Question for Subs

[De****]

I am seeking some advice from other subs. As a sub, we are focused on pleasing our Dom. Fulfilling their needs and desires. Being the vessel for their pleasure. I find that, at times, I worry I’m falling short. Times where I can’t handle the pa1n or pleasure. Times where I’m physically or mentally unable to perform the required task. I struggle with my inner judgement at those times. I feel like a let down, or less than worthy.
.
I know that open communication is the most important thing. I would never want to pretend or be stoic when I’m beyond my capabilities. That would not only be dishonest to my Dom but it would also mean I was not truly living in the moment and embracing my Dom.
.
My question for other subs is this- how do you reconcile these, at times, confounding feelings? The feelings of wishing you could be more, handle more, do more and the desire to always be present and honest with your Dom?
.
Please don’t come into this conversation with any kind assumption that I have a bad Dom or that im not being taken care of. This is not a question of my Dom pushing too hard. This is a question of how to come to terms with my personal limits.

[Ne****]

My goodness that is as honest as it gets. I will have this conversation with my sub .Ty

[De****]

1 minute ago, Nels25 said:

My goodness that is as honest as it gets. I will have this conversation with my sub .Ty

Thank, I would really appreciate your subs take 🙏🏼

[fe****]

I find just talking to my Dom during those moments help. He's always willing to reassuring when I'm struggling with thoughts of self doubt.

[De****]

Just now, feral_pet said:

I find just talking to my Dom during those moments help. He's always willing to reassuring when I'm struggling with thoughts of self doubt.

Thank you 🙏🏼

[Ne****]

Thank you for starting this conversation

[Ne****]

Self love is so important. We all have limitations and different capacities. I think there is a cultural assumption that we are on all the time. Truth is, you get to be a human first. I hope you and your dom continue to give you grace, love, and the understanding every dynamic deserves.

[Lo****]

Another honest moment, showing how awesome you are. Clearly you care.
We all have limits, we are human. It’s easy to see how much you try to please him, and you do have a great Dom. If you are trying, making effort, obeying, doing it best, not a chance that he will think less of you. The dynamic is complex, and my opinion is from a dominant, but effort matters. You don’t have to perfect. Just try. It’s good enough. Nobody is everything, completely limit free. You have the right attitude. Relax and enjoy. I am certain you are doing better than you think. He is a great guy. And he earned your heart, trust. Do your best. And did I mention how lucky he is to have such a beautiful toy? He is happy with you.

[Johanne]

Maybe you need to speak to a therapist or a counselor

[Johanne]

Maybe you need to speak to a therapist or a counselor

[Co****]

I’m just about to step into a new dynamic and I am worried about this too, the feeling of not fulfilling their needs, letting them down. I think it’s our own inner sabottor and open conversations is key. We all have different limits x

[Fu****]

Im afraid I must disagree, it is absolutely not the subs job to take of the dom, the dom is the one in charge. You sound more like an *** victim. Its a shitty dom doesn't know what his sub is capable of and tramples her limits

[Fu****]

Im afraid I must disagree, it is absolutely not the subs job to take care of the dom, the dom is the one in charge. You sound more like an *** victim. Its a shitty dom doesn't know what his sub is capable of and tramples her limits

[ti****]

i have some physical disabilities that cause me to have joint ***, so i cant do things like be on my knees for very long, for example. im inexperienced irl so i havent actually done this yet 🫣 but my plan is to have some kind of hand signal for "my body physically cant handle this rn/anymore" that i can use to let my dom know when im in too much ***, without bringing the scene to a full stop (the way a safeword might). im not sure how applicable this is to you bc different circumstances but i hope it at least helps a little bit :3

[Babysmw]

Have you told your dom how you feel? Communication is key, but for you to be the best that you are, you need to talk with your dom about how you feel. I've thought about those things and had a conversation with my dom about it, and that helped me. Over time, things change, and that's ok, but I would suggest talking to them and expressing everything that has been bugging you.

[De****]

3 minutes ago, ticklishtboy said:

i have some physical disabilities that cause me to have joint ***, so i cant do things like be on my knees for very long, for example. im inexperienced irl so i havent actually done this yet 🫣 but my plan is to have some kind of hand signal for "my body physically cant handle this rn/anymore" that i can use to let my dom know when im in too much ***, without bringing the scene to a full stop (the way a safeword might). im not sure how applicable this is to you bc different circumstances but i hope it at least helps a little bit :3

It does help, thank you for sharing.

