Anxiety and trying new things

[Deleted Member]

Had anxiety for ages want to try new things meet people but it gets in the way anyone got tips

[su****]

I feel this, I usually try scented stuff, usually I buy lavender aromas breathing it in calms me down, or when I go out I usually wash my mask and scented it my favorite perfume it’s helps, or I do what my counselor told me when I’m out to feel the texture of something preferably I have a squishy and squeeze it it’s scented also

[su****]

Hope this helps

[ey****]

anxiety sucks, for sure

I bought some CBT books and get enrolled on a NHS course for help with anxiety.  My workplace also provided me with free access to Headspace.

[BruiseWayne]

If you feel yourself starting to spiral a good thing to do is silence your inner monologue and focus on some form of breathing technique meant to lower your heart rate. It's much easier to calm your body than it is your mind, but your mind will usually follow if you can convince your body you're not in any danger. Hope that helps.

[LK****]

Well for me exercising, meditation and activities that I find relaxing are helpful. And of course therapy. Nothing really different or exciting, but being constant on that did help me overall.

Other than that, when I start to get very anxious/stressed I picture a needle going into my brain and sucking it out 😅, it’s weird but it have worked many times for me. In this case you could figure some other kinds of representations that makes sense for you.

[su****]

7 hours ago, submissive_doll24 said:

I feel this, I usually try scented stuff, usually I buy lavender aromas breathing it in calms me down, or when I go out I usually wash my mask and scented it my favorite perfume it’s helps, or I do what my counselor told me when I’m out to feel the texture of something preferably I have a squishy and squeeze it it’s scented also

Forgot to say what I mean about the texture, it’s called smell, touch, see, feel, color shade it helps gravitate you I guess so as to calm the breathing till your breathe is even

[E-dUbBs]

I had anxiety before and had sessions with a professional psych and completely overcame it (not kink related though)
Here are tips I learned from him
1. Don’t pre-emp it too much: you know you get anxious but don’t go into things expecting to be eg some one who’s afraid of insects searching their garden for one, you know it’s there but don’t let your mind make you “find it”
2. Shift the focus: “turn the spotlight away” from how you feel mentally to something else, in my case one of my difficult places became cars so we’d play stupid games like counting how many red cars etc
3. Undo the knots: in your body I mean
As mentioned how you feel and think can actually affect you physically eg clenched fists, sweating, hyperventilating etc solution do jazz hands, breathing exercises (check diaphragmatic breathing and circular breathing) open a window or have a fan (obviously this is in general situations in kink obviously it’s about tailoring to what you can do at the time)
4 end on a positive: your mind tends to equate feeling to thoughts
Don’t be afraid to push yourself but stop while you still feel positive about the session, accept a draw instead of pushing on for a win and possibly losing
5 tell everyone: anyone who isn’t conscious or helpful and accepting is not some one you need in your space and if everyone involved knows (as much as possible) saying “ok I’m done with this today” should never result in negative reactions from others.

All in all we do this for fun. Take it slowly relax and enjoy

(If I came off a bit preachy here it wasn’t intended lol)

[E-dUbBs]

Just now, E-dUbBs said:

I had anxiety before and had sessions with a professional psych and completely overcame it (not kink related though)
Here are tips I learned from him
1. Don’t pre-emp it too much: you know you get anxious but don’t go into things expecting to be eg some one who’s afraid of insects searching their garden for one, you know it’s there but don’t let your mind make you “find it”
2. Shift the focus: “turn the spotlight away” from how you feel mentally to something else, in my case one of my difficult places became cars so we’d play stupid games like counting how many red cars etc
3. Undo the knots: in your body I mean
As mentioned how you feel and think can actually affect you physically eg clenched fists, sweating, hyperventilating etc solution do jazz hands, breathing exercises (check diaphragmatic breathing and circular breathing) open a window or have a fan (obviously this is in general situations in kink obviously it’s about tailoring to what you can do at the time)
4 end on a positive: your mind tends to equate feeling to thoughts
Don’t be afraid to push yourself but stop while you still feel positive about the session, accept a draw instead of pushing on for a win and possibly losing
5 tell everyone: anyone who isn’t conscious or helpful and accepting is not some one you need in your space and if everyone involved knows (as much as possible) saying “ok I’m done with this today” should never result in negative reactions from others.

All in all we do this for fun. Take it slowly relax and enjoy

(If I came off a bit preachy here it wasn’t intended lol)

Should have been pre-empt

[Deleted Member]

I would say, concentrate on "You" first and everything else comes afterwards. I've been suffering from terrible anxiety myself recently and I've put this site on the back-burner as my mental health is way more important than any kind of relationship. I hope you can get help to feel better soon.

[ey****]

just as a kinda spin-off

a problem some make is hoping a relationship or a potential friend would help with their anxiety.  And, it can.

But. This comes with it's own problems as relying on someone else makes you worse as and when they cannot provide what you need.  Which can be anything from their own free time or the end of a relationship

 

[ol****]

I was in a 14 year FET relationship that ended about a year ago, I then realised I was with a narcissist. I started getting anxiety.
First time I went and played again I had a full on attack, dizziness, sickness the lot.
Somehow I talked myslef round, told myself 8m good at thus and I can do it, told myself this is for me and part of recovery.

[Ss****]

Had bipolar and anxiety for years. All better now although I am still working off Valium. It was pretty terrible. One day I woke up and the Depression was just gone. It never came back. Let me know if I can help in any way

[Deleted Member]

My humble and deepest apologies for cutting into this thread. I am like you @Sschne440.. I'm bipolar but my deep depression, stress and anxiety hasn't lifted yet....Would it be okay to chat/message you too? Could you send me a message please if it is ok? Thanks in advance.

Again I must apologise and am very sorry for cutting in on your thread here @Starz25 Hope you do manage to get some useful info etc on here from someone and that you can use this to move forward and upwards as well as enjoy lifes experiences more and help with your quality of life too ;-D

[Ge****]

Exercise helps a lot I mean you have to beat your self up and the anxiety goes away .when it comes back beat yourself up again with exercise it's better I would think then a 💊 pill.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, queens-village767 said:

Exercise helps a lot I mean you have to beat your self up and the anxiety goes away .when it comes back beat yourself up again with exercise it's better I would think then a 💊 pill.

while exercise can help with anxiety and other mental health issues it's not a magic bullet

being able to exercise is also something that, well, not everyone has access to open spaces, a large enough property to work out within or the accessibility of a gym - ironically, 3 factors which can also negatively effect mental health 

[Deleted Member]

Definitely been there and being Autistic has meant I've had issues with anxiety in the past. CBT and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) have helped me overcome most of my anxiety issues.

[Ge****]

It's a very hard thing to deal with overall

[Ja****]

Anxiety over matters of mating & copulation are so common that even the apes and most monkeys share this affliction with us. There must be an evolutionary reason for it but my point is it only happens to smart creatures. Are you overthinking things instead of moving instinctually? Try letting go. Breath in and blow it out as you think “I don’t f**king CARE…let’s do this!”