Supporting Each Other?

[CopperKnob]

Several posts over recent days in relation to appropriate etiquette when contacting another Fet user, being respectful of boundaries etc. It's clearly a hot topic with lots of thoughts/views.

What I've noticed is that many have commented stating that they notice inappropriate comments on photo's/walls/forum posts and receive them in private messages.

But, my question is...

Do you call out what you may consider to be inappropriate behaviours privately/publicly?

Why and/or why not?

Generally interested either way.

NB: This is NOT a genderised post. Please don't turn it into one.

[Ar****]

I do report it sometimes but not always as I dont wanna be labeled as a troublesome person by the company managing this site/app.

[Deleted Member]

I do. Depending on how offensive it is, will depend on whether I report or not. But I pretty much always call it out.
In terms of effort though, like, basic 'hey, how are you?' messages, I tend to just ignore them.

[ey****]

I'm going to tell you a small problem

in the past - I did - there was someone being a right creep to a number of ladies (actually on facebook) and this ended in a row - aaaand - the ladies defending him.  That they knew him "in real life" and had no problems with these comments on their pictures and posts

So this then becomes a little bit of a problem sometimes in knowing what is consensual and what is not.  Obviously people can build ideas of someone by the comments they see - but it isn't always appropriate to chastise or comment to someone if you're uncertain of the consent.

This is again something I did elsewhere and it ended in the lady whose photo it was turning on me and commenters accusing me of white knighting and whatever shit 

[Deleted Member]

Good point @eyemblacksheep
I should clarify that I call it out when it's on my pictures and writings, in my inbox.

[Ar****]

4 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I'm going to tell you a small problem

in the past - I did - there was someone being a right creep to a number of ladies (actually on facebook) and this ended in a row - aaaand - the ladies defending him.  That they knew him "in real life" and had no problems with these comments on their pictures and posts

So this then becomes a little bit of a problem sometimes in knowing what is consensual and what is not.  Obviously people can build ideas of someone by the comments they see - but it isn't always appropriate to chastise or comment to someone if you're uncertain of the consent.

This is again something I did elsewhere and it ended in the lady whose photo it was turning on me and commenters accusing me of white knighting and whatever shit 

Sorry to hear what you had to go through but it is something that we have to be careful of as well. Additionally I only report it to the site so they can investigate it on their own. Its completely anonymous and safe.

[ey****]

13 minutes ago, UnleashedChaos said:

Good point @eyemblacksheep
I should clarify that I call it out when it's on my pictures and writings, in my inbox.

I mean, granted if I see a couple of people bickering and it's clearly not OK - then I know to join in

But, there's a lot in context.   

[Ar****]

If I'm able to - and assuming that at the time I have the mental/emotional strength to deal with potential backlash - I like to think I do my best to call it out. This isn't an option when it's comments on photos and I don't have an upgraded account (which I haven't bothered with for a while), but some people stick in one's mind and so when they comment on a forum thread bemoaning the lack of responses they get (or some other entitled nonsense) that is where I'm able to say something.

At times it can be really frustrating. There was a comment I saw only yesterday from a chap leching over a particular photo of another user and inviting her to contact him. I knew the user he was commenting on was only interested in women and wanted DESPERATELY to tell him to back off, not least of all since he either hadn't read her profile/bio or had deliberately chosen to ignore it (sound familiar? 🙄)... I'm really struggling with the amount of disrespect I'm seeing, and to not be able to speak directly against it often leaves a feeling of having one's hands tied.

And then there are those situations in forum conversations when no, I deliberately don't say anything. Sometimes I'll recognise that the person being engaged inappropriately is somebody who is more than able to hold their own and I don't want to wade in when they might choose to respond differently; I see that as their prerogative, so will take a step back and perhaps just keep returning to check the thread to make sure the behaviour has been addressed. Or on other occasions plenty of users may have already called the behaviour out, in which case me piling on isn't productive or helpful to anybody.