[De****]

4 minutes ago, Babysmw said:

Have you told your dom how you feel? Communication is key, but for you to be the best that you are, you need to talk with your dom about how you feel. I've thought about those things and had a conversation with my dom about it, and that helped me. Over time, things change, and that's ok, but I would suggest talking to them and expressing everything that has been bugging you.

I have and he is very reassuring. He reminds me that I’m perfect as I am. I think it’s just me wishing I could be “perfect”, which I think it unfortunately relatively common for people and probably for subs as well.

[fe****]

30 minutes ago, DenverBunny said:

Thank you 🙏🏼

You're very welcome.

[De****]

10 minutes ago, FuriouslyNick said:

Im afraid I must disagree, it is absolutely not the subs job to take care of the dom, the dom is the one in charge. You sound more like an *** victim. Its a shitty dom doesn't know what his sub is capable of and tramples her limits

One of the biggest indicators of an abusive person would be someone direspecting the requests and boundaries of another person. Which YOU literally just did. Maybe look a little internally as to why you felt you had do you that. Best of luck, bud.

[De****]

15 minutes ago, CosmicCez92 said:

I’m just about to step into a new dynamic and I am worried about this too, the feeling of not fulfilling their needs, letting them down. I think it’s our own inner sabottor and open conversations is key. We all have different limits x

Unfortunately, we are always our own critics, right ? 😕

[Kinkyboy1980]

I would love the chance to have a dominant partner.

[Babysmw]

8 minutes ago, DenverBunny said:

I have and he is very reassuring. He reminds me that I’m perfect as I am. I think it’s just me wishing I could be “perfect”, which I think it unfortunately relatively common for people and probably for subs as well.

I understand, and it is sad, but something that helps is feeling safe and relaxed with your dom. One thing my dom and I do is the traffic signals as our safe words.
Red means stop
Yellow means caution
Green means good/go ahead
I find that this helps and is easy to indicate how we are feeling or to acknowledge whatever is happening and how that is affecting us.

[De****]

4 minutes ago, Babysmw said:

I understand, and it is sad, but something that helps is feeling safe and relaxed with your dom. One thing my dom and I do is the traffic signals as our safe words.
Red means stop
Yellow means caution
Green means good/go ahead
I find that this helps and is easy to indicate how we are feeling or to acknowledge whatever is happening and how that is affecting us.

We use those things and he is very good at stopping before I ever get to those points. He is aware of my limits and when I’m bordering them. The problem for me is just wishing I could be more. For example, I have a very small mouth. Extremely small, to the point they have to use kids size X-rays and tools on me at the dentist. I wish that wasn’t the case, I wish I could handle oral for longer, but it’s a physical limit. He is well aware of that limit and would never over push me, but it doesn’t change the fact that I wish I could change it. Therein lies the rub. How do we reconcile those limits with our desire to be the perfect sub to our Dom?

[De****]

42 minutes ago, Lonewolf2024 said:

Another honest moment, showing how awesome you are. Clearly you care.
We all have limits, we are human. It’s easy to see how much you try to please him, and you do have a great Dom. If you are trying, making effort, obeying, doing it best, not a chance that he will think less of you. The dynamic is complex, and my opinion is from a dominant, but effort matters. You don’t have to perfect. Just try. It’s good enough. Nobody is everything, completely limit free. You have the right attitude. Relax and enjoy. I am certain you are doing better than you think. He is a great guy. And he earned your heart, trust. Do your best. And did I mention how lucky he is to have such a beautiful toy? He is happy with you.

Thank you for the kind words. As a type A perfectionist, who was also raised in a standard minority family where perfection was the only allowable option, it’s a struggle. He is always assuring and loving, but it’s hard to get past the need to be the best.

[Pa****]

As a Dom, to me, it’s not about my sub reaching some ***/pleasure level determined by me. It’s about her reaching her level. That’s when I’m proud of her. I’m not a sadist though.

I would listen to your Dom, if they say you’re doing enough, believe them.