What Goes Up Must Come Down | Subspace And Subdrop

Subspace and subdrop are different for everyone. Some people never get there no matter how hard they try, and others seem to fall into it the moment they’re bound or gagged. We all have our own definition, and Kayla Lords is here to share her first experience with you.

What subspace is like for me

Sometimes I can form thoughts, but I can’t speak. Other times, my mind floats off, almost weightless. I talk but don’t remember what I said later. I might not make much sense. The first time I hit subspace, I wasn’t consciously aware that I had until it was over. All I really knew is that I felt so fucking good.

There were a lot of firsts - my first visit to our local BDSM dungeon. I’d never taken my clothes off in public before, and he’d never flogged a partner in public before. Here we were, on a busy Saturday night, in the middle of the floor. We hadn’t made a firm plan that we’d scene, yet I stood and faced away from the room. I was really doing this.

The floating, relaxed feeling drifted over my brain slowly. In the beginning, I was clammy and nervous. With each click, as he attached my wrists and ankles to the St. Andrew’s Cross, my mind clouded more. I desperately wanted this. So did he.

It doesn’t matter if you’re playing in public or in your bedroom. Subspace seems to require the ability to let go and let things happen. The scene might not go as planned, and you might not get everything you want out of it - but whatever will be, will be.

First kisses

From the first kiss of the flogger on my back, I forgot the room. I was focused on each and every sensation. He started slowly, warming up my body and himself. Later he would confess to being as nervous as I was, but that night he projected an air of confidence.

That air, as well as how good the flogging felt, is what allowed me to relax. If I’d stayed tense, I never would have hit subspace. Rhythms also matter. If I’m going to reach it, and get that nice floaty-don’t-give-fuck place, I need to get lost in the rhythm. Sensations matter. Deep, pounding thuds are my favourite. Stinging *** messes with my head. My thoughts get in the way. “Ouch, that hurts! Can I handle it?” If I’m thinking that, I can’t relax completely. Subspace, for me, requires total relaxation.

Out there, on the cross, my back and butt bared to a room full of strangers, that’s what happened. I felt the air move with each strike. I felt the warmth of his body every time he checked on me. I felt the pounding music rise up through my feet from the floor. I was lost in the moment.

Subdrop requires BDSM aftercare
Aftercare is important for subdrop

BDSM aftercare is essential

When he finished, I didn’t know if a few minutes or a few hours had passed. I never really know the moment I sink from conscious awareness into subspace - I lose all sense of time. He may have stopped because I no longer verbally responded. Maybe his arm got tired.

The first conscious thought I remember is when he wrapped me in a pink, fuzzy blanket - a gift for the evening - and sat me down on a sofa. The adrenaline was coursing through my body, causing tremors. He moved our stuff out of the way so someone else could play, gathered me in his arms, and held me. Aftercare is crucial in order to be ready for the subdrop.

It took a while for coherent thoughts to form again. My mind, for the first time, was a complete blank. No worrying, scurrying thoughts rushed through. I simply was. I existed, right there, in the moment. As my head cleared, I noticed I was cold and tired and hungry. A lot of energy gets used in a kinky scene - mental and physical. My reaction wasn’t a surprise.

And then comes subdrop

The “problem” is that this state is usually followed by subdrop. What goes up must come down. There are no hard or fast rules about subdrop - how bad it might be; what it feels like; or how long it will last. The subdrop experience is unique to each of us.

The other “problem?” Subspace doesn’t happen every time you get kinky. From my experience, if I can’t get lost in the moment and let my mind go blank, it won’t happen. Some submissives chase the feeling and get a sense of failure if they don’t get there.

Despite the subdrop, subspace is a fantastic experience. But if you’re only getting kinky hoping for an elusive high that may or may not happen, you’re bound to be disappointed. For me, it’s about the expression of my desires, the sensations I feel, and the moment with my partner. It is the icing on a kinky cake, not the entire dessert.

Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life.