Question for Subs

[Em****]

See I would say it’s the opposite! It’s the doms job to be fulfilling the subs needs and desires! With a proper dom the sub actually holds the power.

[De****]

4 minutes ago, PacificRestraint said:

As a Dom, to me, it’s not about my sub reaching some ***/pleasure level determined by me. It’s about her reaching her level. That’s when I’m proud of her. I’m not a sadist though.

I would listen to your Dom, if they say you’re doing enough, believe them.

That’s very valid. I think it’s a good point, trust the positive feedback, though easier said than done sometimes.

[Lo****]

8 minutes ago, DenverBunny said:

Thank you for the kind words. As a type A perfectionist, who was also raised in a standard minority family where perfection was the only allowable option, it’s a struggle. He is always assuring and loving, but it’s hard to get past the need to be the best.

I understand completely. The Dom/sub relationship is very complex.

[De****]

19 minutes ago, EmeraldShoreline said:

See I would say it’s the opposite! It’s the doms job to be fulfilling the subs needs and desires! With a proper dom the sub actually holds the power.

I doubt, very highly, that there is any clean cut rule that only the Dom or sub is responsible for fulfilling the desires of the other. Relationships and symbiotic. Both sides are giving to the other. The conversation was never meant to be who holds the power or who is responsible. It was meant as a frank conversation of how subs come to terms with personal limits if that’s something they are struggling with. That doesn’t mean either party is at fault, life isn’t black and white.

[Mi****]

Dom view if welcome. That wanting-to-give-more feeling means the scene's working, but it can't be trusted mid scene, in the moment nobody can tell real capacity from being high on it, hormones doing hormone things 🤷‍♂️. My standing rule is limits only move between scenes at negotiation, never during. So when the feeling shows up, treat it as data for the next conversation, not permission in the current one. That way the generosity still happens, just with a clear head deciding it.

[TimberTara]

If your Dom is agreeable, talk to them about it find out if they’re pleased with your behavior

[TimberTara]

My feeling is they’re never satisfied that’s just part of their makeup you always could do more in their eyes

[Em****]

19 minutes ago, DenverBunny said:

I doubt, very highly, that there is any clean cut rule that only the Dom or sub is responsible for fulfilling the desires of the other. Relationships and symbiotic. Both sides are giving to the other. The conversation was never meant to be who holds the power or who is responsible. It was meant as a frank conversation of how subs come to terms with personal limits if that’s something they are struggling with. That doesn’t mean either party is at fault, life isn’t black and white.

Coming directly from the start of your post you were saying how it’s the subs job to fulfill the needs of the dom. “Be the vessel for their pleasure” … anyways I don’t view it that way, therefore I don’t have to deal with feeling like I’m “falling short” prehaps try changing your mindset as well.

[PL****]

1 hour ago, ticklishtboy said:

i have some physical disabilities that cause me to have joint ***, so i cant do things like be on my knees for very long, for example. im inexperienced irl so i havent actually done this yet 🫣 but my plan is to have some kind of hand signal for "my body physically cant handle this rn/anymore" that i can use to let my dom know when im in too much ***, without bringing the scene to a full stop (the way a safeword might). im not sure how applicable this is to you bc different circumstances but i hope it at least helps a little bit :3

I also have *** limitations like yours, and so I use a yellow as a safe words which doesn't mean stop it simply means pause or break...my doms know before hand we don't have to stop when I say yellow. It means check in and see what my needs are. So I can clearly communicate if I need different positioning or whatever. Then the scene doesn't stop just slows for needs being met.

[Ca****]

Be careful is my comment. Work on mental health and have just been “dom” ***d. Lots and lots of
Communication and after more communication, but again be safe

[Pu****]

Do you know the 4 pillars of BDSM? AND NO... YOU AREN'T ***D.. in a real BDSM dynamic relationship the sub holds the control... a Dom should know the limits of their sub ....I am not a sub i am FemDom but I feel you maybe being ***d. I have heard too many stories of subs and I also have my own stories of getting ***d by so called Doms when they are in fact just a dominant asshole. There's a difference between kink and actually hurting someone mentally physically and emotionally. What aftercare is in place for you after you play??? Feel free to message me if you would like. The foundation of a BDSM dynamic should be built on the 4 pillars of BDSM. Im not telling you what they are because I want you to do your research. Ask questions...you aren't a door mat, you are to be treasured. Giving someone the gift of your submission is priceless. Please educate yourself. BDSM has no rules but there's guidelines for a reason....the only rules are the ones you and who you are with make together.

