How did you know you liked kink?

[Naughty_mrs]

I'm a newbie in action but I feel like my mind has done so much more. 

From the first time I stumbled on cable porn I knew I wanted "that". I didn't know what "that" was but I wanted it. I was a virgin, so I didn't know what sex was supposed to be like. After my first sexual encounter I found out I was pregnant (he was my JH sweetheart). Now I was mom and kink couldn't be something I was into, that would be irresponsible. So for 20+ years, I have gone with the vanilla sex, because it was what I was supposed to have.

Fast forward to my husband. While we dated in a few love sessions, he added a little roughness and handcuffs. He also mentioned a swinger couple he was good friends but I shot that part down. What would he think of me, plus I was in such deep denial that I didn't think I'd like "that". But boy did I get turned on when he chocked me, or was more ***ful. He saw it, he felt it, I felt ashamed. 

Another 10 years and now our kids are almost out of the house, and we are about to enter a new Era. Pandoras box is opened. All these years suppressing "that" has come undone. I don't know what changed exactly, but I know something has changed. I haven't told him, I'm waiting for a trip we have coming up. 

I've always wondered if there was something wrong with me, and why I was turned on by kink. Why did I get aroused when two girls touching each other, or why spanking or Dom/s scenes were also so hot. Before I knew about kinks, I fantasized (dreamed) about multiple men doing me. I know now it's not that I want multiple men, I want different sensations during sex. 

How did you discover you enjoyed kink?

[Deleted Member]

Hi sweet, firstly..there is not and has never been anything ‘wrong’ with you. Kink is a very wide umbrella and can mean a lot of different things to different people. I’ve found as society we’re changing and younger women are no longer shamed by sex like older generations might’ve been. I’m 39 now and when I was a ***ager if you were having sex you were a ‘slag’. Threesomes and you were a massive whore and anymore..well you’d have probably been burnt at the stake 🙄 we internalise that in a way that makes sex feel dirty, naughty, something we should be ashamed of doing. I believe in many ways that can encourage an interest in the taboo. For me personally it’s a little dark, my history with kink & the taboo is complicated and like you I tried to bury it for a while. Now I’m embracing it a little more it feels good. I hope you talk to him soon and I really hope you enjoy your journey!

[Leisa]

Oh wow. This is a journey that began long ago. I discovered really early that slow and gentle would put me to sleep. I come from a very conservative background where kink was never even mentioned in the circles in which I lived my daily life and still isn’t. I still carry myself as very conservative and to anyone looking from the outside in I still appear that way and I prefer it. I discovered I had to dominate or be dominated when I was still in my early 20s in order to gain any pleasure. Not just in play but ultimately in my life. I have spent many years hiding behind a mask where nothing could touch me. My entire adulthood has been spent trapped between the lifestyle I choose to live and the lifestyle that society accepts. For me it was never porn or books but a feeling that something was lacking. I began my first D/s relationship while serving in the military. I was taken hostage during one of our drills and instead of being scared I felt really alive for the first time. To have someone come up from behind, throw a hood over my head, and bind me up was beyond anything I’d ever experienced before. As I pushed back against the man who had “captured” me and leaned into him I allowed my hands to grab onto the only thing available to keep my balance only to discover that he too have a visceral reaction was powerful. Thus began my first foray into the lifestyle that was taboo. He and I dated off and on for a few years before my conservative past crept up upon me and I doubted myself. Was it normal to want to have my movements restricted and another in control? Was this something that could translate into a daily experience? I spent a long time ***ing myself with guilt and feelings of shame. 10 years inside a “normal” relationship that ended up more taboo than my kink ever had as I struggled with him raising children while he went in and out of rehab for a problem that was much bigger than I was able to control. Ultimately I left when his life choices infringed upon the safety of my son. We divorced and I picked up and moved my ***aged son across the state where I once again began over. I than met someone who I still know and adore 23 years later and we began exploring together. There have been other relationships along the way for both of us but we still have a bond that no one and nothing will break. It was during one of these off periods when he married another to try to get outside the lifestyle that I met someone I would live a half time D/s relationship with. I’d get out of work on Friday and head to his house and not leave until Monday morning to drive back across a huge metroplex into the next large city. As soon as I walked in the door i could shed off my dominance with my business clothes and totally give myself over to his control, submit myself to his desires and know that i had complete safety. We did this dance for three years until it was no longer conducive to what each wanted. He needed a 24/7 commitment and I still had a need for my freedom during the week. We ultimately parted and to the best of my knowledge he’s still with the next lady he chose to be his submissive. I went on to find another normal marriage that lasted for 15 years. 15 years of no kink and not a hint of the type of dominance I knew I needed. Ive been single now for three years and will remain that way. No longer will the handcuffs of a normal bund me. He discovered my lifestyle choices and I lost heavy. The gentleman I’ve been involved with on and off for 23 years helped put me back together and to this day I will always be grateful to him for being strong for me when I could not be. He pushed me back out the door and into this lifestyle I’d been secretly living off and on my entire adult life. He is now and always will be my rock when things on this journey become too much. With him I can dominate and be dominated. It’s a dance of give and take between two switches. I discovered early that physical *** equated to pleasure and I vowed to no longer live in a lifestyle that was not D/s friendly. From the first time of being slapped across the face and feeling empowered to today knowing that the next step in my journey is waiting for me I embrace this lifestyle with everything I am while maintaining a facade of normal to the outside world. Ive already been discovered and lost everything so it’s remembering that I can go on that I move forward. While I now protect myself, keeping my life decisions separated, I know that without a give and take dominate interior I could never be fulfilled. I wish you nothing but the best in the next step in your journey. May he take that step with you because once you allow that tiger out of the cage there’s no putting it back in.

