What is true BDSM not just the physical,how deep does it go.

[Deleted Member]

There's, a fantastic couple on this site,and it's very obvious they adore each other,and they express BDSM in a very almost spiritual way,that's the kind of thing I'm trying to learn about,not just give me £50 and you can play with my tits and arse.its the deeper aspect I want to explore,I was reading on the chat or the forum about " the drop" that some people experience, this I'd never heard before.my curiosity deepens.

[Deleted Member]

Do you mean sub drop?

[SotaZero]

There is Dom/Domme drop and sub drop. The body and brain releases chemicals into the body which leave the body. The feelings that can be experienced range from sad to depressed, these feeling might not instantly or even that day can be experienced, have heard of up to a week afterwards. Upon investigation each body processes differently. The length of time the feelings last also varies, it does help to have an aftercare plan. Aftercare is not always possible to be a physical practice. Though it is the best, aftercare solidfies the bond between partners. The Fetish magazine has had some very detailed articles on this and many more closely related topics. Hope this helps

[Deleted Member]

Could you possibly be talking about Jed and Saphy??

[BigPolly]

I don’t think there is a ‘true’ for of BDSM, it’s whatever it means to you. Like you say many think it’s about sex. A lot of the time it comes with psychological play so a good connection firstly with yourself then secondly with the other recipriants is important. It also isn’t just about bondage, whips & sex, I’ve played in ways that hasn’t included sex. There are so many avenues that we can go down it’s simply ‘what works for you’ I often see young subs advertise themselves on here as ‘willing to do anything & everything’ & each time that makes me flinch as there is so much that would make their hair curl & run a mile, they need to be willing to learn about their likes & dislikes before saying something so open . Whatever route you take it’s such an amazing & open world full of fantastic experiences 😁

[Deleted Member]

Thank you all for the detailed and very interesting explanation of the nature of the mental and emotional aspects of this fascinating subject,I understand it better now it's passion but on a different level.respect thank you.

[Deleted Member]

Big Polly describes the connection extremely well. Her comment about young females and their unknowing remarks also fills me with trepidation; who could they become exposed to. Been is all consuming, far deeper than a vanilla relationship and so wide open. My current sub, a young female, can't get over the fact that I ask her what her fantasies,desires and needs are. She has only come across doms who proclaim, and demand. To me,those types of character are going nowhere and don't deserve to be given the gift that a female holds, until she feels comfortable and confident to begin to give this, to the Dom who really listens, helps, advises and understands her, and all that she stands for. I often feel like I'm an enabler, to be used up to the point where the female feels parity with her Dom. From then on, it's a total interchange of give and take, compromise and joint pleasures. It flows as far as your imagination can run. Enjoy.

[ey****]

There's no "true" BDSM - a lot of people have relationships that are different. 

There's a long story, I'll try to trim - but I was away recently and there were 2 ladies present whom I've strong relationships with, one of which was also accompanied by her longest serving sub.

Their relationship is purely D/s - no romance, no sex, there is "love" - but it's not the same kind of romantic affection.  But there was certain quirks and play in their dynamic and it was quite fun to watch, it was also very different to my relationship with Her - so just simply how one person with multiple relationships can have some so very different.

"She doesn't shout at you so much", her sub joked with me - I replied, "Yes, but you like it".

Some people are very causal and just almost dip in and out of BDSM, some are very full on.  It's all valid.  

[Deleted Member]

There's  a lot more to it than I thought ,a lot more behind the masks and leather the mental and emotional was something I was ignorant of,I knew it wasn't just sex, but after reading all the excellent information on this forum,I'm beginning to grasp it better the duality in the emotions.respect.x

[ey****]

one thing I did when I started, is I did a lot of "people watching" both from a far and by talking to them.   So, talking to couples at munches about their dynamics and how they work.  It paints a lot of different pictures.

There's vast differences between a lot of fantasy tropes - and reality. 

[Roleplayboy]

I not sure if i jn right place i am adult baby love be treat as such 

 

[Deleted Member]

eyemblacksheep thanks pal for very good sound advice,that's really why I've came back to this site time and again,I think there are a lot of great people I can learn stuff and point me in the right direction ,and what you have said resonates,it's a good starter.thank you.respect.

[saphy]

I pretty much agree with everyone here that there is no such thing as 'true' bdsm nor are there 'true slave/subs' nor 'Dom(me)/Master/Daddy etc etc'......but after clearing that up I think I completely understand where your coming from.

