Anxiety and living this life

[Deleted Member]

Hiiii everyone

I hope you’re all doing well.
I wanted to talk about anxiety and even OCD within the kink community.

I’m a trans girl, been transitioning for a few years now. I’m a virgin but my mind is extremely kinky. I’m a virgin because my anxiety is through the roof. Not for having sex or doing sexual acts, but just for people experiencing who I am as a person. Kind of like I feel as though I’m not worth it? Or I worried if I am?

Let’s add OCD on top of this. No, I’m not talking about fixing a picture frame that’s slightly off “OCD”. I’m talking intrusive thoughts that you cannot control and ruminating over them to the point where you’re so anxious you don’t even want to leave your house.

Has anyone dealt with this level of anxiety, or even OCD? I want to start living life more, exploring my sex life, and kinks/fantasies. Some people have been patient, but as you all know, patience runs thin. Which I completely understand.

With this being said, having this level of anxiety is causing me to be emotional and I hate that. Emotions are human and it’s good to feel them, but I don’t want my emotions to effect who I am as a person, if that makes sense.


Any advice will be helpful. Thank you all in advance who take the time to read this. ❤️

[Just_Curious87]

Hi. I also suffer from depression and anxiety and the only thing that made my panic attacks subside was hypnotherapy. Give it a try 😉 x

[Deleted Member]

Firstly you need to get out the anxiety from doing day to day stuff before getting to the dating and sex part. All I can do is suggest you meditate and get your thoughts together. Make your mind clear and everything else will follow. I am not a professional psychiatrist but I have studied for it.

[Deleted Member]

I feel like I have tried so much. From therapy, to spiritual practices, to mindfulness. But the anxiety and sh*t is still there.

I have not tried hypnotherapy! I’ve always wanted to but idk how to look for it honestly!

I’m going to continue to work on it. Actually about to hit the treadmill now yo clear my head. ❤️

Thank you all. I’m also here if you guys need to talk.

[Deleted Member]

I deal with anxiety and depression every day. Meditation has helped me out a lot. Also medication for my anxiety. Take it one day at a time. Try new things from time to time. It is hard, but getting out of your comfort zone little by little will help! Also you need to find the right person. If someone doesn't accept you for who you are, f**k em! Move on and learn what fulfills you and your needs and find someone to match that.

[Mistress_of_Death]

Try mindfulness, meditation, aromatherapy. If it does not work, seek professional support and potentially therapy, or therapy combined with meds.
Calm your mind before starting to engage with others in this community, you need to be confident and strong and most of all, love yourself. Big hugs x

[Ju****]

I just want to say, you are very much not alone in this.

My anxiety started during an abusive relationship, led into sexual ***, then back into another abusive relationship (this one was emotional).

I developed some pretty extreme habits, intrusive thoughts, self loathing and a lot of dysphoria came of it also.

Now I am someone who will never want to, or actively transition. It's a bit messed up for me. I want to have a di*k, but look how I do, but slimmer, more healthier and be anxiety free. The behaviours and habits I now have, are a product of ptsd and trauma from my past. I am waiting on therapy for this. I have a sort of inclination on what mental disorders I have developed, and I am in the process of getting confirmed medical diagnosis' for them.

I once had a phobia of leaving home, or letting people near me. My main mental disorders have been labelled as emotional. I am extremely emotional, all the time. The thoughts I cannot control along with OCD which for me is fixing photo frames, as well as 3000 other things, around me, habits, words and all sorts.

However, after the second relationship broke up, I sort of said, you know what, you almost killed me (convincing me I was crazy etc), I am not having it anymore. I walked. Took me a long time. But I did it. 

I got on here, to come out of my comfort zone, to write a book based off kink stuff, accidently met someone, learned to understand my dysphoria and these thoughts surrounding it. I learned to slowly process myself, take things at my own pace, be the me I wanted to be, grew confidence, accepted I am not "normal" but that doesn't make me different, or bad, or unworthy. 

Having met the people here who I have, 70+ friends, a wonderful supportive partner, they all told me the me I felt I was, was okay. They made me feel accepted. They supported me, guided me and listened to me.

Now, I still have my anxiety, and ocd, however I found the route to help myself, found the love for me I was previously denying, and sought help for myself. I am still on my journey, but by just getting out there, finding good people and just being patient with myself, has really enabled me to be where I am today. 

If not for this site, and it's people, I don't know who I would be, where I would be, or if I even "would" be.

My advice?

