What does Aftercare look like for you?

[Ta****]

What does after care look like for you?

For me, it depends on the scenario and the partner. Maybe I’m odd, but I really only enjoy cuddles as part of my after care with my Dom, not my playmates. I do enjoy a good massage over well spanked areas, no matter who its with. But … cuddles and kisses are reserved for Daddy. Is that selfish of me?

[Sk****]

Not at all! Your priorities to your dom are definitely in check!

[ma****]

How do you take of your non daddy partner’s needs?

[SirsPlaything35]

My aftercare involves getting plugged up in whichever hole he came in. We check to see if we need water. If anal was given he cleans himself. If vaginal, I clean him off. I typically require a nap and fuzzy blanket. If he is sticking around and snuggles with me I require to fall asleep with his cock in my mouth like a pacifier while he strokes my hair until I fall asleep. Our scenes are usually intense so this is a way we taper off.

[4R****]

Oh so much to say and so little space. Firstly aftercare is a two- way thing - we both need it! What it looks like really depends on who it's with and what we've been doing. Aftercare shouldn't be rigid, it should be adapted to fit the situation. 

Aftercare for me is simple, communication with the person I've been playing with and reassurance that they are happy and OK. It we've done a particularly intense scene then perhaps going and relaxing together over a drink or possibly a cuddle for a while. I suppose one way of putting it is My aftercare is being able to give them aftercare.

In my opinion aftercare should be available in some form or another after any scene to help each other feel valued and wanted and to help everyone return to normality. It's a good idea to carry an aftercare kit including drinks, food, first-aid kit, and anything else you feel is necessary. After the scene is not the time to be running to the shop because you forgot something. During aftercare may also be the ideal time to communicate about the scene and discuss what went well, what didn’t work and discuss limits if necessary. It’s a time to tend to any injuries such as applying cream to sores and bruises if there are any resulting from play. It’s a time to collect your thoughts and evaluate where you want to go next on your journey.

Most importantly, it’s a time to just be there for each other in whatever way you both need.

Of course, sometimes one or both may just need to be on their own for a while to decompress after a scene and will come back later to talk it through. 

[Is****]

Aftercare is what makes it kink and not abuse . Regardless of the exact nature of the preceding scene , whether almost vanilla , or fantastically extreme. What different people require from their aftercare is as varied as the variation in dynamics between people .

[4R****]

3 minutes ago, Isosceles74 said:

Aftercare is what makes it kink and not abuse

I disagree - "Consent" is what makes it kink and not abuse. Many an attacker has been all loving and caring after beating the crap out of their victim, but regardless of the aftercare, the attack was still abuse. 

[Is****]

6 minutes ago, 4RCH said:

I disagree - "Consent" is what makes it kink and not abuse. Many an attacker has been all loving and caring after beating the crap out of their victim, but regardless of the aftercare, the attack was still abuse. 

I cannot entirely disagree with that , because consent IS the foundation of kink . Perhaps we should call consent “precare” ? But aftercare can be part of the bonding process that cements consent ... checking in that things went well , where it was close to the edge , what didn’t go so well

[Ta****]

30 minutes ago, masterful said:

How do you take of your non daddy partner’s needs?

That varies based on the individual, our dynamic, and what we need after a scene. My only real preference is that cuddles and kisses are kept special for my Dom. Now … that said … I do have one repeat play partner who gets attention similar to what I give my Dom. But he and I met before I met my Dom, and the dynamic had already been established. It’s hard for me to pull back and give him something different than what we were already used to as a result.

[4R****]

2 minutes ago, Isosceles74 said:

I cannot entirely disagree with that , because consent IS the foundation of kink . Perhaps we should call consent “precare” ? But aftercare can be part of the bonding process that cements consent ... checking in that things went well , where it was close to the edge , what didn’t go so well

I 100% agree with this. Without aftercare (in whatever form the 'bottom' requires), the chance of scening with them again in the future is highly unlikely. 

[Ta****]

5 minutes ago, 4RCH said:

I 100% agree with this. Without aftercare (in whatever form the 'bottom' requires), the chance of scening with them again in the future is highly unlikely. 

Yes. Exactly this. At the same time, those chances are iffy even with after care. I feel like scening again depends more on the *entire* experience rather than specifically on the after care. I’ve had times when even though we agreed that it would be only one scene, I’ve wanted them again. I’ve also had other times where there was the possibility of repeating play …. but then the encounter was boring for me and my Dom and I asked him not to return. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Cheekysub247]

Most times i just need to chat, there and then or in the days after. Sometimes i need 'comfort' in some form, it can be a blanket if im emotional or a cold soft pillow on a sore spot..
Who im with could depend on a cuddle, if they arnt the cuddle type then i wouldnt ask no matter how much i needed one.

[Ba****]

Not selfish. Just you want.
For me, aftercare looks different with everyone I play with. If there's impact, massages and cool rags/heating pads are amazing. But I also normally go into a little space after play so being cleaned is part of it normally too.
Aftercare looks different with everyone. Just because one person cuddles with every playmate they have, doesn't mean others will do the same.

[Char__]

I have never lived with any Dom I've been with. Aftercare for me is mostly about contact and feeling connected in the hours and couple of days after. It keeps my mood buoyant and stops the drop.

