The Approach. The Commitment

[Sl****]

Not sure how to go about this without sounding like either a noob or an inexperienced person. I would say I’m fairly experienced since I’ve been active within BDSM for a good 6 ish years and when I was 18 started going to munches and things.

I had always found it way easier to talk to people online. But nowadays the approach seems to be getting bad as I don’t have a script of some kind and when I message someone who I think might be good for me I don’t really have anything I can talk about (unless they have a fair few things in their profile description) so it’s always either a direct question “are you this kind of person” sort of thing or it’s an “umm I’m not sure how I can say this without sounding rude but would you be able to ____”

Of course sometimes I finally gather enough motivation to send messages and some people reply and obviously like any app most are rejections but then comes my second problem when they actually talk to me and it’s going somewhere.

It’s always long distance. There has never been a time where it’s near me.

I’ve always kind of survived off of roleplays since I was younger on where they had this thing where you can keep posting something like wanting a roleplay or whatever and someone would eventually come and save the day. It was a safeguard for me when my desperation/ loneliness got so much and I really did rely on it but I guess but as the app updated it lost all those features and you had to join groups/ follow their rules for over a week before even attempting to try and rp with someone.

Almost all the time the people I would rp with on would be dommes/switches playing the correct role for me to get to sleep or whatever, since it only happened about once or twice in a day/ couple days, they were fine with it and then they would fade out and do their own thing while I got someone else to rp with me for a little while.

I did have 1 real life relationship but it was almost hell. (Sorry if I offend anyone) but at the beginning I mentioned all the things and my boundaries etc (quite bad limits/ boundaries) but to my shock she agreed with everything which then I thought I had finally found my life partner (ideally I don’t want to “be greedy” and be “poly” if I find the absolute correct person who can do everything and basically be another me)

[however that’s not the case at all. And nobody is perfect or even close to similar, I appreciate every single person is unique and I guess that’s why I just love humans so much (in general. Apart from the horrible people)]

But. She forgot everything I talked to her about when the relationship started and in the first month I knew something was very wrong. But I thought it really was just me and I dragged the relationship on for another year (it was 3 years in total on and off) only to find out she had forgotten everything I told her at the beginning. I felt so embarrassed to say it all again because she was super vanilla and American movie type of love person but I thought she was just using that as a front mask.

In the beginning I told her every thought and event that happened in my brain/ in my life. But gradually as more wrong things kept happening I just stopped communicating altogether. I only ever wanted to meet her to get hugs and the occasional kisses/ some company for things like the arcade etc. My mind and gut were both telling me I’ll never get the opportunity again and the relationship slowly got killed the more she shouted at me and the less I said until I wanted to be mute.



So after all of that. I lost more than I could have ever wanted to lose. Since that was my last, most recent, relationship (I had others as rp relationships online for years and years before that).

The moment I find out someone is online/ long distant I instantly struggle so much to commit. And I don’t like taking pictures of myself anymore, I don’t like timezone issues, I don’t like speaking and I really find it bothersome to type to someone across the world who I would actually want to approach me in real life and say/do something.

I’ve spoken to many people on fet/ fetlife and at munches. Most people say that munches are the best way to meet people/ potential lovers or whatnot. But of course, when I go to a munch I just.. sit there and smile until I’m spoken to/ jump in on an interesting conversation. Which both I end up just making friends anyway so I don’t see the difference of online/ real life apart from distance and willingness. It seems more people are willing to “be with you” or “play” online.

I’m not really a sexual person as such so in terms of “assets” to what I have. I don’t offer much at all. I can’t just have an encounter with someone and give them penetrative sex so good that they want to come back for more. Sure I have skills/ a craving for knowledge but that’s outside of sexual/BDSM, and everyone has those. 😅 I’m just really physically/mentally intimate but it goes deep into feeling/ senses of the human.

-Note- : I get really jealous of those people who are basically perfect subs and have no limits at all and can be treated/ used however other people see fit. I’m sure they are really popular amongst the community and don’t have much trouble finding real people.

-Note 2- : I’m usually a very extroverted person but when it comes to trying to find someone that I actually want to find. I can’t do it. I can’t approach and I struggle to talk unless it’s a friends making thing.

-> I feel really bothered by my ability to just make friends within seconds or whenever I want a friend. I can almost just click my fingers and there’ll be a new friend.