Take time. Look after yourself. Plenty of self care. Vet people to the teeth. Trust your gut. Don't give you V card away to anyone who's anyone. Don't let anyone fetishicise you. Don't settle for less than you want, need, and deserve. 

Make friends, online and slowly work up to it. Find confidence. Reach out to professionals, for transition support, mental health support, whatever else you may need in any area of your life. Build yourself slowly but always remember you are important and always come first. Be exactly you, and anyone worth their salt, will be there for you, just as you are, with anxiety or not. 

You'll get there, just never give up <3

[Deleted Member]

Thank you all so much ❤️

[Deleted Member]

27 minutes ago, Just_Curious87 said:

Hi. I also suffer from depression and anxiety and the only thing that made my panic attacks subside was hypnotherapy. Give it a try 😉 x

I haven’t tried this. But I’ve always wanted to!

[Deleted Member]

26 minutes ago, fa7con said:

Firstly you need to get out the anxiety from doing day to day stuff before getting to the dating and sex part. All I can do is suggest you meditate and get your thoughts together. Make your mind clear and everything else will follow. I am not a professional psychiatrist but I have studied for it.

I do this every day. I’m trying! But it feels good to know I’m on the right track. Just need to keep on working thru it.

[Ca****]

😔 me too sis.

[Matty_73]

I suffer from anxiety and talking to somebody is a good idea. You can only control what you can control and everything else is outside of your sphere of influence. The right people will like you for who you are. I used my local Time To Talk team and it was a group session with people from all walks of life. Also don't be afraid to take medication if that is the right course of action, in consultation with your doctor or health professional x

[Just_Curious87]

Just Google a hypnotherapist and go for it... it will change your life believe me. Good luck xx

[Deleted Member]

Hi, I also have anxiety, depression, and OCD. I've been struggling with them for a long time, and it's only been within the last couple of years that I finally tried to understand and take control of these challenges. I'm finally on medications that are starting to help, so being honest with your doctor on how you're feeling is important. I started therapy about 8 months ago, and it has helped tremendously. The intrusive thoughts still come often, so I've started writing them down so I can really study these feelings and search within myself where they are coming from. This is easier said than done. I've been called overly emotional my whole life, anymore I just look at it as being empathetic. It sounds like you've been on a journey to find yourself for quite some time, you just can't give up on yourself. When you're finally comfortable enough to let someone experience the real you, you'll start to realize that you are worth it and your emotions do not define you. I also have adhd, so I might be rambling. I just want you to know that you're not alone ❤️

[Deleted Member]

Like most who have responded I too suffer from sever anxiety and depression. It has taken me years of working on myself to get to where I an. I had CBT as well as medication for the anxiety and depression. I have learned to spot my triggers, had to distance myself from negative people and learned to accept that I will always have to have coat hangers facing a certain way, glasses and plates in specific spots and a bunch of other stuff. I've found accepting me has helped. Ultimately when you need support ask for it, don't try to run before you can crawl. Tell yourself the positive things about you on a daily.basis and take one day at a time.

[Ae****]

Therapy. If you really want to handle all of this.
If you want to take a looooooong time for a little bit of progress, do a bunch of other obvious recommended things. But if you want to help yourself live before you're 90 years old - therapy.

[Deleted Member]

My level of anxiety is exactly this bad. There has been months where I did not leave the house. It is due to intrusive thoughts for me as well. In my case my thoughts literally take me captive and I cant go anywhere.
When I was younger I had a trick for intrusive thoughts. Whenever I would have one I would imagine myself as a cowboy with a lasso and I would throw the lasso around the thought and hog tie it and leave it there. And that worked really well for many years. But I developed schitzo effective disorder around 23 yrs old.
Lately I have tried different psych meds and I have reached a point where I am taking my thoughts captive again instead of the other way around. So now I am about to start my life again. Prayer helps a lot too.

[Less_Careless]

For what it's worth, you're not alone (although that's not always as helpful as people think).

Anxiety/depression has been the bane of my life since I was 17, pretty much half my life now, and on top of that I have always been kinky as hell. I've never known sexuality without kink, and it's made me feel really isolated, like a freak.

I don't know if I would qualify for obsessive compulsive *disorder*, but I've definitely got some obsessive compulsive tendencies; between that, the anxiety and the kink shame, I've found myself feeling pretty cr*p over the years. It's only in very recent years, with the handful of connections I've made in places like this, that I've come to be a bit more accepting of my kinky side, but it still comes and goes.

