The phenomenon of Online Findoms

[Deleted Member]

My issue so far has been the number of “female dommes” are so intent on latching on to anyone who seems new and trying to get them to submit to findom, I have in all my years never encountered this IRL as it seems to be a internet based phenomenon which I feel suspicious of as they all seem to be generic profiles.

Is it only me that has noticed this anomaly and am I just really sheltered IRL to have not encountered any?

All opinions welcomed as my suspicion is that many of them are not actual “kinksters” but rather people who see the BDSM community as open to financial *** of others who are submissive by nature.

[ey****]

Honestly - it's somewhat of a done-to-death topic - and it's simple enough

Findom isn't really permitted on this site and those that come along looking for coin usually find themselves quickly removed regardless of their background or intent.

It is a little bit more prevalent on other sites to different degrees of legitimacy 

It's not really common in community spaces for a whole assortment of reasons - up to and including either a genuine well known Pro Domme - it'd be rude for them to turn up at, say, a munch to tout for business (and, arguably, illegal) whereas there wouldn't be anything stopping someone selling toys they've made or advertising their event which feels a little double standards - but - hey ho.

A slight problem is for all the legitimacy in the fin/pro scenes there are people who try to mirror scams from it - certainly, there are scripts bought and sold for people to attempt to run scams.   Usually a guy in the third world hoping to net £100 to feed his family for a month.

How into kink they are or are not is open to judgement; but, let's be honest - there are plenty of people who masquerade one way or another who aren't "actual" kinksters by whichever definition - be it the male Dominant who thinks sub girls are easy sluts or mindless whores - or the male sub who gets hard at the thought of Femdom and hoping someone will whisk him to a deluded fantasy land.    I guess, to a degree, who are we to judge - other than - if it's against the rules to hit report and if it's not for us we don't have to engage in it.

[Ae****]

I've met at least four different Ethopian princes IRL - and all of them asked for help with complex financial tangles. So it never surprises me when I hear they contact some people via email 😉

[Goober-9862]

I've been in the IT industry for a while now, the idea is in no way new, using platforms to garner financial gain. You will see it in areas were people believe there are lonely hearts to be had, if you think about that hard enough you'll understand my point, or hope you do.

Honestly though, eyemblacksheep is on point.

I would also practice what I call safe surfing, put a rubber on it before willy nilly go sticking it in somewhere...jokes aside, common sense and safe surfing practices are your primary defense.

[Goober-9862]

There is also the ease factor, how easy is it to set up bots, etc.

[Deleted Member]

Fortunately being a Dom I normally just tell them to go whistle but just thought I would get the opinion of others as I’m fairly new to this site.

[Goober-9862]

I am new and have 0 experience with anything except computers, ha, so there's that.

[ey****]

Largely particularly in recent years there's been plenty of newspaper articles or TV shows and they tend to focus on either those who went into some form of sex work either as a last resort, or , it was a disaster and they are in poverty

or

those who've made an awful lot of *** for (seemingly) little effort

And, it's difficult times for a lot of people and the pandemic in particular has disproportionally affected a lot of young women (more likely to have a hospitality job) and a hint of realism that they're not going to make several thousand with a few feet pics or something but that even a coupla hundred would be really helpful.

This isn't how it always is - but yep - and sometimes it might be people with a kink interest, sometimes it might not - but they often very quickly find it's not easy *** and then, well, stop.   

I guess if you went through the welcome thread there's a lot of people who only made one post then didn't find whatever they were looking for and quit also  

[Leisa]

Welcome. Listen to your instincts. Unfortunately it’s not only “Dommes” who are out trying to make a quick buck. Be wary of the sub with the sob story trying to get *** off of you. Best advice is to stay in site when getting to know someone’s family only going into another platform of communication when you’re comfortable. The site has protections that other formats do not. If anyone asks you for *** hit report and block.

[so****]

Hell yeah man. Fuck findom & fuck all so called "dommes" who just want men's ***. It does seem to be an internet only phenomenon. Probably because these "dommes" have no real interest in actual BDSM & just see it as a way to get quick, easy ***. I used to know a girl who did this to guys on kik, so I speak from personal experience. 2 girls actually. It's exceedingly popular for whatever reason. I don't mind spoiling my subs or giving gifts to worthy, real mistresses. But I'd never just throw my *** away at fake dommes or even worse, give them control of my finances. That's a recipe for extreme disaster lol

[Ch****]

I've done findoming, but it's been my own style. I make sure it's within the means of the sub, if they have impulse control over buying me things I'll have them give the same amount to a charity before giving me anything - this helps make them think. And for some I tell them no, I refuse to effect anyone's life in a negative way.