[MissTakenDeep]

I typically have a problem holding my tongue, so, Yes, I’ve challenged what I personally consider ‘wrong’ on public platforms. On here specifically, I try to offer support when someone posts about treated badly, in the hope that it both comforts the poster and that their subject can see the replies 😤😂. I’ve called out people I’m talking to privately, reported and blocked them but tbh I haven’t actually seen any abusive comments on anyones pics or anything like that…if I had, I’d be mindful it might be consensual.

[ge****]

It's very much contextual as eyem suggests - so it depends very much on the context, the circumstances and other factors to be honest.
.
Where it's obvious or I *know* beyond doubt that it's not well received I'll pass comment and/or report, but try to do so in a balanced and reasoned way.
.
There is also the "don't feed the troll" mantra to consider, as there are many who post vile and abusive comments purely to get a reaction, so sometimes it's best to just ignore or simply report and say nothing more, although sometimes reporting can leave it open to subjective opinion where the comments are more subtle.

[ey****]

Mind - in saying the above - on things like forums, or, in comments on notes/statuses (usually on another site) then I frequently do call folk out

though, there is the problem of a finite amount of time and an infinite amount of bullshit.  I can't sit on the internet all day telling everyone they're wrong haha.  

[CopperKnob]

19 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I'm going to tell you a small problem

in the past - I did - there was someone being a right creep to a number of ladies (actually on facebook) and this ended in a row - aaaand - the ladies defending him.  That they knew him "in real life" and had no problems with these comments on their pictures and posts

So this then becomes a little bit of a problem sometimes in knowing what is consensual and what is not.  Obviously people can build ideas of someone by the comments they see - but it isn't always appropriate to chastise or comment to someone if you're uncertain of the consent.

This is again something I did elsewhere and it ended in the lady whose photo it was turning on me and commenters accusing me of white knighting and whatever shit 

That's a fair point. I guess we don't always know the relationship and it may be consensual.

[ey****]

I think though - there's sometimes you'll see the same people posting and there's arguably nothing *wrong* with what they've written, but you can see them on multiple people's profiles

buuut

if I can see this, or you can see this, then so can the people they're flirting with who are less likely to be responsive.

[cautiousswitch]

Honestly, I don't read the comments people make on other people's wall or pictures.  Even people I've made friends with, it seems a bit stalker-esque to go through seeing what everyone else says to them.

If somebody told me they were getting comments they don't like then I'd be supportive, look into it, and suggest that they report it if I think it's a real problem.  But otherwise assuming that my reading something as offensive means that the person it is directed towards must feel it is offensive is not the right thing to do.

As far as people posting to me.  Scammers do it by message and a screenshot gets sent to the site administrators.  Wall/photo comments have not been offensive yet so I'm not sure how I'd reply.  Probably ignore them unless the same person kept doing it repeatedly.

[Deleted Member]

It has to be pretty blatant or persistent poor behaviour before I will call something out or report it. I try to see people’s behaviour through the lens of possible neurodiversity - there are lots of people in this lifestyle with neurodiverse traits and many of them won’t have a clue about the more subtle nuances of interacting with other people.

Having said that, rudeness is rudeness and *** is ***. Where it’s obvious, it needs to be called out.

[na****]

Yes. Most definitely call out inappropriate, might I add, illegal behaviour. Particularly when a criminal offence has occurred. Has the world been asleep 😴
Look at the treatment, *** and *** against women in the past year alone. O.k! I’ll accept the backlash! There are limits and boundaries that should NEVER be overstepped. Absolutely regardless of gender…Should we ignore it and just accept it as part of society! No! Regardless of what platform we are on. ✊🏻✌🏻💞

[ol****]

I think we need to be careful. People post pictures on this site and invite comment. Similarly people enter contests on this site and invite rating by members.

So I think we need to accept some comments and we need to accept not all of them are going to be things we want to hear. That said, there should be a line and it's up to all members to call out what seems to them to cross the line.

I personally often wonder why a totally new member is allowed to post comments immediately?