Cute and kinky might be a problem?

[B_****]

Well I don't know if this will help... unfortunately a lot of men will always see you that way.
A lot of communication and messaging, phone conversations will weed out most guys , but that takes a lot of time.
Guys that also like a connection (we do exist) are out there..... but extremely hard to find.
Even with me, being on this site unfortunately the kinky you is what I see first, then after communicating for a bit,.... then I see the real you outside of kink.

[Sq****]

Part of the not all men group here lol

[de****]

I think people in this space would hopefully be able to see you as a person. Maybe by finding them in similar groups or spaces

[wa****]

Well you are in a kink app so that turns up the thirst trap I guess. Maybe set guidelines. Like if you make it to a certain timeframe than you get a kinky treat instead of going all in right away

[Pr****]

4 minutes ago, SquareFellow said:

Part of the not all men group here lol

But its difficult to find the few gems out there, it goes both ways.

[Td****]

So that’s just being selfish what it is that way, to me it’s kind of simple, it’s about both your kinks and sometimes going for it, sometimes compromise, sometimes crazy stuff happens and u love it and you never thought of it, those are the best turn ons and it starts with communication, energy and then love and then… a collar lol…or whatever floats ur boat. Man Dom type here just to break up the Bechdel vibe here…Point is, there is a difference between being a Dom and being D**K

[pr****]

Sounds like you are demisexual like me

[Tw****]

Less of what you put down and more of how they respond to aftercare questions this will help you filter out the ones trying to just use this app as a butcher block.

[Je****]

I think the key is to put the connection first, if a guy cant talk about anything but sex/kink with you its because thats all he's interested in. If he wants to know more about you then just what makes your thighs foggy its usually an indicator he has a more well rounded sense of interest. Basically if the conversation goes stale anytime its about something other then sex, probably a sign he just sees you an object to conquer rather then a special person with emotions.

Another green flag for guys who are into kink is therapy, if they've done it for more then a couple sessions it means they actually reflect on how their actions effect others and want to be better then baseline impulse.

I could go on, but the most important thing is to respect yourself more then to let anyone treat you like that. If you have a boss bitch aura and dont take sh*t real men will respect and foster it rather then being intimidated.

[ca****]

Potentially leave it out at the start, or state there are some things that you will be happy to explore/go into in more detail as the relationship develops? I know it's not ideal but at least your new partner can focus on you and getting comfy with each other Vs the sex.

[Ki****]

Not all men just the straight ones 😂🌈

[Pa****]

So from a profile perspective, I would lean heavily into stating that you want a connection, not just kinky fun. It can be easy to feel objectified when it comes to kink sites, for both men and women. There are, unfortunately, a lot of people here that do not comprehend the respect, conversation, connection, intent and consent that is paramount to this lifestyle. Good luck!

[Wi****]

You also might want to reference that in the bedroom or while playing you like being degraded but outside of play you want to have a connection and be respected.

[Si****]

You got to come straight because a kink is a need. You'll eventually open up negatively or positively. Yet the Lil monster will show up...

[ca****]

1 hour ago, KimberlyAwaruff said:

Not all men just the straight ones 😂🌈

Nah I'm straight and part one is forge the connection and focus on vanilla. Kink should be a little way off yet so shouldn't matter. Once part one has been established (you click, and want to spend time together in your chosen set up). Then you can move into adding kink. That's personally the way I see it. That said I do understand where you are coming from. I'm seeing some shocking messages people have posted from guys.

[kn****]

Definitely go for connection first, then let the kink come out as a layer once you feel secure

[Dr****]

Its simple. There's a time and place for respect and bedroom fun. Anyone who doesn't understand that lacks the respect.

[Si****]

I've been married 8 years and I treated dating like a job interview. I scared many women off and turned a lot squares out. Yet I found my soul mate with words and conversations that any other woman would have blocked me for. Dominant, mature Scorpios are just very very different. Borderline aliens.🦂🦂

[Ka****]

I’ve learned a few things after being on these sites. Your initial conversation sets the whole tone of every communication you will have with a new person. From personal experience I’ve noticed that if a kink-centric conversation right off the bat then the guy will always see you as only sexual.,he will come back to you over and over and only think of you that way. You’ve set a precedent that is what you want. But if you start off the conversational journey with normal communication and not even touch the kink right away besides what they can see on your profile then they will more likely see you as a person first. Then when you move to the kink conversation and sharing experiences it will be more natural and part of getting to know each other. It is part of who you are, not all that you are.
I’ve developed friendships here that we can honestly talk about anything but they see me as a friend first. But if you would look at their profiles they would seem like the most hardcore sexual sadists or the like, yet with me .. I’m not treated like meat. I’m the one that gets details of their lives.. good, bad, vanilla and kink.
Also a few tips if that is okay? Things to avoid..
“What are you looking for here?” I only ever said in the past (before I was with Master)- I’ll know when I find it. This way you don’t pigeonhole yourself into a category.
“What are you into?” I have it in my profile but we can discuss it more in depth later if we get a long.
If a guy comes into your DMs straight sexually from the get go.. don’t even respond. Utilize the No Thanks and Hide option. Don’t give them the satisfaction of even getting a reaction from you. Even if you respond negatively, you’ve opened the door to them seeing they can talk to you like that. You’ve given him that dopamine hit that will forever label you as meat.
I hope this helps? I wish you well and good luck!!

[Si****]

Perhaps God just answered my prayers. My girl submitted, confessed abs trusted thru faith. First she got her first collar, then another, and then 2 diamond rings, followed by more expensive collars. 8 years kinky and strong...

[bu****]

Thats super challenging to pursue someone who out of nowhere connects your intense personality without being needing to hide in *** of any inappropriation cause that person knows what and how you want. Its all depends on fate and luck to cross paths to someone like that. It will happen

[DarkArts1066]

That’s a really good question, and quite a difficult one to answer.
To a degree, it depends very much on your own nature and personality.

Are you naturally outgoing and comfortable talking about sex -and your needs ?

Do you naturally gravitate towards people who are the same ?

Or are you more reserved in your personal life, and is the same true of your friendship circle ?

I guess what I am driving at here, is that it’s important to try and tailor your initial behaviour towards the tolerance levels of others, yet -
It’s still important to be honest with people.

When I met my second wife (we are divorced over 10 years now…) I kept some of my interests and predilections back. I know now that was a mistake. It would have been better to have been totally upfront -in a soft and gentle way, explaining my interests - and my needs right from the start.
We were married ten years, and I had to suppress my interests for all of that time.
When I did start broaching them with her, she was diametrically against most of them. 🤷🏻‍♂️

However, -not everyone can take too much honesty all at once !
It’s a risk you have to calculate and take yourself.

I would say, develop a friendship, and a level of openness in your relationships, and if that person is right for you, those more intimate conversations will naturally develop.

Good luck.

[tw****]

Idk ab pretty meat but okay

[L2****]

Struggling with a very similar problem as i tend to attract more submissive leaning people while being mostly submissive myself but also longing for a genuine connection to someone i mentally want to submit to and not just sexually

[wi****]

Wording doesnt matter to some if not all. Many people dont even read bios or likes/dislikes with apps like these so you just have to weed out the bad from the good and ignore anyone who doesnt have the courtesy to talk to you like a real human.