As for your anxiety, it's hard to say because different people get anxious over different things. There isn't necessarily a simple, quick or easy fix, so you should always be wary of the "just do this" advice.

Judging from how I've often felt, and the way I've perceived others with similar issues, I think a lot of us anxiety folks can be quite apologetic about it, worrying about how it affects others, or how they see us. If that's you as well, I highly recommend challenging that mindset, because it doesn't help. After all, you wouldn't expect a diabetic to apologise for needing insulin, or someone in a wheelchair needing a ramp. It really is no different at all.

I'd also recommend, as best you can, to go easy on yourself. Again, I think we tend to be really self-critical, and apply standards to ourselves that we wouldn't dream of applying to others. You're not to be blamed for your brain chemistry any more than the diabetic is for their pancreas lol.

And the most general advice is to look for proper help, like doctors or psychologists, if you haven't already. Like I say, they won't be able to just *zap* you better, but they can help. Don't just try and muddle through on your own.

I hope that's of some use to you.

[Deleted Member]

24 minutes ago, Aeonova said:

Therapy. If you really want to handle all of this.
If you want to take a looooooong time for a little bit of progress, do a bunch of other obvious recommended things. But if you want to help yourself live before you're 90 years old - therapy.

I’ve been going to therapy for 3 years

[Deleted Member]

I’ve dealt with anxiety for most of my life. It’s held me back from doing a lot of things. I’ll never be free of it, but I’ve learned to live with it. There are ways of keeping it at bay.

[Am****]

I wasn’t able to start improving my depression and anxiety until I started taking Zoloft. It has been a lifesaver and has allowed me to make major improvements in my life because it allows me to take a step back from my thoughts and recognize what is happening which gives me a choice to take helpful actions instead of just drowning in the thoughts.

[im****]

Honestly I have dealt with OCD, ADHD and both anxiety and depression. Meds never helped me deal with anything it masked and ended me down a dark path. I have dealt with a lot that I am not going to talk about here but you are more then welcome to DM and we can chat. I found the best is to talk about it with people who understand or can at least relate on some level. My therapist has been helpful but others in the lifestyle are what helped me the most. You are amazing and anyone is lucky to have you.

[Ke****]

I am also like you, facing lots of difficulties because of OCD and now searching for my comfort life by using this type of platforms🙂

[DeviantInside]

Ok speaking as a therapist I’m going to tell you the hidden secret. 40% of the progress you make is the the***utic alliance or rapport you make with your therapist. 30% is your personal social network and support group. 15% is the modality you go into (and there are several), and 15% is how good they are as a therapist. (Please don’t take my word for this look up studies and make your own mind up). But one thing you should be aware of is that the brain can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality (easy example of you mention a spider to an arachnophobe they will probably look to the four corners of the room to look for the spider their brain is telling them is real, or when you look back at an incredibly happy or sad part of your life you start to feel a hide feelings, because your brain is reliving them). So every time you play out all the ways something could go wrong or might be anxiety inducing you build up a pattern match in the hippocampus which teaches the brain this is something you NEED to be anxious about (this is how we build up anxieties or phobias). There are ways to reduce our overall anxiety levels (kinda a lot to go into here, have made posts in the past about it), but we can also use this to our advantage too (and has been used on top level sports for years). The more you imagine whatever circumstance going really well the more we teach the brain that this isn’t something we need to be worried about.

[DeviantInside]

26 minutes ago, DeviantInside said:

Ok speaking as a therapist I’m going to tell you the hidden secret. 40% of the progress you make is the the***utic alliance or rapport you make with your therapist. 30% is your personal social network and support group. 15% is the modality you go into (and there are several), and 15% is how good they are as a therapist. (Please don’t take my word for this look up studies and make your own mind up). But one thing you should be aware of is that the brain can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality (easy example of you mention a spider to an arachnophobe they will probably look to the four corners of the room to look for the spider their brain is telling them is real, or when you look back at an incredibly happy or sad part of your life you start to feel a hide feelings, because your brain is reliving them). So every time you play out all the ways something could go wrong or might be anxiety inducing you build up a pattern match in the hippocampus which teaches the brain this is something you NEED to be anxious about (this is how we build up anxieties or phobias). There are ways to reduce our overall anxiety levels (kinda a lot to go into here, have made posts in the past about it), but we can also use this to our advantage too (and has been used on top level sports for years). The more you imagine whatever circumstance going really well the more we teach the brain that this isn’t something we need to be worried about.

I hate auto correct.