The dreaded drop, can I get past it or learn to cope if should I back away?

[subtle2021]

Fairly new to this so please bare with me. New to the physical side of this exciting world!

Will not bore with details but have met a great dominant guy and I am chatting to other people/may meet them.

I am in a relationship and he doesn't know what I am doing (please no judging I have tried so so so hard).

Anyway I wasn't prepared for the whole 'drop' the first time it totally threw me but in with that was guilt etc it was a good 4-5 days of significant lows.

The last time was slightly more extreme and the the low is crippling. We chat afterwards/have some time and a shower etc. I just do not know how to minimise the drop a bit. I am loving this lifestyle and the thrills but these huge lows are making me consider not playing again.

 

Thanks for any advice.

 

Sx

[TheBookCollector]

Sadly Dom/sub drop is something we have to live with, most people find ways to cope but it takes time to figure out what works for you. 

Aftercare can work quite well as it reassures you and so the guilt about what happened isnt so large. I know subs that hit the gym, curl up under a blanket/duvet and watch chick flicks, others have a comfort food day.

Personally I its mainly aftercare, and going for a long walk, swim that help ease my drop symptoms. 

[subtle2021]

Thank you I am spending more time doing fitness than ever so that must be a help. I think its the return to Mum/Wife that hits hard. The Dom I play with is single and often has other meets set up which is absolutely fine and its hot and I enjoy the discussion and dynamic loads but there's not a natural transition for me.

 

Thanks so much for the reassurance and reply. I will work on more coping strategies!

[TheBookCollector]

Its about finding what works for you, have you googled sub-space and sub-drop to understand what it is?

As its more than just guilt, you will find during a scene you will produce endophines, adrenaline and a host of.other natural chemicals that give you that high of sub-space.

The problem is endorphines are like opiods, you will suffer withdrawl until your body returns to its normal levels, this is the drop.

Thats why exercise can help.as that will release endorphines back into your body.

[ey****]

sometimes, realising it is drop can be a big factor in helping

and as well as aftercare at the time, aftercare as a slight delay can be beneficial - but - this can be difficult in your circumstances

trying to time play when you can have a little Rest and Recovery can really help and also finding what comfort items (be it food, blankets, TV shows, etc) can help.   Sometimes writing can help also.

[Deleted Member]

Who ever you meet or not or want to say if you feel bad direct contact to say

[subtle2021]

Thanks all yes the primal empress does an amazing piece on sub/dom drop. Im in the hormone industry so I get it I just wish it wasn't so intense and I wish it didn't last as long.

 

Occasionally he will chat a few days later if we can but equally I don't want him to interpret my feelings as attachment or blurring of lines, I am quite aware it is just a physiological and hormonal response. As out meets have intensified I definitely feel and am getting a real love for subspace.

[Deleted Member]

I can totally relate to this, it’s an awful feeling that I’m still trying to get my head around xx

[TheBookCollector]

37 minutes ago, subtle2021 said:

Thanks all yes the primal empress does an amazing piece on sub/dom drop. Im in the hormone industry so I get it I just wish it wasn't so intense and I wish it didn't last as long.

 

Occasionally he will chat a few days later if we can but equally I don't want him to interpret my feelings as attachment or blurring of lines, I am quite aware it is just a physiological and hormonal response. As out meets have intensified I definitely feel and am getting a real love for subspace.

My advice would be to be open and honest about your drop, its not about giving a sense of attachment or blurring the lines, its about being open amd honest. He may be able to offer advice or additional support in the aftermath of a scene.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, chelle69 said:

I can totally relate to this, it’s an awful feeling that I’m still trying to get my head around xx

Yeah tell me about it…

[ki****]

Hi I know the feeling very well it’s very hard to manage, my Ex and I worked out a little routine to bring me back down from sub space before leaving that really helped so finding the right immediate after care works. We used to just he get me a drink and we lay together and listen to music relaxed in sub space and slowly gave me space and time to come back to earth. I still had a slight sub drop the next day but having a me day and then planning the next meet up and reassurance helped. It’s difficult as each Dom will be different so being aware of your need to have after care and what works can help. The guilt and feeling of rejection I find hard to deal with.

[subtle2021]

Thanks essexsub4dom yeah he is very experienced and has more meets planned where as I'm straight back to normality for me... definitely the reassurance is needed ... x

[ki****]

I know it’s hard shifting your mind set back to being mum and vanilla life from being a sub. I have boundaries for my self as a mum so I don’t have anyone back to my home as there I’m mum and can’t get in head space. And traveling to meet up helps give me time to transition between the mind sets. But I still have the drop and transition issue getting back into vanilla life. It’s a journey so we are learning all the time may find eventually we will just want to be in BDSM relationship. I especially find it hard to not get emotionally attached so will probably end up eventually doing that.

[subtle2021]

Absolutely this .... I visit his home ... all is totally separate from my own life .. I'm not emotionally attached at all... probably slightly physically attached as there is a chemistry for me ....

I do feel it's made a bigger gap in my but I couldn't stay vanilla forever x

[ki****]

I wonder if on the FET app there could be a chat room added called Sub drop check in so any sub who feeling the drop can jump in and find someone to chat things through with. Don’t know if it’s possible I’m still getting to grips with the app.

[Deleted Member]

14 hours ago, essexsub4dom said:

I wonder if on the FET app there could be a chat room added called Sub drop check in so any sub who feeling the drop can jump in and find someone to chat things through with. Don’t know if it’s possible I’m still getting to grips with the app.

Love this idea. Dom drop too pls.

[ki****]

1 minute ago, KinkySirXxX said:

Love this idea. Dom drop too pls.

Yes it also helped my ex to, to adjust back into boyfriend mode. So nice when Dom/sub have equal appreciation of each other.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, essexsub4dom said:

Yes it also helped my ex to, to adjust back into boyfriend mode. So nice when Dom/sub have equal appreciation of each other.

And support one another also.