You are an instrument panel, not a robot:
Your Dom is flying the plane, but you are the sensors.
If you hide that you’re redlining just to be "good," the plane crashes.
Honesty is your highest form of service.
Stoicism is a safety hazard:
Pushing past a hard mental or physical wall isn't submission; it’s dangerous.
Your Dom needs accurate data to keep you safe.
Beware the drop goblin:
That loud inner voice calling you "unworthy" is usually just a chemical crash whispering lies.
Treat those thoughts like a drunk stranger on the street:
ignore them, eat a snack, and get under a blanket.
Worth isn't measured in endurance:
Your submission is in your trust and vulnerability, not a checklist of physical stats.
Being honest about your human limits makes you a safe, sustainable submissive—not a disappointment.
Give yourself some grace

I looooove this analogy 🫶🏼

[Da****]

Can a non-sub chime in?

[De****]

1 hour ago, Daddy_DomNC said:

Can a non-sub chime in?

Of course 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

[Deleted Member]

Sh1111t, I feel like this in any relationship. The key for me is to be myself, no matter what - and I am very communicative. If I'm anxious I'll tell him; scared, speak up; worried..... you get the idea.

A compatible Dom will give you space, even if it isn't in that moment, he will do so in a timely manner because you are important to him. If you express a concern and he waits 2 or more days, that's not at all okay (based on normal days, not intense deadlines, family issues, etc.). He's human too and you've waited that long to say something, may as well calm yourself, focus on self awareness, and holdfast for 24 hours.

I guarantee you, he has similar feelings. Maybe not as often, and he usually won't talk about it, but he has them too. Men are about logistics through action, women are about logistics through discussion. Where men are reactive to emotions, women [should be] proactive. Where women are reactive to emergencies, men are proactive. Women worry, men plan.

If your Dom says you're doing great - trust that. If he says you could work on a-b-c, don't get defensive, just hear him. Ask for clarification. Let him know you're emotional and that hurts to hear, could he better explain what he means. No matter what, be calm and hear him.

Part of a Doms job is to lead. When you stop trusting him, he will begin to doubt himself and/or the dynamic (if not the relationship completely). If he breaks that trust, at any time, then the same doubt is on him to repair.

Talk, listen, and trust 😉

[Lo****]

I feel this post deeper than I can articulate through words alone.
The best I can offer you is what I tell myself and the actions I take to work through those moments. I use the term moments loosely as it is an ongoing thing, yes, but experienced in a series of moments since I don't always have those feelings.
Personal reflection is huge for me. I journal a lot and often revisit my entries to see if I am still experiencing the same thoughts/feelings and if certain ones are patterned and happened during a specific time or recurring during a certain act only.. When I have time alone I will have a conversation out loud with myself. It used to feel awkward, but now I feel like my own counselor lol
I ask myself the difficult questions and break the entire feeling apart, disect it if you will. Did I let other thoughts bleed into my experience?
Was I feeling emotions lingering from something that had happened earlier in the day and let that affect my mood.
I follow each and every possible reason that may be responsible for said inner thoughts.
Definitely express that you are experiencing this *in the moment* with your Dom. Maybe all you need is a intermission for some immediate aftercare stuffs ahead of time to gain that reassurance/validity/iykyk then you can return to your session, or maybe switch it up to incorporate something else instead of whatever activity you were engaged in while having those feelings.
I hope you are able to find a way to work through this that works for you, for the long term.
If you ever need someone to reach out to, my dms are open. No judgements, and advice only given upon request 🌹🌹
Hugs 🫂

[Yourcompliant1]

I'm guessing that your Dom is quite happy with the way you are handling your tasks but you feel inadequate and overwhelmed at times with your tasks?
First off you have to be realistic about your goals. Start slow, don't bite off more than you can do. You establish some type of base line then each week you try and improve your time with a specific task. As long as you are improving yourself your Dom will be very happy. You are a product of his desires and he approves what he sees.

[sr****]

17 hours ago, MisterLove69 said:

The hiding part is the one thing I'd push back on. His read on you is literally what lets him take you that deep in the first place. If you ever actually managed to hide from him, you wouldn't get a longer scene out of it. You'd get a more careful dom. Once he learns his reads can't be trusted, everything gets shorter and safer after that, which is the opposite of what you want.

Wanting more after he calls it, that's real... only in the moment. But bring it to him outside the scene. Tell him you think your edge is further than where he stops. Let him figure out how to test that safely. Then he's giving you more on purpose instead of you sneaking it past him.

Stay safe and honest, don't hide 🤎

I think this is great advice. For many it's actually guiding you to that edge that is the thrill, not how long it takes or how hard it goes. Sure maybe someone else could take another inch while standing on their head, but that's irrelevant. He wants you.

Just thoughts... but do you have similar perfection/self doubt/people pleasing concerns creep up at work, in your family dynamics etc? Is there a pattern? Do you have different perceptions/strategies in non sexual situations etc? What can be extrapolated/learned/applied?

[de****]

As a Dom I can say you want obedience and willingness. You are already showing these. It doesn’t require extremes to be completely pleasing to the Dom.