[De****]

41 minutes ago, MisterLove69 said:

Dom view if welcome. That wanting-to-give-more feeling means the scene's working, but it can't be trusted mid scene, in the moment nobody can tell real capacity from being high on it, hormones doing hormone things 🤷‍♂️. My standing rule is limits only move between scenes at negotiation, never during. So when the feeling shows up, treat it as data for the next conversation, not permission in the current one. That way the generosity still happens, just with a clear head deciding it.

I love this! It’s completely true! Mid scene is when I wish I could give more! He always ends the scene when he can sense I’m done, but I wish I could “hide” it from him so he could keep going. 😩

[De****]

10 minutes ago, PunkRockGodd3ss said:

Do you know the 4 pillars of BDSM? AND NO... YOU AREN'T ***D.. in a real BDSM dynamic relationship the sub holds the control... a Dom should know the limits of their sub ....I am not a sub i am FemDom but I feel you maybe being ***d. I have heard too many stories of subs and I also have my own stories of getting ***d by so called Doms when they are in fact just a dominant asshole. There's a difference between kink and actually hurting someone mentally physically and emotionally. What aftercare is in place for you after you play??? Feel free to message me if you would like. The foundation of a BDSM dynamic should be built on the 4 pillars of BDSM. Im not telling you what they are because I want you to do your research. Ask questions...you aren't a door mat, you are to be treasured. Giving someone the gift of your submission is priceless. Please educate yourself. BDSM has no rules but there's guidelines for a reason....the only rules are the ones you and who you are with make together.

Thank you for giving the advice that was in your mind, helpful. However, you didn’t understand the question.

[De****]

28 minutes ago, EmeraldShoreline said:

Coming directly from the start of your post you were saying how it’s the subs job to fulfill the needs of the dom. “Be the vessel for their pleasure” … anyways I don’t view it that way, therefore I don’t have to deal with feeling like I’m “falling short” prehaps try changing your mindset as well.

It’s my job to please him it’s his job to please me. Symbiotic. Both are true.

[Mi****]

14 minutes ago, DenverBunny said:

I love this! It’s completely true! Mid scene is when I wish I could give more! He always ends the scene when he can sense I’m done, but I wish I could “hide” it from him so he could keep going. 😩

The hiding part is the one thing I'd push back on. His read on you is literally what lets him take you that deep in the first place. If you ever actually managed to hide from him, you wouldn't get a longer scene out of it. You'd get a more careful dom. Once he learns his reads can't be trusted, everything gets shorter and safer after that, which is the opposite of what you want.

Wanting more after he calls it, that's real... only in the moment. But bring it to him outside the scene. Tell him you think your edge is further than where he stops. Let him figure out how to test that safely. Then he's giving you more on purpose instead of you sneaking it past him.

Stay safe and honest, don't hide 🤎

[Mi****]

14 minutes ago, DenverBunny said:

I love this! It’s completely true! Mid scene is when I wish I could give more! He always ends the scene when he can sense I’m done, but I wish I could “hide” it from him so he could keep going. 😩

The hiding part is the one thing I'd push back on. His read on you is literally what lets him take you that deep in the first place. If you ever actually managed to hide from him, you wouldn't get a longer scene out of it. You'd get a more careful dom. Once he learns his reads can't be trusted, everything gets shorter and safer after that, which is the opposite of what you want.

Wanting more after he calls it, that's real... only in the moment. But bring it to him outside the scene. Tell him you think your edge is further than where he stops. Let him figure out how to test that safely. Then he's giving you more on purpose instead of you sneaking it past him.

Stay safe and honest, don't hide 🤎

[Mi****]

Why did it double send 🤦‍♂️

[AmieJ]

I can relate DenverBunny. I have been battling these same conflicting emtions myself as of late. My Master has never said or done anything to make me feel this way. And always showers me with praise and gratitude. But I always feel as though I let him down. Is this just normal?

[De****]

48 minutes ago, MisterLove69 said:

The hiding part is the one thing I'd push back on. His read on you is literally what lets him take you that deep in the first place. If you ever actually managed to hide from him, you wouldn't get a longer scene out of it. You'd get a more careful dom. Once he learns his reads can't be trusted, everything gets shorter and safer after that, which is the opposite of what you want.

Wanting more after he calls it, that's real... only in the moment. But bring it to him outside the scene. Tell him you think your edge is further than where he stops. Let him figure out how to test that safely. Then he's giving you more on purpose instead of you sneaking it past him.

Stay safe and honest, don't hide 🤎

I know, and he has said much to me as well. That he knows when I’m done, and that’s the honestly and communication. I love the comparison to hormones of the scene. It’s momentary feelings, but they are strong.

[De****]

18 minutes ago, AmieJ said:

I can relate DenverBunny. I have been battling these same conflicting emtions myself as of late. My Master has never said or done anything to make me feel this way. And always showers me with praise and gratitude. But I always feel as though I let him down. Is this just normal?

