Aftercare, does everyone do it?

[le****]

Having only played with my ex, the aftercare was related to just us loving each other after. I've noticed how different people might go in a session and would not feel it necessary. How important would it be to have it or should you still have it if the sub states that they are ok after?

[Deleted Member]

I find aftercare incredibly important, not just for the sub but the dom as well. It can be as little as a cuddle and words of affirmation, to baths or weight therapy, etc. Everyone ends up having different needs, doms included to mitigate a dom drop.
.
Sometimes a sub or dom may be fine right after, and instead have a delayed drop the next day or even 2 days later! Because of the adrenaline finally easing off. For times like those it is so important to keep contact open and check in to make sure they are doing alright and if need be, set down some time to talk.

[Ba****]

Aftercare is compulsory. That being said, aftercare can look like no aftercare to some people. Taking space and not wanting to be touched is valid. Snacks and cuddles is valid. Hate fucking is valid. Words of affirmation are valid.

What you need after a scene might look different to what someone else needs after and that is ok. It’s also crucial to note that aftercare is NOT ONLY FOR THE SUBMISSIVE. That is so often overlooked. Dominants have feelings, emotions and needs too and should be given the same considerations post scene as a sub.

Ultimately, the only absolute must about aftercare is that it is discussed ahead of time so that nobody is left feeling their needs weren’t met. It’s also ok to tell someone you can’t offer the aftercare they require as it conflicts too greatly from your own needs.

[x2****]

1 hour ago, BackRubsNBruises said:

Aftercare is compulsory. That being said, aftercare can look like no aftercare to some people. Taking space and not wanting to be touched is valid. Snacks and cuddles is valid. Hate fucking is valid. Words of affirmation are valid.

What you need after a scene might look different to what someone else needs after and that is ok. It’s also crucial to note that aftercare is NOT ONLY FOR THE SUBMISSIVE. That is so often overlooked. Dominants have feelings, emotions and needs too and should be given the same considerations post scene as a sub.

Ultimately, the only absolute must about aftercare is that it is discussed ahead of time so that nobody is left feeling their needs weren’t met. It’s also ok to tell someone you can’t offer the aftercare they require as it conflicts too greatly from your own needs.

Came here to say almost that exact thing. After care is the most important part of being a Dom any fool in a cheap suit and leather belt can claim to be a Dom but how they administer after care is what makes them worthy of the gift of submission that was given to them.

[VA****]

As someone who was in a relationship without aftercare, it is critical. Even if there is none. To be left alone for some, is a form of care as well. But completely without it, you tend to loose “being respected” feeling.

[Matt-1666]

In my personal oppinion. Aftercare should be exactly what a sub wants. The way they like it. They served you. You serve them. A sub should feel the love at the end of a scenario. They should know that. Right the movies over now th3 credits are over. And it becomes a lovely memory. It should be how and whatwver thwy need to not hate themselfs. A lot of people forget no matter what bdsm relationship or kinks involved are. Consent is always at the forefront of it. They should feel loved. Cared for and pritected. Safe. Especially during aftercare.

[Deleted Member]

40 minutes ago, VABeach14147 said:

As someone who was in a relationship without aftercare, it is critical. Even if there is none. To be left alone for some, is a form of care as well. But completely without it, you tend to loose “being respected” feeling.

It's so puzzling and sad to see that it still happens!

I think aftercare not only returns the sub to the original balance of power, but also helps the Dom to return slowly back to equality.

[my****]

Aftercare is necessary when you’re pushing limits. Driving to the edge of something primal. It’s less necessary when you spank the ass of a girl you’ve spanked a hundred times before. There should always be love following. Hugs, kisses, pets, but you don’t need that protracted period of soothing if your play is light.

[Matt-1666]

To be honest. The way you put it was far better than mine. The one thing i hate about the bdsm community. Is so many "false doms" see it as a way to litterally just get what they want. Like oh. They have a " *** kink" or ooo i can use them how ever i please clearly safewords should be ignored. It infuriates me becouse it makes so much damage to people , ive come across way too many times my ex never stopped when i said my safe word. Or. Im terrified it wil just be ignored if i use it. Or im gunna get beaten for saying it. And its like damn. That should never be ignored. Its a fundemental human right, its heartbreaking at times

[my****]

6 minutes ago, Matt-1666 said:

To be honest. The way you put it was far better than mine. The one thing i hate about the bdsm community. Is so many "false doms" see it as a way to litterally just get what they want. Like oh. They have a " *** kink" or ooo i can use them how ever i please clearly safewords should be ignored. It infuriates me becouse it makes so much damage to people , ive come across way too many times my ex never stopped when i said my safe word. Or. Im terrified it wil just be ignored if i use it. Or im gunna get beaten for saying it. And its like damn. That should never be ignored. Its a fundemental human right, its heartbreaking at times

Safewords should be sacred. It’s an emergency stop so you automatically know as a Dom that you fucked up. You misread your sub and pushed too far. Now you need to stop the scene and rebalance.

[ey****]

Does everyone do it?  No.

SHOULD everyone do it?   Context applies.

For some subs they prefer to self process so in this case the 'aftercare' they need may be just being left alone.

There's a lot of play where aftercare isn't really needed anyway (but shouldn't necessarily be assumed)  and some where it definitely is (I mean, patching up cuts is a form of aftercare, offering someone a shower is a form of aftercare - you can't let someone walk out on the streets pouring of *** and stinking of ***)

If a sub says they don't want/need aftercare then this should be assume ok - unless the Dominant kinda knows otherwise (y'know, some people say they're fine when they're blatantly not)

But then as a side note - aftercare is a bit of a two way thing and it is up to the sub to also communicate known aftercare needs.

 

[Ba****]

1 hour ago, mythicalman said:

Aftercare is necessary when you’re pushing limits. Driving to the edge of something primal. It’s less necessary when you spank the ass of a girl you’ve spanked a hundred times before. There should always be love following. Hugs, kisses, pets, but you don’t need that protracted period of soothing if your play is light.

Respectfully, please be mindful of your language. Maybe most people don’t need aftercare after light play (I am one of those who don’t… as a rule) but phrasing it like that can read as invalidating to those who do need it after even the lightest play.

Everyone has different needs. The same person can have a different aftercare need every day of the week. Or something they didn’t need it after last time, now they really do.

[Ba****]

2 hours ago, x2epsilon said:

Came here to say almost that exact thing. After care is the most important part of being a Dom any fool in a cheap suit and leather belt can claim to be a Dom but how they administer after care is what makes them worthy of the gift of submission that was given to them.

Is it more about how they administer it or how they communicate and discuss the needs of not only their submissive but also their own needs.

[Pe****]

It is a mandatory part, at least it once was.

[Ca****]

I find it depends on my person

[ey****]

13 hours ago, PervyHedonist said:

It is a mandatory part, at least it once was.

it's funny in the sense that for years the, ahem 'old guard' (not the ACTUAL old guard, the people who got into kink in the 90s and early 2000s) would say that in their day aftercare wasn't needed and that it was a new thing and folk these days are too soft.  

So, I dunno - either they're lying (the horror) or actually the whole concept and discussions around aftercare is a relatively new thing and not a 'forgotten relic of a bygone era'

[Clandestine_Minx]

I've found....no one gives a shit about your feelings or aftercare. You just pick that shit back up at the door from the same place you left it when you went in. It's a ***, but what isn't these days.

[Clandestine_Minx]

Unfortunately that's the god honest truth 🙏