-

It's certainly not something I ask for and it's not something I would ever do without getting to know them on a deeper level. With all kink, there are ways to do it in a safer way.

[Ninepointer]

It's becoming a plague, I was beginning to think I was the only one who thought so....

[Goober-9862]

Does findome = sugar daddy/mommy?  Seriously I dont know.

I'd be curious to see a poll or legit statistics on the matter. 

I think that any fetish has both physical and mental needs attached to it, so can findome be tied to one thinking caring is equal to ***?

Of course some don't care and just don't want to work I suppose. 

[ey****]

51 minutes ago, Goober-9862 said:

Does findome = sugar daddy/mommy?  Seriously I dont know.

There's assorted financial-based arrangements which are, ultimately, quite different.  It would be long winded to get into a lot of the different permutations and some have a lot of overlap.  A lot are also transactional rather than necessarily about Domination.  If you pay someone x/y/z per hour/week/month and get a/b/c in return that's largely transaction based whatever the a, b or c is - financial domination could literally be "my breakfast was £12 - reimburse it"

A lot are also not all that new - however the online world makes many more visible.

59 minutes ago, Goober-9862 said:

I'd be curious to see a poll or legit statistics on the matter. 

Like a lot of stuff.  It's really difficult to properly gauge - it would also be skewed depending where it was hosted to.

But I guess for a simple of thing.  If you go down in a munch and sit next to somebody; nobody is going to be "you need to pay me to sit there" (or, at least, not in seriousness) 

1 hour ago, Goober-9862 said:

I think that any fetish has both physical and mental needs attached to it, so can findome be tied to one thinking caring is equal to ***?

One thing to think on sometimes is - with men in particular - ***, power, status are things important to many.   So a situation where they give up those things is sometimes closer to submission than "here is a list of my fetishes" - though certainly something which only really works if the person has ***.

Like, the whole 'trophy wife' trope is as old as the hills (and also rather sexist and tied to assumptions) but the concept of a guy wanting to treat or spoil someone he likes is hardly new.    Though, neither is the fantasy of building up so much and having a spoilt brat ruin it all.

1 hour ago, Goober-9862 said:

Of course some don't care and just don't want to work I suppose. 

See.

People say this and often have no idea how much work is involved in all forms of sex work - or - the reasons (of which there are many) that people get into it.

The "don't want to work" trope is tired and lazy - if people really didn't want to work they'd probably just become a landlord. 

[Goober-9862]

Accepted that being a landlord, also requires work.

My comment about not wanting to work, I dont believe is lazzy, more trying to imply, to those who aren't in "sex" work may not want to physically work.

[Goober-9862]

Of course these are just my unsolicited thoughts and opinions, I've not researched in depth.

[Goober-9862]

Is findome, always tied to sex work?  I wouldn't think so, or I misunderstood some of your points.

[ey****]

3 minutes ago, Goober-9862 said:

Is findome, always tied to sex work?  I wouldn't think so, or I misunderstood some of your points.

if we're talking online findomme as this post is about.  Yes.  Because people don't just send *** to anyone.

If we're talking about an element of Findomme as a part of an otherwise established relationship - then - not necessarily.

[Goober-9862]

12 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

if we're talking online findomme as this post is about.  Yes.  Because people don't just send *** to anyone.

If we're talking about an element of Findomme as a part of an otherwise established relationship - then - not necessarily.

Hmm interesting, I would never have made those two necessarily mutually exclusive, the online vs not.

[Goober-9862]

I apologize for my lack of understanding, I am genuinely curious though and appreciate the back and forth.

As others have stated, it comes down to ability to weed it out.

[ey****]

15 minutes ago, Goober-9862 said:

Hmm interesting, I would never have made those two necessarily mutually exclusive, the online vs not.

You go to a bar and chat up a lady - you offer to buy her a drink.   This isn't work. In fact even if she smiles and says "if you want to chat at least get me a drink" it still isn't work

You're talking to a lady online - she asks for a payment to continue the conversation - and it is obvious that there will be further payments required to keep conversing - this is work.