I have a feelings it is not normal for everyone. My guess is some people, like us, want to push harder all the time in most areas of our lives. This is no different. We want to continue to be more, be better, do more. I relate to the line in Hamilton “I’m never satisfied.” I think it’s in my nature, and in some areas that’s really helpful. It makes you successful and driven. In BDSM, though, it could be very dangerous. That’s where I struggle, because I know he will never let me go beyond my abilities, but I sometimes wish he would. If that makes sense. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Me****]

Mental health is so important. You are so valid and your worries are natural. Your experience resonates with the part of my brain that grew up ableist (I have AuDHD) and in high control religion. It created cPTSD and oof… the doubts can be overwhelming even when logically I know it’s not true. Therapy has helped and advocating for my needs with my people. It’s a lot of work to hold onto my self confidence but I also recognize how my brain developed, I’ll always need some amount of reassurance.

Keep having those conversations. Stay curious and explore. Keep learning what helps you feel reassured. Keep learning about yourself and hopefully as time goes on, you’ll see your own progress :)

[De****]

1 minute ago, MerB34r said:

Mental health is so important. You are so valid and your worries are natural. Your experience resonates with the part of my brain that grew up ableist (I have AuDHD) and in high control religion. It created cPTSD and oof… the doubts can be overwhelming even when logically I know it’s not true. Therapy has helped and advocating for my needs with my people. It’s a lot of work to hold onto my self confidence but I also recognize how my brain developed, I’ll always need some amount of reassurance.

Keep having those conversations. Stay curious and explore. Keep learning what helps you feel reassured. Keep learning about yourself and hopefully as time goes on, you’ll see your own progress :)

I love that you worked through that and came out in a better place. Stories like are so Beautiful 🫶🏼🫶🏼

[Me****]

Coming at it from a perspective of a dominant. I know there are times where my submissive cannot perform. He is mentally drained, he’s tired after a workout, or he’s just overwhelmed. He can come to me anytime and state that and rather than playing, we will have those moments where we just perform aftercare. I will perform aftercare on him to give him a full day of pampering to essentially recharge his battery Because that’s necessary. Other times when he’s feeling disappointed, I hear him start to self deprecate and I have to stop him and I have to tell him it’s OK it’s all right. We can always do this again later. Don’t worry about it. It’s all all right and give him that comfort and knowing that sometimes not being able to perform is fine this idea of American perfectionism where you have to be on all the time is not realistic. And there are times where I know that I can’t be on all the time and we make sure to be there for each other in those moments with affirmation, our love languages, and to show the fact that we appreciate each other, even when we’re not able to perform the tasks that are asked of or required at times becausewe’re human and mental health is number one

[De****]

4 minutes ago, MelancholyGhost said:

Coming at it from a perspective of a dominant. I know there are times where my submissive cannot perform. He is mentally drained, he’s tired after a workout, or he’s just overwhelmed. He can come to me anytime and state that and rather than playing, we will have those moments where we just perform aftercare. I will perform aftercare on him to give him a full day of pampering to essentially recharge his battery Because that’s necessary. Other times when he’s feeling disappointed, I hear him start to self deprecate and I have to stop him and I have to tell him it’s OK it’s all right. We can always do this again later. Don’t worry about it. It’s all all right and give him that comfort and knowing that sometimes not being able to perform is fine this idea of American perfectionism where you have to be on all the time is not realistic. And there are times where I know that I can’t be on all the time and we make sure to be there for each other in those moments with affirmation, our love languages, and to show the fact that we appreciate each other, even when we’re not able to perform the tasks that are asked of or required at times becausewe’re human and mental health is number one

I love this. 🫶🏼 I know my Dom has told me “I know when you’re done, whether you admit it or not. That’s when the scene ends.” Sometimes I just wish …. That he would keep going anyway. 😕 I love knowing that good Dominants are there to protect us from ourselves. Even when I feel like I wish that weren’t the case.

[AmieJ]

2 hours ago, DenverBunny said:

I have a feelings it is not normal for everyone. My guess is some people, like us, want to push harder all the time in most areas of our lives. This is no different. We want to continue to be more, be better, do more. I relate to the line in Hamilton “I’m never satisfied.” I think it’s in my nature, and in some areas that’s really helpful. It makes you successful and driven. In BDSM, though, it could be very dangerous. That’s where I struggle, because I know he will never let me go beyond my abilities, but I sometimes wish he would. If that makes sense. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It makes absolute sense. My Master is always good at reading me and knowing when to stop. He reminds me I am his, and we have years to build up my tolerance.