Sadomasochism vs. Masochism

[PL****]

I am a masochist, I love the way p@in feels. I like when leather impacts my skin and the fact that it distracts from the *** of my disabilities. I love when my skin gets red and swollen enough to be warm and tingly.

However, i do not know what a sadomasachist feels, their perspective, or their reasons for liking it and this to me is a mystery and a curiosity.

What do get out of being the one causing the impact or using different implements to create the type of p@ain your partner wants and desires?

[sp****]

For me I am what I call a service sadist. I enjoy giving the need feeling to the one needing the ***. I enjoy the warmth of the skin the art created on another from welts sratches bits the bruising is almost hypnotic watching the color come in and then building on it. I enjoy taking one into subspace and keeping them there as ling as possible, then the aftercare if desired. It’s not sexual but feels like it should be

[Fu****]

A mix of power and control. That you want it and I can make you beg me to provide it.
What "it" is very much a secondary concern.

So i dont get anything out of spanking you, I get a lot out of you needing me to spank you.

[PL****]

3 minutes ago, FuriouslyNick said:

A mix of power and control. That you want it and I can make you beg me to provide it.
What "it" is very much a secondary concern.

So i dont get anything out of spanking you, I get a lot out of you needing me to spank you.

So far this seems to be the response of individuals I have asked as well. However, ik there are sadists who enjoy giving *** not because a submissive wants it but because it is something they enjoy. This post was geared toward them, though I do appreciate your reply! Ty

[Sweetestsadist]

As much as it can take my sub away from thinking about anything else, it does the same for me. I get my frustrations out on their skin. Mental anguish that has bothered me, goes away after. I have a list of things that have made me angry in between sessions. I read them before a playdate. Gets my head in the right spot. I love the power of it too. It's something I'm in control of. I love that a man is ready for me to do what I wish, just to please me.

[jo****]

In my head, the term sadomasochism describes a type of play that is defined by the giving and receiving of *** and not an actual role. The person delivering that *** is the sadist. I know a couple of sadists, but I am not one. When I deliver ***, it is to provide that *** for my submissive. She is a masochist and derives her pleasure from that delivery. When my sadist friends deliver ***, it is the focus of their desire, regardless of the desires of their submissive (within their own consent dynamic).

[PL****]

6 hours ago, Sweetestsadist said:

As much as it can take my sub away from thinking about anything else, it does the same for me. I get my frustrations out on their skin. Mental anguish that has bothered me, goes away after. I have a list of things that have made me angry in between sessions. I read them before a playdate. Gets my head in the right spot. I love the power of it too. It's something I'm in control of. I love that a man is ready for me to do what I wish, just to please me.

This makes so much sense to me. I have a list of all the negatives that sits rent free in my brain, but when i receive that p@@in nbsp;the negatives slowly disappear. It is this thing where literally each impact, bite, scratch, pull, twist, etc. is like I've been punished and so I do not have to hang onto the feelings anymore. Ty for being so insightful!

[PL****]

2 hours ago, joesarciii said:

In my head, the term sadomasochism describes a type of play that is defined by the giving and receiving of *** and not an actual role. The person delivering that *** is the sadist. I know a couple of sadists, but I am not one. When I deliver ***, it is to provide that *** for my submissive. She is a masochist and derives her pleasure from that delivery. When my sadist friends deliver ***, it is the focus of their desire, regardless of the desires of their submissive (within their own consent dynamic).

TY for correcting my use of the terminology. I have fibromyalgia and at the time I wrote the post, I could not for the life of me remember the term sadist.

[sardonicus87]

10 hours ago, joesarciii said:

In my head, the term sadomasochism describes a type of play that is defined by the giving and receiving of *** and not an actual role. The person delivering that *** is the sadist. I know a couple of sadists, but I am not one. When I deliver ***, it is to provide that *** for my submissive. She is a masochist and derives her pleasure from that delivery. When my sadist friends deliver ***, it is the focus of their desire, regardless of the desires of their submissive (within their own consent dynamic).

Pretty much this. Though I am a sadist (not a sadomasochist), it's basically the non-D/s equivalent of a "switch", but for *** play. Sadism and masochism isn't, in itself, about dynamics... that's what D/s is. S&M by itself is just about ***. That's not to say power exchange dynamics can't also be a factor, but then you're not talking about sadists/masochists/sadomasochists but rather sadistic/masochistic/sadomasochistic doms/subs. A lot of people seem to not understand the difference, or treat everything in BDSM as if it's inherently "dom side" or "sub side", conflating D/s stuff with everything in BDSM. It's very "d/s centric/normative", which is rather annoying for people like me that don't care about roles or dynamics.

