Losing hope

[xx****]

I’m just afraid that I’ll be single forever. I don’t wanna be single I want a beautiful woman and start a family. I’m just afraid that my kinks will get in the way. I love women. Panties are a fetish of mine - and cumming by prostate so pegging included. I just don’t know anyone in my location that is like this or at least I’m too shy to even ask cuz it’s a small town and oretty much everyone has common friends. A guy who likes ass play and panties, I guess it sounds pretty homosexual but I’m honestly not attracted to the male figure , in fact in my opinion viewing gorgeous shemales fuckin women is more appealing to watch cuz there’s more femininity to it. I guess I’m a bit lost and I’m hoping to find someone soon so I can have a family and don’t have to hide anything from my future  gf/wife…whenever I find her. Those are my thoughts in a nutshell. 

[se****]

Hey, i feel for you man, it really is tough sometimes to find what you are craving and needing to make you the person you want to be.

I won't turn the post into all about me but similar circumstances here to, I have a child but no relationship, but just want to be with someone that is into the same things, let's hope and not lose hope that there will be someone for us all

[ge****]

It will always be a balance between finding someone who absolutely ticks all of your personal boxes (and let's not forget you theirs) and finding a compromise for yourself that you can accept and live with. What you have to decide is what are you prepared to compromise and can you live without it.

While you say you live in a small town where everyone knows each other, and that may make being truly open about your sexual interests difficult, in this internet age it's a lot easier to cast your net wider and into specific areas of interest to find what you want, without necessarily compromising yourself too much - so sites like this one and others like it are what to seek out - but even then it still comes back to the basic principles of attraction, connection and chemistry, so may not be easy.

I feel for you, and know how it can feel but ultimately only you can decide what is best for you and what are your priorities.

One thing though, you say it sounds "pretty homosexual" to like anal play and women's underwear - to the closed minded it may, but those things do *not* equal being gay or liking men, not in the slightest, they're just another facet of your sexuality plain and simple.

[Leisa]

It sucks to feel that way but don’t be so desperate that you lose sight of the things that are important. Especially before bringing children into the mix. There are many on here that search for more than months or a couple of years that are still waiting. Personally I’m not looking to get married again. In fact, I’d run away. What I’m saying is don’t put the forest before the trees. It’s better to wait it out than to be in such a hurry that you make a mistake with life long implications.

[Leisa]

Like Gemini said liking what you like does not make you anything but yourself with diverse sexual needs.

[ge****]

34 minutes ago, Leisa said:

It sucks to feel that way but don’t be so desperate that you lose sight of the things that are important. Especially before bringing children into the mix. There are many on here that search for more than months or a couple of years that are still waiting. Personally I’m not looking to get married again. In fact, I’d run away. What I’m saying is don’t put the forest before the trees. It’s better to wait it out than to be in such a hurry that you make a mistake with life long implications.

Wise words indeed - and so true - speaking from personal experience, though I've had an interest in this lifestyle for around 25 years now, my "physical" experience of it is relatively limited despite my innate submissiveness - and the main reason for that is I refuse to compromise on the other key principles I hold for the sake of giving myself and having that experience. I could easily find and experience my submission if I truly wanted to by simply paying someone - but that, for me, is a compromise I am not prepared to make.

[ey****]

I can understand how frustrating things can be

but

you are 33

you have more of your life ahead of you, than behind you

you certainly have more of your adult life ahead of you.     Pressuring yourself into a relationship isn't going to make things better.  

[Mo****]

Massively sympathise with those words, as I share the same likes and ***s.
One thing I do know though, is be honest about my likes with someone.
The easiest was I find, is to mention ‘appreciate all flavours, as well as Vanilla’ on a dating site.
The right person will recognise this and it opens up a conversation.
The next hurdle however is to discuss being submissive. I find it limits the field, but dont give up

You can’t change who you are or what you like.
Be honest with yourself and also, love yourself.
If you are happy in your own skin and can articulate well, it sends out positive energy and that can only be a good thing.x

[Deleted Member]

I agree, don't dismiss the vanilla sites. I've made connections on there doing what was mentioned above, putting phrases which will only resonate with people interested in kink. There a lot of people who will have similar interests to yours, but he might not have the courage to be on a kink specific site. Spread the net as wide as you can, but I absolutely agree with the people above who said make sure it's right. Don't settle.

[Deleted Member]

*they

[ge****]

I think the other thing to try and do is not to lose hope but balance it with realistic expectations - too often on sites like this I've seen guys throw there arms in the air and decry their "bad luck" because they've not found what they're looking for - and more often than not it's because their expectations are incorrectly set. Not saying that's the case with you OP as you seem to have a fairly balanced view, but it's an easy slope to slide down when things don't work out. The thing is that whilst sites like this are balanced against men in terms of the numbers game, if you have the right attitude, expectations and approach it's entirely feasible to find what you want - takes patience and understanding too of course, and you sometimes have to think out of the box but it's always within your control to a greater or lesser degree.

In summary, don't lose hope OP, stay positive and take on board some of the advice given and it's entirely possible for you to find what you're looking for, and probably will do where you least expected to.

[charlias]

Don't loose hope dude, finding the "one" can be a very long process. keep your chin up :) it'll happen.

[so****]

Hey you're not alone my friend lol it's not my kinks that are in my way. I just legitimately cannot meet anyone that I can create a long term relationship/marriage with. Even back when I was vanilla this was still an issue. So kinks or no kinks, good women are in VERY short supply. I suppose they'd say the same about men lol but you're not alone. I have a very similar struggle just without the kinks.

[Ae****]

Be happy alone first. Research that. One you've got that down, then think about someone else for more happiness and fun - extra, bonus happiness. But your core happiness should come from you, for you. Long process, but doable :)

[Ae****]

Also, sorry. I know it's a rough time. It's temporary, will pass, but right now as sounds awful 😞

[Deleted Member]

Man, I don't have the same likes of you, but I feel the same sometimes. It's very lonely to have strange kinks. But put it simple, sex is not everything in life, all you need is a kind woman who can understand and be open with you. We are, in a certain way, marked by what we have lived, but these marks can always become small in front of greater goods. Besides that, you can surprise yourself. People who are open about their kinks are just the top of the iceberg. Good luck, and don't worry, life is bigger than our sufferings, and there is so much we don't know.

[Deleted Member]

The feeling of loneliness this situation creates can be turned into a positive if you allow it to. Take the negative energy and point it at something constructive. Work on yourself in this time alone, make sure that when you meet the right woman, she meets the best version of you, be that physically, mentally, spiritually, however you define it. Whatever you aspire to be, spend this time working towards that, and you’ll be proud of yourself when you approach the woman for you.

[Deleted Member]

From someone who has been in a vanilla marriage for 15 years, take it from me.

It’s important to be open in the early stages, if kink is talked about openly and freely between partners then it becomes less taboo.

Good luck in your search x