Some inner child work could help you understand why you’re feeling that what you offer is not enough xx

[De****]

10 hours ago, abbotsford78252 said:

I feel this post deeper than I can articulate through words alone.
The best I can offer you is what I tell myself and the actions I take to work through those moments. I use the term moments loosely as it is an ongoing thing, yes, but experienced in a series of moments since I don't always have those feelings.
Personal reflection is huge for me. I journal a lot and often revisit my entries to see if I am still experiencing the same thoughts/feelings and if certain ones are patterned and happened during a specific time or recurring during a certain act only.. When I have time alone I will have a conversation out loud with myself. It used to feel awkward, but now I feel like my own counselor lol
I ask myself the difficult questions and break the entire feeling apart, disect it if you will. Did I let other thoughts bleed into my experience?
Was I feeling emotions lingering from something that had happened earlier in the day and let that affect my mood.
I follow each and every possible reason that may be responsible for said inner thoughts.
Definitely express that you are experiencing this *in the moment* with your Dom. Maybe all you need is a intermission for some immediate aftercare stuffs ahead of time to gain that reassurance/validity/iykyk then you can return to your session, or maybe switch it up to incorporate something else instead of whatever activity you were engaged in while having those feelings.
I hope you are able to find a way to work through this that works for you, for the long term.
If you ever need someone to reach out to, my dms are open. No judgements, and advice only given upon request 🌹🌹
Hugs 🫂

Thank you 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

[ru****]

A good dom should take his time and see to that you are fulfilling and happy. It is his job to see that you are happy. Well at lest I enjoy seeing my woman smiling and knowing that I appreciate that she would see to it that I am well taken care of.

[TimberTara]

Just do your best that’s all you can do and if it’s not good enough for your superior, then ask for help I guess if that’s allowed

[Ba****]

I came to terms with my own limits over time. I am a maso, and normally people assume that goes for my whole body. It doesn't. It is only in specific spots. My genitals, my butt, and back of thighs are the only places I enjoy it. My back is a hard limit. Another one is kneeling for too long, longer than 20 minutes, because of injuries I've had to them over the years.
For the more general "I'm not good enough" I remind myself that if I wasn't a Dom wouldn't have me as a sub. (I'm single right now, but this applies to past and future Doms) it's just reworking how you think of yourself. Easier said than done, yeah, but it helps in more than just dynamics/relationships.

[BlueGrace]

I haven’t had these feelings in years with my Dominants because I faced reality. If I can’t do something, I can’t do it. I don’t sit and wallow in the feelings or blame myself. My body has changed over the years and so have my limits and kinks. I am more than enough for my Dominants and I don’t look for problems where there are none. My Dominants love me and respect me for me. They satisfied with what I do for them and we are content. We don’t waste energy on the what ifs, what we cannot control or do. We accept change and move on. It’s part of life. I am not sorry for my limits nor do I feel guilty.

[Me****]

4 hours ago, BlueGrace said:

I haven’t had these feelings in years with my Dominants because I faced reality. If I can’t do something, I can’t do it. I don’t sit and wallow in the feelings or blame myself. My body has changed over the years and so have my limits and kinks. I am more than enough for my Dominants and I don’t look for problems where there are none. My Dominants love me and respect me for me. They satisfied with what I do for them and we are content. We don’t waste energy on the what ifs, what we cannot control or do. We accept change and move on. It’s part of life. I am not sorry for my limits nor do I feel guilty.

And that is amazing that you’ve grown and developed a confidence in who you are! Yet your wording about “facing reality” comes off as though those who struggle with insecurities and anxieties are somehow less. Like they are the problem for having doubts and worries when in reality, it’s just how their brain is wired. Growth is possible, as you’ve experienced, but i feel like more empathy could have been applied in response to OP’s post.

[Dreamdust]

Maybe take a timeout discuss how you are feeling openly and then when your ready you go back to things when your are feeling better

[BlueGrace]

Friday at 05:41 AM, MerB34r said:

And that is amazing that you’ve grown and developed a confidence in who you are! Yet your wording about “facing reality” comes off as though those who struggle with insecurities and anxieties are somehow less. Like they are the problem for having doubts and worries when in reality, it’s just how their brain is wired. Growth is possible, as you’ve experienced, but i feel like more empathy could have been applied in response to OP’s post.

Not everyone is going to be empathetic when it comes to responses. When a post is made and responded to, it’s not always going to be an empathetic one. I gave my experience and how I dealt with it. How someone interprets it isn’t my responsibility. Some people are the problem when it comes to their situation and self reflection is necessary.

[Ne****]

I agree. I had a wonderful talk with my sub because of the discussion

[Ha****]

I hope I'm not budding in on this conversation but I've been on both sides of the coin and it comes down to self-confidence if you have truly been doing everything you possibly can then there's no need for you to spend your time getting down on yourself the fact that you're even having feelings like that means you actually care which means you're on the right side of the thought pattern but in everything excess can be harmful and addicting becoming the easy pathway for your brain to follow if you know you've done everything you can don't try to do more

[UntamedAlice]

I do agree with others that some of this comes down to self-confidence and grounding yourself by recognising that most subs have moments of insecurity like this. My suggestion would be to speak to your Dom about it, because your thoughts aren't necessarily facts. Maybe you aren't falling short at all. Maybe you were being pushed to see how far you could go. If there is something you personally would like to work on improving, talk about that too.

And work on improving how you think and talk to yourself in those moments. I'm about to go take this advice for myself by the way lol, we're all a masterpiece in progress 💋💋