[ChristySub]

I love being curled up in my doms arms where I feel safe. He normally strokes my hair or back which helps me relax and feel cared for

[FETMOD-TF]

Happy New Year everyone, 

I have done some housekeeping on this thread and hidden some of the comments. 

It’s the first day of a new year, so let’s remember to play nice and get back to the OP"s original topic.

The forum is not the place for name calling or insults. If this continues, this thread will be locked. 

[Milesh]

As a wet and messy kinkster after-care is HUGE. It means a thorough wash down in the shower, ensuring all the sneaky spots are clean. As I generally get messy by myself it falls to me to ensure I am clean after the fact. It means washing all the hard-to-get spots and making sure any food stuffs are scrubbed away.  You don't want to have any of your mess left on your skin to dry trust me. Cleaning under my balls and my butt, armpits, and elbows/ forearms and ears too.  It's making sure my pubic hair is clean as well, with no residue of any kind. If I don't have any messy plans for later I will put some lotion on my skin as multiple hot showers in a day tends to dry mine out. And after all the washing has been done and the area has been cleaned up I usually will cook myself a good meal to relax fix a drink and, reflect on the session and maybe load the footage from my camera to my Pc for editing. 

[Go****]

To answer your second question first, no, I don't think that's selfish thing, so long as you're providing whatever aftercare any other play partners require, which you've already addressed. 

 

To answer your other question, my aftercare requirements vary depending upon what has taken place. For example, the basic I need is good communication and cuddles. If a scene is more intense, with say, impact, then currently I need communication, a drink, snack, cuddles and a blanket. 

 

There are also those that do not like aftercare, so it's always important to involve this question in any pre play talks, as I'm sure you already know, and do.

[Deleted Member]

Cuddles, funny conversation, and eventually taking a walk to go get food somewhere.

[esoteric]

Aftercare is whatever either party needs after any particular scene. This can vary from having sex to cuddles and kisses to a simple hug and both parties saying thanks for the fun. It can be discussed beforehand what they may think they need afterwards, and this may have to change if the situation changes. 

It is really going to vary depending on every situation that people are in though. Sometimes there is more aftercare needed than others. Be it taking care of wounds (I did a hook suspension at one point and that was part of the aftercare), calling checking in with the person the next day if it was something particularly intense, or cuddles and soft words.

Both bottoms and tops can use aftercare and both can discuss what their needs may be or what is expected. 

[PebblePebble]

we hug at the end of a scene, i tell her i adore here, she goes skipping off dsown the corridor for a smoke

i'm the dom and drop way worse than my sub does, more so if i've also hosted the event we played at. she's off driving a bus the next day and i'm catatonic with chocolate and netflix lol

after care for me starts with 10 mins of packing my kit away, another partner has occasionally starts that packing and it literally knocks me into the wrong headspace

leave me be, leave me alone, dont touch me or speak to me

i love questions like this, i am truely facinated as to how others process

[NotHisPrincess]

For me I need a fur blanket the cold hits me and I need to cover up if in public.

I need snuggles and sex usually. To be told I'm a good girl. Always a cup of tea Decaff tetley and some chocolate. 

If I'm out I like to go see whatever is going on at the venue but need my D type to stay close.

This is why I really can't play with people I have no connection with. Its also important yo take care of a Doms needs. They need aftercare just as much Dom Drop is real thing and support is vital. 

 (Now watch all the chest beating I never needs anything DimDoms correct me... lol)

Aftercare is different for everyone there is no right answer as long as everyone involved is supported in a way they need!

[Ted1567]

1 hour ago, NotHisPrincess said:

For me I need a fur blanket the cold hits me and I need to cover up if in public.

I need snuggles and sex usually. To be told I'm a good girl. Always a cup of tea Decaff tetley and some chocolate. 

If I'm out I like to go see whatever is going on at the venue but need my D type to stay close.

This is why I really can't play with people I have no connection with. Its also important yo take care of a Doms needs. They need aftercare just as much Dom Drop is real thing and support is vital. 

 (Now watch all the chest beating I never needs anything DimDoms correct me... lol)

Aftercare is different for everyone there is no right answer as long as everyone involved is supported in a way they need!

It`s obviously a matter of personal taste, but in my opinion Yorkshire Tea`s Decaff is superior to any other brand I`ve tried.

[Oubliet]

This is a tough one for me. I am far too messed up and some doms get this idea they can save me from myself. They don’t have the stomach to love me with enough intensity to cause me the pain i need to feel alive. So the aftercare is meaningless as it is equally hurtful. I have tended to the task myself at my doms embarrassment for their weakness. I’ll tell you when i have had enough! What happened to the old BDSM? On the other hand. I would never demand this of a sub 😂 But if you are sick like me, trust and a safe word matter! PSA: Please BDSM responsibly.

[Nocturne]

For my partner and I it always includes a lot of cuddling, reassurance, asking what went well, what could go better, reassurance for me, as a sadist, too, so I can hear that everything was okay, regardless of being told the same during the scene, it helps to hear so afterwards too. Some food and drink is also important, and some other activity, or if we're both satisfied with aftercare, more cuddles and sleep. Personally, my drop is quite a bit more severe than those of the subs I've been with. Maybe some additional things that would be handy would be some time outside, and it's important to ensure that everyone is nourished and hydrated, once again, I tend to be the one that requires more in this.