[Naughty_mrs]

2 hours ago, Leisa said:

Oh wow. This is a journey that began long ago. I discovered really early that slow and gentle would put me to sleep. I come from a very conservative background where kink was never even mentioned in the circles in which I lived my daily life and still isn’t. I still carry myself as very conservative and to anyone looking from the outside in I still appear that way and I prefer it. I discovered I had to dominate or be dominated when I was still in my early 20s in order to gain any pleasure. Not just in play but ultimately in my life. I have spent many years hiding behind a mask where nothing could touch me. My entire adulthood has been spent trapped between the lifestyle I choose to live and the lifestyle that society accepts. For me it was never porn or books but a feeling that something was lacking. I began my first D/s relationship while serving in the military. I was taken hostage during one of our drills and instead of being scared I felt really alive for the first time. To have someone come up from behind, throw a hood over my head, and bind me up was beyond anything I’d ever experienced before. As I pushed back against the man who had “captured” me and leaned into him I allowed my hands to grab onto the only thing available to keep my balance only to discover that he too have a visceral reaction was powerful. Thus began my first foray into the lifestyle that was taboo. He and I dated off and on for a few years before my conservative past crept up upon me and I doubted myself. Was it normal to want to have my movements restricted and another in control? Was this something that could translate into a daily experience? I spent a long time ***ing myself with guilt and feelings of shame. 10 years inside a “normal” relationship that ended up more taboo than my kink ever had as I struggled with him raising children while he went in and out of rehab for a problem that was much bigger than I was able to control. Ultimately I left when his life choices infringed upon the safety of my son. We divorced and I picked up and moved my ***aged son across the state where I once again began over. I than met someone who I still know and adore 23 years later and we began exploring together. There have been other relationships along the way for both of us but we still have a bond that no one and nothing will break. It was during one of these off periods when he married another to try to get outside the lifestyle that I met someone I would live a half time D/s relationship with. I’d get out of work on Friday and head to his house and not leave until Monday morning to drive back across a huge metroplex into the next large city. As soon as I walked in the door i could shed off my dominance with my business clothes and totally give myself over to his control, submit myself to his desires and know that i had complete safety. We did this dance for three years until it was no longer conducive to what each wanted. He needed a 24/7 commitment and I still had a need for my freedom during the week. We ultimately parted and to the best of my knowledge he’s still with the next lady he chose to be his submissive. I went on to find another normal marriage that lasted for 15 years. 15 years of no kink and not a hint of the type of dominance I knew I needed. Ive been single now for three years and will remain that way. No longer will the handcuffs of a normal bund me. He discovered my lifestyle choices and I lost heavy. The gentleman I’ve been involved with on and off for 23 years helped put me back together and to this day I will always be grateful to him for being strong for me when I could not be. He pushed me back out the door and into this lifestyle I’d been secretly living off and on my entire adult life. He is now and always will be my rock when things on this journey become too much. With him I can dominate and be dominated. It’s a dance of give and take between two switches. I discovered early that physical *** equated to pleasure and I vowed to no longer live in a lifestyle that was not D/s friendly. From the first time of being slapped across the face and feeling empowered to today knowing that the next step in my journey is waiting for me I embrace this lifestyle with everything I am while maintaining a facade of normal to the outside world. Ive already been discovered and lost everything so it’s remembering that I can go on that I move forward. While I now protect myself, keeping my life decisions separated, I know that without a give and take dominate interior I could never be fulfilled. I wish you nothing but the best in the next step in your journey. May he take that step with you because once you allow that tiger out of the cage there’s no putting it back in.