As far as I can tell, what few sadomasochists I have talked to, they "get the same thing out of it" as sadists when they're topping and the same as masochists when bottoming.

[PL****]

1 hour ago, sardonicus87 said:

Pretty much this. Though I am a sadist (not a sadomasochist), it's basically the non-D/s equivalent of a "switch", but for *** play. Sadism and masochism isn't, in itself, about dynamics... that's what D/s is. S&M by itself is just about ***. That's not to say power exchange dynamics can't also be a factor, but then you're not talking about sadists/masochists/sadomasochists but rather sadistic/masochistic/sadomasochistic doms/subs. A lot of people seem to not understand the difference, or treat everything in BDSM as if it's inherently "dom side" or "sub side", conflating D/s stuff with everything in BDSM. It's very "d/s centric/normative", which is rather annoying for people like me that don't care about roles or dynamics.

As far as I can tell, what few sadomasochists I have talked to, they "get the same thing out of it" as sadists when they're topping and the same as masochists when bottoming.

I was asking about what sadists got out of it and made a mistake in the terminology. My goal was to understand what a sadist dominant gets out of causing p@@in nbsp;to a masochist submissive.

[sardonicus87]

What we get out of it is pleasure, just that simple. We like the way it feels to cause ***. That's only slightly oversimplified, obviously the method of delivery matters too, just like because a masochist likes ***, that doesn't mean they enjoy stubbing their toe. Just like not all *** is the same, not all delivery is the same.

If it doesn't make sense, think about your own wording of masochism for you and how that sounds to non-masochists. "But *** hurts, how can that be pleasurable, how could someone like how it feels?".

Same thing for us, it's pleasurable for us to cause ***... what we get out of it just is pleasure. Asking us "but how" is like non-masos asking you "but how can you like it". Just do, that's it.

[PL****]

23 hours ago, sardonicus87 said:

What we get out of it is pleasure, just that simple. We like the way it feels to cause ***. That's only slightly oversimplified, obviously the method of delivery matters too, just like because a masochist likes ***, that doesn't mean they enjoy stubbing their toe. Just like not all *** is the same, not all delivery is the same.

If it doesn't make sense, think about your own wording of masochism for you and how that sounds to non-masochists. "But *** hurts, how can that be pleasurable, how could someone like how it feels?".

Same thing for us, it's pleasurable for us to cause ***... what we get out of it just is pleasure. Asking us "but how" is like non-masos asking you "but how can you like it". Just do, that's it.

For me being a masochist it isn't just pleasure, though. It literally strips away my negative thoughts, and makes me feel better. Feel relieving *** is a way to reduce other *** I feel. It is a way to cleanse my inner being and it makes me feel pleased but it makes me feel so much more. I can appreciate that for you it is just as simple as pleasure, however. Thank you for your take on the subject.

[sardonicus87]

That's why I don't get these kinds of questions. Not everyone who is a masochist gets the same things out of it. Everyone's going to get something different, for some it's simple, for others more complex.

These questions basically boil down to "I don't understand how different people are different" or "I don't get how people like different stuff or in different ways than how I feel" or trying to make all of a group only like X for a specific one reason, or assume it MUST be deep and complex (which it needn't always be).

Especially with the way these kind of questions are worded, they're always loaded questions.

[PL****]

4 hours ago, sardonicus87 said:

That's why I don't get these kinds of questions. Not everyone who is a masochist gets the same things out of it. Everyone's going to get something different, for some it's simple, for others more complex.

These questions basically boil down to "I don't understand how different people are different" or "I don't get how people like different stuff or in different ways than how I feel" or trying to make all of a group only like X for a specific one reason, or assume it MUST be deep and complex (which it needn't always be).

Especially with the way these kind of questions are worded, they're always loaded questions.

I love understanding the perspective of others, yes the question is broad, however, I disagree that it is a loaded question. I can accept that some like sadism because it is just about pleasure, others because it pleases their partners, and others yet that it provides a way of release psychologically. However, I am a behavioral psychologist and as such understanding behavioral patterns is my jam..I love to know why and I also understand that each has their own reasons why. I want to understand humanity and why we behave the way we do, I do this not only by observation but asking these types of questions!