You mean a BDSM relationship that is sensual and seductive and committed? The kind of relationship/dynamic that has a firm emotional attachment and has the deep rooted control?....there are alot of misconceptions around "newbies", the BDSM lifestyle is absolutely beautiful, its about people connecting to find solace in each another and to satiate needs with a mutual benefit. it's about developing a sanctuary.

Its not what's portrayed by opportunists (who sadly you will find) it's not whats left at the hand of a narcissist (who you will also find amongst the community)....broken submissives is not the 'norm'. 

We each have our needs as far as relationships are concerned. Some people like variety and fun, some people like a distant relationship with minimalistic contact, some prefer to just meet up for munches or club meets and there are others (like myself) who are not shy of the commitment. (@eyemblacksheep said it much more eloquently). 

I have an amazing relationship/dynamic with mySir but I've also had the narcisstic ones and the 'wham Bam thank you ma'am' type....none of which worked for me. Ive had a broken heart on a couple of occasions, I've had a Master who couldn't deal with life itself or more specifically illness and although we were great together, He still felt the need to take His own life.

Why am I sharing this? I'm sharing it because  I've had years and years of being up and down and all over the place BUT for the past six and a bit months I've felt like I've been floating on cloud nine, ten and eleven!!!! I'm not naive, thanks to various life experiences but to make a point, the relationship I have now with mySir is very much 'one of a kind'....these kind of dynamics just don't happen. They're not everyday occurances and I need to stress that point. 

You recall the old concepts of 'love at first sight'  'instant attractions'  and the age old 'Mr Right' ??.....well, I was lucky and fortunate enough to find this in Jed, to find all of the above in Him. To find all of that AND for us to fit together seamlessly as D/s is mind blowing. Believe me, I'm grateful everyday for having Him in my life and for the future we have before us. As slave/sub I've attuned to Him on a deeper level than I ever have in my life and there is no one I adore or love or trust more in this world....we are two halves, two different people with very similar interests but no closer to the ying yang theory will you find. When we come together in our truest form we are very much One. We compliment each other and for me....i couldn't ask or hope for more than that. Under His hand, I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life...❤️

[Deleted Member]

Saphy if I can be formal,you and your soulmate Jed write from a vein of experience that I guess most couples are looking for you both touch people,I was lucky I had this for 20years with my now ex wife,that's why I'm drawn to the subject that's why your words resonate deeply with me.

I won't ever replace what I had a special very special girl on all the levels you mention,that's why I know it exists.

But I never look back only forward and find this subject emotional so thank you for your beautiful analogy of a subject I'm just learning.respect.

[saphy]

Well tainted, I truly hope that youre able to find something else on the same level with another and that you both can develop and incorporate your love of all things kink/BDSM into your dynamic. If either of U/us can help you on your journey then please don't hesitate to reach out. We'll be more than happy to help. Warmest blessings to ya and the best of all things good! ❤️

[Deleted Member]

Truly you your fantastic partner and many other people on this forum have really opened my eyes,don't get me wrong I talk shit a lot and I speak my mind, I hate trying to be something other than myself ( after all I'm a west coast boy and bullshit isn't our first language) but your dynamic way with words isn't just words it's oh I'm not a loud to swear,it's emotions and not just from the heart but the soul and that's not arty farty shit (you have to excuse me I fight with this f*cking predictive txt.to express yourselves honestly in the way you all do,now that's REAL people , respect.

[saphy]

Damn! I JUST noticed how close you actually are!!!! 😂😂😂 But youre right, we're realists, we dont believe in fucking about. But that's also the Scot in us lol we thrive to make a success of everything we do. 

The 'community' here, I found is the best going so your in good hands tainted! Just reach out, you'll see that we all hold each other up and can help you along the way! 😊

[Deleted Member]

Tainted is my first name you can just call me love if you want or 941( I'm kidding) west coast ers are known for honesty,most call it ignorant,but ignorance is not really knowing who or what self is,god your miles away, it's ok we all have a cross to bear, Irvine will get better.thank you for taking the time, respect.

[saphy]

hahahhaha love, no it won't! 😂😂😂

Edited July 18, 2018 by saphy
Humour

[Deleted Member]

I know 😞 but your such a positive person,I didn't want to piss on your cornflakes, it's Irvine your right your fucked🤑