WOW! Thank you soo much for sharing such a beautiful story. I felt so many connections to what you said. It's such a relief to hear that what I feel is not wrong. That wanting *** and to be both dominant and submissive is not wrong. 

I actually spoke with my husband last night about our sex life. And we both agreed that it was the best conversation we'd had in 10 years. He has always wanted to introduce bdsm to our sex life, but apparently I shot him down many years ago. He's always seen me as super conservative and he was willing to live the vanilla life if that's what made comfortable. After last night he heard a different tune. Not only did I confess that I too wanted to explore bdsm,  but that I wanted to attend a swingers club. Not necessarily to have others join us or vice versa,  but for the opportunity to have sex in front of other like minded people, and to watch and learn (when possible). It's been exilerating to open up to him.

I also learned that he's had bdsm partners before, but none that wanted to talk about it, just wanted the doing. I also learned he's had threesomes and been to a few swinger parties. 

Although he's enjoyed the lifestyle in the past, he's worried for me and how the emotional toll this could take. We've agreed to talk openly and often, as I am new, and I don't know much about anything (truth be told). I also have some self image issues I need to overcome. I'm short and much heavier than I feel comfortable with. But I think my excitement for the change, is overpowering the concerns of my self image. Being able to bring him to such arousal that he can barely contain himself is powerful, exilerating, euphoric, feels like a drug. 

[Leisa]

2 hours ago, Naughty_mrs said:

WOW! Thank you soo much for sharing such a beautiful story. I felt so many connections to what you said. It's such a relief to hear that what I feel is not wrong. That wanting *** and to be both dominant and submissive is not wrong. 

I actually spoke with my husband last night about our sex life. And we both agreed that it was the best conversation we'd had in 10 years. He has always wanted to introduce bdsm to our sex life, but apparently I shot him down many years ago. He's always seen me as super conservative and he was willing to live the vanilla life if that's what made comfortable. After last night he heard a different tune. Not only did I confess that I too wanted to explore bdsm,  but that I wanted to attend a swingers club. Not necessarily to have others join us or vice versa,  but for the opportunity to have sex in front of other like minded people, and to watch and learn (when possible). It's been exilerating to open up to him.

I also learned that he's had bdsm partners before, but none that wanted to talk about it, just wanted the doing. I also learned he's had threesomes and been to a few swinger parties. 

Although he's enjoyed the lifestyle in the past, he's worried for me and how the emotional toll this could take. We've agreed to talk openly and often, as I am new, and I don't know much about anything (truth be told). I also have some self image issues I need to overcome. I'm short and much heavier than I feel comfortable with. But I think my excitement for the change, is overpowering the concerns of my self image. Being able to bring him to such arousal that he can barely contain himself is powerful, exilerating, euphoric, feels like a drug. 

I’m glad you found your inner voice. Enjoy your journey. Reach out anytime you need to talk. Finding someone outside the lifestyle can be tough. They act like they’re ok with it then suddenly ghost.

[Deleted Member]

Ive apways secretly famcied older females and wanted be controlled by a dominant female 

[Deleted Member]

We all have kinks, they just need to find a way to the surface.