Newbie "Dom" trying new things

[codepsi]

I have some questions about a situation and how can a sub think about that.
First I'll say something about me (M23) and my partner (F23). We are both in our first BDSM relationship IRL. She have more "experience" because she is a sub in a camming website. In the past I had two subs on the internet, but that some few years ago. 

We are both learning and exploring ourselves. I always do my on-line research, I think we have a healthy relationship and some weeks ago I put a collar on her as soon we started to try a D/s relationship out of bedroom, so I think we are doing very well at the moment.  

But I have some anxiety about something. We are pretty open-minded for fetiches/kink. And some days ago she told me she wanted to "fuck" her last boyfriend, but he doesn't wanted.  So I said: I never thought about this, but if you want you can try. I lied because I feel insecure, in reality sometimes I thought about it. 

So she tried with her finger with her own will and then I asked her to try with a little vibrator. After that day I asked one more time. 

Basically I have the desire to try more toys and eventually trying to ask her to fuck me. 

But I have some fear about her reaction. I don't know if wanting to explore that makes me a "switch" somehow as I really don't have any pleasure in doing things that sub usually do. 

So my question is: Wanting to explore my butthole makes me a switch in some way? Subs, what you think about that situation? I know every relationship it's different, but I would like to see the point of view from other people perspective.

 

[Br****]

Hello Codepsi. Thank you for sharing this, it shows your courage, that in spite of feeling worried and vulnerable talking about this topic, you are raising it 😘 In terms of wanting to explore anal penetration yourself, that does not (to me) at all make you submissive. Having a partner penetrate you can be an expression of Dominance or Submission, depending on the dynamic. For example, a Dominant could (if within the boundaries of their dynamic) direct their Submissive, giving specific instruction throughout anal play of what the Sub is and isn’t allowed to do, and during penetration, the Dom being in control of the submissive’s pace/timing/depth of thrusts/what they use for penetration - either verbally or by use of physical restraint (if that makes sense!). That sort of session would feel entirely different than, say, giving the Sun free reign to push you up against a wall, tie your hands and peg you soundly (with adequate prep/care!) ; ) Best of luck raising this with your Submissive : )

[ge****]

Agree with Bramble - wanting anal play performed on yourself doesn't make you a submissive or even a switch, in fact D/s doesn't even have to come into it at all, it could simply be a pleasurable part of a "normal" sex life that you enjoy with each other.

It may depend on your dynamic as to how it plays out though, for example if you are *always* D/s sexually then you could do it with your partner "under instruction" as Bramble suggests, if D/s isn't always present then it's something you can indulge when it isn't.

Sounds like you've already had the discussion, and she's said it's something she wanted to do with a previous partner, so not sure why you'd fear her reaction? Talk to her some more about it, tell her you'd like to experiment more and perhaps look at other toys you could get together.

[ey****]

I think sometimes people get tied up with deciding which acts are "submissive" and "Dominant" 

Regardless of anything else - if you enjoy it and it's consensual then don't worry what it "makes" you (though "enjoys anal play" probably isn't enough to be submissive anyway)

[na****]

Saturday at 12:08 PM, gemini_man said:

Agree with Bramble - wanting anal play performed on yourself doesn't make you a submissive or even a switch, in fact D/s doesn't even have to come into it at all, it could simply be a pleasurable part of a "normal" sex life that you enjoy with each other.

It may depend on your dynamic as to how it plays out though, for example if you are *always* D/s sexually then you could do it with your partner "under instruction" as Bramble suggests, if D/s isn't always present then it's something you can indulge when it isn't.

Sounds like you've already had the discussion, and she's said it's something she wanted to do with a previous partner, so not sure why you'd fear her reaction? Talk to her some more about it, tell her you'd like to experiment more and perhaps look at other toys you could get together.

Yet another contradiction 🤔🤷🏼‍♀️

[ge****]

1 hour ago, naughtynat said:

Yet another contradiction 🤔🤷🏼‍♀️

Interested to know why you think that?

Nothing in the slightest contradictory in what I've said that I can see, but perhaps if you can point out where you think I have I can clarify.

[Koby]

I think the hardest part of BDSM is actually communication...

I think communication is sometimes harder for Doms because we sometimes feel we can't show insecurities, vulnerability or weakness.

Alot of the advice you will receive is about communicating with your partner. Good communication creates mutual trust and respect. I hope it leads to empathy from your partner.

I think there  are two aspects to exploring any particular kink - emotional and physical. Sometimes one aspect of kink is more difficult then the other.

Kinks for me are an addition to a relationship, you can actually have a BDSM relationship without Kinks.

Kinks don't make you more dominant or more submissive, they can improve your connection with your partner e.g. mutual satisfaction.

Focus on the experience, not the destination.

 

[Dancingbear225]

True strength and security comes from admitting you don't know everything. Weakness is illustrated by making shit up to hide that you don't know something, rather than admitting it and saying, "I don't know, but I will find out." Remember, listening to someone else is necessary to get all the information to make a good decision.